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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Algernon Offline
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Question Booty Call? - April 9th 2012, 08:28 AM

We went to school together for Phlebotomy and I had a HUGE thing for him. One time we went interviewing together and It turned out we liked each other. He is significantly older than I am. We hooked up once and it was amazing. I'm going to be joining the Air Force soon so and I have a high sex drive. I know If I want to continue being sexually active It means I need to find someone to be sexually monogamous with, or be very very safe with other men. This is strange for me but I've come to terms with it.

Anyways, I know I can't have a relationship but I want intimacy. So I thought of him, called him and talked as friends. He's moved out of town but is coming next Friday. He wanted to arrange to meet and... You know.

But I'm finding that I'm texting him more than he texts me. It might be because he's older and not as good at it, or he's busy. He does this to others, just doesn't return calls. But what line should be drawn for when he has to contact me? Am I... A booty call? How do I know that's all he's interested in?


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"You ran through Africa, and Asia, and Indonesia.. And now I've found you, and I love you. I want to know your name."
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Booty Call? - April 9th 2012, 09:33 AM

i hate to say it but if he only texts you to talk about hooking up and all that. you probably are. i have a bit of a friends with benefit/ fuk buddy whatever you want to call it. and they will only ever talk to you when they want something.
If your ok with just being a bootycall/fwb then just make sure youre really prepared because you dont realize how much it affects you mentally until its too late. Theres a good chance he will wont think anything of it and will just leave. and youl be left to pick up the pieces on your own.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Booty Call? - April 9th 2012, 02:39 PM

I think Taylor's right. If the first thing you two talked about was meeting up to hook up...well, I think a booty call is all you are. You mentioned that you've come to terms with only being intimate with a man without the add on of a relationship, but you don't have to come to terms with it. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being celibate...even for a little while. Let's face it: you just got out of a very long relationship, one in which you were hoping to marry the guy. Do you think it's the best idea to get involved with someone right away? I wouldn't think so, but that's just my opinion. I'd really think about this before jumping in. If a relationship is what you're truly looking for, don't hook up with this guy until you know where his feelings stand.











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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Booty Call? - April 10th 2012, 08:03 AM

As bad as this sounds... Sometimes the best way to get over someone else is someone else. I'm not building a relationship with anyone because of my career path, but still want to have safe sex with a partner. I don't know if my ex is out there with someone else, and I don't care. I'm taking my heart back and putting it in the right place. Airforce. I'm not going to get hung-up on someone else. If I'm going to have sexual relations with someone I just just mutual respect and understanding.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Algernon Offline
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Re: Booty Call? - April 10th 2012, 09:59 AM

So tonight I text him...

"How come you don't call me back? What's up."
"I will give me a minute."
"It's ok, just don't treat me like a booty call."
"What?"
"I understand you're busy, but I'd like to talk to you a little bit if we are going to have sexual relations."

We talked on the phone and It seemed cool until he said "I'm ___ years old, you need to relax. You're wound tight. I'll call you later." And he sort of hung up on me.

"You don't have to hang up on me. That's disrespectful."
"I'm sorry I didn't call you when I got back together with my boyfriend that time. But respect me and meet m halfway. If not then we won't hook-up. Goodnight."

"I think we should forget about Friday."
"Your call. We could have had a good time."

Now what? Kind of shows his true colors?


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"You ran through Africa, and Asia, and Indonesia.. And now I've found you, and I love you. I want to know your name."
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Booty Call? - April 10th 2012, 11:12 AM

No. Your being pushy, no offense.

He was down for Friday, and you just pushed and pushed until you pushed him away. I understand where he's coming from, BUT, I understand where you're coming from too. You want to be respected, but texting him that is probably what pushed him away. He isn't or doesn't have to call you all the time, especially if he IS busy. If he doesn't call you back, that's an indicator that he doesn't want to talk at that time. If he's an older guy, someone who is clingy isn't going to work for him.











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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Booty Call? - April 10th 2012, 12:55 PM

Nothing to do with showing his true colours. You went from casual relationship material to being crazy and demanding in his eyes. It's great that you want respect from your sexual partners, and there's nothing unreasonable about it, but demanding that he call you more often is raising a huge red flag. If you're after a man with options, you don't get to make ultimatums.



   
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Re: Booty Call? - April 10th 2012, 09:10 PM

From my view you're expecting the impossible in this situation.

A guy can't possibly respect a woman when he's getting what he wants and it isn't a relationship. There's no reason to respect her. The only extent of respect he's going to give out is enough to keep you willing to pursue future dates, if he's interested in that crap. He isn't a friend of yours so there's no guilt, or not enough guilt to overcome his urges.
So really he's letting you decide where to go etc which is the proper approach because otherwise it's basically rape, or assault, or becoming a 'stalker' etc. 'sex addict' and such.
The approach is all about what a guy in this situation is labeled as. The girl simply gets less and less things to blackmail the guy with if he plays carefully. As of right now i'd say he's doing a damn fine job at keeping himself safe.

A friendship? Yes you can basically demand respect, as respect is a big foundation for friendship.

A relationship? Yet again of course.
   
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Re: Booty Call? - April 10th 2012, 09:54 PM

Holly, I'm confused here.

You're saying you want to have a sexual realtionship with someone, in the absence of an emotional commitment. Then, when you get that, you're questioning it. or the person giving that to you.

I think you have to decide what it is you want, I think you're talking yourself into something here...a casual sexual relationship..when in fact what you really seem to want is an emotional relationship, with a sexual component. You might want to look at why you're denying what it is you really want...and the Air Force explanation seems like a distraction, people in the military manage to have outside relationships, they're not mutually exclusive.

This is a question you need to answer (and resolve) for yourself, he can't help you with a decision you've already made.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Algernon Offline
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Re: Booty Call? - April 11th 2012, 02:30 AM

I just text him and said sorry for last night. That's all I can do. Maybe I don't know how to really handle these situations yet. =/


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"You ran through Africa, and Asia, and Indonesia.. And now I've found you, and I love you. I want to know your name."
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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Booty Call? - April 11th 2012, 02:37 AM

Which is completely normal! You were in a long-term relationship with someone. When that happens, you become accustomed to them. You don't really anticipate having to start all over again! Just take things slowly, and see where it goes.











I may wear the glass slippers; But my hero wears combat boots <3 I love you, Lieutenant




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