Is sex wrong...?

[esfdhtfy]

I've been raised as a Catholic all my life (but do not necessarily call myself a practicing Catholic, but my religious issues are besides the point) and as a result, I've always been taught that sex before marriage is wrong.

Now that I'm growing up (I'm 18 now) I've learned that most people truly value sex in a relationship as it brings the relationship to a whole new level. Whenever a guy would even mention that they value sex in a relationship, I'd turn my back right away and forget about them.

I don't know if I'm ready to have sex but I don't have a reason why. If I'm asked: "Why don't you want to have sex?", I don't have a good reason why I don't. I can't say anything wrong about sex. Now, I'm not saying I should go have sex with a gazillion guys and be a whore. But, is sex okay in a relationship? I don't know=/

Biases have always existed when talking about sex - my family is Catholic and I've always gone to a Catholic school. I don't know anything else.

In your opinion, is sex bad? Should I turn my back on a guy who says sex is a valuable part of the relationship?

[hecanandWILLchangeyou]

One thing to keep in mind is that you can't become pure again once you lose it. Would you not want to give everything you have to someone you will leave a month later?

[esfdhtfy]

Originally Posted by hecanandWILLchangeyou

One thing to keep in mind is that you can't become pure again once you lose it. Would you not want to give everything you have to someone you will leave a month later?

That can go with emotions too, though. Why get into a relationship at all, under that logic?

[TheLittleNinja]

I think that having sex in a relationship really depends entriely on the relationship and the two people concerned within that relationship. Some people's relationships thrive on the sex life, whilst others value the emotional side of the relationship more.

It's really YOUR personal choice, just because a guy talks about sex in a relationship - doesn't mean he will want it if he gets in a relationship with you - often some guys are happy to wait until the girl is ready.

Me personally? I think sex is a fine and natural part of a relationship - even before marriage. I understand though the Catholics view on things, but, if you don't want to be part of religion you have been up with - you have rights to change it. Not only that, more liberal Christains are starting to believe that sex before marriage is fine - they believe that there are other interpretations to the Bible, and that people need to give the Bible a more modern standing.

But really, sex in a relationship is fine as long as both partners are happy and comfortable with it. It something that needs to be thought over, and talked about. If you feel your 'ready' for it (not indifferent) then thats fine

I hope this helped
Take Care x

[hecanandWILLchangeyou]

Originally Posted by Canuck

That can go with emotions too, though. Why get into a relationship at all, under that logic?

but the difference you can undo a regular relationship but you can't get your virgany back.

[esfdhtfy]

Originally Posted by hecanandWILLchangeyou

but the difference you can undo a regular relationship but you can't get your virgany back.

How exactly could you undo a regular relationship?

[TheLittleNinja]

Originally Posted by hecanandWILLchangeyou

but the difference you can undo a regular relationship but you can't get your virgany back.

This isn't always true, people that are more emotionally attached than sexually, will be torn up and broken by a regular relationship - and you can't go back to the past and NOT have the relationship - so it's the same as losing your virginity in some ways - Just my view though

[TheNumber42]

Originally Posted by QuackerJackWoop

This isn't always true, people that are more emotionally attached than sexually, will be torn up and broken by a regular relationship - and you can't go back to the past and NOT have the relationship - so it's the same as losing your virginity in some ways - Just my view though

Definitely true. Once you've loved, you can't just stop. Doesn't work like that at all.

[Bibliophile]

I don't think sex is bad, but I do think that you should wait until you're sure you're ready, you trust your partner, and you have spoken to them about the way you feel towards sex. As people have already said - you can't get your virginity back. There's no rush to lose it. It depends on whether you're in a long lasting relationship and whether you feel ready. Talk to your partner before doing anything, communication is a great thing to have in a relationship regardless of whether you're having sex or not.

[hecanandWILLchangeyou]

Originally Posted by Canuck

How exactly could you undo a regular relationship?

You didn't give them your full self sex and all you still have your most important gift.

