TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts


Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!



Pregnancy and Childcare If you're pregnant, a young parent, or have questions related to either, ask them here!

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
topov Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
topov's Avatar
 
Name: Rach
Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 281
Join Date: December 22nd 2009

Not a fan? or just me? - December 23rd 2009, 07:53 PM

I'm not to sure how comfortable I am putting this in words... but I figure if there's anywhere to write it, here would be the place.

You see I'm not sure whether I'm on the brink on having an over-reaction yell.
Its just I don't feel like my partner is as 'in to' this pregnancy as I am.
I mean I'm 20 weeks, and other than this niggling every thing else is wonderful between us.
I just cant think of anything else. now I don't expect him to think of it all the time, I mean we have a house to run and stuff to do so both of us hugging my belly wouldn't be suitable... but when I talk to him about things sometimes he doesn't seem to care.... And he seems much more focused on doing up his motorbike than preparing for baby.

I don't really want to say anything atm, just in case I'm over reacting and having a hormone moment.... which I'm having a lot recently.... I mean A LOT (I cried today because I forgot to put some of my clothes back in the wardrobe after having a quick clear out, not to mention how devastated I was to find out my partner had put them away for me )



Ticklish Tattoo!



   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
One of those old people ;)
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
guillotine_blades's Avatar
 
Name: Amber
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Texas, US

Posts: 728
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - December 23rd 2009, 08:07 PM

It takes guys a little longer to get "into" the idea of a baby. most men have to actually hold the baby before they get super excited.


"omg i might be pregnant!?!?!"

"ok..calm down..pee on your keyboard...nope its negative"




   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
iHEAVENn Offline
.:Try Forever:.
I've been here a while
********
 
iHEAVENn's Avatar
 
Name: Amy
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Portland, Oregon

Posts: 1,306
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - December 23rd 2009, 08:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by guillotine_blades View Post
It takes guys a little longer to get "into" the idea of a baby. most men have to actually hold the baby before they get super excited.
This..
And also sometimes men just arent into the idea of a baby being around..
Some men don't like their kids until they're older.. doesnt mean they don't love them, they just don't know how to handle an infant, or what to do for an infant etc.


.:6:21 a.m.:.
.:12-01-2007:.
.:Logan Jacob:.

Baby HunterComing 7/12/14
My Everything

I support Project Linus!
Let Go Laughing
"It took a pair of soft blue eyes, and a smile so sweet.. to make me reach up high, and really dig down deep.."




   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
topov Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
topov's Avatar
 
Name: Rach
Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 281
Join Date: December 22nd 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - December 23rd 2009, 11:31 PM

thanks

do you think it would be a bit silly of me to bring it up with him?
I mean I am very aware with my new emotional self, but it does upset me sometimes... and sometimes it makes me really angry :/

I'm very open and honest with him, and all ways have been, its just, I dont want to bring it up, if its going to hurt his feelings... He wont appreciate me saying it, but he's a very sensitive guy (if you ask him, he will deny it LOL)



Ticklish Tattoo!



   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
fullofsecrets Offline
Witness
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
fullofsecrets's Avatar
 
Name: Kristin
Gender: Female
Location: In my own world

Posts: 256
Join Date: December 23rd 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - December 23rd 2009, 11:37 PM

I don't think it could hurt to bring it up with him, just as sure it's very non-confrontational. Just bring up a subtle hint like, "Are you excited about having this baby as I am?" or something like that. My mother told me that my father never seemed to pay my attention to the thought of painting the nursery or preparing for me, but then he cried when he held me right after I was born! You know men, they love to be stoic and masculine.



   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
topov Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
topov's Avatar
 
Name: Rach
Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 281
Join Date: December 22nd 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - December 23rd 2009, 11:43 PM

damn men! lol jk...

thanks guys.



Ticklish Tattoo!



