Is sexting cheating?

[AmazonQueen]

is sexting cheating? or like sexting on msn is still sexting right? no pictures no cam just text...is that cheating what is your deffinition of cheating where is the line?

[Brandon]

I consider sexting to be cheating because you don't just sext with anyone. There has to be some kind of incentive to sext with someone, and you wouldn't just sext with any of your friends. That incentive, the reason why you would sext someone (while having a partner) in the first place is what potentially gets people in trouble. Sure, there's not anything really going on since it's all just words, but it's that fear of it becoming into something more that really turns people off. Wanting to make out with a hott guy is different than actually making out with a hott guy in a relationship because it tells me that you're not as committed as I'd like you to be, because I'm very capable of sexting and would assume that if you loved a person, then you would not only rely on them in bed, but rely on them through sexting as well. If you are depended on someone else to get you off, then I look at it as a potential problem and would thus be turned off because you're doing something sexually with someone else. Porn isn't cheating because you're stimulating yourself over someone who will probably never have sex with you, whereas sexting with someone, you know who they are and possibly where they live, so there's a higher possibility of you having sex with that person than having sex with a porn star.

[Kitty.]

Yes, sexting is cheating. When you sext with someone, that means you have some sort of sexual attraction to them and you are acting on it. While you are not acting on it in a physical way, you are acting on it in an emotional way.

[Nicole!]

I agree, sexting is cheating.
You wouldn't send those pictures to your best friend, only a guy/girl who you would want to see them.
It usually means something. I know I wouldn't want my significant other to be sending pictures of themselves like that.

[Double X]

Yup.......

[Troubled_Tina]

yes i feel it is cheating.
turn it around and put ureself in the shoes of your significant other.
Acting on any feelings towards another person is wrong.

[Boobies]

I wouldn't count it as cheating, it's just text. I also don't agree when people say there has to be some attraction there, some people do it with random people over the internet. It's the same as saying that reading erotic stories is cheating because it's basically a more interactive version of it =/

I would be a bit miffed if my girlfriend was sexting though D=

[her_beautiful_mistake]

I'd consider it cheating

[Anatidaephobia]

Yeah i would consider it as cheating as you wouldn't send those texts to just anyone would you?

[Thomas_TGT]

The question you need to ask yourself is:

"Would I be upset if (he/she) did it?"

My point being, don't do anything in the relationship that you wouldn't want your significant other to do. Don't set double standards.

[Ancora Imparo]

I think I'd be pretty upset if I found out the person I was with had been sexting someone else so I guess it is just as bad as cheating. I think I'd also sort of feel as if they weren't getting enough from our relationship and had to find it elsewhere kind of thing.

[Skeleton]

I'd consider it cheating. You may not being doing anything physical but you're telling someone you aren't with things that you want to do with/to them and that's cheating in my books.

[kadyCHAOS]

i'd also consider it to be cheating...

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by God.

I wouldn't count it as cheating, it's just text. I also don't agree when people say there has to be some attraction there, some people do it with random people over the internet. It's the same as saying that reading erotic stories is cheating because it's basically a more interactive version of it =/

I would be a bit miffed if my girlfriend was sexting though D=

I disagree. On the internet, it's pretty much anonymous when you cyber sex with random people on the internet. But when you have their phone number, then this person isn't random. Random vs. not-random is not the same thing. If you randomly started sexting someone by pressing a random phone number in, then THAT would be more closely related to cyber sex on the internet. Still, it wouldn't be the same thing though. You could argue that there is no attraction, which I disagree, but it's why they would sext with someone other than their partner in the first place. If it's not attraction, what's the incentive? Like I mentioned in my first post, the incentive is what turns people off. And reading erotic stories are completely different as well. So I'd have to say that I have to completely disagree.

[The Morrigan]

I basically agree with Brandon.

I'd consider it cheating...and while it may not be as serious as actually being physical with someone else it's still enough to wonder if I can trust them.

[Boobies]

Originally Posted by Brandon

I disagree. On the internet, it's pretty much anonymous when you cyber sex with random people on the internet. But when you have their phone number, then this person isn't random. Random vs. not-random is not the same thing. If you randomly started sexting someone by pressing a random phone number in, then THAT would be more closely related to cyber sex on the internet. Still, it wouldn't be the same thing though. You could argue that there is no attraction, which I disagree, but it's why they would sext with someone other than their partner in the first place. If it's not attraction, what's the incentive? Like I mentioned in my first post, the incentive is what turns people off. And reading erotic stories are completely different as well. So I'd have to say that I have to completely disagree.