[Pelios]

Your story sounds like my life. I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic schools, Church, etc. sex was always a taboo subject. Our sex-ed in school was “don’t have sex until you get married, period” not one teacher dared to even mention contraception. All the sex information I got was from my friends or a very good helpful aunt, she is definitely a big influence in my life. I also didn’t really have any reasons as to why not have sex before marriage other than for my religion, I mean I would literally have sex any time I wanted and who was going to stop me? But as I got to know more my religion I became more aware of why the Catholic Church emphasizes a lot in that subject. Sex is so sacred it should be shared with your marriage partner. I matured in my religion and I thank God I had a boyfriend who had the same beliefs. It’s ok to turn your back on a guy with different views, but I would suggest you to try to know more the guy. One example of this is one of my friends. She is Catholic and her boyfriend is or was an atheist, she could have easily turned her back on him but she let him in and now he has converted into Christianity. In the beginning we would always question her beliefs but she stood with him and they look for cute together
I hope I helped you in your questions! if you have anymore I'm here.

[noise94]

I was raised Catholic and have gone to Catholic schools all my life.
I personally see nothing wrong with sex before marriage. I think it's a very personal thing. Personally I think people should make sure they are with someone they really care about, but it's up to them. Sex doesn't mean much to some people.

[LovelyMissOlive]

I think you have to decide what is important to you? And how important your religion is to you.

I am a christian and have been raised as sex before marriage is wrong. I dont know why its a 'sin', but anyway, honestly that it self would keep from doing it becuase i dont undersand why. BUT I have christian boyfriend as well and we have decided to wait for a whole list of reasons; Yes religion is included becae i feel that no matter what i think i KNOW that that teaching would be in the back of my mind if we had agreed to do it and that would take all the fun away =0.

So yea. whats important to you is the main thing.

[her_beautiful_mistake]

I am female, and I value sex very much in a relationship. I would struggle to maintain a relationship without sex, its an important factor. So when a guy says this, he's kind of just... normal... a lot of girls feel the same way.

Sex is a normal and natural act, one of the most natural act there is. I do not see any reason to wait for marriage and a lot of reasons not to. I wouldn't sleep with random people and want to be in a caring relationship, but sex with the right person can be a lot of fun, I can't see any reason for denying myself the opportunity to bond with another person whilst having fun for the sake of certain society requirements which don't even exist anymore; my parents know and do not care that I have had sex with most of my boyfriends, they never expected anything different. As long as I am happy and being safe, they're okay with it.

[1979.]

I don't think sex is bad, but it shouldn't be the only thing keeping the relationship up. It's not bad, however you should use protection, and not take advantage of it. It's good in moderation. The way I see it is, relationships are built off of many foundations and sex is something special you share with the other person. I believe in God, and even though the Catholic church thinks it's wrong, it's your choice in the end.

[flowerchild32273]

i was raised catholic and went to catholic school and i was told the same things about sex before marriage. im 19 and i dont feel the same way about it as they made me feel when i was younger. its really depends on the relationship and if a person is ready and in a stable and loving relationship i dont think it's wrong. i think people just need to decide for themselves. if they arent completely sure its what they want i would say to wait though.

[Pelios]

Originally Posted by Sioned

You're a mindless catholic, until you start breaking some "rules" in your religion, you'll never be happy. Look at the catholics who do follow the book fully, they either end up being catholic priests (not very nice towards the little boys) or mental murderers. That, or you drive a big cadillac preaching poor people to praise god.

Of course every good Catholic ends up murdering or becoming a priest if we don't do one or the other we are usually driving around in your big cars looking down at the poor... what a way to stereotype people.

[WillO'Wisp]

OK I personally get really angry when people say sex is wrong because it is not. Well, on certain levels it is not. I have bible humper parents well my mom knows I am not a virgin and she understands I can talk to her about it but my dad would flip out because he is more hardcore about it.
I think if you are in a relationship with someone you really like, and when you have sex with them it feels special and you just feel so right around them, then it is special and nothing is wrong with it, but if you're having sex with different people every other night as just a screw, a one night stand, that's slutty and wrong and degrading, I could never do that.

[Xujhan]

Originally Posted by Canuck

In your opinion, is sex bad? Should I turn my back on a guy who says sex is a valuable part of the relationship?

