Boyfriend asked me for sex... we're only 13...

[NyanNyan]

I had no idea what to do when my boyfriend of 6 months told me he wanted to have sex with me. My first reaction was that he was just playing around, because he does that sometimes and I hate to admit to it, but I often provoke him. There are lots of kind in my grade who have had sex already and I think that the ages are just getting younger and younger. Well with this in mind, I was kind of pushed towards saying yes. My boyfriend got me out of a really bad period of time where I had cut, starved myself, and tried to choke myself. He's very supportive and I love him a lot. I have to say that I actually DO want to have sex with him. He's never done it before and neither have I , so really I was quite flattered that he wanted me to be his first. He says he has condoms from his older brother. What could go wrong? Also, while we were in health and talking about STDs, my friend thought it was a good idea to ask my boyfriend if he had any He said no. So really, what could go wrong? I didn't say yes though. I told him I would think about it. He said that was okay, he loves me, and he doesn't want to push me to do anything I don't want to. what should I do???

[blumemusik♫]

I always think that if you're asking whether or not you should have sex, then you shouldn't. The fact that you're posting here shows you have some doubts, and I don't think anyone should have sex if they're not totally sure.

That being said, it's only your decision to make. Have you done other sexual things like manual or oral sex? If not, you may want to start experimenting with that if you don't feel 10000000000000% ready for sex.

[Nomophobia]

I agree with Kate, I think you should only have sex if you are certain that you are ready for it, there is no rush if you love each other..so experiment a little before you make your decision.

[SamMarie]

Just because everyone else has had sex at a young age like your age, doesn't mean you have to. I don't mean to be rude, but I wouldn't follow society in that sense. Just because you both haven't had sex before either doesn't make it "better" either. I think you can do whatever you want to do, but sex is a big commitment and I'm not saying it to sound like a parent. It is an emotional attachment whether you want it to or not. You are at an age where you're curious and if experimenting is something you're willing to do then go ahead. But, don't push yourself to do something you're uncomfortable doing because he wants to. You don't want to regret like I did and I was 15 when I lost it. Think about the circumstances. If you take the chance to do it, know that if there are any "mistakes" it will be both your faults. Believe me on this. Sex isn't something to just do because your hormones are happy. Realize the consequences. Good luck!

[izzy.gore]

Well, at your age I don't think you should even be thinking of sex, but who am I to judge? I guess as long as you wear protection and you know well the consequences of having sex then go for it, but to get things straight, there's always a chance of you guys breaking up or having a kid. The thing is, you can't control life. Whatever your choice is, something will follow and you can't undo anything but you can learn from it. Yanno? Live the moment's what I'm sayin. I had sex when I was 16, it wasn't much of a big deal to me, but it's different for different people. To some it's sacred stuff but regardless of what anyone tells you here, it all boils down to your decision. I could advise you not to, but you can just shrug my advice. Just focus on what you really want and what you are ready to give up for it.

[Disneygirl94]

I agree, i hear of kids having sex when their in like 5th grade. Im 17 and i haven't even had sex yet. Im glad you posted this and i can tell that your not ready for it. Just talk to him and say I think we're too young and if he is just looking for sex than he is not a good guy for you. Just talk to him and don't be afraid to say no.

[JKmadu619]

Most 13-year-old relationships tank after a couple months, and you'll likely regret this once the inevitable break-up happens.

It's your choice, I see no problem with it but a lot of girls often end up regretting having sex too young or with someone who leaves them nearly imediately after.

- Justin

[Koharuchan]

I'm going to address the statement: What could go wrong?

First off. There is always that chance that the condom could break and you could end up pregnant. That's a very big one. Think about it, what would you do if that happened?

Second. Having sex too soon and especially at an early age can ruin a relationship. For example, I dated the boy I lost my virginity to for nearly 2 years. I was 15, and we had sex after 4 months, and while things were good at first, it ended up killing our relationship. Why? Because although he truly cared about me, at least at first, over time he just became obsessed with having sex. People change, it happens. And sex can change some people. I'm not saying it will happen, but it is a possibility.

