almost had sex...

[MaggzB]

ok so over the past weekend my boyfriend slept over almost every night. my dad sorta needed him at my house to help out with heavy lifting.well we decided to fool around a bit each night and the last night he slept over i wanted to have sex with him and we almost did if i hadnt had my period. i just worry i will screw something up because im a virgin and hes not.

he and i talk about everything so he knows if i say no then its no not matter what it is he may want to do. i really want to have sex with him but my fear jumps into my head every time he asks if we can go further.

any ideas on how to help me overcome this fear? anyone in a similar situation?

[wonderbread]

Im not sure what you mean by any further. Sex is as far as it gets pretty much. If you mean different type of sex acts and other sexual things. I don't think he will if he has already been understanding about if you say no it really means and I also don't think he will want to go into anything more since you are a virgin. I am completely sure that he will be okay with taking things slow.

The best thing for you to do is actually talk to him about this fear. So the BOTH of you can come to understandings and such about what is and what is not acceptable.

[MaggzB]

well like we make out touch eachother once in a while going further[all the way] intercourse...

he doesn't know of my fear. im a bit ashamed of it. like i know i want to do this with him i just dont wanna fuck things up..

[wonderbread]

By what your saying you want to but really it seems your not ready.

[Kyeto-X]

I agree with ashley. If you think you will mess things up by having sex with someone...most likely you will and you are not ready. Sex is slightly more then just swapping fluids and fucking. It is a deeply emotional psychological, and yes spiritual experience. If you are not 100% sure that you want to do something sexual, then don't.

Normally there is a point in your life were you just have to take a leap of faith, trying a new food, going on a roller coaster, or even joining a sport. But with something as big and as...deep as sex, you need to just know. Not know as in "Sex is the next step for us, we've been dating for X amount of time, been on X amount of dates. I know it is time to have sex." You need to Just KNOW it. Best case scenario is that i works out find and you love him and he loves you. Worst case scenario is that you leave the room emotional hurt and scarred from this and it echos out into your life.

And on a side note off the pulpit, I have been on the receiving end of what you are going though. My Fiancee sometimes have to push me off her because she is not in the mood or something is bothering her. Some days she doesn't even want to hold hands. It's tough for me, I will admit, but eventually I just sit back and let her have her space. But it is better just to let him know before hand and early that you don't want to do anything or that you don't want to do anything past this point. If he is a decent man, he will understand

All the best, William

[MaggzB]

i guess you could say im not ready yet i feel i am i have thought long and hard about it and we have talked everything threw. i just think that cause im a virgin ill do something wrong or won't satisfy him since he isnt a virgin. even though he is happy with where we are now. he said hed wait untill i was 100% sure im ready.

"after all babe a relationship isnt all about sex its about love for eachother" were his exact words

[wonderbread]

Your boyfriend is right. But thinking your ready isn't being ready. When your ready you will know it won't be no I think Im ready. And by you saying I think I won't satisfy him and such indicates you aren't ready. When your ready you won't think that.

Believe me when I lost my virginity, I thought I was ready too. I wasn't and it still effects me to this day because I remember feeling hollow inside for the longest time after, even though I did love the guy.But I really wasn't ready. That night haunts me and even my dreams. And I regret it and I wish I hadn't had lost my virginity at that time to that guy.

[MaggzB]

yea i guess yall are right? :/

[wonderbread]

Its not whether we are are not but clearly by posting a post about this and the unsure smily and saying i guess yall are right clearly means you aren't. Just wait. And if this guy really in love with you and what he is saying is true then he will wait and if he starts pressuring you then lose him.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I agree with the others, don't jump into it when you are not ready because then there is more chance you could regret the decision in the future. Here is the thing, sex is always going to be an option for the two of you so there is no need to rush it. It sounds like your boyfriend would be respectful of these feelings as well.

Here is the thing, once you have sex you cannot take it back so you want to be absolutely sure it is what you want. It may be something you are really considering but it doesn't sound like you are 100% ready. That is okay. You will get there with time. Until then continue with what you are doing and talk to your boyfriend about this. I am sure he can help you through it.

As for your being a virgin; I can understand that but I promise you won't ruin it. When you are ready to have sex the person you do it with will be happy because he is sharing something so intimate with you. Your first time might not be the greatest experience you ever have but the person you share that with will be special and they will not care if it isn't perfect. Try not to focus on the fact that you are a virgin, okay? It really will only make you more stressed and afraid. When the time is right it will be 'perfect' because you will be ready and you will be with someone who will respect you.

Best of luck,

Jenna

[MaggzB]

thanks guys for the input

[Alicia.C]

So I'm late at this but have an opinion.
I think if you both care about each other, there's no way you could mess it up at all. Losing your virginity is tough, it normally hurts a little, or a lot, and there's normally some spotting after. You're a virgin, you have no experience with it. Just explain to him that he has to teach you because you have no experience. There's no messing it up when you have no experience, all you can do is learn!

[darkangeljbm]

Your first time normal hurts and you bleed a little bit. Also use some kind of protection. Also make sure that the guy truly is wanting to be with you a lot of guys hearing that you are a virgin want you just to say they have had a virgin ( i am not joking i hang out with a lot of guys) but if you really love him and you too have been together for a while then go for it just be careful. Also once you start having sex with some one they normally want to to have ( fun) more often and you have to be careful not to get pregnant ( trust me i have a 5m old and a am 12 w pregnant they are great but makes it a lot hard to do things and get out and at your age you want to enjoy life not sit around and change diapers lol) But if you are ready then go ahead.

[MaggzB]

thanks input was great!