Absolutely not, and absolutely not. Sex is a valuable part of any long-term relationship; honestly recognizing that is a point in a guy's favour, not against. What I can tell you, regardless of personal beliefs, is that many "good" boyfriends won't care one whit whether you're a virgin or not. To many of us, it's just not that important.

So really, what you should do is figure out what you feel about sex. You religion's told you one thing, and many of us will tell you the opposite; that sex isn't bad, or anything to be ashamed of. If you want to have sex with a dozen people a month, that's your choice. If you want to wait until marriage, that's your choice too. As long as you don't hurt yourself or others, what you do is really up to you. For most people though, what's "right" for them - what makes them happy - is somewhere in the middle. If you're in a happy, committed relationship, then if you want to have sex you should go for it. As long as it doesn't monopolize the relationship, it'll almost always bring two happy people closer.

[DeadlySin]

Sex is not bad.
Like you said, it's taking your relationship to a new level.
It shows you are comfortable with that person.
(Oh, and this is not for all cases, just my opinion =P)
Being "intimate" or having a sexual attraction to each other, is part of a relationship.
If that isn't there, you are basically friends.
So don't ever think sex is bad or wrong because it's not.
It's human nature and a way of expressing passion or love. =)

[Rhop101]

Yeah when my gf and I first started dating we said we aren't going to have sex till marriage, but 6 months later to be honest we have been been getting a lot closer physically and emotional. I am christian, my gf doesn't have a religion, but she respects christianity so I don't have a problem with that. We spend some time together hanging out everyday, eating, studying, and fooling around. Whether we truely wait till marriage or not idk, but we probably will be ready before marriage, but being able to hold it until marriage would be sort of cool though. Though I don't view as sex before marriage as bad anymore it's just if your ready and in a caring loving relationship. This will be a conversation for my gf and I probably another 6 months or a year.

Oh and whoever said that thing about falling in love definitely once it happens once you feel like you have to be with someone otherwise you feel so alone it was sort of annoying at times.

[Jacksonian]

Originally Posted by Sabrina.

I've been raised as a Catholic all my life (but do not necessarily call myself a practicing Catholic, but my religious issues are besides the point) and as a result, I've always been taught that sex before marriage is wrong.

Now that I'm growing up (I'm 18 now) I've learned that most people truly value sex in a relationship as it brings the relationship to a whole new level. Whenever a guy would even mention that they value sex in a relationship, I'd turn my back right away and forget about them.

I don't know if I'm ready to have sex but I don't have a reason why. If I'm asked: "Why don't you want to have sex?", I don't have a good reason why I don't. I can't say anything wrong about sex. Now, I'm not saying I should go have sex with a gazillion guys and be a whore. But, is sex okay in a relationship? I don't know=/

Biases have always existed when talking about sex - my family is Catholic and I've always gone to a Catholic school. I don't know anything else.

In your opinion, is sex bad? Should I turn my back on a guy who says sex is a valuable part of the relationship?

Well, the thing is sex is a gift. And it is something truly special. And it signifies, whether someone believes or not the bond between a man and woman. A very special bond. That's why its for marriage only so that you can share it with the correct person. Someone who you will become one with.

But just as any other gift, it can be misused. And not only that but so that someone can have self-control and not go around having sex every time.
But that you can share that gift with the person who is truly special and not someone who you might break up with after a few months.

[TheNumber42]

Originally Posted by DeadlySin

Sex is not bad.
Like you said, it's taking your relationship to a new level.
It shows you are comfortable with that person.
(Oh, and this is not for all cases, just my opinion =P)
Being "intimate" or having a sexual attraction to each other, is part of a relationship.
If that isn't there, you are basically friends.
So don't ever think sex is bad or wrong because it's not.
It's human nature and a way of expressing passion or love. =)

I disagree a bit. I don't think intimacy and sex are necessarily the same thing. There are different types of intimacy. You can be emotionally intimate by trusting each other and communicating about things. Even physical intimacy doesn't have to be sexual, you can be intimate just by cuddling and holding each other with no sexual intentions, or even by kissing romantically or spending time together and joking around. Sex is only a very small part of intimacy and is not required for it, in my opinion.

