Trouble with sex...

[Koharuchan]

Okay, this is a little awkward...

My boyfriend and I started having sex a couple weeks ago. We're being safe, using condoms and all that good stuff, but there's one problem we're having. He's really REALLY big. I knew it was going to hurt our first couple of times, but I'm just not getting used to him. We always do foreplay and try to get me ready for sex, but we have a hard time doing it without me being in a lot of pain. He feels bad about making me hurt, and I feel bad that he feels bad for something that isn't his fault. That's not even the worst part.

The worst part is that because he's so big, he has some difficulty getting completely hard without the help of viagra or some other sexual stimulant. So, we haven't done it with him completely hard yet. When I went to his house yesterday he was able to get harder than before, but still not all the way and today I am really sore. We've tried going slow for a while then picking up the pace a bit, we've tried taking breaks in between, we've tried everything. It takes me at least 45 minutes to get used to his size enough for him to start moving faster in me, and then the pain comes back if he goes too fast.

Is there any way to help lessen the pain? Do we just have to keep practicing more, or what? I want to be able to enjoy sex with him more, and I hate him feeling bad about hurting me every time we do it. Even with the help of lubricant it's difficult, trust me, we use it every time.

[Strummer]

I don't have any experience with intercourse, but it sounds like you may be physically incompatible if he is that big for you and/or you are too small. The red flag here for me is your comment that " . . . because he's so big, he has some difficulty getting completely hard without the help of viagra or some other sexual stimulant". I am surprised that he uses a prescription medication meant for elderly guys with erection problems. I assume he is a young fellow who should not need a medication to get hard.

[Chris.]

Owie! Well I happen to find a few things online that may help you.

Some of the things you can do if you feel pain during sex include:
Talk to your doctor to make sure there is not an underlying condition or a medication causing the problem.

Change positions. If your uterus position is causing you pain, being on top can help you control the depth of penetration to prevent pain. Knowing you're in charge can also help decrease the anxiety that you may be about to feel pain and help you relax and enjoy it more.

Engage in longer foreplay to ensure lubrication.

Use external lubricants.
Try hormone replacement therapy in which you take female hormones to replace those lost in the course of menopause.

Use low-dose hormonal topical creams if you are uncomfortable with the risks associated with systemic hormones. These are applied to the labia and clitoris and need to be used daily for 2 weeks to see rejuvenation of the skin, increased lubrication, and a return of vaginal elasticity. After 2 weeks, you can maintain the benefits by applying a few times weekly. The same medication is offered in a suppository if that is more comfortable for you.
Try Estring, a ring that is inserted into the vagina and leeches estrogen daily over 3 months. You or your doctor can insert and remove it.

I hope that I helped alittle and I hope that this problem gets resolved!


Best wishes,
Chris

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

Hi Haru. Actually, my boyfriend & I had this EXACT same thing happen to us when we first started having sex. He was bigger than I was used to & it hurt a lot, & also, he could never really get turned on enough for sex until oral was performed, but even then, it didn't always work.

Really, the best thing you can do is just keep trying & getting to know each others' bodies better. You both need to learn what you can handle before it starts to hurt & what can turn him on as well. Personally, I just told my boyfriend what positions were too painful or what hurt too much & we learned. I'm not sure if I got used to it or we just learned what not to do, but I don't feel pain very often anymore. As for him getting turned on, that will also take practice. Experiment with different things & if nothing ever works, he may want to see a doctor to figure out what the cause is. In my boyfriend's case, his ADHD medications were the cause.

It will get better, just remember to have patience & be sure to communicate with each other.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey there!

I would suggest trying different positions, perhaps try going on top that way you have more control over things and then you can see how things feel more comfortable for you.

Best of luck,
Paige