Threesomes in a two-person relationship?

[Ambiance]

So, I asked my partner a while back how he would feel if I asked him if he fancied a threesome (with another girl). He's always been a little uncomfortable about me being bicurious, so he thought it was like a ploy to experiment with a girl while I was still with him. That's exactly what it was xD I've never been with a girl before, and I've thought about it, but it wouldn't be anything about having feelings for the girl or anything. Anyway, he made a typical guy-joke a couple weeks ago regarding something of the nature, and I said, "Well, I OFFERED and you said no," and he was all like, "What?? No, that's cool, I'm down!" But we haven't had any serious conversations about it again, I'm still not sure how I feel about it, I'd probably get jealous xD

Anyway, I've heard of girls giving their boyfriends threesome surprises and such before, assuming they have friends that are cool with that. I see where there could be complications with this, but I also see where it could just be a fun experience if all the emotional boundaries were kept in place.

Anyone had any experiences with threesomes in a relationship? Threesomes without a relationship? What were the outcomes, would you do it again?

[ReluctantPegasister]

Well, I haven't had the experience... but I was the mystical third person in the equation- that is, I was offered to have a threesome with my best friend and her girlfriend. I was fifteen or so and a virgin and was really upset by the thought that
a) It wouldn't be for me, with anyone I loved,
b) eventually the relationship would exclude me and,
c) my best friend didn't seem to care that this could possibly hurt me.

As the third person in the equation my feelings were really hurt. They didn't want to date me, they wanted me to be their kink. And they kept pressuring me about it.

It was an awful experience that we all have tried to forget about. And we didn't even get to have the sex!

[QuantumModulus]

I regret, in light of my answering your question, that I don't have any experience with threesomes or something similar -- but I do know friends who have gone through with it while in a committed relationship, and my advice is to only go through with something of that magnitude when both you and your boyfriend are absolutely sure that you want to do it, and that you will minimize the possibility of jealousy or other problems arising in the future. Even during the act, one of you may (or, rather, most likely will) feel left-out, and resentment may bubble to the surface. Definitely not something to do if there's a shred of doubt or hesitance.

[Magic.]

I have very nearly done it several times, with a boyfriend and trying to find another girl. Every time the girl has backed out at the last moment. But it is something I would do and hope I can in the future. I would say if you both want to then go for it, just take care to think of the third person's feelings.

[MacGuffin]

Well, I have had a lot of threesomes in the past few years, but instead of being in a two-person relationship, I am in a three-person relationship. However, no matter how many people are in the relationship, the same feelings still apply. For example, about six months ago, my boyfriend and then-girlfriend (they date each other as well as me, hence the three person relationship) brought in a fourth person to have sex with. Basically, same principle applies. I was definitely uncomfortable with the idea. While I liked the girl in question and did want to have sex with her, I had some reservations about my own relationship. We weren't exactly on solid ground because I'd been having a lot of emotional struggles as of late, and was more prone to feel insecure when it came to my boyfriend and other partners, especially ones other than my girlfriend, because they were new and scary and I didn't know their intentions.

In the end, we did have the foursome with her, and while I won't say I regretted it, I do wish we had waited a bit to do it. Though my partners tried to reassure me beforehand it was okay, I still had feelings of anxiety arise when I saw my boyfriend begin to kiss the new girl. I tried to push those feelings away, because I wanted to have fun, but my anxiety came out in my clinging to my girlfriend, which she resented because she didn't get to have as much fun as she wanted. And it WAS fun, don't get me wrong; it's just that it wasn't the best time to do it.

That said, my advice if you are planning to have a threesome in your relationships is the following:

- First, make sure everyone is on board with the idea. Make sure everyone knows what the general guidelines and expectations are for the threesome. This can include both physical and emotional boundaries. That means you need to collaborate on what you and your partner want, and that the third person agrees with it. This has to be an experience that everyone is comfortable with, or else it won't work.
- Be sure to choose someone that both you and your partner are okay with. Preferably, it should be someone you have both known a little while so it's not just a stranger (I've had stranger threesomes and they really aren't good for a first time experience). Even if both of you don't know the person, at least make sure one of you is familiar with them and the other knows of their existence.
- Be in an emotionally stable place as individuals. Make sure your relationship is on solid ground, too. Throwing another person into the mix when things are rocky is almost never a good idea.
- Address any insecurities you might have about the idea with your partner. Realize that just because you are bringing in someone else doesn't mean your partner loves or cares for you less. It's more of a physical thing that is supposed to be a thrill for you both. If you fear your insecurities will taint the experience, then wait to do it until you are BOTH completely ready and have a good understanding about what is going to happen.
- Give yourself permission to ask to stop/stop at any time if you are uncomfortable (this includes granting others the right to stop, too). One of the worst things you can do is infringe on your own personal boundaries and avoid your feelings because you don't want to ruin everyone else's fun. Trust me, you will resent it and your partner later if you don't.
- You are the partner in this relationship. That means you should have a final say in what goes on. If your partner doesn't agree with this, maybe it isn't a good idea to go ahead with it.
- Have fun and be safe.

[Jaguar]

Jordan offers the best advice I can think of. If you want to have a threesome by far the best way is with someone you both know and like. Being intimate with someone and having sex with them is a high-stress way to get to know someone, especially if it's your first experience at having sex with more than one person at a time.

My experience was with my gf and her best friend (whom I had also dated once a long time before). We got snowed in and all slept together. After that it was a once it a while thing.

Since your bf is insecure about your bisexuality tell him that he will always be the man in your life and if you did have feelings for a girl it would be something completely different and wouldn't diminish in any way the way you feel about him. My gf told me something like that and helped a lot.

Since you're apprehensive, it would definitely be good to check out the 3rd partner ahead of time to make sure you like her, and if possible have sex with her before the three of you get together. I think the affection that the three people have toward each other is very important if they're all in bed with each other.

