Non-PG13: No sex = cheating?

[Hallelujah]

Guys.

So. I'm depressed. I hate the sight of myself in the mirror and my antidepressants make me sick. I haven't had sex with my fella in like 2+ months. I know it's bad, and everyone else I've mentioned it to has just said get over myself and just do it to keep him happy.

He's being weird with me. Like, I get the feeling he's lying to me sometimes. I trust him, I really do. He says he's cool with it and all but I'm not so sure.

But guys, if this was you, what would you think?

Would you be tempted to cheat?

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

no, I would stay faithful because sex is NOT everything. I am a virgin and plan to KEEP it this way until marriage, matter of fact. All of this NOT to judge you, but to say that it is NOT everything that makes a relationship.

[PlayingPretend]

I'm not a guy, but personally, it would depend, and by that I don't mean I would cheat. I would never cheat - would never dream of it - but if I'm to be 110% honest, there would be a limit for me.

You say that it's down to depression and to body image issues. I think I'd be willing to be patient for however long if you were trying to work through those issues. If you decided that that was the way it was going to be, if you weren't putting any effort into changing, if you didn't at least try and work towards growing with me in the relationship (as I believe working through an individual's issues causes you to do), then I think the relationship would start to lack for me. It wouldn't necessarily be about the sex - sex isn't everything - but more about the fact you weren't willing to change or grow, which are important qualities to me in any relationship, be it sexually or otherwise. I would break-up with the person before I would cheat, though, but being with someone who settled on "it is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it" would likely make the relationship nothing but one perpetual cycle.

[A Lady]

I would never cheat, and I don't think that any guy who really loves the woman they are with would cheat.
I think that as long as you keep the communication between you open, and you still show your afection towards him in other ways, it will be okay.
Let him know what you are going through and also let him help you overcome this issues! I'm sure that if your love is real, this will make your relationship stronger.

[Acheron]

Might come as a surprise, but cheating doesn't sit well with me. I wouldn't do it even if I wasn't getting laid. Although admittedly the possibility of that happening is part of why I don't do relationships. But on a harsher note, I'd probably just dump a girl who did that instead of cheating on her. There are some people who are willing to tolerate a girlfriend with self-esteem too low to have sex. They're probably better people than I am. But I don't think anyone would be entirely cool with it. And obviously enough, your boyfriend isn't me, so my opinion on cheating may well not be his. If you're getting a gut feeling that he isn't being straight with you, you may well be right.

[Aletheia*]

Hey there,

I agree with everyone else. If you trust him, why think about it? There might be something else going on with him to make him act strangely with you.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

I've cheated with many girlfriends but for this I wouldn't, instead I'd just leave. I wouldn't leave simply due to the lack of sex, rather the low self-esteem you have would affect all components of the relationship not just the sex component. That's not a kind of relationship I want, carries too much baggage for me.

[Smitten]

If this were me and I were in his situation, I would think you were cheating.
I think most guys would cheat in that situation - Personally, I would sooner end the relationship than cheat.

[Atlantis]

Originally Posted by Smitten

If this were me and I were in his situation, I would think you were cheating.
I think most guys would cheat in that situation - Personally, I would sooner end the relationship than cheat.

Thats what i was thinking.. Hes prolly acting weird because deep down you arent showing him fully that you love him. Sex isn't everything, but if your having a really great sex life and then nothing thats something.

I guess you have to ask yourself is it that you dont want to have sex with your partner or is it that you dont want to have sex.

I would never cheat, but if i'm with someone that doesnt want to make love and doesnt give what i need to feel good about the relationship how is it going to work?

If your really not into sex, let him know for how long and make up for it in other ways, (not to say other sexual stuff but emotionally be there for them as well as yourself)

[CubanitaChica]

I would stay with you if I was truly in love with you and if not end the relationship but remain friends to support you. There is no excuse for cheating, if you dont want to be with that person then dont be with them. Let him know that it isnt something he did wrong and it doesnt have to do with you not liking him, sit him down and hve a heart to heart, sex is only one part of a relationship

[Hallelujah]

I haven't just totally ignored him. I've helped him out in 'other' ways. And I've explained it all to him and told him that I still love him more than life itself.
He is my fiance, and we've been together almost 5 years, so I would've thought he'd be able to cope, but I feel something isn't right. Maybe it's me. The prozac makes me weird.

[Power Cosmic]

Thing is, if you've just stared your meds, they can play merry havoc with your emotions.. and by just started, I mean in the last month and a half.

As to your question itself...well thing is, he might just feel that you don't care about him anymore. Even if you've helped him out other ways, it can still make a guy feel...well, rejected in a way. And whilst it's certainly possible that' he's lost patience and stuff, I would say not to jump to any conclusions as of yet, since that might just make things worse.

Also, if your meds are making you sick, and it's been a while since you were on them, maybe talk to your doctor about it and he or she can change you to some different ones?

[Smitten]

I'm hoping you didn't stop your meds cold turkey and without doctor permission...

I agree with the above posters - regardless of how you have helped him out in other ways, losing the sexual component triggers a almost primal subconscious reaction. (atleast in me, and most guys I know - but that's a small sample size) A reaction which makes us distance ourselves from our mate both emotionally and physically in an attempt to stop feeling for them and move on to "more fertile hunting grounds."

It sucks, but the sex is what glues the emotions in place - the longer you go without adding more glue, the weaker the bond gets.

[Revolution]

You shouldn't have sex with him just to keep him happy. If he's cheating on you because you're having a rough time and you're not in the mood, he's the one with the problem. I would talk to him. If you trust him, and think you guys are meant to be, then he should be supportive.