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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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AmazonQueen Offline
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Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 3rd 2012, 05:44 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I have a question for you guys I know some people joke around about surprising their other half with some sort of sexual act to wake them, hand job, blow job, full on sexing someone up to wake them,


but wouldn't that be considered rape? The person never gave consent so is it okay? lol... It's deffinately a nice idea but I am just wondering.


Sorry mods I labelled this as triggering and changed the title in case it triggers anyone. Sorry I only thought of it after


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Last edited by AmazonQueen; January 3rd 2012 at 05:53 PM.
   
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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 3rd 2012, 06:06 PM

Personally, I feel if you are in a long term relationship or marriage, it would be considered ok. If I woke my boyfriend up with a handjob, I don't think he would be screaming rape. If it was something like a one night stand, I wouldn't do anything. I guess it really depends on the person and the consent you've been given in the past/beforehand. It's a judgement call on how much "risk" you want to take, I guess. That sounds kinda bad, but that's my answer.
   
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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 3rd 2012, 06:11 PM

You would probably obtain consent beforehand and be like, so how would you like it if I did this to wake you? *wink wink*


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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 3rd 2012, 06:24 PM

In my opinion, if you're in a relationship and already having sex with them, you've given your consent. My boyfriend has done this to me, and it's a wonderful wake up call. I don't scream out "Don't do that. This is rape" because we've been having sex for 3 years. He has my full consent.











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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 3rd 2012, 07:20 PM

My boyfriend likes to wake me up during the night for sex. As irritated as I can get for him waking me up, and after about 10 minutes i'm awake and we end up doing it anyway!
He would never continue if I ever said no. He knows that.





   
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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 3rd 2012, 07:59 PM

If you're sure (or fairly sure) the person wouldn't mind then i'd say go for it. However if you know why wouldn't like that then defiantly don't do it! :P


   
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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 3rd 2012, 10:13 PM

This is one of the type of situations where you have to use good judgment based on the personality and relationship with your boyfriend. If you're sexually active with your boyfriend and your boyfriend has not been through a traumatic rape experience when he was a kid, then you'll probably be okay. But if he has ever mentioned anything about traumatic experiences, then you'll probably have to ask him at some point and THEN surprise him one day. I would say that you've got a 85% chance that he'll enjoy it. If you know that your boyfriend usually wakes up with a boner, then that's probably a good indication that he'll enjoy it.



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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 3rd 2012, 11:41 PM

I agree that if the people are in a relationship & already having sex, it's kinda a given. As Brandon said, it's really up to the people since they should know if their partner would like it or not. I know for me, I might not like it depending on the night, but I know my boyfriend would love it anytime.
   
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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 4th 2012, 01:56 AM

Haha, well my boyfriend definately wouldn't start screaming rape. We're in a ldr though but I just thought I'd ask for me I was nearly taken advantage of so it would probablly freak me out a little but I trust him and know he's not going to do anything to hurt me, but I was just thinking I might feel a bit uncomfortable, so uh would it be uncomfortable to him if even the opportunity arises also just in general


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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 4th 2012, 06:20 PM

Well, you really need to know your partner. Technically, it could be considered rape. Just because you're in a relationship does not automatically mean they have your consent, you can take that away at any time. I think the consent happens within the act. If you start, you know, sexing them up, and the reaction is pulling you closer, good, pushing you away or saying "Not now, five more minutes", probably leave them alone. I know my boyfriend would love it, as would I, but we know that about each other. But just because you're in a relationship does not give you the sex free card, consent can be given and taken away at any time.


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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 4th 2012, 06:29 PM

I don't think consent is given if you're sleeping... I think if someone wants to wake up their partner with sex, they should talk about it ahead of time. Like, "Hey how would you feel if I woke you up with ____." THEN you pretty much have consent. Otherwise, you don't. Sex isn't a given right and consent can be taken away at anytime.
   
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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 4th 2012, 06:47 PM

My belief is this: if you know the person well enough to where you know they would be ok with it, and respect them, then it isnt rape

but id consider it rape if you didnt know they would be ok with it and did it anyways and in a way that treated them like a sex toy.

it depends on the intent. personally, id avoid doing this unless i was 100 percent sure.

depends on how mutual it is. i mean if u know shed be ok with it (and i mean know it positively , with no doubt), she obviously wont see it as rape.

but if its like in a way like "well she never really puts out, so while she is asleep im just gonna do it. if she wakes up, hopefully she keeps letting me do it " then it is borderline rape. and if its done on a stranger or someone who doesnt know you sexually, then yea, without a doubt, its rape.

if you are unsure enough that you have to ask people if its rape, then the situation is probably not a good idea to do on someone. The intent of the parties involved is the key factor here in determining if its rape or not.

in the same way , its not rape to have sex with a girlfriend who is intoxicated on drugs like ecstasy if she has previously indicated to you that "shed like to have sex with you on E because sex on it feels really good". but the same situation would be date rape if it was some random guy thinking "wow, shed be more apt to put out in this state".

That said, its best not to have sex with a sleeping person. It would only be ok if she indicated to you previously that she'd like it if you woke her up that way.

You would have to be 100 percent sure. Cause if your judgement is wrong and she feels violated, this really wouldnt look good on paper. Few people are close enough to their partner to have this good of judgement. which is why its best to not consider doing it. also , this could easily freak someone out. cause they wouldnt know what else you were doing to them while they were sleeping.

If you dont know your girl as well as you know your own mind, this is a bad idea. If you gotta ask yourself if shed consider it rape, its a no go.

Verbal consent , contrary to common belief , is not required for consent in most jurisdictions. Just the requirement that its consensual. But most people dont know their partner well enough to know if theyd consider it consensual unless they first asked them if theyd be cool with someone going down on them while they were sleeping.

Last edited by Proud90sKid; January 4th 2012 at 06:57 PM.
   
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Re: Waking partner up with sex, without consent? - January 4th 2012, 07:26 PM

It depends on the relationship - no one I've ever dated before my current partner was ok with this.
My current partner is fine with me waking up in the middle of the night and having sex with her without so much as asking the night before.

Just establish what the person you are with is ok with and set the terms of the relationship.


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