Third. You could very well end up really regretting this decision. You're only 13. I know this sounds harsh, but most relationships at that age don't last. I'm not saying this is always true, and I'm not saying it absolutely will happen, but the chances are very high.

Fourth. What happens if you get caught? I'm pretty sure the parents wouldn't be too happy about that. How would your parents react if they found out? Would they ground you for god knows how long, or maybe even make you stop seeing him? I don't know your parents, so I can't say. But think about that possibility as well.

Fifth. If the condom were to break, aside from the chance of pregnancy, there's a chance of STI's and STD's. He says he doesn't have one, but does he know that for sure? Has he been tested to be sure he's clean? That's a chance I wouldn't want to take, especially at your young age.

Sixth. You're here basically asking us what we think about you having sex, and honestly, you don't sound like you're sure about this. If you're not completely sure, don't do it. Sex is a big thing. Don't be so eager to loose your virginity just because other people are doing it. This is YOUR choice. But think carefully about everything, and all the possibilities before making that choice. I lost mine at 15, and I regret it. A lot. Really really think about this.

[Dr.Bobby]

Wait!

First, you're too young to have sex. You are neither emotionally nor physically mature enough to enjoy it. And neither is he. This is not a matter of personal opinion, either.

Second, recent studies indicate that the age of first sexual intercourse is actually going UP, that people are waiting longer. As I recall, it's somewhere around 16.5-17 years that it hits 50% are non virgins..which of course means that 50% at that age are still virgins. And although there are variations based on race and culture, the numbers are within a year or so of each other. So, your friends are probably lying when they say they're having actual intercourse at 13.

Third, a guy saying he wants to have sex isn't anything startling. And you wanting it isn't either. Sexual desire is what puberty is about, remember. However, moderating that desire with judgment and self control is also part of puberty.

Fourth, you've been thru a lot, and it sounds like you're becoming rather emotionally dependent on him. That's a mixed bag, but you should never be so dependent on someone that you lose yourself in the process. You should be making decisions based on what's right for you and what you're ready for , not out of fear of abandonment or rejection if you say no.

Sorry to throw cold water here, but everything we know about 13 year olds having sex (especially with a history of other issues like yours) suggests this won't work out well for you, and it would be best for you to avoid it.

[George^^]

Personnally, I don't think it's the best thing to do. I'm 14 years old and I'm a virgin. I have a 15 year old friend who started having sex around 13/14, she ended up with an STD. She had sex with people she thought were clean and they weren't. People can lie, and sometimes you don't even know you have them. -There is also the pregnancy issue. I know someone who almost had to tell her mother that they might both be pregnant at the same time because she was having sex and something happened (luckily she isn't.)

Also, you said that you guys have been going out for 6 months and he's helped you through alot and cares about you. If your not ready and he really cares, he'll wait until you yourself are sure, not because other people are having sex, but because you feel that it's time to move onto the next step.

What could go wrong? - You could regret it afterwards, You guys break up and you feel horrible about it, You could end up pregnant, It could end up being the worst sex of your life, You two get caught, You could get an STD. There is a lot that could go wrong.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have sex, but I'm saying that you should think about it a bit more.

[Maloo]

Another thing that could easily go wrong is that he probably doesn't know how to put a condom on properly. You have to put it on a certain way or it will break.

[Sythan]

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

Wait!

First, you're too young to have sex. You are neither emotionally nor physically mature enough to enjoy it. And neither is he. This is not a matter of personal opinion, either.

Not entirely true, I was having sex at 13 and I was enjoying it. By evolution, our bodies are meant to have sex and birth children when we are teenagers. We obviously no longer need to, but to say our bodies aren't meant for sex when we are teenagers is, with all do respect, ludicrous.

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

Second, recent studies indicate that the age of first sexual intercourse is actually going UP, that people are waiting longer. As I recall, it's somewhere around 16.5-17 years that it hits 50% are non virgins..which of course means that 50% at that age are still virgins. And although there are variations based on race and culture, the numbers are within a year or so of each other. So, your friends are probably lying when they say they're having actual intercourse at 13.

