Non-PG13: My sexlife is crashing!

[LittleMiss]

Lately it seems that my sex life is sliding downhill.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 3/4 years and have been having sex for about 6 months.
When we first started doing it it was absolutely fantastic and an average session would last for maybe 30min-1hour. Although I only ever orgasmed once (I have trouble orgasming in general), it was amazing.

Then we took a break of about 1-2months because of study and my periods being weird (I have the implant and it's screwed up my periods). We started again when we went on holiday with my family about 3-4 weeks ago.
Lets just say he didn't last long, but we put it down to not having it in a while/the stress of trying not to get caught. It was good after the break nevertheless (we even worked out what makes me orgasm).

Now we're trying to get our sex life back but he still is only lasting a few minutes. We kinda put it down to the position we're using (me on top) and we jokingly said that 'I must be so good, it just makes you go'.
The thing is, that position really rings my bell and if I had a halfway decent amount of time, I reckon I could orgasm. But if it makes him go fast, it doesn't make me feel very satisfied at all. Should we avoid this position or can we try something to make him last longer.

He's really fit and does heaps of exercise but I'm concerned that he's not eating enough and doesn't have enough energy but something makes me think that's not the whole problem.
Is there anything else we can do for him to last longer?

Another thing that concerns me is that once he's gone, if he gets aroused again, he says that he gets quite sore.
From what I've heard, most guys can have sex multiple times in a row without any negative effects. He says that it's not true, those guys must be weird/take pain killers. (Personally I think he's just covering because he's insecure)
Is the soreness something to be worried about?

Last thing, lately, when we do it, we kind of get straight into it but I'd like some foreplay and a little more warming up. Because we tend to have constraints on time it is understandable that we can't but I somehow think that when we have lots of time, he'll be in the habit of just cutting to the chase.
Basically, before we lost our virginity, we were able to pay a lot more attention to each others bodies but now it's kinda just like penis+vagina action only.

Sometimes I feel bad talking to him about this because he gets really upset and thinks that he's a failure and can't please me and is a bad lover. I think he's great but circumstances are not under our control.

[flowerchild32273]

ok well first thing, do you use condoms? because that can make him a little less sensitive so he wont cum as quickly. you could also try asking him to tell you when he feels like he's starting to get close so you can stop or slow down and let him calm down a bit before continuing. also, he might want to see a doctor about the soreness and the fact that he is cumming so quickly and this is not normal for him. maybe theres a problem? as for the foreplay that's really something you need to talk to him about. he wont know unless you tell him how youre feeling. chances are he'll make more of an effort if he knows youre feeling a bit neglected in that department. just tell him how you feel.

[LittleMiss]

We actually used one the other day because I was coming off my period. He still came really fast.

I don't know if he'd go to the doctor, you know how men are, they don't go unless they've broken a leg or something.
Besides, he's short on money because he comes from a low-income family and his mum won't let me pay for anything. Besides, he has a female doctor and his mum would be super nosy if he said he wanted a male doctor.

One of the problems is that, generally, when he's about to come, I'm just getting into it and I don't think I would have enough willpower to stop...

[Sonofalich]

A few things...

Your penis being sore is not a good sign, personally I would get checked out for STI's. Secondly he is prematurely ejaculating which is quite a common problem in guys. This can be treated with anti depressants, on a very small dose that just numbs the feeling slightly. Thirdly practice, watching porn, coming right up to the point where you would cum then stop. Repeat a few times, strengthens the PC muscles inside your penis. Allowing you to stop yourself from cumming. They are the same muscles you can use to stop yourself peeing mid flow.

However I personally would recommend getting checked up, because STI's can cause a number of these problems and maybe he's got it from somewhere. Could of gotten it before he met you. Don't trust everything a person says, everyone has secrets.

[LittleMiss]

It's not my penis by the way, it's my boyfriend's. I don't have a penis...

We've been dating for 2 years, we have no secrets.
He was a virgin when we met (I could tell, trust me).
We're both clean.

He says the pain is like, if you blow out your cheeks until they're tired and then blow them out again, they hurt. Like a tired muscle. Maybe there's too much friction when we do it? I'm really small and he's quite big around.

Could penis volume have anything to do with your ability to have sex? Like, you need more blood for a bigger penis. He's between 6-7 inches long and a little above average around.

Since he met me, he doesn't watch porn. Like, he says it feels dirty.
I said he could try fantasizing about me or something but he says it feels dirty and wrong.

Anti-depressants sound a bit over the top don't they?

[Sonofalich]

Anti depressants sound a bit over the top?

No? That's why they are used to treat it. Doctors would not prescribe them if they were not essential. It's also such a low dose that it does not effect your mental health, only the feeling of sensation. If you have no medical knowledge, please look up these things as you obviously do not understand.

Either way, if you ignore my advice of going to a Doctor for an STI check, that is your choice. However know that a range of infections can cause this feeling of pain after discharge and also could be responsible for his premature ejaculation.

[LittleMiss]

Actually, I'm going to start studying medicine next year.

It is my view that you shouldn't start prescribing drugs until every other option has been attempted.

Less sensitivity would mean less pleasure, I'm not sure if he'd be keen on that.

Actually doctors do prescribe drugs that aren't essential.
Many cases of childhood ADHD are immediately treated with drugs like ritalin when there could be other alternatives.
A lot of cases of colds and mild infections are prescribed antibiotics when bed rest would help just as effectively. That's why drug-resistant strains of infection are developing.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

How long is "a few minutes"? Your sense of time changes when you're in the middle of sex, so the problem might not be that he is ejaculating prematurely. It's just that he isn't lasting long enough for you to orgasm as well.

Sorry for the personal question, but can you actually orgasm through sex? You don't actually have to answer, I just want to draw attention to the fact that many women can't. They need clitorial stimulation, so him not lasting long mightn't matter at all. In that case, he would need to pleasure you in a different way to make sure that you orgasm as well.

If you can orgasm through sex, the main problem is probably that you aren't getting enough foreplay. If he fingers you or gives you oral sex to the point where you are almost ready to orgasm, and then you have sex, you should be able to finish at around the same time. So I think you need to talk to him about the fact that you think he is rushing too much into sex rather than focusing on foreplay as well.

And about him being sore after getting aroused again... I don't think it is anything to be concerned about. Some guys might be able to go again, but I don't think it's abnormal to be sore after having sex. Since he isn't sore the first time, it doesn't really indicate an underlying problem.

Hope that helps .

[LittleMiss]

I would say it's definitely 2-4min. I know it used to be at least 5-6 times longer.

Actually, I have done.
The first time was when lost my virginity and the second was a few weeks ago. I just found that 'sweet spot', the perfect angle that just made my head spin.

Generally we don't have much time but normally I don't let him in unless I feel really ready and can't wait any longer. Teenage hormones
But I just get the feeling that with a little longer, a few minutes, I would have orgasmed.

Fingering doesn't do much for me, neither does oral. The only thing that used to get me to go was dry sex. We don't really do that any more because we're actually having sex.

I'm glad it's not something to worry about

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Generally we don't have much time but normally I don't let him in unless I feel really ready and can't wait any longer.

My advice would be to just wait those few extra minutes then :P.

Fingering doesn't do much for me, neither does oral. The only thing that used to get me to go was dry sex. We don't really do that any more because we're actually having sex.

I know what you mean. But maybe going back to dry sex as foreplay would help? You did mention that you'd like some more foreplay, so whatever that is for you, I think it would help a lot in this situation.

[Pandamonium]

Closing this thread at user's request.