Is it sexual abuse?

[bethechange]

The other night I was at a party and when the party was over I spent the night because I didn't have a safe way of getting home. I usually don't drink very much, but I had accidentally taken a shot that affected me more than I was expecting. There was this one guy who I had just met and he had kind of been flirting with me all night. When most everyone had left, we ended up on the couch and we kind of started making out. Then I guess he asked me to go downstairs (where we could be alone), though I don't really remember how I got down there at all.
We were on the couch downstairs and he took off my shoes and jacket. At this point I wasn't resisting at all, but then he started to try to take off my pants. He wasn't being very forceful and I was able to keep them on. When he realized I was struggling with him, he said something like "Just tell me to stop and I will." So I told him I wanted him to stop. He did for a minute and started to ask me questions about my virginity and things like "didn't I want to know what it felt like?" But after I said that I didn't he started touching me again and basically the whole thing repeated itself.
I was really sleepy and I was kind of fading in and out the whole time but it seemed like this happened 5 or 6 times and each time I told him no. Eventually he did get my pants off and at some point he took his pants off too. He definitely touched me a lot but we never actually had sex. I really thought that it might end up at that, but he got up to get something and I snuck out of the room.
He was also pretty drunk, and I think this may have been majorly responsible for his behavior. Also there was no real violence, just a little bit of struggle between the two of us. I'm not really sure if I resisted enough for it to be considered sexual abuse. I guess I just wanted to share my story with someone and ask if it really was sexual abuse?

[Aletheia*]

Since alcohol seriously altars the senses, you were in no position to give a consented answer. You told him no, and while he stopped for a while, he continued until he eventually got up and left. Since the touching was unwanted, I'd say it's borderline abuse, but since sex wasn't initiated, I'm not sure what could be done about it.

[Chris.]

Please note: I'm taking a UNITED STATES point of view on this law-wise (it wont be applied to other countries).

If this were to go to court for some reason - I believe that it would be ruled out as no ones fault. Yes, you did say no, but you also went down to the basement voluntarily. Why would someone go down there to just make out if you were doing that in the first place upstairs. By you going downstairs, and making out with him, that would make him feel like it would be okay to do what he did. On another point, since he did not have sexual intercourse with you - that would leave you at the border line sexual abuse as Shannon said. Since you didn't tell him no the second time while he was touching you and you seemed to not make any yes or no statement, that would also be a thing that they would rule out. Plus we have to put in the alcohol part.

So to sum this up - I wouldn't say it could be put as sexual abuse since he didn't have intercourse with you, and you didn't CLEARLY say no the second time when the actual action was taken. Plus you both were full of alcohol. For future reference I wouldn't get that hammered so something like this never happens again.

Best wishes,
Chris

[The Goblins Blade]

I Say that he is the innocent one here, all he did was touch you. Not like he had forced himself upon you.

[Chris.]

Originally Posted by The Goblins Blade

I Say that he is the innocent one here, all he did was touch you. Not like he had forced himself upon you.

I wouldnt go as far as saying he is innocent - but I do think that he couldnt be charge Sexual Assult or Rape or Abuse.

[Skeleton]

Originally Posted by The Goblins Blade

I Say that he is the innocent one here, all he did was touch you. Not like he had forced himself upon you.

If there was a bit of struggle between them then in some sense, he was forcing himself onto her because she said no, she was trying to stop him and he carried on anyway which resulted in the struggle. Drunk or not, if he stopped when you first told him to stop then I'd say he was aware of his actions. I'd tell someone about it and see what could be done because that's not okay.

[MacGuffin]

Actually, I am surprised at some of the above posters' answers. Sexual abuse doesn't mean the abuser had to be initiating sex.

According to the Merriam-Webster legal Dictionary, the definition of sexual abuse is the following:

1 a : the infliction of sexual contact upon a person by forcible compulsion b : the engaging in sexual contact with a person who is below a specified age or who is incapable of giving consent because of age or mental or physical incapacity
2 : the crime of engaging in or inflicting sexual abuse

(See http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sexual+abuse)

However, just because that is the legal definition of sexual abuse does not mean it would pass in a court of law. In fact, it's highly likely that it wouldn't. There were way too many undefinable factors here.

What I generally go by is if YOU felt abused, not what a court of law may or may not rule. Just because the law may not encompass your feelings doesn't mean they aren't valid. So talk to someone about them, see what can be done. Don't sit on this alone. These things have a way of backfiring.

[bethechange]

I never really planned on taking it to court or anything. I really just wanted to know for myself. Thanks for the feedback.