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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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Question first time? - March 29th 2012, 03:38 AM

i love my boyfriend and we've been together almost a year now. we've had sex and have just messed around but he said he wants to try anal. i'm a little worried and afraid. mostly because of the pain. the first time we had sex (i was a virgin, so was he) it didn't hurt all that much, but i'm afraid of this hurting a lot. he wants to do it and he said he'd be gentle, and i want to please him but i'm nervous. any advice?
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Re: first time? - March 29th 2012, 03:48 AM

If this is something you aren't comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do it until you're ready. It doesn't matter how gentle he is, anal is going to hurt. The anus isn't made to accommodate the size of a penis. Just explain to him that you aren't quite ready to take this step yet. If he cares about you, he'll wait until you're ready. If he gets angry, I'd reconsider being with him.











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Re: first time? - March 29th 2012, 03:51 AM

we don't have sex very often due to rules set by his parents about us hanging out. so i don't think it will happen until june most likely. he knows i'm nervous and a little afraid and said that if it hurts too much then he'll stop and we won't have to do it again.
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Re: first time? - March 29th 2012, 03:54 AM

It doesn't matter how little you have sex. Vaginal and anal are completely two different kinds of sex. If anal isn't something you're ready for..now or later..you don't have to do it! Simple as that. You should never feel pressured to do something you don't want to do.











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Re: first time? - March 29th 2012, 04:14 AM

As Shannon said, if you are not ready, just say no. If he's a good guy, he'll understand. If you're just nervous, but do want to, remember to use lots of lube! The anus does not produce any lubricant, unlike the vagina, so it will be necessary for comfortable sex to use lubricant. I would also recommend a condom because anal sex is one of the rougher sex and liquids are most likely to spread (blood, semen, ext) making STIs at their highest risk. (Also because condoms are awesome.)


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Re: first time? - March 29th 2012, 06:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Revolution View Post
As Shannon said, if you are not ready, just say no. If he's a good guy, he'll understand. If you're just nervous, but do want to, remember to use lots of lube! The anus does not produce any lubricant, unlike the vagina, so it will be necessary for comfortable sex to use lubricant. I would also recommend a condom because anal sex is one of the rougher sex and liquids are most likely to spread (blood, semen, ext) making STIs at their highest risk. (Also because condoms are awesome.)
This. I totally agree with Shannon & Traci on this one. If you're not ready, then don't do it. & In addition to what Traci said here, if you choose to go through with it, never go from anal sex to vaginal sex without changing condoms. It can cause infections if you do.
   
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Re: first time? - March 29th 2012, 09:54 AM

Eugh. Okay. I honestly get really really sick of anal threads here because, pardon the pun, there's usually a lot of shit "information" going on. One thing that everyone is right on is the fact that you need to wait until YOU want it. But beyond that, yeah, please brokenandscarred: go do some reading instead of taking this thread to heart! Especially if you're not sure. Read and read and read and if you then decide you're game buy silicone based lube (not water based) and maybe a toy or two to work up to it and take it really slow, don't expect to go from a finger to a cock in half an hour -> basically, if your boyfriend wants to nail you up the ass, let him do it properly.

Anal shouldn't hurt. I honestly believe (from personal experience, talking to a lot of others, and working in a sex based NGO) that if it really hurts, you're doing it wrong or you don't want it (either is cause to stop.right.now.) Yeah, it does hurt for a lot of people, especially the first few times, but it does not have to. Shannon, I really respect you so please don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever taken a really big shit??? Of course the anus can accommodate something the size of a penis. (Unless you're with monstropenis man. Obviously there are limits. But an average penis? Totally.) It's not an automatic process and it takes (some hopefully sexy and a little bit silly) work, but it will, and without pain.

I can't really give you tips on how to make it happen beyond what I've already said, but if you want some good links or a place to start, feel free to PM me... and whatever you decide, I wish you well.
   
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Re: first time? - March 29th 2012, 06:34 PM

I completely agree. If you are having second thoughs about it and feel really uncomfortable with it then you need to tell him that. It seems to me like he won't push you which is great in a guy. So just be straight out with him and tell him that maybe you guys should wait awhile.


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Re: first time? - March 29th 2012, 11:05 PM

i told him i'd think about it and if the time comes and i'm not ready he said that's fine. he doesn't want to make me do something i don't want. he never has. he knows i'm nervous and a little afraid.
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Re: first time? - March 29th 2012, 11:33 PM

Jas, thank you for giving your take as well. There is one piece of information inaccurate though. Silicone based lube is great, it is condom safe, and for some people, a lot more comfortable. But if you have a silicone-made toy, silicone lube will break down the material, so it is advised not to use it with toys. Water-based is safe with both condoms and toys. So just keep that in mind.

And I think what Shannon meant is that the vagina is a lot more accommodating, it can withstand childbirth. The anus is not as much. Yes, it can withstand a lot, for example, very large feces. But for comfort, it takes a lot more lube and is a lot different than vaginal sex. I do like the sex toy tip though! A lot. I think, as vaginal sex, experimenting before is a great way to ready yourself.


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Re: first time? - March 29th 2012, 11:43 PM

^Fair point on the silicone/silicone thing. The reason I advocate it for assplay vs. water based lube is that water based tends to evaporate and absorb, so you need to keep reapplying which can be a serious bother. (Although I prefer water based lube for everything else.) Also I'm one of those people that tends to use condoms on their toys with anal play just because it keeps things so much cleaner and I don't have to sterilize quite as much -> thus don't have to worry about break down.

I know Shannon probably meant something along the lines of what you said -> I just find the idea of telling people that it should or will definitely hurt really concerning, because pain is NOT something you need to expect.
   
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