   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
L'espoir Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
L'espoir's Avatar
 
Name: Jen
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 2,021
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - December 23rd 2009, 11:49 PM

I don't think that would be silly at all! If you are having a baby together you clearly love each other and its important that you can talk to him about your worries. If you tell him how you feel he can reassure you; he probably is excited about the baby but people show it in different ways and he might not realise how you feel. You wouldn't be hurting his feelings, its ok to ask about these things


PM // VM
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
TheBabyEater Offline
With A Sprinkle Of Cinnamon
I've been here a while
********
 
TheBabyEater's Avatar
 
Name: Marissa
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: Iraw

Posts: 1,705
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - December 24th 2009, 01:25 AM

I don't know much about babies or childcare, as it's probably obvious from my username I'm actually not a huge fan of them
But I hear, and so far it seems true, that women become a mother when they get prengnat. Men do when the kid is born.

I think girls just get more attached to the baby when it's still like. in the womb and such, but guys have to actually see it before they think "wow, I'm a freaking dad"

Also, I think if you bring it up he should understand if it's just horomones acting up...



Take me seriously.
I dare you.



  Send a message via Skype™ to TheBabyEater 
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
LucyLouWho Offline
In that order...
I've been here a while
********
 
LucyLouWho's Avatar
 
Name: Chelsey
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: West Virginia, US

Posts: 1,968
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - December 24th 2009, 02:57 AM

"A woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant. A man becomes a father when he sees his baby."

That's what I've always heard.


Previously Mommy.Wife.Student
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
iHEAVENn Offline
.:Try Forever:.
I've been here a while
********
 
iHEAVENn's Avatar
 
Name: Amy
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Portland, Oregon

Posts: 1,306
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - December 24th 2009, 03:17 AM

No, you can and should talk to him about it.. However just also keep in mind that he may not take to the baby when it's born..
My son is 2 years old and my husband will admit he didn't "like" our son until around 1 1/2.


.:6:21 a.m.:.
.:12-01-2007:.
.:Logan Jacob:.

Baby HunterComing 7/12/14
My Everything

I support Project Linus!
Let Go Laughing
"It took a pair of soft blue eyes, and a smile so sweet.. to make me reach up high, and really dig down deep.."




   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
SingleMom Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
SingleMom's Avatar
 
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 23
Join Date: December 31st 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - January 1st 2010, 03:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by topov View Post
Its just I don't feel like my partner is as 'in to' this pregnancy as I am.
I mean I'm 20 weeks, and other than this niggling every thing else is wonderful between us.

I just cant think of anything else. now I don't expect him to think of it all the time, I mean we have a house to run and stuff to do so both of us hugging my belly wouldn't be suitable... but when I talk to him about things sometimes he doesn't seem to care.... And he seems much more focused on doing up his motorbike than preparing for baby.

just in case I'm over reacting and having a hormone moment.... which I'm having a lot recently.... I mean A LOT (I cried today because I forgot to put some of my clothes back in the wardrobe after having a quick clear out)

You're definitely not alone in this. First of all, men are not going to have the same feelings as women as early as they have them, since they don't feel the baby constantly moving around in them and women are the ones who get to think for 9 months about the fact that the baby's basic survival is mostly due to them and that their body is providing protection and sustenance needed for the baby's survival and that their actions have a direct effect on their baby. For example, a guy can eat what he wants as much as he wants through the pregnancy and nursing. It won't have any effect on the baby. However, the woman has to think about everything that is related to her body and the baby -- anything she eats or drinks and how much, any medicine taken, any activities, any illnesses, etc. for almost 2 years -- throughout the pregnancy and nursing. It all has an effect. While I was nursing and my son got thrush, so did I because of the nursing. It was extremely painful for me though he felt nothing, but I continued to nurse. I just ended up having to use special cream that would get rid of the thrush, but wouldn't affect him, and had to give him special medicine also. I don't regret nursing him, though, as painful as it was for a little while. It almost had me in tears sometimes, but it was what was best for him. I would've felt bad if I had stopped and he ended up getting sick because of the reduced amount of antibodies and other advantages. I also felt even closer to my son when I nursed him. He was born, but my body still provided him needed sustenance and protection. The pregnancy also gives the woman an earlier chance to bond, especially if the baby is unplanned. When it's planned, I think the guy is able to bond a little more earlier than the birth because it's something they plan to add to their life and really look forward to. Just guessing, though. I think fathers don't really get feel the reality of being a dad until they see their child being born. Women live with the reality for 9 months.

