College Student Having Trouble With Hookups! FUH-REAL.

[Skyler]

Hey guys! So, I'm a really smart, pretty good lookin, healthy dude going to a bigg college. Sexy girls are EVERYWHERE. Like literally, down my hallway, in the laundry room, in my classes, walkin around outside.. EVERYWHERE.
I can get along great with just about anyone, really. Girls And guys, adults, sorority/frat people, scenesters, teachers, professionals, hippies.. whatever.
So WHYYYY is it so difficult for me to find "sexual chemistry"?
It's just so odd to me that it doesn't happen very often at ALL for me, yet I really do think about finding a nice partner pretty much every single day.
Can someone help me figure out what I'm doing/not doing?

[Magic.]

I've pretty much always been in that situation, and still am now. I have had 3 boyfriends though, and every single time I met them at a point in my life where I'd just said to myself "F it, I give up, I'm just gonna have fun and not even think about love". Then BAM it happens. Personally I think the best way to find someone is to just have fun being you and stop focussing on it, it'll happen when you least expect it!

[Aletheia*]

You probably just put yourself in the 'friend zone' and can't get out of it. You need to make your interest known early on before getting into the 'friend zone' and it becomes too late. You will have lots of more opportunities to do so in college.

[TheBabyEater]

Maybe girls would be more attracted to someone in college that didn't say things like. Well. "Fuh real" or jokes about penis size.
Just a suggestion.

[Acheron]

First thing: Bryden's advice only works if you're a girl. As a guy, you can't expect girls to come to you.

Anyway, the problem is that there's a difference between getting on with people and getting them into bed. What you've got is a great start. You seem like you're confident enough to go up and talk to anyone, and really, that's the most important thing. But your conversations are drifting into friendly territory, not guiding girls back to your room. The trick is to act like someone who's already getting laid a lot.

How do you do that? Well, you act like you aren't afraid to lose her, because you can have another girl just as good. That means that she has to impress you, so make her jump through a few hoops. Metaphorically, obviously. Tease her, even to the point of insulting her. If she asks testing questions, don't give her a straight answer. Touch her early on, and escalate throughout the conversation. And if you can somehow get yourself a reputation as a player, it'll do wonders for you.

[Skyler]

Thanks Bryden, and thanks Acheron. Those were both great perspectives.

Marissa.. excuse my being slightly offended at your playful jab, but I really didn't come here to get laid. My vernacular is much more I dunno.. personally colloquial than what I would use with potential hookups. However, clearly what I've BEEN doing hasn't really worked, so thanks for the suggestion. Let me just go dance for cupcakes now. ;J

[Retrospect]

Originally Posted by Acheron

First thing: Bryden's advice only works if you're a girl. As a guy, you can't expect girls to come to you.

Anyway, the problem is that there's a difference between getting on with people and getting them into bed. What you've got is a great start. You seem like you're confident enough to go up and talk to anyone, and really, that's the most important thing. But your conversations are drifting into friendly territory, not guiding girls back to your room. The trick is to act like someone who's already getting laid a lot.

How do you do that? Well, you act like you aren't afraid to lose her, because you can have another girl just as good. That means that she has to impress you, so make her jump through a few hoops. Metaphorically, obviously. Tease her, even to the point of insulting her. If she asks testing questions, don't give her a straight answer. Touch her early on, and escalate throughout the conversation. And if you can somehow get yourself a reputation as a player, it'll do wonders for you.

You seem a very shallow person. The best reationships develop from friendships and I can say this with confidence from personal experience. It is completely unneccessary to act as if you 'could have another girl just as good'. I would argue that it is actually unattractive.

Your advice will only atract girls who are interested in sex alone as opposed to those who are interested in finding a loving long-term and commited relationship. The sex is so much better within the context of a mature reationship, where both partners are secure and happy enough with each other to talk about anything, to have long discussions into the night and to fall asleep in each others arms knowing that the other person is going to be there no matter what. That is the kind of relationship that brings a sense of true happiness within life.

But perhaps you are not mature enough to understand that.

[Magic.]

I didn't mean I wait and they come to me ... but yes girls probably have it easier than guys :/ What I meant was more if you stop looking I think you're more likely to randomly find someone. Both of the last two guys I've dated I approached just as friends and things just unfolded from there ... girls approaching guys :O hahaha
Also, agreeing with Acheron, if all you want is hook ups. It works both ways, playing not bothered works pretty well. Guys / girls will try really hard to be the best option you have, bonus is probably means they really want to get with you.

[Acheron]

There seems to be an assumption that my advice will only lead to hookups. Not entirely true. Assuming you can get repeat business from your hookups (not all, but some), you can create a stable of casual relationships. From there, you can turn one of your girls into a girlfriend, although it'd mean losing your others.

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

Originally Posted by Acheron

There seems to be an assumption that my advice will only lead to hookups. Not entirely true. Assuming you can get repeat business from your hookups (not all, but some), you can create a stable of casual relationships. From there, you can turn one of your girls into a girlfriend, although it'd mean losing your others.

I'm not sure if this is the best approach though. I've only made out with or had sex with guys I've dated. My boyfriend used to hook-up with girls a lot & his explanation was simply what you descried: hoping that someone he makes out with will end up being his girlfriend. He never got a girlfriend that way & now that we're dating, he regrets those hook-ups, just as I hate that he was with so many girls. Although it seems okay in the moment with good intentions, it will come back to bite you in the ass later.