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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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can you have sex with someone who's slightly mentally retarded? - April 7th 2012, 09:29 AM

if a girl is of legal age and she has sex with a guy 2 years younger who is mildly retarded is she a sex offender? She's 18 and he's 16. His iq is around 62. He never tells her he's slightly mentally disabled though... Is it sexual abuse? Or can he ever have sex if he wants to like when he's 18? Will he ever be able to do it on his own? He has his own job and takes care of his dad's finances. He plans to work on cars after he gets out of school. He does need help with academics.


If a 26 year old woman has sex with a 19 year old guy. He lives with his parents he doesn't work much. His iq is around the low 70's. She doesn't know he's slightly disabled either. She thinks he's just immature.

Is it ok for these people to have sex or are slightly mentally retarded people offlimits?
   
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Re: can you have sex with someone who's slightly mentally retarded? - April 7th 2012, 10:09 AM

I think each situation is a little different since there are different kinds of disabilities out there. For the first scenario mentioned, the female could very well be a sex offender only because she is 18, and her partner is 16. Being mentally disabled has nothing to do with it for the most part.

I always say that as long as both parties can CONSENT to the encounter, it's okay. But, mentally disabled people don't always KNOW they are consenting to something. So, it's always best to tread carefully, or not to do it at all.











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Re: can you have sex with someone who's slightly mentally retarded? - April 7th 2012, 10:14 AM

Okay, first of all "mentally retarded"? A huge number of people will find that incredibly offensive, including me. The correct term is learning disability or learning difficulty.
Now, onto your scenarios:
The first one, If the guy has a job and is taking care of his dad's finances, I'd say he's pretty smart for a 16-year old (not neccessarily academically, but he clearly has common sense and morals). If he has received sex education and understands what sex is, what the possible consequences are (STI's, pregnancy etc) and is capable of making his own decisions regarding sex, then once he is legal, it's fine as long as people don't take advantage of him. The fact that she doesn't know that the guy has a low IQ actually means that it is less likely that she will take advantage of that.
The second scenario is also pretty similar, the woman doesn't know and as long as he is capable of understanding about sexual relationships and consenting, it's fine.

It is completely okay for people with learning difficulties to have the same life experiences as everyone else, provided they can understand and consent. They have sexual urges just like every other human. If we engage in a relationship with someone needs a bit more help to understand and learn things, we should be mindful that we don't take advantage of that, but if they are able to consent and understand, then they can do what they want with whoever they want.

Hope this helps,
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Re: can you have sex with someone who's slightly mentally retarded? - April 7th 2012, 10:43 AM

then what level does matter? Just curious?

also I meant legally.
I was wondering where the line is drawn. I actually am one of the people in the descriptions where I'm from that's what it's called. Idk... sorry if I used the wrong wording it's just what I'm familiar with...
   
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Re: can you have sex with someone who's slightly mentally retarded? - April 7th 2012, 03:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ella.x View Post
Okay, first of all "mentally retarded"? A huge number of people will find that incredibly offensive, including me. The correct term is learning disability or learning difficulty.
Actually, mental retardation is a medical term: http://www.medterms.com/script/main/...ticlekey=20174
That being said, it is not offensive. People have tarnished the meaning by calling their friends/family/etc. 'retarded.'


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Re: can you have sex with someone who's slightly mentally retarded? - April 7th 2012, 05:38 PM

Sorry I came across as rude. Where I live the term used is learning disability, I know in some places the terms used are different. I don't like the words retard or retardation because of how it is used nowadays and because of personal issues that I have with the word.

Back to your question though, there is a really fine line. But as a general rule, if both people are of a legal age and consent to it, sex is fine. I don't know the laws where you live, but where I live having sex with someone underage is illegal and can be considered abuse because legally speaking, if someone is underage, they are not thought to be able to consent. So depending on which situation you aare in, I would say make sure both people involved are legally old enough and make sure they both consent. If you feel comfortable, you could always speak to a prent or teacher or another adult you trust as they might be able to give you advice on a specific situation.

Sorry again for snapping at you,
Ella x
   
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Re: can you have sex with someone who's slightly mentally retarded? - April 8th 2012, 02:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole! View Post

Actually, mental retardation is a medical term: http://www.medterms.com/script/main/...ticlekey=20174
That being said, it is not offensive. People have tarnished the meaning by calling their friends/family/etc. 'retarded.'
"retard" is also the use of a parachute to delay munitions from striking the ground before an aircraft can get out of the blast radius.

Yeah, I think it's safe to say we all attach different meanings to the word

The threshold is usually determined on a case by case basis by the courts.

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Re: can you have sex with someone who's slightly mentally retarded? - April 8th 2012, 10:14 AM

Where I live, a cognitively impaired person can have sex with anyone who is not a provider of medical or therapeutic services or a provider of special programs. The Court won't convict on anything else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crimes Act 1958 (Vic.)
(8D) Sexual offences against persons with a cognitive impairment
50. Definitions
51. Sexual offences against persons with a cognitive impairment by providers of medical or therapeutic services
52. Sexual offences against persons with a cognitive impairment by providers of special programs
Links to the relevant sections are the numbers.

It is important to look at the law where you live. Generally however, a mentally retarded person can have sex with anyone that is not in a guardian or mentoring position. Like sexual penetration of a minor, the Court will acquit any person brought on charges where they had no actual knowledge, and could not have known, of the "victims'" disability/age.


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Re: can you have sex with someone who's slightly mentally retarded? - April 13th 2012, 03:09 AM

Well the problem here, is that your description of these people is just that they are very stupid. Which is different than having a disability.
If you have a disability like ADHD or dyslexia you are usually just fine when it comes to stuff like that cause you're still in a position to choose. Even take a disability like autism, that can be severely incapacitating or very minor BUT they're still aware of that and are capable of saying no. A lot of disabilities do not mean a person lacks intelligence, it just means that there are things that they struggle with.
I think the problem is that people think that people with disabilities some how like lack intelligence and a capacity for social skills or whatever. It is possible to take advantage of someone with a disability. BUT that can happen to anyone
   
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