Sexting isn't just via text messaging, it can be via computers as well, and it's easy to find anonymous people on the internet.
Secondly, people write phone numbers everywhere, you can just pick one of many that are written on countless walls and try that.
You also get companies that basically offer a sexting service, and you have no idea what they look like, the same applies to sex lines. You have no idea what they look like yet many people still get off on it. A lot of it is the thought of what's happening, which is the incentive. I've seen loads of attractive people, but I wouldn't want to sext them. And I'd rather sext a slightly less attractive person who was a lot ideas and suggestions when compared the hot person. If you ask me sexting (text based) isn't dependant on attractiveness at all, but I'm not saying it is a part of it.

Some people just do this kind of thing for fun anyway, there is no ulterior motive behind it, they just enjoy describing sexual acts and may not be doing for any sexual reason.

But in the end, there are loads of ways you can find random people, off of the internet, of off walls, from friends, all sorts, especially when sexting is limited to phones it applies to other things.

And I've also heard of people sexting (Or texting sexual explicit messages if you like) to people they've never met, so I'm assuming this would help support my point?

[AmazonQueen]

i wouldn't really care if he was sexting to be honest as long as he's not actually doing physical things with other people.

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by God.

Sexting isn't just via text messaging, it can be via computers as well, and it's easy to find anonymous people on the internet.
Secondly, people write phone numbers everywhere, you can just pick one of many that are written on countless walls and try that.
You also get companies that basically offer a sexting service, and you have no idea what they look like, the same applies to sex lines. You have no idea what they look like yet many people still get off on it. A lot of it is the thought of what's happening, which is the incentive. I've seen loads of attractive people, but I wouldn't want to sext them. And I'd rather sext a slightly less attractive person who was a lot ideas and suggestions when compared the hot person. If you ask me sexting (text based) isn't dependant on attractiveness at all, but I'm not saying it is a part of it.

Some people just do this kind of thing for fun anyway, there is no ulterior motive behind it, they just enjoy describing sexual acts and may not be doing for any sexual reason.

But in the end, there are loads of ways you can find random people, off of the internet, of off walls, from friends, all sorts, especially when sexting is limited to phones it applies to other things.

And I've also heard of people sexting (Or texting sexual explicit messages if you like) to people they've never met, so I'm assuming this would help support my point?

I don't really see your point, to be honest. If there is no ulterior motive, then why can't you just sext with your significant other? If someone sexts with someone other than their significant other, then there has to be a motive for doing such. You can't just do something without a motive. If you're looking for ideas or suggestions, many magazines and pornography material offer ideas and suggestions...so that can't be it. If you're in the mood, you can rely on your significant other to satisfy your needs (for the most part)...so that can't be it. So you're not doing it for ideas and suggestions when you can acquire them elsewhere, you have a significant other to satisfy biological needs, and so what it really comes down to is that people just do it for fun. Of all the fun things in the world, some people choose to sext with people because it's...fun. Very strange behavior, I think. Despite the hilarity in this, I'm going to say that there is no justification for sexting when you have a partner. Just because it's "fun" is no excuse as I could finger a woman and say "oh, it's okay. We're just doing it for fun. It's no big deal."

[PlayingPretend]

Originally Posted by larrel1

The question you need to ask yourself is:

"Would I be upset if (he/she) did it?"

My point being, don't do anything in the relationship that you wouldn't want your significant other to do. Don't set double standards.

I agree with this to a degree. I agree that you don't need to be setting double standards, so with the philosophy of not doing anything you would mind your partner doing, but your partner's opinion also needs to be taken into consideration, and your partner's boundaries also need to be discussed. Because whether or not we see it as cheating, we are not your partner, and therefore, we can not say for sure what it would be classed as in your personal relationship.

