Recently found out I'm pregnant...

[ChellyBean]

So a few days ago I found out that I'm pregnant I got a positive on the pregnancy test and I haven't had my period for almost 2 months. I told my boyfriend first and he told me to get an abortion and not tell anyone he got me pregnant. I am still really disappointed that's the way he reacted because I really want to keep the baby. I told him this and he hasn't talked to me since We have been together for 9 months and I thought our relationship was stronger then that. Anyways I want to keep my baby but I have no idea how to tell my parent's and I am afraid they might kick me out. I have a part time job but I am supposed to start grade 12 this year and I really want to at least finish high school before I start working full time. I am afraid a lot of people will tell me to give up my kid to abortion or adoption because it's the best choice and It's hard for me to tell if that's true or not but I just don't feel right about the idea of not raising my own kid. I have pretty much made up my mind I guess but I could really use some advice. Does anyone know any good ways I could try telling my parents? And what happens once I make a first appointment? Do you think there is any chance my boyfriend will come around? Any advice really on how to deal with this and what to do next would be appreciated. Thank you.

[Ennui.]

I think that if your personal morals say to keep the baby, then by all means do as long as you are sure you will have a way to support the child. If you feel as if abortion or adoption aren't the way to go, then don't make a decision that you know you will end up regretting. You can weigh the pros and cons of each option, but it seems as if you definitely are sure of yourself.

I know that my sister first had to visit Planned Parenthood because she didn't have any medical insurance at that point, and they confirmed her pregnancy with another test. From what I have just researched online, at the actual appointment, I'm assuming that what they will try to do is take your medical history and ask you if your family has any history of certain diseases, and maybe assess your current health or ask you if you do things like smoke or drink which can affect the baby. They may want to get a bit of information on your family life or may ask you questions about your boyfriend if you know the answers. They may assess your current health as well through things like a physical or blood test. If you have any questions at all at this time, definitely ask them! You may even want to bring up the topic of school and they may be able to give you some advice on that, or go over the options you have with your doctor.

As far as your boyfriend, he may need some time to process things before coming around, but I'm not saying there is a 100% chance of him doing so. It may hit him later on that you are giving birth to this child, but it's not a guarantee.

With your parents you probably should tell them sooner than later before you start showing any signs or symptoms, or before they find out through some other source. When you tell them, it probably would be best to sit them down on a day when they are in a relatively good mood in a calm area. Then, be honest with them. Let them know that you know that this is something serious and worrying, but you have been having sex with your boyfriend and recently discovered that you were pregnant. In other words, be as honest as possible with them and try and stay as calm as possible. If you don't think you can tell them in person you can always try writing them a letter.

If they kick you out, you can always try and find another friend or relative to stay with or see if there is a shelter in the area that will take you in.

No matter what happens, I know that in the end you will make the decision that is best for you.

[Lizzie]

When you tell your parents will be up to you, but you do need to tell them eventually. You have a few ways of going about this. First, you could get the pregnancy confirmed and have the baby be deemed viable by a doctor before you tell them. So basically that means waiting until you can get an ultrasound done to verify that you are indeed pregnant, that the pregnancy is normal and that there is a heartbeat. You might not want to bring up the pregnancy issue until you know that your pregnancy has a good chance of going to term.

Another option is to find a woman’s clinic in your area. They often have resources they can provide you with, like pre-natal care, counseling, birthing and parenting education, etc. They can be very valuable to pregnant women who are struggling. They can also help you talk to your parents about your situation and hopefully help smooth things over.
Or, before you do any of that, you can just be open and honest with them from the start. I know it’s really scary to tell them you have a positive pregnancy test. But you can’t hide this from them forever. You never know, they may be more supportive than you think.

At the end of the day, no one can make you give up your child. That is your decision and don’t think you are alone in this because there are resources available for you. I am not saying it’s not going to be hard, because it is. It’s going to be really hard. But you can make it work if this is what you really want.

[ChellyBean]

Thanks guys! I really do hope my boyfriend and I can work things out because I would really like for him to be a part of it. I like the idea of for sure confirming I am pregnant before telling my parents. I have never made an appointment with my doctor before without telling my parent's and I am afraid they will somehow find out if I do so I will go to the prenatal clinic at the hospital tomorrow and see what they say. Wish me luck!