Studies also show that someone who waits to have sex until marriage or a long term relationship risks a greater chance of sexual dysfunction.


OP, do what you want, based on what you feel. If you feel you are too young, don't do it. If you don't know how to properly use contraception to avoid pregnancy and STD's, don't do it.

Don't be talked into or coerced into doing anything you feel uncomfortable with.

[Jaguar]

Originally Posted by Nomophobia

I agree with Kate, I think you should only have sex if you are certain that you are ready for it, there is no rush if you love each other..so experiment a little before you make your decision.

^, what's the hurry? You're only 13, there's a long time to go yet.

[Dr.Bobby]

Such is the internet, it's a first for me to be called ludicrous. Especially when my statements are based on a bit more than conjecture or personal experience! I think you're justifying your experience with a bit of rationalization and then adding a pinch of bad science there to support what you've done.

13 is at the very beginning of puberty. The OP is a girl, and especially for a 13 year old girl and given the way sex works, she's not ready. The physical parts involved with sex are in all probability under developed, and so are the emotional ones. The results here are usually not good, I hear a lot from people (of all ages) who have had early sex, and based on how unsatisfactory it most often is...is by far more related to sexual (and relationship) dysfunction than anything else, surely not "Waiting", at least until puberty is far enough along so everything works properly...and there's a bit of emotional maturity in place to help deal with the many emotions that inevitably occur with sex.

The OP is obviously free to choose as she wishes, however, if she wants a perspective based on experience with other kids who have done what she is contemplating, the overwhelming data supports waiting.

[Xx.Shes.Unbroken.xX]

Honestly, I would wait. I was in a relationship with a guy a few months ago (I WAS 13, now 14.) and he tried his hardest to push sex on me. Well, I almost gave in. The thing is.. it messed with my head. It's all I thought about, like it really bothered me. So, believe me.. you're not ready. I was right in your position a few months ago.. and, it stressed me out so much. If he has the nerve to ask you to have sex at 13.. he's not worth it. Don't even try thinking about it, it's just gonna bug you. Sorry to sound harsh. But, your post reminded me alot of me in this situation months ago. Sweetie, please.. just wait. It'll be 10x more worth it when you are completely ready and don't have to ask for others opinions.

-Also, what I said... this is from MY personal experience. So, others.. please respect that. Thanks.

[Sythan]

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

I think you're justifying your experience with a bit of rationalization and then adding a pinch of bad science there to support what you've done.

I state by scientific fact.

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

13 is at the very beginning of puberty.

Not true. Every persons body can begin and end puberty differently, regardless of age. Studies done by universities in India have shown girls as young as 8 starting puberty. Are you sure I'm the one using bad science?

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

The OP is a girl, and especially for a 13 year old girl and given the way sex works, she's not ready.

That's not your call to make. I began having sex at the same age, how was I any more ready than she was?

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

The physical parts involved with sex are in all probability under developed, and so are the emotional ones.

Once again, you assume they are under developed, you don't know for certain. She may be more emotionally ready for sex than a 20 year old, we don't know.

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

The results here are usually not good, I hear a lot from people (of all ages) who have had early sex, and based on how unsatisfactory it most often is...is by far more related to sexual (and relationship) dysfunction than anything else, surely not "Waiting", at least until puberty is far enough along so everything works properly...and there's a bit of emotional maturity in place to help deal with the many emotions that inevitably occur with sex.

First time sexual experiences are terrible, no matter if you're 13 years old or 23 years old. Having sex for the first time is a terrifying experience. Speak to someone who waited, they'll say it was unsatisfactory just like the teenagers. Very few people have an amazing first time sexual encounter.

And yes, scientific studies do back up my claim that waiting to end-stage teens or beyond to have sex can lead to the persons to have a greater chance of sexual dysfunction.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/sto...1#.T3_JzvtSQZY

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

The OP is obviously free to choose as she wishes, however, if she wants a perspective based on experience with other kids who have done what she is contemplating, the overwhelming data supports waiting.

May I see an example of such data?

