Waiting until marriage.

[MakeupIsArt]

I recently decided that yes, I am waiting until I am married to have sexual intercourse for the first time.
Anybody else made that decision?
Anybody against that decision?
Let me know what you thoughts are on the subject!

[Power Cosmic]

I believe that pleasure is one of the few intrinsic good things, and to deny yourself that does nothing except heap on the frustration, force you to miss out on the stress relief that comes with it and also, if you do slip up, you're burdened with loads of unnecessary guilt.

Honestly; go ahead and have sex if it's what you want to do, pleasure is pleasure, it makes people happy simply by nature of what it is. Plus, 'waiting till marriage' just means your romantic honeymoon will be ruined with rubbish sex, since, as anyone who isn't a virgin will tell you, the first time is rubbish. You'll naturally have heaps of expectations, bolstered by all of that sexual frustration (no, masturbation isn't quite the same, you don't get the emotional stimulation, and that IS important), and hence when it does happen, it'll be crap, awkward, clunky and quite possibly agonisingly painful. Sex is something that gets better with time and experience.

The whole 'waiting for marriage' thing is just an archaic element reinforced by insecure, misogynistic men who can't stand it if their wives have had sex before, and hence, in an act of supreme egotism have turned sex into something wrought with guilt and negativity, when it should be a beautiful act of physical and emotional connection.

I mean, as long as you're using protection and taking all of the other such precautions, then go for it. Being safe is the only real prerequisite, as long as there's an understanding between you and your partner. And honestly, I've yet to hear an argument from the 'waiting until marriage' side of things that doesn't involve archaic quotations propagated by some insecure men in the middle east once upon a time that just want to deny women their own pleasure or just shocking naivety on the person's own part.

Remember, pleasure = good, and more pleasure = better. As long as you understand and accept the potential consequences (like a baby or a disease, or emotional fallout if you don't have a proper understanding with your partner), then don't deny yourself, excusing it with ancient social mores, that's just silly -_-.

[~babydoll~]

I actually wanted to wait until marriage to have my first sexual intercourse, but it's too late for that. I think waiting until marriage is a good idea and it's the best decision anyone can make. You don't want to rush into sex just yet. My advice is to wait until you're really ready to have your first sexual intercourse, even if you're waiting until marriage. Good decision

[Brandon]

*deep breath*

To spare you from me writing a book in this thread...I will respectfully say that waiting till marriage is not my cup of tea. It's a nice idea to save your first time for the one who you "want to spend the rest of your life with", but it's not as important as it used to be. It's a hard path to take, requires a lot of mental strength, and patience. But if you follow through with it, I salute you.

[Alrex]

I don't believe in marriage

and humans, bugs, plants and animals are naturally designed for breeding

Not saying you should have babies, there are such as thing as condoms and birth control. But masturbation/sex is healthy imo and it replicates/gives you what we are naturally designed to do.

[Power Cosmic]

Damn, there was me waiting to be torn several new ones for stating my opinion >.>. +1 Faith In Humanity.

[taylalatbh.]

I don't really believe in waiting to be married before having sex. I don't really see the point in it. Sex isn't that big of a deal. It's just a nice thing you can do with a partner every few days. I don't see why someone would want to wait until they are married to someone before they have sex with them. I think sex takes up a good portion of a relationship, and if you don't know what thats like before you've tied the knot, then you could be stuck with someone you're just not sexually compatible with. And then you're screwed then. Divorces, or just staying with someone who you don't want to be with.

I think it's a good idea to wait for sex. But only until you're old enough, mature enough and with a nice partner. But waiting until marriage is a bit much for me.