[ChellyBean]

Hey, so I thought I would just leave a quick update for everyone. I just got back from the prenatal clinic at the hospital. I told them that I was pretty sure I was pregnant and they got me to take a pee test to confirm. They also weighed me and took my blood pressure and asked me about if I smoke and how I eat and all that and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat already! They sent me home with a ton of pamphlets to read and a card with a number on it to call and schedule prenatal classes. I think it all wen't really well . They guessed that my due date is about March 2nd which puts me at almost 8 weeks but I have a first ultrasound appointment set up for 3 weeks from now to confirm my due date and I have to make an appointment with my family doctor. My parents will be home from work later today and I plan to just get it over with and tell them then so wish me luck!

[Lizzie]

Wow, you heard the heartbeat with a Doppler at less than eight weeks? That's pretty rare, most women don't hear it with a Doppler until about 12! What was the heart rate?

Did they provide you with information on what kind of ultrasound you will be having? Depending on the type there are usually different instructions that go with it. Make sure you read those over to prepare. If you don't follow them, they might have to reschedule you.

They didn't take any blood work? Or do you have an appointment set up for that?

Did they provide you with information on abnormality screening/tests?

They want you to make an appointment with your family doctor for what reason? Did they assign you an ob?

Let us know how talking to your parents goes!

[ChellyBean]

Oh the heart beat was really quiet and sounded kind of like really fast heavy breathing I think. He said it was at 170 or something he said it was good.

For my ultrasound I have to drink a ton of water an hour beforehand and not pee yaay.

I have to make an appointment at a different place to get a blood test I am going to do that really soon.

They did give me information on the screen testing he said to me it's optional and a lot of young people choose not too because its more likely in older people.

And my family doctor is also an OB so he will be the doctor I go to from now on. The only reason I didn't go there in the first place is because I would have had to set an appointment and I wouldn't have been able to go today plus they usually call to confirm appointments and I didn't want one of my parent's picking up the phone or something and finding out before i had the chance to tell them.

[Lizzie]

Ok, good, that all sounds right on track! Just make sure you read over all the information they give you. There are a lot of choices you have to make during pregnancy about what tests you want, what tests you don’t want, etc. Your OB can help you as well when deciding. Let us know how your parents react.
And remember, they probably will be really upset at first; they will need time to get used to this. So try not to let that upset you. It’s a natural reaction to be upset when you hear your teenager daughter is pregnant. Just give them some time to process it.

[ChellyBean]

So... my parent's got home from work and I told them. My step dad was instantly furious I could tell by the look on his face but he didn't say anything at first. My mom started asking me all kinds of questions like what am I going to do and do I know for sure and what about my boyfriend. I explained everything to her and she listened. Then my step dad told me that I was irresponsible to get pregnant in the first place and if I think I am responsible enough to raise a kid then I should be responsible enough to get my own place and support it on my own and he told me I have to move out. Then my mom and dad started yelling at each other about what to do with me as though I could not hear them. My mom didn't want to kick me out and in the end she made my dad agree but he's still reeaally angry and probably will be for a really long time. He told me that since I'm staying I will have to start paying rent and my mom didn't argue with that. Then my mom and I talked a lot more about everything and she said she would support me in my choice because she was only 18 when she had me and she knows what it's like. I think she is a little upset about it too but she's being really good about the whole thing and I'm so relieved.
My mom set up my blood test appointment and my first doctors appointment where I have to get a pap test which I have never had one before. She did say she was really proud of me that I went and started figuring things out on my own and said that it shows I am serious about it. She also wen't out and bought me prenatal vitamins. I will get to use the guest room as a baby room and I have to pay $250 a month for rent. And I emailed my boyfriend the longest email ever about everything that has happened and told him about the ultrasound appointment and that I hoped he would come and that we can talk soon. So here's hoping.

