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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bitesize Offline
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Unhappy Sex is horrible. - March 13th 2012, 11:26 PM

Sorry this is a bit long but it's a huge problem....I'd appreciate ANY advice.

For the last few months, almost a year, sex has felt painful and really uncomfortable. So much so that whenever I do have sex ~ which is rarely now~ I can only stand it for a short period of time and am wincing most of the way through it.

I have gone to the doctor and had tests done ~ swabs at the GP revealed nothing, though I'm currently awaiting the results of a smear test&urine test, but through the public health system they could take fucking ages....it's already been a month. They told me I had thrush but I took the medication which should have cleared it up.....sex still feels awful.

This is causing problems in my relationship, much as we try to get past it. My boyfriend is wonderful and very patient but he's only human. We hardly ever have sex ~ it's been, I think, 7 times in the last 6 months?? And almost all of those times I had to stop him soon into it and pretend not to be grimacing in pain. Not exactly a turn-on for the poor guy. Lashings of lube, getting drunk, taking it slow, hours of foreplay ~ we've tried it all, nothing helps.

I literally can't remember the last time I had sex without being in horrible pain and discomfort. July maybe..?? I can't find anything online that could explain the symptoms. It's veryvery sore when he first goes in and persistently feels like he's pressing on my bladder in a very uncomfortable way but I've had no other symptoms of a UTI/bladder infection, etc.

I'm terrified my smear test results will come back and say that everything is fine, like the blood tests I had a few months ago. Something is definitely very very wrong. I can't even watch people have sex in movies without wincing at the pain they surely must be feeling, because sex is all about pain now.

What if sex will never feel good again?? I can't go through my life not having sex. I want to have good relationships and get married and have children. What if this eventually destroys my relationship?? What if I have cancer?? I'm feeling utterly hopeless about this right now. If there's any advice that anyone can give please do. I don't know what to do.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Sex is horrible. - March 13th 2012, 11:41 PM

The only thing I can think of doesn't seem too likely to me because you should be used to it by now, but maybe this could be a factor.

Is your boyfriend "well endowed?" It could be that he's just too big and you're very tight. I had the same problem with my boyfriend. We have sex about once a week, and it took me months to become used to his size, and truthfully, I'm still not completely used to it, so I do know how you feel about the painful sex. I know it really sucks. If this is in fact the problem, my best advice is to, as much as it may sound bad, have sex a little more often, but be very very slow and gentle. Allow your body to get used to him and over time it should get better. That's how my boyfriend and I tried, and although it did take some time, sex is nowhere near as painful as it used to be.

I honestly can't think of any other reason sex would be like this for you, and honestly, it shouldn't be hurting as bad as you're saying. Just wait and find out the results from your doctor, you may finally get some answers.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Sex is horrible. - March 13th 2012, 11:52 PM

To be honest I have thought of that. Although I am petite, he's not absolutely massive, just normal size. We did have a couple of issues when we started having sex (a year and a half ago) because it had been a while since I'd done it and it took some practise 'fitting him in' but those issues disappeared after a week or so and there weren't any problems after that regarding them, so I'm pretty sure that's not it.
Thanks so much for the reply though, I really appreciate it. (: x


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Sex is horrible. - March 14th 2012, 12:03 AM

Not nice to say, but in one of the medical modules I took endometriosis came up - more than treatable
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Sex is horrible. - March 14th 2012, 12:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dedalus View Post
Not nice to say, but in one of the medical modules I took endometriosis came up - more than treatable
Considered this too but it didn't seem to fit (thankfully). Also during a swab in December the doctor said there was no sign of it, and surely they'd have seen some sign of it during the last test too if it was there!!x


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Re: Sex is horrible. - March 15th 2012, 02:40 AM

What kind of pain does it feel like? Burning, stabbing, aching, etc.?
Does it happen only when having sex? Do tampons and such cause similar pain?
Could there be a psychological aspect to it?

There are hundreds of things it could be, with extreme situations like cancer being very unlikely. Don't worry about your future like that; I am sure you'll find a cure soon.




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Re: Sex is horrible. - March 15th 2012, 05:32 AM

As Dr. Bobby, I initially thought endometreosis as well, but if that's not it then I'm not sure. Sex wasn't always painful right, this is a new thing? Did you obtain any kind of infection between before sex was painful and afterwards? This could be triggering to ask, but did something happen (sexual or not sexual) between the two periods? (Even something like a car crash) This could be a psychological thing, such as vaginismus (using as example, can't diagnose) that possibly from a traumatic event it is causing your vagina to spasm when you insert something, closing it off, and making sex very painful.

I would continue doing tests, and bring anything like what I mentioned (infections, trauma) up with your doctor in order to explore all of the options. I'm so sorry the last treatment didn't help, but I hope this can get better soon. Keep us updated!


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Sex is horrible. - March 19th 2012, 04:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by roller♥coaster View Post
What kind of pain does it feel like? Burning, stabbing, aching, etc.?
Does it happen only when having sex? Do tampons and such cause similar pain?
Could there be a psychological aspect to it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Revolution View Post
Sex wasn't always painful right, this is a new thing? Did you obtain any kind of infection between before sex was painful and afterwards? This could be triggering to ask, but did something happen (sexual or not sexual) between the two periods? (Even something like a car crash) This could be a psychological thing, such as vaginismus...
When he first enters it stings like hell (like losing-virginity pain) and stays sore around there for a while. It doesn't so much hurt deeper inside as feel very very unpleasant...as though he's pushing too hard on my bladder or something ~ even when I don't need to urinate and we do it very gently in ANY position. I haven't had any UTI/bladder infection symptoms. :/

I've actually been avoiding tampons for a long time because I'm pretty sure they'll hurt the same way; I can't even stand one finger..

There is probably a slight psychological aspect in that I'm anticipating the pain, but I've always taken that into account. I'm pretty sure it's not vaginismus because although there's pain upon entry, it's not as though it actually won't go in, it jsut doesn't feel nice when it does. And even when I'm relaxed (and/or drunk!!) and we've tried plenty of foreplay it still hurts so I highly doubt it's purely psychological.

Also...I really can't think of any sort of trauma that might have happened, but no, sex never used to be painful at all.


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