[.Brittany.]

Sabrina, it is totally up to what you believe in... I had sex, before marriage, but wished I had waited longer.. If that made any sense.. Before you do do anything hun, make sure its what YOU want and not what the guy wants, its all up to you..

I'm here anytime you need to talk
Brittany

[Magic.]

To the plain and simple question "is sex wrong?" I would definately say no. I believe that sex can be part of a healthy relationship, not to say you can't have one without sex.
As for the background ... I was raised Christian and with "no sex before marriage". But as I have grown up I adapted my beliefs and although I still believe there is something God-like somewhere, I do not believe it would be so judgemental as to condemn people who have sex before marriage (and a number of other things). You have to work out how you feel about it for yourself, and decide whether your beliefs from your upbringing will rule your adult life as well. Either way, you must make the decision yourself and be happy with it

[bitesize]

No, sex isn't bad (although as huge fan of physical activity, I may be a little biased here... :/ ) i think when you have sex in your relationship ~ as lnog as it's at the right time and when both of you are ready ~ it makes you a lot closer and the bond between you a lot stronger. I think it can make you fall in love with people as well ~ as long as you don't get mixed up between love and sex.

[Cosmo]

Just my opinion, but sex in a relationship is always ok. If you love each other, that's all that counts.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey,
I think sex can be important in a relationship, but it really depends on you and that person.
I only recently lost my virginity, but it was because I knew my boyfriend was someone I could depend on and knew he was someone who really cares for me. I think if it had been any other guy it probably wouldn't have happened at all. In the relationship I'm in right now I would say sex is not the most important thing but it does hold a fair amount of importance.
I wouldn't say I love my boyfriend or he loves me but there is a huge level of mutual respect and trust and not to mention we care a lot about each other, maybe to some people those aspects aren't as important as love but in my opinion if you can't trust someone it's harder to love them, so we're 75% of the way there.
I hope this helped.
Paige xox

[faithhopelove]

I think that I am in a similar situation as you are. I was raise Catholic as well and always taught that sex before marriage is something that you just do not ever do. I recently did lose my virginity to my boyfriend who I love very much and don`t regret anything. I still feel that you should definatly wait until you are in a strong, committed relationship with someone who you feel you will be with for a very long time, if not marry eventually which is how I feel about my relationship right now.

I`m not sure if I understood this right but...did these guys tell you that they wanted, or valued sex early on in your relationship with them? I would also take that as a sign to stay away from them personally. For me and my boyfriend, we didn`t bring up the topic for quite a few months. It shouldnt be something that is brought up right at the beginning.

[MadPoet]

I am Christian, and I personally don't plan on having sex before I get married. I think it's something special that should be only between a husband and wife who plan to stay together forever. But that's my personal decision, and I don't frown upon anyone who chooses differently. It's a private, personal choice for everyone, and no one should try to control the decision that you make; nor should religion. If you feel that it is okay, then you shouldn't let anything hold you back.

[dr2005]

I'm also a Catholic, but I've been educated in non-Catholic schools since I was 9 so I've seen both sides of the argument. To start with the original question of "is sex wrong/bad?", the answer is no - and for reference, the Church has never actually said that sex itself is wrong. Deus Caritas Est and other encyclicals and lectures have said that sex is an important and valuable part of human life, and isn't something to be deemed wrong in and of itself. The Church's real problem is with the timing and motivation behind people having sex, but then that comes down to the whole thing about marriage being two becoming one body and all the consequences of that and isn't entirely relevant to what you're asking so I'm going to stop there.

Anyway...is sex bad? No. Should you turn my back on a guy who says sex is a valuable part of the relationship? Not necessarily - ultimately it is up to you to decide when you want to have sex, and who you want to have sex with. The only thing I would say is that it should be something you want to do, when you feel ready, as opposed to simply because someone else thinks it's a good idea or that it should be an important part of your relationship. It can be an important part of a relationship, but it is not the be-all and end-all - you can still have a close, intimate relationship without sex, which is something I feel people sometimes forget. The emotional connection upon which the relationship is based is more important - take that away and everything else will fall apart. So while sex in a relationship in and of itself is no bad thing if you're ready for it and want it, it's not something which can compensate for the rest of the relationship so you need to make sure the underlying relationship is strong as well.

