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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Pelios Offline
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Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 24th 2012, 09:27 PM

Have you ever done it to your partner? Did you partner do it to you? What do you think of it? I guess I'm just looking for general opinions on it from both females and males so anything you would like to add feel free.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 24th 2012, 09:54 PM

When the significant other plays the "You're not getting any tonight!" card, I like to counter with the "But you don't know where I'm getting it from" card.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 24th 2012, 11:00 PM

I've done it to my boyfriend as a joke. But I don't actually follow through with it. I would never do it in a serious way. Well, okay. If he cheated on me, you can bet I won't be having sex with him. But if he irritated me or forgot to put the toilet seat down, I'm not going to NOT have sex with him.

... It's like.. why torture myself?

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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 25th 2012, 01:09 AM

The only times I've withheld sex was when I was legitimately mad or upset & just wasn't in the mood anymore. I think it's childish to do it just to get what you want.
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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 25th 2012, 01:21 AM

Just a brief argument from the flip side of the coin...

Personally I've had partners use this as a punishment in the past. Although I don't "enjoy" it (I'd prefer sex!) I love the feeling of being dominated and therefore, someone else have the control over me to pick and choose when/if I get sex is something that I've always enjoyed? If it is the case where you were going to enter into a sexual relationship where the withholding of sex was going to be used in a punishment or dom/sub context then I don't see any reason for it to be viewed as a negative thing. As long as both parties are over the age of consent, understand what they're getting themselves into and are okay with that then I really don't see any issue.
However, its not for everyone, and I believe it would be improper to use sex as a tool to punish one's partner with. Obviously there are times when people just aren't in the mood but personally I don't think sex (or the lack thereof) can be used as a punishment to solve arguments or disagreements which started outside the bedroom!
Hope that makes sense!

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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 25th 2012, 01:41 AM

I've joked about it with my boyfriend before, but I'm never serious about it, he's never really made me angry. Not only that, but we only see each other once a week so it would suck to withold sex.

I would only do that to him if I had a good reason, like if I was really truly mad at him.

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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 25th 2012, 01:47 AM

I did it once because my partner at the time lied to me about something serious... and because I wasn't in the mood. However, I wouldn't do it if it was a stupid arguement like "you cheated on a video game" or something.
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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 25th 2012, 09:19 PM

Was I the only one who thought of the That 70's Show episode?

No, I haven't done it. I think that's just going to hurt the relationship. But I've said no not in the mood before. Just not as a punishment or anything. We're long distance, it'd be difficult anyway. No sex...when you come back? Oh nevermind, I want some anyway.

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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 25th 2012, 09:36 PM

I'm a guy, so it wouldn't really work. Granted, my girlfriend has a high sex drive...but not anything compared to what I have. I could say "I'm withholding sex for a month..." and she could say "okay." At that point, I'd know that I just screwed myself.

However, there really is no point. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now, and if my girlfriend were to think that withholding sex would be a punishment for me...then she's got the wrong idea of what I want out of the relationship. I'm not in it for the sex. Yeah, I'm a guy...I like sex...big deal...but that doesn't mean that I can't function without it. I've masturbated since I was 10. I can certainly masturbate and still function like any other person in the world, and thinking that sex would deprive me, with the type of relationship that we have, is an insult. Unless it was a friends with benefit thing or something insignificant, then that could work...but if we're talking about relationships that want to go the distance, then witholding sex is just an indication that sex is the main focus on the relationship and may potentially be the cause for its failure down the road.
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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 25th 2012, 10:59 PM

I have never been put in the situation to need to withhold sex from a partner. However I think that it would only be torture to me if I was to do that.
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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 26th 2012, 10:02 PM

My ex used to. I struggle with depression and cutting and pulling my hair out and whenever I'd cut or pull my hair out he wouldn't touch me cuz he said he can't touch a person who would do that to themselves. Then after he thought I'd been punished enuf he would talk to me again and we would go back to being physical and stuff. I think it's horrible to do that to somebody because it always made me more depressed and make me hurt myself more.
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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 27th 2012, 01:59 AM

The only time I wouldn't have sex is if I was legitimately sick, or my partner did something to seriously hurt me. Withholding sex as a punishment is extremely immature, and I feel bad for anyone that actually has to put up with that.


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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 27th 2012, 03:09 AM

I only ever withhold sexual things when I'm not in the mood, or if I have my period. If their is a conflict, personally, I think there are many ways to solve it, without withholding sex. I can understand not being in the mood after an argument, but I think that if the problem is large enough that one person feels the need to punish the other, then there is a problem that needs to be talked about and worked through.

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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 27th 2012, 04:58 AM

Trying to punish one's partner is pretty stupid tactic in the first place. It doesn't really solve the problem(s) at hand and it continues to be a petty display of immaturity and poor communication skills.

That said, I would refuse sex if I were upset with my partner, but not to "punish" them. Punishment implies intended cruelty for the purposes of behavioral correction. It's calculated and cold. If I were to refuse sex, it would be because I were angry, upset, hurt, frustrated, furious, etc. with my partner, and was therefore not inclined to be turned on. This could last for a few hours or a few days, depending. Hopefully it wouldn't last a few weeks. But I would never do it to intentionally cause my partner distress.

The problem with refusing sex is it tries to resolve an issue centering on physical connection, which draws away from the emotional issues. It's counter-effective.

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Re: Withholding sex as a punishment? - March 27th 2012, 08:31 AM

^Yeah, I tend to agree with Jordan. If I was "withholding" sex it wouldn't be about punishment - it would be because I for whatever reason wasn't turned on or didn't feel totally comfortable doing something sexual. But explicitly saying "You've done a and b and c, so no sex for you for a week." ---- well, it doesn't work for children when you withhold (I nanny four of them) and it won't work on your partner. It just breeds resentment and poor communication, and it'll have little to no effect on changing whatever behaviour it was that they did to make you upset. Not worth it, end of opinion.
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