Also, in regards to the sexting debate currently going on, I see it as completely different to reading or writing erotica. Reading or writing erotica is a solitary act. It is enjoyed being done in one's own time. It is being written or read for one's own pleasure. Sexting, however, done through text, the phone, cybering online, yadda yadda, involves somebody else. They may not be dragged in emotionally or sexually (physically speaking), but they still become a part of it and this is the taboo factor of sexting. However, to compare sexting to erotica is, in my opinion, like comparing hiring a prostitute to watching porn.

[Woo! Imagination xD]

I do consider it as cheating. I even consider cyber-sex as cheating. It's all being unfaithful. Porn and erotic stories are okay because most of porn movies are acted out anyway. Also they're giving the permission of having them posted all over the internet for people to watch.

If you are cybering though, it's with somebody real, where there is more than a possibility of meeting up. Sexting is just as bad. So yes, I do see it as cheating.

[Power Cosmic]

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: Yessss.

Basically, for all the reasons everyone else has said. It really does take the piss out of the concept of being 'faithful' in any sense with your partner.

[Bibliophile]

I'd consider it cheating. I wouldn't sleep with anybody other than my partner offline, so why would I online...?

[Quartet]

Of course it's cheating.
To me it's the same thing as that person going and having sex with someone in person. Your thoughts are on it already. Mentally, you're cheating.

[Boobies]

Originally Posted by Brandon

I don't really see your point, to be honest. If there is no ulterior motive, then why can't you just sext with your significant other? If someone sexts with someone other than their significant other, then there has to be a motive for doing such. You can't just do something without a motive. If you're looking for ideas or suggestions, many magazines and pornography material offer ideas and suggestions...so that can't be it. If you're in the mood, you can rely on your significant other to satisfy your needs (for the most part)...so that can't be it. So you're not doing it for ideas and suggestions when you can acquire them elsewhere, you have a significant other to satisfy biological needs, and so what it really comes down to is that people just do it for fun. Of all the fun things in the world, some people choose to sext with people because it's...fun. Very strange behavior, I think. Despite the hilarity in this, I'm going to say that there is no justification for sexting when you have a partner. Just because it's "fun" is no excuse as I could finger a woman and say "oh, it's okay. We're just doing it for fun. It's no big deal."

Maybe someone wouldn't feel comfortable talking like that to their significant person? Or maybe your significant other doesn't like it? Maybe they're reasons to not do it with your other half? (Again, I'm not saying this justifies it, I've already expressed that I dislike it)
Talking about sex is different to having sex, a person off of the internet could just be a generic human for you to imagine them being who you want, even your other half (which would fit my examples above). I mean, sexting doesn't mean you actually want to do what you say to the other person.
Also, if sexting is cheating, would that make a perverted thought cheating? After all it's pretty much the same if you're not thinking of your significant other.

[Verità]

I don't know if I would consider it "cheating", but it's not something I would do, nor would I approve of my boyfriend doing it.

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by God.

Maybe someone wouldn't feel comfortable talking like that to their significant person?

If someone doesn't feel comfortable talking about sex, then why would they still be in a relationship?

Originally Posted by God.

Or maybe your significant other doesn't like it?

The significant other doesn't like talking about sex? Must be a really awkward sex life, in that case...IF they had sex to begin with. It wouldn't really make much sense to have sex, but not enjoy talking about it. If there's awkward sex like that, then the relationship probably isn't going to last long and I would have no doubts that the person the woman actually sexts is the one she starts to date. Wouldn't really surprise me.

Originally Posted by God.

Maybe they're reasons to not do it with your other half? (Again, I'm not saying this justifies it, I've already expressed that I dislike it)

If you're not trying to justify sexting, then why are you trying to argue otherwise? Not to burst your bubble or anything. If someone can't satisfy your needs, then there's no point in staying in the relationship.

Originally Posted by God.

Talking about sex is different to having sex, a person off of the internet could just be a generic human for you to imagine them being who you want, even your other half (which would fit my examples above). I mean, sexting doesn't mean you actually want to do what you say to the other person.

It's not always about what you say, it's what you don't say. If I had a girlfriend and there was another girl sitting at the table and I started talking dirty to her even if I didn't want to actually do anything to her, would my girlfriend not be upset by that? Even if I was just playing around and not meant to be taken seriously, do you think it's reasonable for my girlfriend to be upset? People can get upset about that from just the thought.

