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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
carrrly Offline
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Unhappy I'm a virgin, he's not. - March 11th 2012, 09:10 PM

I'm new to this forum, so I'm not sure if this is the right board but I apologize in advance if it's not.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months. Before him, I've only casually dated and never even kissed a guy. He lost his virginity to his previous girlfriend. When we first got together, it didn't really bother me that he wasn't a virgin but as things got more serious and more physical it started bothering me a lot. We have done pretty much everything (oral sex, etc) and he began mentioning sex. I don't think I'm ready for sex yet but the fact that he isn't a virgin definitely has something to do with the fact that I don't want to have sex too. I always wanted to lose my virginity to another virgin and thinking about my first time being a guy's second or third makes me feel kind of sick. Also, I think we are moving way to fast. Before him, I literally had no experience whatsoever and suddenly, by one month, we were getting sexual. I really don't know what to do. I've told him a couple times before that I'm not ready for sex but he keeps bringing it up, does this mean that all he wants from me is sex? Should I bring up how I feel or later on when we start to discuss sex seriously?
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Re: I'm a virgin, he's not. - March 11th 2012, 09:46 PM

Definitely talk to him about this. You need to let him know that you feel like you are moving way too fast, I'm sure he will understand. Just because he has lost his virginity doesn't mean he's going to get upset if you ask to tone things down a little.
You also need to tell him straight up that you aren't ready for sex. Just because he keeps asking doesn't mean that's all he wants you for, he probably is just hopeful that you'll be ready soon. You need to make it clear that you probably won't be for awhile.

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Re: I'm a virgin, he's not. - March 11th 2012, 10:27 PM

It's cool that you want to lose your v-card to another virgin, but if he's been with one other girl, he probably isn't diseased or damaged. Emotionally, if you love him, it won't matter in the long run. However, it sounds like maybe you are doubting it a little anyways, and you need to turn on the brutal honesty. Tell him it bugs you, tell him you're not ready, and the sooner the better. Don't just drop hints... guys don't really understand subtlety all that well.

Good luck.

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Re: I'm a virgin, he's not. - March 12th 2012, 10:48 PM


You HAVE to talk to him about this. If you are not ready to have sex, don't feel pressured to just because he wants to. Wait until you are ready. If he is not willing to wait until you are ready, he is not worth it. He may not just want you for sex, but he may not understand exactly what you want. Make sure you are 100% clear on your intentions. A big question you need to ask yourself is do you want to lose it with him with his experience? You made it seem like you don't want to lose it to him at all. If that is the case, honestly, you need to let him know this, and possibly think about ending the relationship if you do not want to pursue further. If you just want to wait until you're ready, then stay in the relationship, and wait until you are both ready to move on. Don't worry, you are not being "prude," you are setting boundaries. I didn't have sex with my partner until two and a half years into our relationship. We waited until we were both ready, and we were very happy about our decision.

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Re: I'm a virgin, he's not. - March 13th 2012, 02:38 AM

I felt the exact same before I just went ahead and got it over with. If you feel like you're moving too fast, talk to him about it. Otherwise, you'll just end up regretting it and resenting him for pressuring you into it.

When I was a virgin, I also wanted it to lose it to another virgin. I then came to the realisation that it's not a perfect world we live in.

When you think that he's only been with 1 other person, that is literally nothing. I'm on a lot more than that now and though I'm not proud, nor ashamed, I now can't see why I was like that at the beginning.

A lot of people wait a long time and that may be the case where you're from, but just wait until it feels right.
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Re: I'm a virgin, he's not. - March 14th 2012, 03:56 AM

As said above, DEFINANTLY talk to him. And tell him how you feel. If he says you don't love him. Then clearly he doesn't respect you. Because if he respected you he would want what's best for you. And therefore, it's quite obvious that all he wants from you is sex. Don't do it if you're not ready. It's your life, you only got one, so make the most of it and the best. If in the worst case he leaves you, I guarantee you'll find a guy who will respect and love you for your values beliefs and respect you and love you just for who you are.

Bless ya! hope all goes well feel free to Pm me anytime

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Re: I'm a virgin, he's not. - March 22nd 2012, 02:55 AM

I agree with the above posters that you need to talk with him about it. It may be very well that he has no idea he's making you uncomfortable. Also, I don't know how exactly he "brings it up" but just because he brings it up alot doesn't mean he'd pressure you into it. My boyfriend brings up threesomes all the time, but I know he would never make me do anything I didn't want to do. Bringing sex up alot is a guy thing, wether or not he's already had sex. So maybe he just needs to tone down the sex talk. That being said, the fact he's not a virgin doesn't mean your first time won't be special or that it won't mean as much. For example, my first was with my current boyfriend, who is wayyyyy more experienced than me. He was willing to take it slow and wait for me, and waited for over a year (now knowing what sex is like, it must have killed him to wait that long haha) He also knew how to make it not hurt and was very gentle and patient with me. I've since become an avid student of his I think it's rather nice to have a more experienced boyfriend.

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