[rhapsody]

I don't have much faith in saving your virginity until marriage. If that's what you want to do then that is your choice and i wish you the best of luck with it, but I would say that you might want to wait another 3-6 years before making a big promise like that. I don't want to sound like I'm saying 'you're too young to make your own decisions' - I would never say that to anyone over the age of about 5 - but when I was 13 I 100% believed that my first time would be with the man I loved in a beautiful room on crisp white sheets, until I got to 16 and became so desperate to do it with my very sexy boyfriend (who I definetely didn't love) that I didn't care where or when I did it any more. What i mean is, its very nice to say you will wait now when you are just starting off on the road to puberty but the real test is when you are 17 years old, horny as hell and making out with the most gorgeous guy you've ever met. One of my friends is waiting til marriage. She is 21 now and still a virgin but it has been really tough for her to stick to. When all her friends were going out to parties and drinking and messing around with guys she was on the edge of the crowd, sober. And when we used to come in on Monday morning and gossip about how far we had gone with our boyfriends she could never join in with us. Worst of all was when she dated this guy for 3 years who she was madly in love with and yet, even though they often slept round each others houses, she could never get as close to him as she wanted. She is now in her 3rd year of uni and would love to be in a relationship but hasn't been able to find anyone she really likes who shares her beliefs.

But to carry on from what the others have said, yes, first time sex isn't too good. There is often bleeding, it hurts really badly for the first 10-20 times you do it and it can take several attempts to actually do it successfully (meaning you might not even be able to have full sex on your wedding night). Plus no one knows what they are doing at first so it can take several months of instruction before it starts to get less awkward and more pleasurable.
Finally, I've heard of cases where people get married and after a few attempts to have sex either figure out they are actually gay or that they don't really fancy the person they are with. Certainly i have dated guys who I've loved to date and kiss but then when we've slept together there has been no spark at all.

Waiting til marriage can be a lovely thing to do if it is something that is important to you but it is very difficult to stick to and can be problematic.

[DeadlySin]

Hahah Janos I totally agree!

Like other's said it is a nice idea...and a cute one.
But it's no longer realistic.
The honest truth will hurt so I won't say it.
BUT!
I'm not waiting till marriage I don't think it will make it any better.
Honestly I'd rather have practice before the marriage night before having my first time then.
Just my thoughts.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I believe in waiting until you are ready. I don't particulary like the idea of waiting for marriage because it does add a lot of stress and burden. Don't get me wrong, I think having sex with the right person is important but I don't think it is necessary to save yourself till marriage.

I have yet to have sex and I am 20. I am not saving myself for marriage at all; instead I am waiting until I find the right person and until I am ready. I don't plan on jumping into any type of sexual activity with someone and I don't think anyone else should either. However, to put that stress of waiting till marriage upon yourself is kind of hard.

I don't think the key is to say you are going to wait until marriage instead I think the key is to say I am going to wait until I am ready. I suppose that could imply marriage, who knows, but don't put added stress upon yourself and believe me a promise like that adds a lot of stress.

If you ever want to chat feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[thebigmole]

I'm against it. I know two women who waited and their marriage ended as a result. It doesn't matter how much you love someone it's really hard to make marriage work if you aren't sexually compatible with your partner.

I'm a virgin, I haven't rushed into anything sexual at all since I haven't even kissed anyone yet, I definitely believe in waiting until you are ready AND have found the right person, because I've been ready for a while, just don't have the right guy yet.

[The ANTI-Troll]

meh im waiting for marriage i made it 20yrs whats another few years ....

[Spellbound]

In my opinion, waiting for marriage is not necessary. I attended Catholic school and they drilled it into our heads to wait until marriage. For some people, if they really believe that waiting until marriage is the right thing to do, go for it. But it's not my personal choice. I'll only have sex with someone who I'm in love with. (I wouldn't feel comfortable if it was someone I didn't completely trust.) Just because someone doesn't wait until marriage doesn't necessarily mean that they sleep around.
So what I'm saying is, waiting for marriage isn't my cup of tea. But I completely respect and understand others who have made that decision.

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

I DO intend to wait until I get married.