Be patient and look for signs among your friends and people you meet that they would be open to it. Make sure she understands you can stop anytime anybody wants and if it only happens once it doesn't mean she did something wrong. And good luck.

[Ambiance]

^ I actually thought of sleeping with the girl first if we did try anything, considering I've had no experience with a girl before. Yet, I think the real issue might be that, even though he thinks girl/girl action is hot, he to some extent views it as all the same since I'm a little sexually inclined to girls and just a chance for me to be with someone else. The idea behind it for me was really that we would both get to have a bit of fun, and it would probably be a one-time thing. The first person that comes to mind is a mutual friend that, isn't slutty per say, but just very open to new experiences. I know via regular conversations that she finds both of us attractive, but I've had issues in the past with seeing her flirt with him, so that would probably be a bad option for me. I have another friend who I think is pretty hot, and she's solidly bisexual, but that seems like such an awkward thing to proposition! Lol. I would definately want to make sure that everyone gets a near equal amount of attention, too.

I know details are pretty much forbidden, but like, how do these things usually get started? I would think that the two girls would probably pay a bit of attention to each other for a bit, which most guys would find hot, and then oh boy he gets to join in, which is even hotter. Is it strange if no one actually has intercourse? And, really, how do you talk to the third person about something like that?

[MacGuffin]

Well, ask yourself first if what you are really doing is just trying to get with a girl. If it isn't, all you can really do is try and talk to your boyfriend and help him see that this is about you wanting to have fun with him. And if he is still uncomfortable with it, you should probably hold off for a while. And if it is the case, you may want to think about what's driving your desire to be with a girl, and if it's a solid one where you need to be able to express your feelings for women, and not just out of curiosity or experimentation, you may need to rethink the relationship you are in. In either one of those scenarios, though, hold off.

Honestly, things can get started a number of ways. In my experience it is usually when two of the three people start being affectionate towards each other (this often starts with being affectionate with the third person so they feel included from the beginning, but that doesn't have to be the case). Usually the third person will then (hopefully) join in. Kissing is usually a good place to start with this. It's not as high pressure as more sexual things, and everyone can ease into it.

The best way to go about it that I've found, though, is to much sure EVERYONE is included, especially if it's the first time. That means do not let two of you pair off (unless the other person explicitly wants to watch, and by watch I mean have an extra interest in it, not withdrawn because they are experiencing anxious feelings or insecurity or hurt). Involve everyone. Even if two of you are having sex, make sure the other person is still involved somehow (I won't go into detail here, but I am sure you can think of something). That way everyone feels equally wanted and appreciated, and the experience feels more open.

And no, it's not weird if you don't have sex. A threesome does not mean you have to have sex, and if people are not totally on board with the idea, then don't do it. Just do what's comfortable for all of you and go from there.

[thinkingandage]

Originally Posted by Superstar

Well, ask yourself first if what you are really doing is just trying to get with a girl. If it isn't, all you can really do is try and talk to your boyfriend and help him see that this is about you wanting to have fun with him. And if he is still uncomfortable with it, you should probably hold off for a while. And if it is the case, you may want to think about what's driving your desire to be with a girl, and if it's a solid one where you need to be able to express your feelings for women, and not just out of curiosity or experimentation, you may need to rethink the relationship you are in. In either one of those scenarios, though, hold off.

Honestly, things can get started a number of ways. In my experience it is usually when two of the three people start being affectionate towards each other (this often starts with being affectionate with the third person so they feel included from the beginning, but that doesn't have to be the case). Usually the third person will then (hopefully) join in. Kissing is usually a good place to start with this. It's not as high pressure as more sexual things, and everyone can ease into it.

The best way to go about it that I've found, though, is to much sure EVERYONE is included, especially if it's the first time. That means do not let two of you pair off (unless the other person explicitly wants to watch, and by watch I mean have an extra interest in it, not withdrawn because they are experiencing anxious feelings or insecurity or hurt). Involve everyone. Even if two of you are having sex, make sure the other person is still involved somehow (I won't go into detail here, but I am sure you can think of something). That way everyone feels equally wanted and appreciated, and the experience feels more open.

And no, it's not weird if you don't have sex. A threesome does not mean you have to have sex, and if people are not totally on board with the idea, then don't do it. Just do what's comfortable for all of you and go from there.

Yup, that's the point.

[Jaguar]

If you have issues with the other girl you mentioned flirting with your bf, how are you going to feel seeing a girl and your bf deep kissing, being naked together, fucking and giving each other orgasms, not to mention you helping her do it? Sex is after all a two-way affair and having 3 people in the bed mostly means that people take turns being two-on one.

Jordan made a good point about making sure no one is left out. If someone appears withdrawn from the activity then it's time to stop, and stopping is ok. Sometimes it's the best thing to do.

You might ease into this by finding something less overtly sexual to do together first such as a sauna together, mutual naked massages or skinny dipping to ease into it.

There are really two ways to do this: a one-time thing where sex is the only interest, and a thing where you build a friendship with someone where sex is a part of it when all of you want it. You might also ask your bf to let you see a girl for a while. A lot of guys are ok to this and you might be surprised. That might satisfy your curiosity and , truly, there are people who need to love more than one person. Then you can ease into a threesome if you want.

There are a lot of feelings involved if you make it a relationship and you have to be careful that everybody is ok with what you do. People have broken up over things like this. Jordan is a good resource since she's in a 3 way relationship, and I'm in a sort of 2 1/2 way relationship since my gf has a gf so you can contact me too.

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

I might consider it one day when I'm married & have a healthy relationship, but it's not something I'd do right now. I would have too much jealousy issues if there was another girl & my boyfriend would be too jealous if there was another guy.