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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Al
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pressure - April 13th 2011, 02:22 AM

It seems as if in this society, the male has to make the first move, and the male is the one who is thought of to always be wanting sex.

It was a little bit different for me and my ex. She asked me out, and we started going out and I felt pressured to take the relationship to a level I wasnt really comfortable with. She was a little more "experienced" with going further in a relationship then I was (I had never gone further than kissing). She kept trying to get me to go to her house and have sex but I was really not comfortable with it. I decided to talk to some close people in my life about it and they seemed to all say that I was wrong, that I should have "went for it" and they didnt understand why I didnt want to.

I feel the main reasons why I didnt want to was because, for one, I dont feel Im ready, even though some people have already had sex at my age (16) and it is a somewhat common age, I still feel I may be far away, second, I felt that my first time should be with a girl that I was completely in love with, and it just wasnt at that point yet. I also am definitely nervous for my first time, especially with a girl who has experience.

We ended up breaking up over this and a few other reasons, after the break up, she still kept trying to get me to have sex with her, and even tried to make us "friends with benefits"

Was I wrong for not being comfortable and not wanting to do any of this?

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: pressure - April 13th 2011, 02:53 AM

Hey Al! First and foremost, I want to personally welcome you to TeenHelp!

No, you were not wrong for feeling that way. Lot's of people who know they aren't ready are pressured into sex and end up regretting their decision to lose their virginity. You did the right thing by expressing your feelings about wanting to wait until you knew you were ready and ready to have sex with someone you were completely in love with. Your girlfriend surely didn't deserve you, and maybe it's a good thing you broke up. Does she still continue to try to have a 'friends with benefits' type relationship with you? If so, end all contact with her immediately. Might be difficult if you go to the same school, but just try to avoid her at all costs. It will make it easier to become unpressured by her advances.

The people your close to who didn't understand probably didn't understand your point of view. Sex is often just had just because. Lot's of people believe that casual sex is a fun thing. It may work for some people, but I believe that your not one of those people, which you made completely obvious by your post.

Ignore people's comments. You need to do what's right for you, and if you feel that waiting is the right thing to do, just go with it! Don't ever let anyone pressure into doing something that your not ready for. I don't want you to regret the first time you've had sex. Wait for that special girl to come along. She's out there!

I hope everything works out for you. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me.

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Re: pressure - April 13th 2011, 03:35 AM

You were right to stand your ground. Your friends aren't the ones who will live with that decision, you will. If you don't want to do that then don't. Just because society says you should doesn't mean anything. You did the right thing by keeping your morals.

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Re: pressure - April 13th 2011, 05:58 AM

Hey there,

I don't think that you were in the wrong at all. Infact, good on you for standing your ground and sticking to your guns. There are so many people out there who have sex because of peer pressure or because they feel left out and they only end up regretting it. Sex can be a beautiful thing but it's only beautiful when you feel ready and comfortable enough to do it. That first time is the one time that you can't get back and the one that you're probably going to remember for the rest of your life so it's really important that you look back with no regrets and perhaps even remember is as being something special with somebody you really cared about. Everybody is ready at different times and you're still so young, you have so much time infront of you to start having sex! I really hope that I've been able to help you in one way or another and if you would like to talk further then feel free to either PM or VM me whenever as I'm always more than happy to talk.

Take care.

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Re: pressure - April 13th 2011, 08:08 AM

Humans are extremely sexual creatures. You did do the right thing, some people are just not ready for it. I can't blame you, and no one else can either. All she can do is respect that.

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

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Re: pressure - April 13th 2011, 08:54 AM

you should be proud of yourself.
Its your life and you will live with your choices, not her.
You've got a good head on your shoulders.
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: pressure - April 13th 2011, 05:40 PM

Yeah, You did the right thing - a hard thing to do, but the right thing to do, and you must be proud that you didn't just do what's 'expected' of you.

And its true, what you said about men 'always' being the ones want sex - They're NOT. In one of my previous relationships, I wanted sex more than the boyfriend did....So not ALL men ALWAYS want sex.

Be proud to stand by what you want. I am.

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