Another porn thread.

[Twisted]

I'm sorry about this, i know i should just accept it. But i hate the fact that when i'm not home, my boyfriend watches porn. Don't get me wrong since my last thread a few months ago i feel a lot better about the porn thing, i know that with guys once they've 'finished' then they're not even interested in it anymore and it's just pictures and the girls aren't real and obviously there's no emotional connection and all that stuff. And the fact that they're gonna do it whether you tell them that you don't like it or not. But i've always had issues with the way i look, and the fact that all the girls in porn tend to have flat tummies and big boobs and are basically a guys idea of 'perfect' kinda... offends me? I don't want to sound like i want him to stop watching because you know, i can't tell him what to do.

But i just feel like he gets more pleasure from looking at those amazingly 'stunning' (i use that term lightly) girls than he does when we're doing stuff. It's probably all in my head but the way i see it is that if i was everything he wanted, absolutely everything then he wouldn't need nor would he want to watch porn, he'd just wait for me. I know it's different with girls, we're wired differently. When he's away i do tend to wait for him, if you get what i mean. It's one of my ways of showing him that even doing it myself, its still nothing compared to him. I just feel like if he still needs to do that, even after all the 'stuff' we do (which we do quite a lot) then i must not be good enough. I know this is entirely my problem and if i want to get through this then i need to be able to be happy with myself to the point where i don't care whether he watches it or not because i know that i'm a million times better than anything he could ever see in a porn movie, but i just don't have the self esteem to be able to do that, i've been trying ever since i made my last thread about this. Like i said i feel a little better about it all, but i still have that slight insecurity. I would really appreciate it if you guys could give me some more advice when it comes to this. I know it's annoying seeing all these insecure girls posting about their boyfriends porn habits but that's what this website is here for, right?

Before i finish, i don't want people replying and having a go at me for this, i know that i can't stop him from watching porn i've been told a million times. I just need advice to help me not care whether he watches it or not and improve my self-esteem. It's not make or break of the relationship or anything i just get fed up of feeling insecure and not good enough. I know it's all my own doing.

[taylalatbh.]

Does he watch a lot of porn? If it's every day, then he could have his own problem. I don't have a big problem if my guy watches porn, but if he does it every day or as a 'replacement' for me, or it takes over then I'd have a problem. So I do understand how you might be feeling. But if he wants to do something, chances are he's going to do it regardless of what you're feeling, because you just can't change people. No matter how much you ask him, if he doesn't want to, he won't.

If it is such a big issue for you, and you know he's not going to change, then maybe you should step back and reevaluate the situation and the relationship.

Message me if you want to talk about it some more, take care

[Twisted]

I don't know how much he's watching exactly, it may be every day but i doubt he has a problem. And i do understand 100% about how i can't stop him from doing stuff. And it's not the biggest issue ever, i would never end the relationship over it unless it did get to a point where he was replacing it with me. I just need advice on boosting my self-esteem so that i don't care whether he does it or not. I won't go into detail but we do some 'stuff' together which is quite.. i don't know what the word is, and it's amazing i just thought maybe that was enough for him.

Also the fact that we live together as well just makes me feel worse about it.. i don't know but before he moved in i didn't care at all. But now we're actually living under the same roof and spending a lot of time together it just makes me feel like i said before, not good enough for him. I mean surely he can wait a few hours for me to get home from work? It makes me feel like he's not as interested in sex because he's already had his fill for the day, most of the time i have to initiate it and there have been a few occasions where he doesn't ever seem to want it when i do. I can't help but think that it's because he did it himself earlier in the day while i was at work therefore there's no need for me to do it. God i probably sound like a psychopath. But like i said, it's my problem, and my self esteem issues that i need help with.

Thankyou for your response

[Brandon]

I think that your problem has nothing to do with porn and all to do with your self-esteem. Here's why:

Self-esteem isn't what people think it is. How you look at yourself does not depend on the outside world. A woman can watch her boyfriend watch porn for 24 hours, but still have high self-esteem. Because you have low self-esteem, your mind is trying to pick out things that justify your thoughts. "Oh, since my boyfriend watches porn...I must be inadequate because they have bigger boobs, smaller tummies, etc." Porn is not a problem, it's a justification of your problems.

Our minds are very powerful when it comes to how you feel about yourself. But the truth is that even if you were the most ugliest person on Earth, you could still have high self-esteem. Your mind will believe anything you want it to, but because you're trying to justify your feelings with your boyfriend watching porn, you are not thinking with the right mentality. You don't one day acquire high self-esteem, you have to work towards it. I look at self-esteem as a committed decision because that's how I had to deal with my self-esteem issues.

