Is it just me or is this normal?

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

Are there times where you just don't feel like being touched in a sexual way?

I would think this is normal, but the way my boyfriend keeps going on about it, I just want other opinions.

Last night, for example, we were just laying on his bed basically napping & he kept trying to touch me in certain areas & I just kept shoving his hand away telling him no. At one point, I seriously just flipped out & yelled at him to stop it. Then he got all serious & kept asking if I've been raped before or something. I just don't see how he can make an assumption like that just because I wasn't in the mood.

[Aletheia*]

He made that assumption because most people who HAVE been raped in the past don't do well in sexual situations or like to be touched in general.

I think it's normal for some people. For me, I like the affectionate touching my boyfriend gives me when we sleep or nap or when we are just lying in bed together watching TV's and movies. But, everyone is different and prefers thing to be a certain way sometimes. If you don't like being touched in sexual ways when you aren't in the mood, explain it to him and it doesn't mean that you were raped in your past.

[Angel]

It's perfectly fine for you not wanting to be touched. Sometimes we're just not in that mood.

The next time tell him to piss off or else you'll kick him out of bed. Problem solved. :)

[PlayingPretend]

He shouldn't have required being yelled at for it to stop, in my opinion, but that aside, regardless of my past, there are simply some times I'm not in the mood and don't want to have anything fondled. I would not want someone trying to touch my breasts, for example, during cuddling; hell, I even shy away from making out or neck kisses at some points because I don't want them to lead into something more unless it's been explicitly stated that I'm not in the mood for sex at that moment. I dunno. I think it's entirely normal to not want it at certain times. Some people would love to be woken up or brought up from a nap with that kind of a thing, and a lot wouldn't; it's down to preference, really.

[Saphire]

this sounds like my night last night haha
its normal to not always want to be touched like that, like yesterday i just really wasnt in the mood and kept pushing my boyfriend's hand away, then there will be other times (most times) where i'll like it.
it all just depends on your mood so it's normal don't worry

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

Originally Posted by ShannonPants

He made that assumption because most people who HAVE been raped in the past don't do well in sexual situations or like to be touched in general.

I think it's normal for some people. For me, I like the affectionate touching my boyfriend gives me when we sleep or nap or when we are just lying in bed together watching TV's and movies. But, everyone is different and prefers thing to be a certain way sometimes. If you don't like being touched in sexual ways when you aren't in the mood, explain it to him and it doesn't mean that you were raped in your past.

I don't mind some touching, but when we're just laying there & he starts groping out of nowhere, then I have a problem. Not necessarily all the time, but that particular time, I had told him I wasn't in the mood, because I'm irritated down there & can't have sex even if I wanted to. & I think what really bugged me was that it's not the first time he's asked if I've been raped. I've never had anything of the sort happen to me before & I don't appreciate him throwing the question around like that.

Originally Posted by Angel

It's perfectly fine for you not wanting to be touched. Sometimes we're just not in that mood.

The next time tell him to piss off or else you'll kick him out of bed. Problem solved.

Haha this made me laugh. He'd probably pull me off the bed with him.

[Le bonheur*]

It's normal. And I go through the same thing at some points and it's REALLY annoying.

[Heartlines.]

There are loads of times that I don't want to be touched, and I just want to lay there and cuddle. It's quite common for people not to be turned on all the time. And it's also common for couples to not be turned on at the same time.

I think it was great that you told him know, and you asserted yourself by being firm when he didn't listen. The assumption he made makes sense, as people sometimes refuse sexual things because they've been raped. What he is failing to realize is that sometimes people just aren't in the mood for sex, and there doesn't have to be a reason. It is what it is. I would explain to him that you haven't been raped (if you haven't), and that you would like him to respect you when you tell him no, or if you're just not in the mood. Don't be afraid to tell him how it is. Tell him that what happened made you upset, and that when you say no, you mean no!

[bitesize]

Yeah, lowwwwdz. You're completely normal. Sometimes guys, especially young guys find it hard to imagine that a girl might simply just..not be in the mood, so that's probably why he assumed it was something much more drastic.

[Ellie]

Yuuup, it's completely normal and nothing wrong with not being in the mood. It's pretty much the same as when you don't fancy doing anything else that you usually enjoy.

[LittleMiss]

I get that sometimes, especially if I'm tired or my health is not great and all I want to do is sleep. Sometimes I don't want cuddles either because my boyfriend is very warm and I don't like my bed getting too hot because then I have to take all the covers off!

[Peppermint Tea.♥]

Completely normal. As others have said, some people don't mind it and others, like you (and me) have times where they just don't want to be touched. I think the best you can do is explain where your boundaries lie, and also explain that if you say no you mean no.

When he's asking whether you've been raped, he could just be asking because you've said no and he feels he needs a reason (which he doesn't) or he is actually worried that you have been. Either way, try and have a chat (where touching isn't involved, so not in bed or after he's tried something) explaining how nothing has happened.

[HeartofanAngel]

Everyone has different types of stress and situations that affect their sex drive so do not fret! Its perfectly normal to not always want to engage in sexual activities. We cant always be like rabbits or how would anything ever get done! If your boyfriend continues on like its a problem though, you should definitely talk it through with him before it turns into something much much bigger. If you have any other questions let me know and good luck!

[WaywardGirl]

Totally normal. You should definitely push him out of the bed next time. :P

[HeartofanAngel]

Originally Posted by WaywardGirl

Totally normal. You should definitely push him out of the bed next time. :P

Hehe I like this idea!

[lyinginside]

i get like that. specially when i'm tired and in bed and youjust wanna sleep in can be really annoying. it's normal to not wanna be touched all the time.