relationship novice

[YouHearMe?]

Hey,

So, I've been dating my girlfriend for about 5 1/2 months...and I'm ecstatic about where we are and the pace our relationship has been moving at.

I'm not looking to take anything to a new level yet or put any pressure on either of us or anything...I've just been wondering how couples go about transitioning beyond 'making out.' Like how that comes around in the relationship. Does one person just say sometime , "hey, how would you feel about _____?" I don't think I'm there yet, but I'd hate to be the one to bring something up and end up freaking her out.

Also, once you do oral or something else sexual, how does that change the relationship?

Any input would be great, personal experiences, what have you. Again, I'm not at that point in the relationship yet, pretty sure she's not either, I just kind of want to be prepared.

Tyler

[Aletheia*]

Very good question!

Here is a little past history: When I was thinking of losing my virginity, I had been dating this guy for, ah....2 months or so. At the time, he was the right person for me and I was ready to accept it. I wanted to take the relationship to the next level. We had made out or whatever, but we had done nothing else sexual. However, on the phone, he asked what I wanted for Valentine's Day, and I blurted out "Sex!". At first, I wasn't serious but after talking about it, I was ready. I lost my virginity on Valentine's Day that year. We began with making out, and it slowly went from there. (I can't go into full detail or give tips since it's against the Code of Conduct for the website).

But, once you've reached the level of adding sex, or it's counterparts, into your relationship, things may change for the better or the worse. It just depends on the relationship itself. If you have a good standing relationship, I doubt it will hurt the relationship, just make sure you don't move too quickly.

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

When I thought I was ready, I talked to my boyfriend at the time about it. Really, it's just about communication.

[Chair]

Moral of the stories... don't bring it up unless she hints A LOT. It is still not acceptable for a guy to do what... say... Shannon did and just say they want sex for valentines, even jokingly. Cute when a girl say it, creepy when a guy say it... and doesn't look like that view is going to change anytime soon.
If you don't wanna risk freaking her out, wait till she hints.

[Lifeblood]

I'm never clear on what 'making out' includes tbh, is it just kissing or also over clothes groping (sorry to put it like that lol!)
If it really is just kissing...me and my bf just took everything slowly, he just kept kinda edging his hand towards whatever he wanted to touch (wow he sounds like a pervert :/). If I didn't want him to I'd just move his hand back to somewhere acceptable and he'd stop til the next time we met up. Basically that tactic extended to under clothes, then removing clothes.
I don't think you should *necessarily* wait for her to hint, she might be awkward or simply not know how, or you may just miss the hints, but only you know her best so your decision on that one.
I think go for it, but very slowly, keep checking if she's OK with it, and if she's not or you even suspect she's not then STOP. Good luck

Edit: Oh btw it would probably be a good idea to let her know you're willing to stop if she doesn't like it, because if she knows that from the beginning she's gonna have a better mindset towards it and be both more confident and relaxed.

[Pelios]

Personally I prefer when my boyfriend takes the lead in all those things. We just go with the flow we don’t set a specific day as to what we do, afterwards we talk about it and what’s the limit.

[MacGuffin]

In my experience things just happen...we'll be making out one day and he'll suddenly cop a feel. It goes through play by play. If he reaches for my boobs and I am not comfortable with it, I say so and we stop there. If the boob grabbing seems okay we may stick with that for a while, or we may go a little farther. Hell, we might even have sex. It's all negotiations, if only in the physical sense.

However, this doesn't work for everyone. For one, many people don't always feel that relaxed or casual about that approach, especially if they are within a relationship that shows promise and don't want to risk it over physical contact. For another, the girl has to be someone who would stand up for how she felt about sexual contact and not be a pushover. Because of these reasons I would dissuade you from just taking the lead in this one, since you cannot know the answer to either one for sure until it's too late.

Talk to her about it when the time is right. Don't do it at the time you're making out, but ask as a general thing ahead of time, "Hey, I've been feeling I'm ready to take things to the next level of our relationship. I just wanted to know what you think, and if you'd be open to me initiating things more often." That way you are still getting a feel for what she really thinks about it, but you are still giving yourself room to take initiative.

Talking to her about it is playing things safe, which sounds like your best option if your goal is to further the relationship. You can't go wrong asking her, but you could screw it up going for it.

[YouHearMe?]

Shannon: thanks for your input! haha although I agree with chair; the topic definitely won't come about like it did for you :P

All of you, thanks for the input; it really helps hearing from personal experiences.
Like I said I don't think either of us is ready for taking things to the next level, but when the time comes I'll go with the communication beforehand route.

Superstar, I found your advice particularly helpful :P thanks!

I'd love to hear more experiences, but I think I'm more prepared now than before, so the question's not burning anymore lol.

Thanks again!