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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lost_Confused Offline
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Question ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 12th 2011, 10:22 PM

Right now I'm sitting at my computer, basically naked with a timer. Apparently I have to have no bra on for 40 minutes, to not get spanked tomorrow. (Trust me, it's happened.) I don't really remember how it got to this. First it was the sweater, cuz it's like 90 degrees in here, then almost everything else came off. O.O And now he's in the shower (Probably jacking off, I'm pretty sure he's had a boner for at least an hour and a half ) and I have a blanket.

My question is: If someone pressures you to do something, to "help you come out of your shell", then do they really love you? Because he's said he loves me, and I really do love him and I would want to "be with him", but I just hate my body, so I don't want him to see it. But he wants to, and kinda sorta pressures me to do things. Like, he gropes me, and wants to fully -around the clothes- touch me. Or have me take off pretty much everything, and let him see -everything-. Or to have me suck his finger. (I'm pretty sure it's to see how "good" I am..) He asks what I'm afraid of, cuz I won't show him my boobs, but I'm just uncomfortable with my chest, I just don't like it for some reason.

Ah i guess this was kind of a rant, but I really do want to know. I don't think if someone really cared they'd pressure you, but he's helped me out so much, pretty much saved my life, and I love him. I want to be with him, but .... I don't know..
   
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 12th 2011, 10:35 PM

Hey Nika,

Well, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do...whether he tells you he loves you or not. I think it's great that he's helping you come out of your shell and to become comfortable with yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to do what he asks you to do. It is pressure, and it's not exactly a good thing to be pressured into things you don't feel like doing.

Tell him no, and that when your ready, things will happen. If he continues to push, you just need to continue to be firm. If your talking about being with him all the way, there are ways to cover your chest, such as wearing a shirt and such.











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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Lost_Confused Offline
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 12th 2011, 10:39 PM

Yeah I thought so, thanks.

I doubt he'd let me wear a shirt, he's determined to see/touch my chest.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 12th 2011, 10:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost_Confused View Post
Yeah I thought so, thanks.

I doubt he'd let me wear a shirt, he's determined to see/touch my chest.
That's when you say no. If your feeling that insecure about your chest, which is absolutely normal; I'm still self-concious of my body even though my boyfriend has seen me naked numerous times. My chest isn't the greatest, in fact, I absolutely hate them. But, my boyfriend makes me feel better because he gives them extra attention sometimes.

But, you don't have to comply with what he wants. If he really loves you, he'd be willing to wait until your ready to move forward; without adding any pressure.











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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 12th 2011, 11:01 PM

Applying a little pressure to your partner isn't incompatible with loving and respecting them. In fact, placing a little pressure on them to try out something new can be entirely healthy. Obviously he should be careful: push only gently, and be prepared to back off. Constant nagging isn't cool. Threats of physical or emotional abuse are especially not cool. But threatening you with a spanking, when you apparently enjoy being spanked? Healthy and fun. By pushing you to work through your body issues like this, he's encouraging you to become a happier, more confident person. The same applies to new sexual activities: a little pressure, gently applied and taken off if necessary, can help people discover kinks and new favourite activities that they didn't know they had.

Thing is, I don't understand the idea that everyone must be totally comfortable with every sexual act they try out. Reasonably comfortable, yes, and ideally within the context of some kind of mutually respectful relationship. But complete comfort is impossible to achieve, and in any case not desirable. Think back to, say, the first time you had sex. Your first kiss, even. At a guess, I'd say you weren't entirely comfortable. I'd guess that you were nervous, not sure whether you were doing it right, wondering whether you'd like it. But that's why those experiences are so memorable. Being just a little scared is what makes those experiences so much fun.



   
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 13th 2011, 12:19 AM

Ah, I get what you mean. I've heard before that putting pressure on someone means you don't care, so that's why I wasn't exactly sure.

Thanks
   
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 14th 2011, 01:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShannonPants View Post
Hey Nika,

Well, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do...whether he tells you he loves you or not. I think it's great that he's helping you come out of your shell and to become comfortable with yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to do what he asks you to do. It is pressure, and it's not exactly a good thing to be pressured into things you don't feel like doing.

Tell him no, and that when your ready, things will happen. If he continues to push, you just need to continue to be firm. If your talking about being with him all the way, there are ways to cover your chest, such as wearing a shirt and such.
I strongly agree with this post.
If he really loves you he will try to find new ways to make you feel better about yourself. He may say he loves you but I don't think that this tipe of pressure means love.


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are nothing at all if our aims are
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2000, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore


Talk to me anytime, I'm here for you!
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 14th 2011, 03:50 AM

Yeah, he's been trying to get me to feel better about myself, and to say good things about my body everyday, and when I can't think of anything he says something for me. But I just don't like how my body looks. (I'm a recovering anorexic, so I'm always thinking I'm fat, and my boobs are too small. Too much information? Sorry. XP)
   
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 14th 2011, 04:24 AM

No offence, but I don't see how him pressuring you into doing all of that is going to make you feel better about yourself. If he really cares and loves you, he wouldn't be so forceful. He should be holding off until you are ready, or at least respecting your boundaries.


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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 14th 2011, 04:24 AM

Hey there!

Honestly, I don't think that he really loves you. Well, he might. You need to be up front and honest with him about what you're comfortable with. If he loves you, he will respect that. You just need to be strong. I know from my past that guys who say they really love me are lying if it seems all they want is sex. I'm not saying that that guy is like that. I'm more or less saying that it's a STRONG possibility. I think your best bet is to tell him what you're uncomfortable with. Also, I think you should try and do other things besides sexual things to see if he really is interested in more than sex. Good luck! <3


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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 14th 2011, 04:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acheron View Post
Applying a little pressure to your partner isn't incompatible with loving and respecting them. In fact, placing a little pressure on them to try out something new can be entirely healthy. Obviously he should be careful: push only gently, and be prepared to back off. Constant nagging isn't cool. Threats of physical or emotional abuse are especially not cool. But threatening you with a spanking, when you apparently enjoy being spanked? Healthy and fun. By pushing you to work through your body issues like this, he's encouraging you to become a happier, more confident person. The same applies to new sexual activities: a little pressure, gently applied and taken off if necessary, can help people discover kinks and new favourite activities that they didn't know they had.

Thing is, I don't understand the idea that everyone must be totally comfortable with every sexual act they try out. Reasonably comfortable, yes, and ideally within the context of some kind of mutually respectful relationship. But complete comfort is impossible to achieve, and in any case not desirable. Think back to, say, the first time you had sex. Your first kiss, even. At a guess, I'd say you weren't entirely comfortable. I'd guess that you were nervous, not sure whether you were doing it right, wondering whether you'd like it. But that's why those experiences are so memorable. Being just a little scared is what makes those experiences so much fun.
As is pretty common, I agree with Acheron. So Here - you have the same post from 2 people.

Enjoy the re-advice, it's good stuff.


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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 15th 2011, 12:47 AM

Hahaha thanks guys.

Yeah, we've cuddled and stuff, and we haven't actually really talked about having actual sex, but he's been wanting to see more and more of my body. And we make sex jokes, but we haven't actually really discussed having sex.
   
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Re: ...Wow. I don't really know how to came to this.. - May 24th 2011, 04:30 AM

just because hes pressuring you doesnt mean he doesnt love you...it can be a little hard to control yourself when you get...excited...tell him how you feel and talk about you insacurities (<--im very bad at spelling) and tell him you feel like hes pressuring you. dont let him do anything you arent ready for...because youll end up regretting it...


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Last edited by toxxxic21; May 24th 2011 at 05:43 AM.
   
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