[Come get some]

i wonder when a 10 year old is going to ask if it's too early to lose their virginity.......'if you feel ready go for it'.....

[Silhouette]

I'd like to point out that he may not think he has any STD's, but he may have one without knowing. The only way to truly know is to get tested.
Honestly you should have sex when you're ready, but I think 13 is too young to be making this decision. It may seem like lots of other kids in your grade are having sex, but that most likely is not true.
You also said you even think 13 is too young- that only tells me that you are doubting this a little. As is posting this thread.
Best thing is to just wait until you're older and are sure you want to take the next step.

[Dr.Bobby]

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

Such is the internet, it's a first for me to be called ludicrous. Especially when my statements are based on a bit more than conjecture or personal experience! I think you're justifying your experience with a bit of rationalization and then adding a pinch of bad science there to support what you've done.

13 is at the very beginning of puberty. The OP is a girl, and especially for a 13 year old girl and given the way sex works, she's not ready. The physical parts involved with sex are in all probability under developed, and so are the emotional ones. The results here are usually not good, I hear a lot from people (of all ages) who have had early sex, and based on how unsatisfactory it most often is...is by far more related to sexual (and relationship) dysfunction than anything else, surely not "Waiting", at least until puberty is far enough along so everything works properly...and there's a bit of emotional maturity in place to help deal with the many emotions that inevitably occur with sex.

The OP is obviously free to choose as she wishes, however, if she wants a perspective based on experience with other kids who have done what she is contemplating, the overwhelming data supports waiting.

Originally Posted by Sythan

I state by scientific fact.



Not true. Every persons body can begin and end puberty differently, regardless of age. Studies done by universities in India have shown girls as young as 8 starting puberty. Are you sure I'm the one using bad science?



That's not your call to make. I began having sex at the same age, how was I any more ready than she was?



Once again, you assume they are under developed, you don't know for certain. She may be more emotionally ready for sex than a 20 year old, we don't know.



First time sexual experiences are terrible, no matter if you're 13 years old or 23 years old. Having sex for the first time is a terrifying experience. Speak to someone who waited, they'll say it was unsatisfactory just like the teenagers. Very few people have an amazing first time sexual encounter.

And yes, scientific studies do back up my claim that waiting to end-stage teens or beyond to have sex can lead to the persons to have a greater chance of sexual dysfunction.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/sto...1#.T3_JzvtSQZY



May I see an example of such data?

Nick, I'm going to quote myself here b/c I think there's a bit more at stake for the OP, and I don't want your self righteousness to interfere with actual fact.

You can believe what you will, even if it is wrong. However, let me remind you that the information I offer is based on 30 years of clinical practice. Your experiences are most relevant to yourself, they should not be generalized as fact for others. Based on everything the OP has said, and based on how 13 year old sex typically works out, the OP would do best to wait.

If you need to continue this, PM me. You're off track here this thread is not between you and me.

[dani99]

You are too young to be having sex, because at your age relationships are less likely to stay together than those of an older age and sex can often be more of a relationship damage. Those of your age who are having sex probably won't be in their relationships very young and like mentioned before: just because they're doing it doesn't mean you have to. You should wait until you're ready.

"What could go wrong?"

Well, like said before, STDs and pregnancy are two big things to worry about. Not to mention, he might carry the HPV virus which can lead to cervical cancer. There are many things to worry about, physically and mentally.

Now, we can't tell you if you can or can't have sex. That is going to be your decision in the end. We can only tell you the consequences that comes with having sex. Make sure you're ready and if you do decide to, make sure you're protected! Pull out method is a load of bull poopie. If he says he'll just pull out, don't fall for that. He needs to wear a condom and if you really are into having sex, I would recommend talking to your mom about birth control.

Also, to add onto the conversation above, I'm agreeing with Dr.Bobby here. Even if puberty can start around the ages prior to 13, a girl's body at that age is still under developed and isn't physically ready. It doesn't matter how early a girl's puberty starts, because at 13 a girl's body is definitely not developed to the point that is ready for sex.

[Loving Linux Penguin]

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

13 is at the very beginning of puberty.