[RiseFromTheAshes]

Well, I'm sorry that talk didn't go as well as you might have hoped. But at least now they know. It takes a lot of courage to be open, especially if you're worried about being kicked out. You did well. I'm glad you have a place to stay. I'm sure your dad will calm down eventually. Just give it time. And as others have said, do whatever feels best for you. Good luck with the baby! Keep us updated, okay?

[charmbraceletxo]

Hey hun,

I sincerely hope that I'm not echoing what everyone else has already said (granted, I haven't read each individual response--just skimmed over them to get a general idea). I'm surprised to hear that the talk didn't go over too terribly--consider yourself lucky, haha. The most important thing is that you remain consistent with these doctor's appointments, and, of course, sustaining your physical and emotional welfare as a priority. I don't mean to be hypercritical of your boyfriend, but the truth of the matter is that he's going to be a father within a matter of months...and while the gravity of that may be inimical to his immediate and long-term goals, he chose to engage in unprotected sexual activity with you, and thereby accepted the consequences. Hopefully the shock factor will wear off and he'll step up to the plate. In the meantime, I'm glad to hear that things are going smoothly thus far. If you're ever in need of guidance and/or support, feel free to consult me

[ChellyBean]

My boyfriend called me this morning and said he wanted to talk to me. So we are meeting up in about an hour and I really hope it goes well.

[MidnightMay]

I am repeating information just an FYI.

First, get a doctors appointment and see about a dating ultrasound.
Second, you should start vitamins as soon possible even before the doctor.

Going about telling them can be hard! I was not sure how my parents would react even though I was married so I got grandparent cards. Saying congratulations on being a grandparent. I have my estimated due date by saying starting may 14th. That was before my ultrasound. If you are able to talk to them then it is probably a better way to go about it.

Make sure you let them know that you think you want to keep it and that you want their support. They shouldn't make choices for the kid for you.

[ChellyBean]

So I talked to my boyfriend and he apologized for telling me to abort he said he realized right when he said it that it was the wrong thing to say and that afterwards he felt bad and felt too bad to talk to me. He said that if I plan to have the baby with or without him then he would rather it be with him because he doesn't want to be the one to walk away. He also said that he does still love me he was just really upset at first because he never expected to become a parent before his mid 20's. Anyways so we are still together and he want's to be the dad I am hoping that as the date gets closer he will get more excited for it but at least he is trying. He said that he will save up money and find a place for us to all live together when the baby is born if I want. Everything is working out so much better then I thought and I can't even begin to say how relieved I am.

It is wonderful that you have such a strong support system in place for during your pregnancy and after the birth. That is what will really making raising your own child work: having a network of people in not only helping your create a happy healthy life for your future child, but for also pushing you to finish your goals, like completing high school. Sounds like things are going really well for you. I wish you the best!

[Lelola]

Now, something you may want to consider. I would start looking at careers and find one that you would love to do that would take minimal education at this point in time. If you are in high school and think you could pass a GED-equivalent test, then I would encourage you to take it and start college/training early.

If you have career advisers in your high school, I would go talk to them about seeing what careers would offer you quick training that you would be able to find a job with afterwards. I would also research those careers on your own to make sure it's not overinflated or that the wait is actually what it is. A lot of people recommend nursing, but in the USA, nursing schools usually have a waiting list or they do not accept half of the applicants that apply.

[ChellyBean]

Originally Posted by Sarasa

Now, something you may want to consider. I would start looking at careers and find one that you would love to do that would take minimal education at this point in time. If you are in high school and think you could pass a GED-equivalent test, then I would encourage you to take it and start college/training early.

If you have career advisers in your high school, I would go talk to them about seeing what careers would offer you quick training that you would be able to find a job with afterwards. I would also research those careers on your own to make sure it's not overinflated or that the wait is actually what it is. A lot of people recommend nursing, but in the USA, nursing schools usually have a waiting list or they do not accept half of the applicants that apply.

I only have one year left of high school and I am pretty sure I would have an easier time passing if I get all my credits then trying to write the test. I had planned to go to college to become a baker/ pastry artist and there is a college close by where I live that has a one year graduate program. For now I have a part time job as a dishwasher and my boyfriend is doing an apprenticeship and making good money. That is our plan.