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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ohmiya Offline
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Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 2nd 2011, 03:12 AM

This thread has been labeled as non-PG13 by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for younger users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi everyone! Newbie here with a question~

I'm still a virgin girl and have been recently moving onto the oral sex level with my bf. Apparently I'm the first girl he's ever been down on so at first it was probably due to inexperience. But we've tried a couple more times now and it's definitely getting better. The problem is that I simply can't orgasm!

I do masturbate (but never inserted fingers till now), so I can get myself off only from clitoral stimulation though. It's kinda frustrating the both of us because he tries so hard but I never get there. There's been close calls but I always end up losing it right before I can let go. He usually tries to give me a g-spot orgasm by fingering and at first I was holding back because I felt embarrassed whenever I had that "urge to pee" sensation (or even squirting) but I somewhat bypassed that and tried relaxing more. Sometimes he stimulates my clit too much that it numbs out and it's almost impossible to get a c-spot orgasm instead. Out of all the times we tried, I had maybe 1-2 orgasms and they were pretty weak... Like a brief rush, twitch and I'm done.

I asked a friend about it and she said that I think too much... It's slowly improving because I told him not to make it the main and not focus on getting me there but just making me feel good so that it just happens. So far no luck. Is this just a mental thing??

Last edited by Power Cosmic; May 3rd 2011 at 04:41 PM. Reason: Adding a pg-13 tag
   
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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 2nd 2011, 04:28 AM

Some people just can't orgasm from oral sex. Why don't you continue to try and experiment with different touches, penetration + oral, and etc. to see what works for you? The important thing is to relax and have fun with it. Many women feel what seems like an urge to urinate right before they have a g-spot orgasm. Go to the bathroom beforehand and empty out your bladder before you play so that you are sure you don't have to pee. Some women who can and do ejaculate say it's common to feel as if you need to go, but in order to reach that point you need to relax completely and let yourself go instead of tensing up. It takes a lot of trust between you and your partner to be comfortable enough. Perhaps talking to your partner about this and doing some of your own research can help you understand better.


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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 2nd 2011, 08:25 AM

I can't orgasm from oral sex either. It's not uncommon, just have to explore your options and try new things.


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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 2nd 2011, 11:54 AM

I've never orgasmed from oral sex. A lot of people don't ~ it's not that uncommon. The more you feel pressured to orgasm, the less likely it will happen. Try not to focus on orgasming, just concentrate on how good it feels and remind yourself that if you don't come, it doesn't matter.


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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 2nd 2011, 02:29 PM

It's very rare to have an orgasm from oral sex. I know I have a problem having an orgasm from oral sex alone. Lot's of girls can't even reach the big O with intercourse either. It's not uncommon.











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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 2nd 2011, 09:04 PM

I used to not be able to orgasm from oral sex, until I met my boyfriend. He was simply able to find hot spots I never knew I had. Since then I've been able to have very strong oral orgasms, whereas before I wouldn't even get close.

If you're having weak orgasms, I think you're probably able to have oral orgasms but you haven't found what is right for you yet. You probably are thinking too much, and relaxing will help. Try different touches and techniques. Think about what you do with your fingers, what pressure you use, and try to have him mimic that with his tongue. You can probably get there, it just might take a little patience and experimentation. If you can't, that's okay too; many women can't orgasm from oral. But stick to it a little longer and see if you can.


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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 3rd 2011, 01:11 AM

Yeah my neither my gf or I can orgasm due to oral, but like the others have said its just finding what you really like and being comfortable.


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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 3rd 2011, 05:44 AM

@Angel:
Quote:
in order to reach that point you need to relax completely and let yourself go instead of tensing up
That definitely sounds like a factor~ I've been relaxing more than before, but when I get that pressure feeling (I guess I'm about to have a g-spot orgasm?) I do tense up. Either from trying too hard to achieve it, or holding back because of embarrassment if I ejaculate.

@ShannonPants: Really? =O As you've also said, I've heard that it's more difficult for women to orgasm during intercourse (because your clitoris isn't being stimulated) and most of the time not go all the way since it's apparently not such a big deal, knowing it's harder for us to reach that state. Or they just result to faking it. Like either the girl finishes first or it's pretty much done once the guy is.

@Superstar: Yea the orgasms are not super strong as I expect from a g-spot one. And it doesn't reach the clitoral one I get when I masturbate either. The latter not like WOAH mind-blowing lol, but still feels good with the contractions, rush and spasm in the hips. I'm hoping I can get there with him in the future whether with foreplay or intercourse or that'd just seem to hurt his confidence doesn't it?

Thank you for the feedback everyone!
   
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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 3rd 2011, 03:05 PM

I had no idea that a lot of people can't orgasm orally, I've never had a problem with it. But like others have said, I think you need to try and relax a bit more. You told your boyfriend just to concentrate on making you feel good but maybe you're still overthinking it. Try not to focus on "getting there" but instead focus on how it feels and tell your boyfriend when he's doing something right. Everyone's different and there's nothing wrong with telling him to "move up a bit" or "left a bit more" he'll probably appreciate the advice. Overall just relax and enjoy it, if it happens then great. If not, you can always try again next time.



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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 4th 2011, 01:51 AM

Maybe this is a little too blunt, but protecting his confidence isn't going to get you off. Now that doesn't mean you have to tell him "you're doing it wrong," but it means that it's good not to be afraid of giving suggestions and tips when what he is doing isn't working. If he's stuck on the same motion and it's getting you nowhere, why don't you say "Here, let's try it this way," for example. If he gets hurt, remember that it's not your problem, first of all. Second of all, reassure him that you appreciate his efforts and that he has come a long way, but that you just haven't found what quite gets you off yet and it might take some more experimenting. This way you can be more apt to get what you want without blowing him to smithereens.


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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 4th 2011, 09:37 AM

Every body is different. Literally. Some women can only reach that high peak of pleasure through internal stimulation. Others, however can only get up there with stimulation of the clitoris. It all depends on how your built.
When your boyfriend is down there, also make sure your relaxed before he starts.
Before-hand, try some fore-play. Enhance the mood a bit. Get yourselves both really, really into it.
Try some light touching. Run your fingers all over him, and his over yours while making out. Occasionally touch eachothers "zones" and then pull away.
This rush of anticipation will get you both all hot and bothered.
Being in a relaxed atmosphere helps, as well. Lay in a comfortable area and have him massage you a bit to relax your muscles.
Tell him not to rush it; He's gotta take his time.
Good luck!
   
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Re: Can't Orgasm from Oral - May 5th 2011, 12:12 AM

You have alot of good advice on here, from relaxing more to telling him what feels good. It's only been a few times, you may need to try some more before you give up. Working through the "need to pee" feeling can also help. Try both penetration and clitoris stimulation at the same time, that feels good for alot of women. Also you can use google to find some tips I bet both of you would find useful.
The only thing I'm not sure I agree with is that Shannon said it's rare to orgasm during oral. While I think its common to have problems getting off, I wouldnt say its rare. I'm obviously no expert though. It is common to have problems, my bf said I was the first girl to be able to get him off through oral, and I was quite flattered since he'd had quite a few girls (lots) and I'd only been with one other guy.
Anywho, Good luck and have fun!!!


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