Would a heterosexual male sext with a gay male? After all, they wouldn't actually be doing anything, right? It's not gay if it's only through text. I wonder why a heterosexual male would sext with a female. Perhaps it's because heterosexual males find women attractive, and you're using that woman to satisfy those sexual desires through sexting. If you're sexting a woman to satisfy sexual desires, or you argue that they just do it for fun (which doesn't really make sense), then that would raise suspicion. And if people feel uncomfortable in relationships when their partner does something suspicious, it eats away the relationship, making it fall apart.

Originally Posted by God.

Also, if sexting is cheating, would that make a perverted thought cheating? After all it's pretty much the same if you're not thinking of your significant other.

No, because you're actively engaging in a sexual conversation with someone. It's very difficult, if not impossible, to not have perverted thoughts. It's like telling someone to stop breathing.

[Maloo]

I definitely think sexting is cheating. It's mentally cheating, in my opinion. People can cheat mentally, physically, and emotionally. And all of them are horrible things to do.

In regards to the op - if you don't think there's anything wrong with what you're doing, then why don't you just ask your significant other if they're ok with it. Chances are, if you're afraid to ask if it's ok, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

[AmazonQueen]

...well quite honestly i think he's kind of being a jerk, but i just can't leave him....(i know theres all sorts of things wrong with this...)
perhaps instead i should be asking for advice about how to deal with this, i don't like how he treats me, i've mentioned it, it hasnt changed, he's really far away and doesn't talk to me much since we had a fight about it, i try to make it better but he still doesnt talk to me. I won't go into further detail. i thought about breaking it off but i felt like i just didnt give it a chance its been less than a month but if he wont hold a conversation with me, i cant fix it. i also feel bad for wanting to break it off and like i owe him something, im usually the only to break up with past boyfriends and i told myself i wasnt going to break it off for a stupid petty reason this time. Im not totally unhappy just more apathetic...he doesnt really respect me all THAT much...i start talking to other guys as friends but one of them i got more attached to and i told myself i wouldnt but its so hard to say no when you want to. i supose i shouldnt make up excuses though i was chasing fire after all. i dont know how my boyfriend would even react if i broke up with him anyway if he'd get mad, fight for me or just walk away not caring like my ex did(that hurts the most)

[Maloo]

in my opinion, if you're not happy in a relationship, then you shouldn't be in it. You say that you can't fix things. Then why waste your time being with someone like that, when you could be with someone you're actually happy with?

[AmazonQueen]

because i can't be with the person who makes me happy...i like being in a relationship i like having someone to care for and in vice versa we have alot in common but when it comes to talking to each other...we just dont. theres nothing to be said. it's so rude sometimes but he hasnt done anything significantly wrong like calling me down or abusing me or anything...so i dont feel its fair to dump him...i think my outlook is just distorted, maybe im with him for the wrong reasons i cant wish him to be the guy i wish he would be i suppose, i dont know how to go about breaking it off tho...

[Double X]

Originally Posted by JamieRage

because i can't be with the person who makes me happy...i like being in a relationship i like having someone to care for and in vice versa we have alot in common but when it comes to talking to each other...we just dont. theres nothing to be said. it's so rude sometimes but he hasnt done anything significantly wrong like calling me down or abusing me or anything...so i dont feel its fair to dump him...i think my outlook is just distorted, maybe im with him for the wrong reasons i cant wish him to be the guy i wish he would be i suppose, i dont know how to go about breaking it off tho...

It's not that you have just a 'different view', it's an unethical one. You are staying in a relationship when you like another person more. That is unfair to your boyfriend. You are essentially using him.

[AmazonQueen]

Originally Posted by Double X

It's not that you have just a 'different view', it's an unethical one. You are staying in a relationship when you like another person more. That is unfair to your boyfriend. You are essentially using him.

