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Pregnancy and Childcare If you're pregnant, a young parent, or have questions related to either, ask them here!

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To try again or not - August 29th 2012, 07:06 PM

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Hey all,
Hope you're all well.

A little background:
I am engaged to my lovely Fiance, A, We've been together for about 5 years now and have been engaged for about 6 months now. One month after our engagement My Fiance told me the great news she was carrying a baby. However 16 days later she expereinced a Miscarriage. The doctor advised us that we shouldn't try to conceive again for fear that the same result may happen again. Next month is our wedding day, and she talked to me that if she was to stop her Birth Control within the next couple days it would be out of her system by our Wedding night.

I understand why she wants to and I do too, I'm just afraid what will happen to us if it was too happen again. I don't think she could take loosing another baby. I have no idea how to talk about it too her, I don't want to make her feel that I don't want too be a father. I've always pictured the moment of having a Son / Daughter. I tried showing her some brouchures for Adoption but she wants a Child of our own. I understand and I do want a child. I just don't know if I want to risk it again. Advice?


   
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Re: To try again or not - August 29th 2012, 07:20 PM

It's really up to you, we can't tell you what's right or wrong. I know as a female who wants a child myself someday, I would try again. Yes, there are the risks, but there are lots of women out there who miscarry their first time, then have a completely healthy pregnancy the second time.

Did the doctor actually tell you never to try again? I've never heard of a doctor advising a woman not to try again ever, unless she has some serious medical problem that would prevent her from bearing a healthy child. Or, did he just suggest you wait X amount of time?


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Re: To try again or not - August 29th 2012, 07:33 PM

He told us the chances of Miscarriage would be very high if we were going to try again.


   
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Re: To try again or not - August 29th 2012, 08:55 PM

Does she have a health condition that would incline him to say that? The odds increase slightly after one miscarriage, but under normal circumstances; I read somewhere that the odds increase approximately 20% after one miscarriage, but there's still a pretty good chance she'll have a healthy pregnancy.


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Re: To try again or not - August 29th 2012, 08:59 PM

I do not recall -- After having a real sitdown with her, we decided we're going to try again. So lets hope it works. ^^


   
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Re: To try again or not - August 29th 2012, 09:20 PM

My ex's mom miscarriage twice before having 2 kids, my mom once before my older sister. Good things can happen
   
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Re: To try again or not - August 29th 2012, 11:55 PM

First of all im sorry for your loss, ive had three miscarriages and was told i may never have children, im now 26 weeks pregnant with a little boy who is very healthy and not going nywhere.

I Think if your both ready to try again then id give it a go but maybe seek advice from a doctor, so they can keep close eye on your fiancee to make sure she doesnt have to go through the pain of losing another child.

Good luck





   
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Re: To try again or not - August 30th 2012, 12:31 AM

A lot of my friend's parents miscarried once before having multiple healthy children. I hope everything turns out well for you guys.



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Re: To try again or not - August 30th 2012, 12:54 AM

My Aunt and UNcle had a lot of trouble to conceive, had several miscariages also but in the end they had a charming little boy whom is now 3. I'd suggest you should still try, think positively, she's still young and she just needs to slow down and rest a lot but it can still happen.
Oh, by the way, Congratulations

Your friend,
Jay.


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Re: To try again or not - August 30th 2012, 02:09 AM

If you want to try again go for it. Miscarriages sadly, they do happen. As long as you both are aware it may happen again, then go ahead and try. Maybe even start seeing a therapist to help you with the loss of your first child?


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Re: To try again or not - September 1st 2012, 11:04 AM

My sister has a weak uterus and because of it, she can't hold babies in very well. Before she found out this, she had gotten pregnant and had done everything by the book to have a healthy baby, but then out of no where, she miscarried. This is when she found out that she had a weak uterus. Despite that, she got pregnant again and ended up giving birth to a baby who was 3 month premature. Due to that, most people believed the baby would die. He was only 1 lb and all his organs were underdeveloped. Thanks to God and my families prayers, the baby survived and is now a very healthy 5 yr old who just started school. 3 years after he was born, she got pregnant again, except this time around she had to stay on bedrest for the whole 9 months and had to have a couple of surgeries to prevent the baby from coming out. He too is healthy. My point is...here is the good things to consider: Maybe your soon to be wife can also have a child of her own if she is given the approval by a Dr. Maybe ask about her also being on complete bed rest and being given extra attention to. The bad thing however, is that there are worse things than a miscarriage. She could possibly give birth to a preemie, and unlike my nephew, there could be serious complications that either lead to death or a horrible quality of life. No parent wants to see their child growing up with problems from the start. The other thing is that there are also many risks to her health from miscarrying. I think you need to remind her of these things. That sometimes it's not worth taking the risk because they could bring horrible consequences. I understand the want to have one's own flesh and blood, but the moment you hold a new born whom you adopted, that baby basically becomes your flesh and blood. They'll call you mummy and daddy and on their first day of school, you'll be eager to find out what they did that day. And on the day they get married and have children of their own, you'll feel just as proud as if they were your own flesh and blood.
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Re: To try again or not - September 1st 2012, 04:28 PM

It is unusual for a doctor to say that after ONE miscarriage. Most doctors won't even run tests until after a third miscarriage.

It's actually very common for women to miscarry. But nobody knew until we started making pregnancy tests that can tell us sooner than ever before. About 20% of all women miscarry at least once in their lives. But most of them happen before 12 weeks, which used to be impossible to know if you were pregnant before then.

So, I think you should try to have another child if you both want to and are ready. If she is unfortunate enough to miscarry again, then you should see a new doctor and get tests done to see if they can find the cause. Sometimes it is due to not enough hormones, or the egg implanting in the wrong place, etc. Often times it can be treated.

Other times IVF might work better. And in less common cases, the woman's body just cannot carry a baby.

But do not let this one unfortunate incidence keep you from trying to be parents. If this comes off strong, I apologize. I am just appalled that your doctor would say this after only one incident. As stated, it's sadly not uncommon for women to miscarry, especially before 12 weeks gestation. Twice is worrisome, but people often can still have healthy children after. And three times or more is cause for concern and tests.

Hope this helps you some. Sorry for your loss.
   
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