Secretive Sexuality With Bf?

[Algernon]

So... I'm kind of secretive about it with my boyfriend. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me watching porn or whatnot. But I do. Whenever I do both I don't tell him and It becomes a secret. I feel guilty for it? I don't think he's very open to toys or certain things, he's a pretty normal guy. Sometimes I feel like just being me with him whether it scares him or not. I'm into pretty much anything that doesn't involve urine, feces, or anything to do with other girls. I don't know how to open up to him, I feel totally separate and distant from him sometimes due to this.

Help? Thanks guys.

[Daydreamer]

I think the best thing you can do is talk to him. Maybe he's feeling the same things you are and is just to timid to bring them up. Maybe try out some things like "what's the craziest thing you've always wanted to try?" Or something like that. As to the watching porn thing I don't think you need to feel guilty really. Honestly if my boyfriend were watching porn I wouldn't be upset with him for doing it/not telling me about it, but if he brought it up I don't think it would upset me. Hope this helps

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Daydreamer

I think the best thing you can do is talk to him. Maybe he's feeling the same things you are and is just to timid to bring them up. Maybe try out some things like "what's the craziest thing you've always wanted to try?" Or something like that. As to the watching porn thing I don't think you need to feel guilty really. Honestly if my boyfriend were watching porn I wouldn't be upset with him for doing it/not telling me about it, but if he brought it up I don't think it would upset me. Hope this helps

I have tried that, but he gets weird about talking about the past. I can't really bring out the past without him getting quiet. I can tell he's uncomfortable... He knows I watch it, but I've only brought it up a few times. In the past few days I've probably watched it everyday? More than of late, but he'll call and ask what I'm doing... I can't say, "Oh, I'm watching two people get it on, what about you? You know?

I would also like to involve a toy while having intercourse with him but I think he'll be afraid. I tried bringing the idea up to him and told him about the toys for men. He said he was afraid that maybe he would like that toy more than me. Come on... Really? We all know the answer to that. I think he's just trying to bring me away from the idea. I feel shut, closed sometimes and It causes tension and brings the joy out of the things...

[Keep Calm and Eat Cake]

maybe he's just shy or scared about change in your sexual relationship?
my sexual partner has wanted to try things which im not crazy about but it's more just being scared and needing time to adjust to the idea with me...

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Nora-x-x-

maybe he's just shy or scared about change in your sexual relationship?
my sexual partner has wanted to try things which im not crazy about but it's more just being scared and needing time to adjust to the idea with me...

We've lived together for over a year, I think he should have warmed up to some of the ideas?

[ChapperIce]

My boyfriend thinks it's hot that I like to watch porn and masturbate. I think maybe you should just talk to him about it. Maybe casually bring it up. "Do you think it's ok for women to watch porn?" or something.

For me, I just brought my laptop over, sat down on my boyfriend's bed, and went to my favourite pornsite with him next to me, he had no idea what i was gonna do haha.

[PlayingPretend]

Hm. My boyfriend teases me about how often I watch porn and masturbate... He's completely fine with it, and I don't mind that he watches porn/masturbates to porn either.

He's called me/IMed me during fun time before, and we usually end up having cyber sex or he tells me all the things he'd do to me (we're a long-distance couple). I guess, if either of us had a problem with it, it'd be a way of showing each other that we want each other more than the girls/guys on the screen? Maybe you could do something similar with your boyfriend? Say something like "I was just getting ready to masturbate. Want to help? "

As for the whole issue of toys, why not say that it's not that you'd like it more than you like him or that you'd end up wanting it more, but that you think it'd be fun. Maybe offer to use a toy on him too? See if there's anything he's interested in trying?

I guess my best advice would be to suck it up and talk to him. x= The "suck it up" thing comes across bitchier than intended, but I simply mean that you both need to learn to get over your discomfort and be open about your sexual fantasies. After all, I'm sure he has some too! I managed to be open with my boyfriend, and we reached a common ground and the idea that ultimately, we might like to try some of my ideas No, he didn't go for all of them, but hey, not everything is for everyone!

All the same, I get it's probably easier said than done for a lot of people... I'm extremely sexually open, especially through text, and am warming up about it over the phone/in person, so I guess it's always come natural to me? Best of luck!

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by PlayingPretend

Hm. My boyfriend teases me about how often I watch porn and masturbate... He's completely fine with it, and I don't mind that he watches porn/masturbates to porn either.

He's called me/IMed me during fun time before, and we usually end up having cyber sex or he tells me all the things he'd do to me (we're a long-distance couple). I guess, if either of us had a problem with it, it'd be a way of showing each other that we want each other more than the girls/guys on the screen? Maybe you could do something similar with your boyfriend? Say something like "I was just getting ready to masturbate. Want to help? "

As for the whole issue of toys, why not say that it's not that you'd like it more than you like him or that you'd end up wanting it more, but that you think it'd be fun. Maybe offer to use a toy on him too? See if there's anything he's interested in trying?

I guess my best advice would be to suck it up and talk to him. x= The "suck it up" thing comes across bitchier than intended, but I simply mean that you both need to learn to get over your discomfort and be open about your sexual fantasies. After all, I'm sure he has some too! I managed to be open with my boyfriend, and we reached a common ground and the idea that ultimately, we might like to try some of my ideas No, he didn't go for all of them, but hey, not everything is for everyone!

All the same, I get it's probably easier said than done for a lot of people... I'm extremely sexually open, especially through text, and am warming up about it over the phone/in person, so I guess it's always come natural to me? Best of luck!

Like... I honestly want to buy toys, but I don't think he's open to it. What do I do now?

[GhostOfYou]

You never know, He may be just as curious as you are, and just as afraid as you are.
That's the way I was with my boyfriend! And when I caught him watching porn, he thought I would be mad at him. I didn't care, we ended up watching it together! Now we have pizza and porn parties hahaha.
Maybe just try and be yourself. Being it on casualy to him, maybe he'll warm up to the idea. Or like I said, maybe he always has been

-Melissa-

[Sonofalich]

Your boyfriend is probably insecure if the idea of toys and other things scare him. Simply because he will feel like he is being replaced and what good is he, if a toy can do better?

That's probably what he is thinking and thats why he upsets him, it's up to you to tell him why you want to use toys and make him beleive that it's not something he should be worried or ashamed about.

He's just a typical guy that's worried if he is doing good in bed or not.

[Nicolette]

1) I am pretty sure your boyfriend looks at porn, every guy does it... its in our nature to be curious when it comes to sexuality.

2) he may be a little sensetive to the idea's of toys and self pleasure because it might make him feel like he's not stepping up the plate and hence you need them.

My suggestion is compliment him on his "work" and give him some idea's of what you would really love to try with him, get him interested in your needs and then hopefully he won't feel so sensitive towards your sexuality.

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Nicolette

1) I am pretty sure your boyfriend looks at porn, every guy does it... its in our nature to be curious when it comes to sexuality.

2) he may be a little sensetive to the idea's of toys and self pleasure because it might make him feel like he's not stepping up the plate and hence you need them.

My suggestion is compliment him on his "work" and give him some idea's of what you would really love to try with him, get him interested in your needs and then hopefully he won't feel so sensitive towards your sexuality.

He says porn doesn't turn him on.... Yeah. Different. I think some of you are right about the maybe I need them and I don't need him. How do I make him feel like I need him above them?