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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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I'm a virgin and she's not... - May 10th 2010, 05:21 AM

This kinda overlaps with relationship problems, but I wanted to specifically talk about an issue with sex...

I was in a long distance relationship, with a girl for about two years, and earlier this year she basically cheated on me and broke up with me. Now I might take her back...

But that aside, the issue here is that we were both promised to each other... and as you can all guess she lost it to this guy... and they had sex many times.

I'm not inexperienced, and I could of had sex by now, but I didn't and so I am still a virgin. We met last year, and we err, had trouble having sex at the time then...

But now I feel completely left behind. I am usually quite a dominant guy in the bedroom and in relationships, and I don't know how to approach this situation, I don't know if I can take the humiliation of letting her teach me...

There is also the issue of inferiority, this guy apparently has had sex with around 200 women... I don't want her constantly wishing I was more like him, that I was as good as him... or bigger than him.

I am approaching twenty now, and I kinda wish that I had lost it earlier or I wish I could just go out and lose it to some meaningless person just so that I don't have to suffer the embaressment and indignity when it comes to finally having sex with her... so please, help me!


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Quiero tener sandías con un patito como Tricia!
   
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Re: I'm a virgin and she's not... - May 10th 2010, 07:12 AM

Hm.

I have a difficult time accepting cheating in relationships in general, however, after all the help you gave me on my thread here, I'm going to try.

I don't feel that sexual experience has any bearing on sex in relationships. Why? Simply because though lust is a part of love, love is not a part of lust. I can see where, in a one night stand, experience might matter. In a one night stand, it's not about learning your partner. It's not about figuring out what makes your partner tick. It's not about experiencing every waking breath and moment with that partner. It's about sex, and I often view it as a race to see who can get who off fastest.

The current person I'm with (semi-with? haha, situation still isn't entirely figured out) has had sex with one girl. I haven't so much as touched or kissed anyone before I met him. But he has been amazing to me. When he was here, he asked permission before he did anything other than kiss me. If he wanted to touch me from the neck down, he asked, and if I said no, he listened. He was willing to let me learn, to guide me, yes, as to what he liked, but he was also willing to let me explore his body and to help guide me into what he liked etc. etc. For me, it was a learning process. At first, I thought it'd be humiliating, that he'd be wishing he were somewhere else with someone who knew what she was doing... but it wasn't like that at all... It was intimate, passionate, and it seemed all my doubts and self-doubts went out the window.

That's what it's like with someone you truly love, and who truly loves you. I mean, you can worry yourself sick over how many partners they've had compared to how many partners you had, how many partners their partners had etc. etc. (personally, I'd rather be with a virgin and learn with that person ) but it's only going to drive you mad. Because none of that seems to matter when it's you and it's them and you're holding and kissing and touching one another and exploring each other for the purpose of pleasuring your partner, whether or not you get off in the end.

I mean sure, getting off seems to be the end result, but as I've told my partner, I don't want that to be our focus... I don't need to achieve orgasm to have something feel good, to enjoy and love it simply because it's him, yanno? And that's quite honestly how one's first time should be. And if you two love each other, then that's how your first time is going to be too.
   
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Re: I'm a virgin and she's not... - May 10th 2010, 07:43 AM

You know... I didn't know what to expect as a response, in fact I felt like this was an issue I would never ever get over.

But your wonderful post has really just... I dunno but I feel completely reassured.

I can understand everything you say, when I read your words...

And thank-you for I dunno, looking past what she did... Thank-you so much

You have helped me such a great deal, I might actually sleep!


Impossible
is a word
to be found only
in the dictionary of fools.


To do all that one is able to do,
Is to be a man;
To do all that one would like to do,
Is to be a god.
-Napoleon Bonaparte

Quiero tener sandías con un patito como Tricia!
   
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Re: I'm a virgin and she's not... - May 10th 2010, 01:11 PM

Hey there,

I'm just going to build on what Elliotte said, because her words were fantastic. If you do decide that you love the girl and want to take her back, then I suggest you wait to have your first time with her. Though lust and love can separate, they are so much better when together. So I'm simply suggesting you lose your virginity to her not because your virginity is a "precious gift," but because (and trust me here), the sex will be so much better.

Also, you never know when something awkward is bound to occur *especially when it's your first time*, and with a random person then that experience is miserable. With someone you know and love, awkwardness can be laughed at. My first time was terrible because everything about it was hard and uncomfortable and for me it was like my boyfriend was working but I wasn't. I didn't expect to get so emotional, but I ended up crying from frustration. I am so happy I lost it to someone I love, so that it's not some story a person laughs about later with their friends. He was able to lie there and hold me because he knew me and tell me that everything was going to be alright.

Good luck and keep your head up
Jen


how nice- to feel nothing but still get credit for being alive
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Re: I'm a virgin and she's not... - May 11th 2010, 09:16 AM

It is rare in a relationship for both people to be virgins. When i got with my current bf, i'd had some experience but he hadnt.

It doesnt matter. In a relationship it's not all about having the best finish. It's about the mood, the feeling of each other exploring.

And believe me... the nerves and excitement of your first time with someone you really care about make it sooo much better.


   
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Re: I'm a virgin and she's not... - May 12th 2010, 02:00 PM

200 women, I think he's bullshitting you.

I'm a proper man whore and I've slept with 64 girls now (I like to count). I'm an absolute slut and 200 girls is just total rubbish. I mean I've slept with more people than people 3 times my age.

The simple fact is, one night stands are pretty crap for guys, because it's hard to do the stuff you want to. I sleep regularly with 6 different girls who are my "fuck buddies" and it is more fun and better than any random one nighter, and any guy claiming to have fucked 200 is one a moron, and two probably crap in bed. If he hasnt had any girls as fuck buddies it suggests he is crap and would have to move on.

However 200 is a blatant lie, I'll reach 200 one day... but not for another 10 years I would say.
   
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Re: I'm a virgin and she's not... - May 12th 2010, 10:20 PM

I actually like that you didn't just go and lose it. Besides how you felt.
Don't feel left behind, even though I know that's probably hard at the moment.
I think sex i pretty self explanitory?
And you may not be as experienced as him but it could mean more. And that should matter more than how good you are.
She should also know you need practice.
But I still doubt you could be that bad, let alone believe that she would say you should be more like him. That would just be uncalled for.
Just stop beating yourself up about this. =)


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