It's not really that i like someone else MORE, it's that im in over my head. I don't know what I want...which your right still isn't fair to my boyfriend, though it's not even like we're dating he couldn't be bothered to talk to me unless i try desperately to make conversation. He doesn't make it any easier he always seemed to be mad. So I stopped bending over backward to fix whatever i didn't know i did wrong and just talked to other people. i didnt intend to develope an attraction or desire for anyone else, (it almost feels like a fascination or looking to throw gasoline on the fire) and quite frankly the attraction i have for the other person isn't any better than the one I have for my boyfriend, i already told him person i dont want a relationship right now espcially not an ldr AGAIN and there okay with that.

and i'll admit it, my behavior is disgraceful, i AM doing something wrong and i should stop. I would tell you why it is i feel i act this way but i feel i'd be making excuses. i already know i need to break up with my boyfriend but i would like a little direction/advice about how i can do this without hurting him (more/he doesnt know i cheated) and where to go from there how can i stop myself from being like this and how can i become a desirable person to others and myself. I feel dirty/filthy and guilty, and i guess i should but please don't don't judge me guys i already feel bad

[Double X]

Originally Posted by JamieRage

It's not really that i like someone else MORE, it's that im in over my head. I don't know what I want...which your right still isn't fair to my boyfriend, though it's not even like we're dating he couldn't be bothered to talk to me unless i try desperately to make conversation. He doesn't make it any easier he always seemed to be mad. So I stopped bending over backward to fix whatever i didn't know i did wrong and just talked to other people. i didnt intend to develope an attraction or desire for anyone else, (it almost feels like a fascination or looking to throw gasoline on the fire) and quite frankly the attraction i have for the other person isn't any better than the one I have for my boyfriend, i already told him person i dont want a relationship right now espcially not an ldr AGAIN and there okay with that.

and i'll admit it, my behavior is disgraceful, i AM doing something wrong and i should stop. I would tell you why it is i feel i act this way but i feel i'd be making excuses. i already know i need to break up with my boyfriend but i would like a little direction/advice about how i can do this without hurting him (more/he doesnt know i cheated) and where to go from there how can i stop myself from being like this and how can i become a desirable person to others and myself. I feel dirty/filthy and guilty, and i guess i should but please don't don't judge me guys i already feel bad

You are worrying too much about his feelings. How to do something the perfect way...it is indirectly causing you to stall. You need to act now before further damage is done. What you need to do is call him up and tell him it's not working out. The whole time, remember that you cheated on him and this will never work out. Do this soon, or you will slip into further guilt and rationalization.

Make sure to update us

[Maloo]

There's not really a "right" way to break up with someone. If he doesn't seem to give a crap about you, then why are you so convinced that you're going to hurt him by breaking up with him?

[AmazonQueen]

I can't call him its a ldr, we dont even get to talk on the phone, since our fight because of something i said he's been on msn very sarcely lately i havent talk to him at all since wednesday even then it was a strained conversation, and when i finally do get to talk to him the reason i feel like i owe him something is because i feel like im giving up on him too soon, and blame my insecurities even if its not really the problem (in every relationship i've had) to avoid ruining the thin chance of still being friends.
and idk if he cares about me or not, he says he loves me too, but only if i say it first and though it could quite possibly mean nothing but im sure he talk to other girls the same way i do with guys...theres always like 5-10 new random people a day on his feed that are from all over the place not one of them is a ever a guy (no i dont scout out his stuff it just shows up on my hotmail profile)

[Cosmo]

Would you have a problem if he/she showed their bits to the other person face-to-face?

Same thing.

[AmazonQueen]

Originally Posted by Double X

You are worrying too much about his feelings. How to do something the perfect way...it is indirectly causing you to stall. You need to act now before further damage is done. What you need to do is call him up and tell him it's not working out. The whole time, remember that you cheated on him and this will never work out. Do this soon, or you will slip into further guilt and rationalization.

Make sure to update us

Originally Posted by Myss

There's not really a "right" way to break up with someone. If he doesn't seem to give a crap about you, then why are you so convinced that you're going to hurt him by breaking up with him?

Originally Posted by MonsterCosmonaut

Would you have a problem if he/she showed their bits to the other person face-to-face?

Same thing.

how is that relivant neither of us has done that nor have i showed anyone anything "inapprorieate"

[Cosmo]

Okay, let me refine that.

Would you have a problem if your partner talked dirty to someone else in person?

Also same thing.

[AmazonQueen]

i suppose so, yes, though thats not what happened theres no possible way i could ever meet up with the person

[Cosmo]

Originally Posted by JamieRage

i suppose so, yes, though thats not what happened theres no possible way i could ever meet up with the person

Not really the point though. The only difference is the means of communication. You still, really, did cheat on your BF. I'd tell him and see if he's willing to forgive you.