You have to start thinking differently. If you don't like something about yourself, change it. Whether it be exercising to even accepting yourself. Because if all you do is sit on your computer chair and complain about your boyfriend watching porn when you have self-esteem issues, then nothing is going to change. In fact, the relationship will probably just get worse if you continue to let his porn eat you up inside. Solve your problem with your self-esteem, and I can almost guarantee you that your problem with his porn would go away too.

Hell, couples watch porn all the time together to spice up the sex life.

You can also check out some of my blogs that I talk about the exact issue your having and your self-esteem issues. You can check them out here if you're interested:

http://www.teenhelp.org/blogs/brando...rview-brandon/

http://www.teenhelp.org/blogs/brando...rview-brandon/

[Maloo]

Idk if it's always a self-esteem thing, Brandon. I have really crappy self esteem but I'm not bothered by my boyfriend watching porn. Hell, I've watched it with him lol.

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by Myss

Idk if it's always a self-esteem thing, Brandon. I have really crappy self esteem but I'm not bothered by my boyfriend watching porn. Hell, I've watched it with him lol.

I never said that was always the case. I'm only speaking to her, not to every woman who has low self-esteem.

[Twisted]

Brandon if you read my thread properly you will find that i have already established that my problem is with my self esteem and not with the porn. And i've also already stated that i need advice to help with my self esteem so that this sort of thing doesn't bother me anymore. I'm sorry if i sound like a complete idiot but sometimes it feels like people don't even read my posts properly before replying. I didn't need a lecture about how it's down to the issues i have with myself because i already KNOW this. I just need some advice/techniques on how to improove the way i view myself.

It's so hard to get people to listen to me even over the internet. Maybe i should just try posting in a different section next time. This thread may as well be closed, i should never have said anything.

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by Footienut1892

Brandon if you read my thread properly you will find that i have already established that my problem is with my self esteem and not with the porn. And i've also already stated that i need advice to help with my self esteem so that this sort of thing doesn't bother me anymore. I'm sorry if i sound like a complete idiot but sometimes it feels like people don't even read my posts properly before replying. I didn't need a lecture about how it's down to the issues i have with myself because i already KNOW this. I just need some advice/techniques on how to improove the way i view myself.

It's so hard to get people to listen to me even over the internet. Maybe i should just try posting in a different section next time. This thread may as well be closed, i should never have said anything.

Number one, I gave advice on how to tackle your self-esteem. I even provided you with links. If I didn't "properly" read your post, then you didn't "properly" read mine. Number two, your thread says "Another porn thread", so I tend to think that this is involving porn. Misleading much?

This is what you said, and I quote:

I just need advice to help me not care whether he watches it or not and improve my self-esteem. It's not make or break of the relationship or anything i just get fed up of feeling insecure and not good enough. I know it's all my own doing.

This is clearly not asking for advice on just self-esteem, you're asking for advice how to note care whether he watches it or not. And therefore, I helped you with both advice. I said that your problems aren't about pornography, so leave pornography out of the equation because it's just a justification of your problems. If you deal with your self-esteem rather than deal with your boyfriend's pornography, you won't have that much to do deal with and can focus on one thing at a time.

It's not about posting in a different section, it's being a little bit more clearer and not accusing people of not reading your thread when you say one thing, but then you turn around and change your mind. "This thread isn't about porn, it's about my self-esteem." Not give a whole page about your boyfriend's addiction to porn and then say that "no, you didn't read my thread. I want advice on my self-esteem"

[MisplacedDreamer]

Think of it this way. Hands are nice, but they aren't a substitute for the real thing. He'd take you physically than them.

Another thing to consider is do you think that he would watch a tape of you and him? I wouldn't recommend making one and I personally wouldn't make one, but apparently most of my guy friends and ex's agree that watching themselves have sex is a lot hotter than regular porn.

The reasons why I don't recommend making one is because what would happen if you two broke up and it turned into a nasty fight? I have heard horror stories of where a fellow nursing student had to break into her ex-husband's house to get the tape back (before the days of computers were in every household, like 80's or early 90's.) Or if it is on his computer, what if a friend borrows the computer, accidentally finds the file, and then copies it? Not to mention you have no guarantee that he wouldn't save a copy after you two broke up.

As for being tired, maybe he didn't watch porn that day? Guys can get tired too and aren't always in the mood.