Ultimately, it's down to how you feel about the subject and on the Church's teaching on this. As with many things in life, it is entirely your choice what you do in this area, and if you feel that sex is going to be important in your relationships then that is what matters. At the same time, don't feel pressured into having sex simply because other people expect it - that can bring its own problems.

Hope that all makes sense.

[L'espoir]

Originally Posted by hecanandWILLchangeyou

You didn't give them your full self sex and all you still have your most important gift.

So the most important thing women have to offer is their virginity? riiiight I would probably be more likely to say the most important thing women can give to their boyfriend is love, respect etc? Either way though, I don't think sex is wrong. I see it as a natural part of relationships and it's fine as long as you're safe about it.

[PunkRoxS9]

I don't believe sex is wrong at all, but its down to personal choice, and it should be special thats all x

[Keep Calm and Eat Cake]

ok; im probably going to get alot of hate for this but here goes...
as much as i respect religious values, i think that it is incredibly naive to believe that waiting to have sex until marriage will somehow make the sex better and more worthwhile. if you trust that person enough why do you have to be married first of all? i believe that sex is healthy for a relationship and part of growing up and experimenting (whilst being safe ofc).

[Algernon]

I'm Christian, so I know where you're coming from. I'm sexually active. And honestly? God still loves me.

[ChapperIce]

Really, after i had sex I was thinking "What's the big deal?" I didn't feel any different than before. The only thing that makes me not want to do it is that it stresses me out terribly thinking I might be pregnant even though we use protection every time.

Sex is not wrong. Really, when you think about it, the ultimate goal in life is to have sex and have babies to carry on our species, right? So why would that be a bad thing? (though the having babies part IS bad if you're not ready/too young/etc etc but you get my point)

[Jasna88]

You shouldn't ask other people that, because you already know the answer. If YOU think sex is wrong, dont have it. If you think it is not wrong, but normal thing like breathing, have it.

Only you can decide that, and you asking show that you dont really thing sex is wrong.

[Sonofalich]

Wow at some of the answers here... just wow feels like we're in the dark ages with some of these replies.

If we look at Religion from a stand alone view, it is a system of control. People connected sex with diseases and it was a way of preventing inbreeding, spread of sexually transmitted infections. The thing religion does not do is change, that is the main difference between Science and Religion. It's why Science broke off from religion.

Scientists take a theory and develop it test it, then if new material and new data comes out they adapt and change their theory if all evidence opposes the results.

Where as religion just beleives the same idea forever, there are no arguments for this.

But that is Religion's ultimate flaw, it does not adapt with time. That is why we have an increase of atheists, agnostics.

My parents are both Christians, however they have adapted with time. They have not set in stone ideas about sex before marriage and other areas such as homosexuality. Simply because these rules were drawn up along time ago, and we have changed as people. To simply ignore this is foolish and those are their words.

I was brought up a Christian and it's my choice to be an Athiest and it's your choice to be what ever you want to be. However you must properly think about what you are choosing. What and why have these rules?

As for sex, I don't beleive there is anything wrong with at all. It's just a normal healthy part of a relationship. To deny it is to deny our own humanity, in my opinion.

[Lizzie]

Originally Posted by Sabrina.

That can go with emotions too, though. Why get into a relationship at all, under that logic?

To learn what you want in a husband. By having relationships with other men you can find out what traits you do want and what traits you don’t. If you never date, you will have any idea of what you want, but you won’t really be sure.

And while I know it is more commonly accepted now to not wait for marriage, I think a good number of people would agree that they wish they would have waited to be able to give that gift to the right person, because they assumed the right person was the person they gave it to. Which may or may not turn out to be true.

[lovechild777]

There's nothing wrong with not being ready to have sex and don't worry about turning away from guys who talk about sex, if it's not what you're into, it's not what you're into. Simple as that. But in my opinion, sex is not bad... sex is normal, healthy and necessary.