Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Incestual urges and desires. Please help.

[mm123]

(PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY PERVERSE FEELINGS AND DESIRES OR ANYTHING SEXUALLY EXPLICIT. LEAVE NOW.)First of all please don't just talk about how sick this is, I AM WELL AWARE OF THAT, I'm looking for help not your superiority complex. Well, recently I began sexually desiring my mother and even masturbating to thoughts of her. But the thing is that I don't even find her attractive, it's not like she's hideous but when I'm talking to her and looking at her I'm not turned on at all. It's really the thoughts of doing it with my own mother that turns me on so much. I've looked into this and found that it's natural for a boy to sexually desire his mom and more common than I thought. But, it doesn't just end there. When she's out I like to go into her panty and bra drawer and sniff, touch, and masturbate to them and I even sometimes go into her hamper to get dirty ones with her scent on them. The best things I've ever found was a nude picture of her on her computer and I've been constantly masturbating to that. Personally, I feel the cause of these perverse and dirty desires is the fact that they are perverse and dirty and that's what turns me on. I really have no desire to act on these urges. Please, any support and help on what I should do would be really appreciated, but just typing this out has helped.

[Aletheia*]

I don't think gross. As you said, it's more common than some people are lead to believe. My personal thoughts are it's not your mother than you find yourself attracted to, like you said. It's the sexual desires that we all have. It's not a great choice, but it's a choice none-the-less. I really think you need to focus your sexual desires somewhere else. I know you have no urges to act on what you're feeling towards your mother, so maybe use another way of getting out these sexual urges, like pornography. It'll help you keep focus on something else, and not your mother. I'd also talk to a counselor, since they can help you get over these urges as well.

[MacGuffin]

First of all, try not to berate yourself for having sexual fantasies of your mother. Many more people than you think have, at some point, pondered what it might be like to have sex with a family member or blood relative. It's not uncommon.

The thing is you are not so much as attracted to having sex with your mom as you are to the taboo nature of it. Incest is, obviously, morally wrong in the society we live in, and most people regard those who wish to engage in it with negative reactions. However, there is an appeal to you in that. Not because you want to be thought disgusting or sick, but because you feel drawn to the appeal of something forbidden by commonplace mores. It can be quite alluring. However, it's important to know that THIS is what you are really after so you can better satisfy that need in yourself. It's a good idea to get your thoughts away from your mother because, although you do not wish to go down that path, you keep yourself rooted closely to it, and that may be dangerous.

I agree with what Shannon has suggested. In addition, if you continue to feel a need to explore alternative sexuality (i.e. the need to feel you are fantasizing about something that is not mainstream), I would suggest looking for other things that appeal to you that won't get you into trouble. Using your mother's clothing and nude photos of her is not really a road you want to continue down; it is only more likely to get you into some kind of trouble, even if it is only psychologically. You do not want to get to a place where you need to have thoughts of your mother in order to be sexually stimulated, and that is a danger, let alone other consequences you might incur over time. So talk to a counselor if you feel the need, and try to divert your sexual attentions elsewhere, perhaps with the help of other stimuli.

[Revolution]

Freud would be so happy with this thread.

Anyway, as long as you don't act on this, I don't really see anything terribly wrong with it. If you wanted to talk to a psychologist, I would recommend it, only because they're going to know more than I would. But offhand, we all have fantasies. I very often fantasize about being with a stranger and having no control, even if I would never want this to happen. It's more of the excitement behind it all. As you said, part of your attraction might be the idea that it is perverse, which is okay. As long as these actions are not taken, I really don't see anything wrong with thinking about it.

[Jaguar]

I'm happy to see that Shannon and Jordan responded as their advice is always first rate. I want to add that you can fantasize about anything you want and there's nothing wrong with that except that it bothers you. This is a passing thing and when you need to you'll move on. You do want to be careful about risky behavior. If you get caught with her undies it'll be very embarrassing and bad for your self esteem, so use some discipline there. You didn't mention your age, but I think you'll out grow this pretty soon.

[Verità]

You said it yourself: It's common and natural to have sexual desires towards your mother, and I don't have a problem with it, personally. However, acting on it would not be the right thing to do. I think that encouraging these thoughts by going through her underwear and looking at that nude photo are both a step in that direction, and are probably only making these thoughts worse.

I'm not going to tell you to stop cold turkey, but I think that it might be good if you begin by working yourself out of these habits. Stop by getting rid of or stop looking at the nude photo of her. Then, you can work on stopping yourself from going through her drawers. This last part will probably take the longest, but when you're up to it, try focusing your sexual desires somewhere else. I would start that by looking up a website with many different types of pornography, and see if anything appeals to you.

If you are really struggling with this, it would be perfectly okay for you to seek out a counselor about this. While it might be embarrassing at first, they are trained for similar situations, and will probably be able to help you through each step if and when you encounter any trouble and support you while doing so.

Take care!
~Alice

[mm123]

Thanks for the helpful replies, it's much appreciated. First of all, I don't think I can stop, not in the near future at least. Even weening off seems like it would be quite an obstacle. The problem is I don't have a clue how to stop. I'm almost repulsed by my mom, when I talk to her I am disgusted that I would masturbate to her, definitely not physically attracted to her. But, when I begin to masturbate my mind begins to think of what turns me on the most, and it most often turns to incest. I can't explain why, but when I think about her I am the most turned on I have ever been. Playing with her panties is just a whole 'nother level. And recently I have discovered her naughtier side (I think she might be bi) and this is just throwing more and more fuel in the fire. I don't have a personal problem with my urges other than the fact I know most people shouldn't have them. When I become horny my urges just take over my body and I become entirely fueled by how far I can take it. As far as a counselor I would not even remotely feel comfortable talking about this and for now, that is a dead last resort. Thanks everyone.

[Jaguar]

OK, then do it as much as you need to for now and don't fight it. You'll reach a point when you no longer have to and you can move on to girls your own age. (just don't get caught with her panties, that's risky)

It's quite possible your mom is bisexual. If you read through the posts on here you'll find that it's not uncommon, and in my experience I think about half of all women are. It could be also that your father is aware of it and he accepts the woman he loves and has made a family with for who she is. In talking to other people I think older women who are lesbian or bisexual and who've married and had children seldom have sex with another woman but are happy to be affectionate with and spend time with another woman whom they love. Understand that your mom is human and was just like you once, and may have stressed over her feelings just like you do. Later when you are older and have more experience she may talk about it if you are close to each other. In any case, you should accept her for who she is, too. Whoever that might be.

[ANBUxAssassin]

I had that but i never played with my self because i was a little to young and i never found out what playing with my self was until i was 14 is was like a sister complex kinda that i out grew but there are some family that allows their kids to have sex with each other my best friend from middle school i think it was her cuz that and sex (not her and her cuz but her 2 cuz did it unprotected) you will out grow it I did in i think a yr because i had a girlfriend then but you will out grow it someday.

[~Mr. Self Destruct~]

Indeed, Freud would be proud.
There's no real problem with your sexual desires, so long as you never pursue them. But I am sure of that you are quite aware.
I don't know if this is a "weather the storm" sort of situation, but this does seem like the only real "solution" I can offer.