[bitesize]

Personally the decision isn't for me ~ I think there's nothing wrong with having sex before marriage and I never planned to wait until then. But fair play for you for choosing to do that (:

[MakeupIsArt]

the only reason i have chosen this path is so i can be sure that my parter is willing to commit and actually love me, not just use me as a one night stand. i believe that pleasure is healthy and i am not against anyone's decision not to wait. each person in this world is entitled to an opinion and i am not going to reject anybodys opinion

[Power Cosmic]

See, I'd still advise against that . Not having sex before marriage yourself isn't a way to ensure loyalty. Since loyalty has nothing to do with how often someone has or had sex, or if you wait till marriage, the two things are not connected.

[Guile]

Hey, I think it's a good idea, and although a lot of people have said it's not "feasible" in our society, just means they lack the will and self-restraint. Humans haven't become, and excuse the language, "sex-machines" in the last 40 years, we just lack the moral foundation on which to base our lives, I commend you!

[PGP]

i think it's great that you've decided to wait Kayla

i used to be against the whole idea of waiting until you're married, until i had sex.

now after seeing how it can screw up a relationship, and a friendship, i almost wish i had waited.

Anyone who can choose to wait, however, is great in my book, and i have the utmost respect for them.

(just so you all know, i don't have any less respect for those of you who DO have sex)

[Painted]

I want to wait. <- Little Catholic School Girl.
I really want to wait, it may be hard but I really do want to try.

[Guile]

Originally Posted by Painted

I want to wait. <- Little Catholic School Girl.
I really want to wait, it may be hard but I really do want to try.

And another example of Catholic schools doing things right, I have no idea what is with the general hate of Catholics on these forums. I don't get it.

[Rainbow Dash]

I agree with Junos. I agree with waiting until you're ready but that doesn't mean waiting until you get married.

[Strife]

I'm waiting until I'm married.

[Verità]

I'm waiting.

[Nova]

I used to want to wait until pretty recently.

I went to Catholic school for 15 years, but that's not even why as I don't identify with any religion anymore.

I wanted to wait for the "security" factor. But I've realized that I don't need marriage to have security in a relationship. Right now I love my boyfriend. In the end, if it doesn't work out it won't be because I did or didn't have sex with him. And I'm only putting up a blockade of how close I can get to him by abstaining.

That being said, I will have sex when I am completely comfortable in a loving and stable relationship (which I now am) as a natural progression of expressing my love and sexuality to my partner. Additionally, I only plan to have sex after I have taken the necessary precautions to ensure optimal safety.

Waiting any amount of time is a personal choice. It's not up to me or anyone else to convince you one way or the other. At the same time, as you age, I think everyone realizes things aren't as cut and dry as they initially seem. And you could change your mind or re-evaluate your criteria. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best of luck.

[DarkSeph]

I agree with a lot of the points Janos made above.

The thing is, if sex is going to ruin your relationship before you're married, then it will just as easily ruin it after too. Getting married doesn't automatically mean something like sex would have no negative impacts whatsoever. Yes it can ruin relationships. Some people who might seem perfectly nice otherwise can get expectant or pushy over it or get bored or find there's no "spark", and it could cause a lot of stress. If you're married, it just makes it harder to break out of a bad situation you suddenly find yourself dumped into.

Personally I think things like sex should come before marriage. It's another aspect that will give you a strong indicator of whether you really definitely have found the "right" person. If you're going to marry someone, you should be certain you know your partner 100%.

I definitely don't mean rush into it either, build up a lot of trust first, make sure you're completely certain and take as much time as you need to be comfortable with the idea.

[Awakening]

Ehh I used to think I was going to wait tell marriage but not so much anymore. I mean im still a virgin so I may choose to wait again but I just dont think so. I dont really see what the point is.

I mean im not going to go into a realtionship just to have sex but if im in a good relationship with somebody and its something we both want they why not.

I commend those who want to wait though. It takes a lot of strength and patience to want to do so.

[WillO'Wisp]

I honestly think it's pointless to wait until marriage. That's just my opinion.

[LittleMiss]

I really think that you shouldn't make plans for losing your virginity. Waiting till marriage is like planning it and can probably spoil the moment when it comes when you actually get there.
You build up way higher expectations about having the perfect wedding night, only to find it wasn't as good as you hoped. Making sure you're compatible in the bedroom beforehand will probably help you get that perfect night.