Regarding the hormones going haywire. Got a kind of funny story for you about that. You know when people talk about "crying over spilt milk"? I literally did when I was pregnant. Lol. I knocked a glass of milk off a table and started bawling about it. Didn't break or anything, just spilt milk all over the floor and I couldn't helped bawling about it. Lol

As far as your guy, he may also be more worried about things than he wants you to think. Guys tend to turn towards stimulating tasks that they can focus on and think about things at the same time or tasks that will temporarily take their mind off of things for a little while. He may feel like he isn't bonding with the baby as he thinks he should and may be wondering why. He may be wondering about the baby's health and how y'all will be able to handle the hardships. He may also be feeling that you care more for the baby already than you do about him. Some of the worries may not be as major as he feels they are or may be unfounded, but that doesn't matter if it still causes him to worry. I would suggest giving him encouragement and maybe talking to him about ideas you may have about the baby (such as asking him for name suggestions and discussing them with him). Maybe it will make him open up to you more about his own worries. I would also show him that you still love him the same and think of him as much as you did before the baby. That may make him feel more secure also.


~SingleMom~
Every little bit of help is a big help because
"To the world you may just be one person, but to one person you may be the world"
-- Brandi Snyder

Last edited by SingleMom; January 1st 2010 at 04:06 AM.
  Send a message via Yahoo to SingleMom  
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
topov Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
topov's Avatar
 
Name: Rach
Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 281
Join Date: December 22nd 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - January 1st 2010, 06:11 PM

Thanks everyone, you've all been really helpful and well I feel a hell of a lot better now.
I talked to him, and he assures me he has the same worries plus a bit.

cheers



Ticklish Tattoo!



   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
Nicolette Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
Nicolette's Avatar
 
Name: Nicolette
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Location: BC Canada

Posts: 1,006
Join Date: June 24th 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - January 2nd 2010, 04:27 AM

Some guys are into it while others aren't... I'm lucky with my husband (whom most days seems more excited than I am) while others hee and hum about it. Some say its because its not real to them yet, they see your belly growing but until they hold that baby it just doesn't feel like its materialized. Take him baby shopping, get him involved with things like setting up the nursery, putting together the crib, those kind of things. Get into name talk and how you want to work together as parents.

Best of luck!





"When it comes down to it I let them think what they want, if they care enough to bother with what I do then I'm already better than them." Marilyn Monroe.
  Send a message via MSN to Nicolette Send a message via Yahoo to Nicolette  
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
ThrashAttack Offline
Banned
I've been here a while
********
 
ThrashAttack's Avatar
 
Name: Will
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Location: Edge of Oblivion

Posts: 1,375
Join Date: January 10th 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - January 2nd 2010, 12:39 PM

Coming from a guy who might be a dad or not i dont know what to expect, think or feel.
  Send a message via MSN to ThrashAttack  
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
Ryan1 Offline
A Man Of My Word
I've been here a while
********
 
Ryan1's Avatar
 
Name: Ryan
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Location: Canada, Ontario

Posts: 1,518
Join Date: January 1st 2010

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - January 3rd 2010, 05:39 PM

Look I wouldn’t dwell on it to much it’s a major change in his life that’s a big pill to swallow. Like others have said he could just not completely understand your situation yet but trust me he’ll come along.

Just don’t scar him by talking about the future, because most guys don’t want to be a dad till they actually get there.
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
vikki Offline
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
vikki's Avatar
 
Name: vikki
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: british columbia

Posts: 388
Join Date: February 21st 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - January 3rd 2010, 09:14 PM

some guys wont say or show any emotions to the pregnant tell the end or untill you bring it up sometimes they need you to start the convo
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
ThrashAttack Offline
Banned
I've been here a while
********
 
ThrashAttack's Avatar
 
Name: Will
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Location: Edge of Oblivion

Posts: 1,375
Join Date: January 10th 2009

Re: Not a fan? or just me? - January 3rd 2010, 11:32 PM

Im not really botherd about having kids tbh.
  Send a message via MSN to ThrashAttack  
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
fan

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2017, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.