Don't mean to step on your toes here, but 13 is the average beginning age for a GUY. To my knowledge, girls usually tend to start even earlier.

I will agree however that at thirteen it's probably not the greatest idea to be having full-blown intercourse. I'm 16, and I don't think I'd even want to be having sexual contact with anyone just yet!

[Coexist.]

Hey guys,

Let's keep on topic here guys. You can disagree with each other, but only if it has to do with the advice to the OP.

I do not agree with Dr. Bobbýs "facts" either, but I agree with his overall idea. Generally at age thirteen, one is not emotionally ready for sex. Physically? Depends on the person. My body has had little change since I was thirteen, besides the fact that I have gained some weight. I am the same height. I was already on my period. Thirteen year olds are really not that "underdeveloped." But I was not ready for sex.

OP-The fact that you are posting this shows that you have some doubt. I would recommend wait until you are both completely ready. He even said you'd be okay if you said no. There are SOOO many wonderful steps to take before your first time with intercourse-kissing, making out, just laying in the grass with your hands intertwined. Yes, he has helped you a lot, but rewarding with sex is not necessary. Reward him with your happiness and your company.

[blumemusik♫]

We were always taught in school that puberty (in girls) can start at any time between 9 and 15, and anything outside that time bracket is worth seeing a doctor over.

But let's not turn this thread into a debate over that.

Originally Posted by Revolution

OP-The fact that you are posting this shows that you have some doubt. I would recommend wait until you are both completely ready. He even said you'd be okay if you said no. There are SOOO many wonderful steps to take before your first time with intercourse-kissing, making out, just laying in the grass with your hands intertwined. Yes, he has helped you a lot, but rewarding with sex is not necessary. Reward him with your happiness and your company.

^ This.
To the OP: You've been told what can go wrong, and I'm sure you've had sex education in school. Also taking into account the legal aspect of having underage sex (ages of consent can be found here,) then whether or not you have sex with him is entirely up to you. But don't feel you HAVE to for any reason - whether he's helped you a lot, or other people your age are doing it. It's different for everyone. I'm 16, I've not come close to having sex, and I'm happy, because I want it to be an experience with someone I love

[havehopeyourbeautiful]

personally i think you are to young to be contemplating sex i mean i am 15 and i havent had sex there is no rush to do such a massive disiosion i mean i have a couple of people who had sex at 13 and were married to the man they lost their viginity to and they broke up but there is a part always there that connects you's. i think you should wait but it is your life! hope this helped feel free to pm me

[Age of Ignorance]

You're 13.

I am surprised you're even considering doing it.

Sex is a horrible idea.

[trogdor]

Don't do it no matter what any one else says you are too young. you can always loos your virginity later but you can never get it back.

[lauri]

JUST SAY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAIT TIL YOUR MARRIED

[Koharuchan]

I wouldn't say wait until you're married, I'd say wait until you're a bit older and you're sure it's what you want. Right now you aren't ready emotionally or physically for something like that.

[Sequin]

OP, you said you DO want to have sex with him, but the rest of your post suggests you don't know for sure. Are you actually not sure you want to have sex or is your only concern about having sex at the age of 13?

I am your age, and I do not agree with people who say this is too young to think about the subject of sex. This is natural. However, it is clear to me that your age is your biggest concern. You listed it in the title of this post, which was no doubt an attempt to bring people to your topic to address your age and whether you are ready at said age. So knowing this, I would suggest you believe having sex at the age of 13 (on whatever subconscious level) is a problem for you. You need to address that before you engage in any intercourse with anyone. It doesn't matter what anyone here thinks or says about any of this, because you are the one who does have a real problem with having sex at your age. Perhaps this is some moral belief that is passed down to you through a parent or guardian? Or a religious conviction? Or a fear created all your own? Whatever the case, if you cannot move past this as an issue then I can at least advise you that having sex right now is not a good idea at all. And to clarify, my opinion has nothing to do with your age or my age. I just think you have an issue with it, and that makes it important enough for you to reconsider this all together.

I only offer this advice because you asked.

Good luck with your decision, OP.