Every girl has the fairytale dream of finding a guy who loves her in every way and doesn't care about sex but I think that can also lead to trouble. There's the very real chance of finding a guy who loves you but has no passion or doesn't find you sexually attractive.
There's a balance. Stay with a guy long enough and you find out after a decent amount of time that he isn't in the relationship for sex.

As much as media and stereotypes tell you it isn't true, sexual compatibility is very, very important in a marriage. Sex does matter.

But the thing is, it's not super complicated and impossible to figure out. I just think that you should meet someone you would actually consider marrying before deciding you're going to wait until marriage.

[Apollo]

I made the decision to wait for marriage.
BUT, I don't think there is anything wrong with having sex out of marriage though.
It's just my personal preference.

[Allons-y!]

Originally Posted by Regina Phalange

I agree with Junos. I agree with waiting until you're ready but that doesn't mean waiting until you get married.

Yes.

I think it is important that every person means something. I think it is important that we have connections and trust and love. I think intention counts.

I don't think this is determined by marriage. And I don't think that denying yourself something for years and years because religion mandates it makes you a bit better than someone who doesn't.

I think it's strange to wait for marriage, but I don't think it's strange to wait for the right one.

[FeelsLikeFalling]

Yup, I'm waiting for marriage. It's not something I've known since I was your age. I mean, it had crossed my mind a bit but I didn't really give anything to do with sex much thought until I turned 15 to be honest. When I got to 16 and 17, a lot of people were starting to do it, and I just didn't feel ready at the time. So I decided against rushing into it and I wasn't waiting for marriage in particular, I was just waiting until I thought I was ready. During the last year or so, I've started to give it some serious thought, and for me personally, I believe that waiting for marriage is the right choice. It's just what works for me. I do not at all think waiting is for everyone, it can be really difficult sometimes. But I think everyone is allowed their own opinions on it, some people wait, some people don't. It all just comes down to what works for you personally. It's your body, so it's your decision =D

[Luka]

What do I think of it? I think it is a waste of time, you have one life, you may as well do what you please and not have a rule holding you back from what you want. Sometimes sex can decide whether two people are really right for each other, and it is an act of love so yeah.

[A Lady]

I'm waiting until marriage too

[MacGuffin]

I felt that way when I was younger, but my views have changed with age, as well as many of my other beliefs have. I think it is fine if people want to wait until marriage, but I don't believe in it for myself.

[Anonymity]

I made the decision, but I didn't exactly stick to it too well. Props to you though. I think it's definitely a good idea. I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna be a little disappointed if the guy I marry has slept with someone else.

[Tara.]

I think it's great that you've taken the time to think about what is best for you.

I think it's not necessarily important to wait for marriage, but to instead wait until you are physically, emotionally and mentally ready for sex. And wait for the right person.

[mks]

I am a Christian. I've been raised as a Christian, surrounded by Christians. All my life that is what I have believed. I still do so. My opinion is that sex is something beautiful god created to share with two people who care deeply for one another. Not a simple game to play with current boyfriends and friends. Your body is special to you, it's yours. You shouldn't just give it out to anyone. (PS. LOL I am 14 btw)

[PunkRoxS9]

I did want to wait til marriage, but now I'm with my current boyfriend I've changed my mind. THe christian part of me still thinks I should wait til marriage. But I love my boyfriend, and I want to give him every part of me, I want to share each other, to share myself with him, to become one with him. I want to have sex with him. Maybe one day I'll marry him, maybe I won't. I don't know, but either way wanting to have sex with him is out of love and out of the same reasons for having sex when married.
That's my view anyway.

[Simplyme7]

My boyfriend and I have talked about this, and we both decided to wait until marriage also.
Yet a part of me kind of doesn't want to wait... because I've heard that the first few times are kind of painful and awkward... and I don't want that on my wedding night... :/ Maybe waiting until engagement? Lol