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Miscarriage - February 6th 2010, 07:16 PM

I had a miscarriage about three years ago, when I was 14. It never bothered me at all until about a year ago, and since then it's gotten worse. I know it wasn't my fault, I have a blood disorder that often causes early miscarriages, but I feel like, if I had told my mom or something I could have gotten the proper medication and care needed to have the baby. I just think about it all the time now, and think about how my life would be right now with a child.
I don't really like talking about it, it's really hard for me. I've talked to my therapist a little, but she didn't really tell me anything useful, and I feel like my friends would not know what to say at all, because they can't relate or anything.
Has anyone here had a miscarriage or know someone who has and knew how to emotionally handle it? I have no idea what to do, and it's just getting worse.
Thanks.
   
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Re: Miscarriage - February 6th 2010, 11:03 PM

Hey There,

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I'm glad to hear that you have been talking with a therapist and you're trying to work through all of your emotions. I have never had a miscarriage, but I did get pregnant last spring. My boyfriend and I felt as though abortion was the best choice for us. I don't regret my decision, but in no way does that make the situation any easier.

Losing a child, whether it is by choice or circumstances out of your control, is a traumatic experience. I was only five weeks and six days pregnant when I had my abortion. I had only known I was pregnant for about three weeks, and I had become extremely attached to my baby. It is almost like a natural motherly instinct. As much as I tried not to get attached, I couldn't help it - you can't fight a natural instinct.

Not a day has past without thinking about my baby. It's almost like a whole in my heart - I often wonder if it was a boy or girl, if he/she would have looked more like me or his/her father. I'm sure you at some point wondered the same or similiar things.

It may take some time to realize this, but your miscarriage was not your fault. Since you have a blood condition, there may not have been any medical treatment that could have prevented it.

I understand my situation is different than yours, but I understand a little bit of how you're feeling. It takes a lot of time. Losing a child is a grieving process and people grieve in different ways. It sounds like the situation is just now getting to you. It may take a little to make peace with the situation.

I know this is easier said than done, but try to remember that none of this was your fault. Due to your condition, medical treatment wouldn't have been able to prevent your miscarriage.

I hope this helped a little, but if you ever want to talk, please feel free to PM me.


Take Care.


"I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto"
- Lifehouse
   
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Re: Miscarriage - February 8th 2010, 04:46 AM

Hey there,

Losing a child is a traumatic experience for anyone. I am so sorry for your loss; try to remember that this pain will not last forever. You will never forget what you have lost, but the pain will fade with time.

I think that surrounding yourself with friends and doing things you enjoy could help you a lot right now. It doesn't change what happened, but it can help take your mind off of what happened...and having friends around will provide you the support you need to recover from this experience.

Take care. If you'd ever like to talk about anything, feel free to PM me.


[/url]
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And the sad truth of the matter is,
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but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

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Re: Miscarriage - February 8th 2010, 05:14 AM

You can't change the future. Things happen. Don't beat yourself up over it. I've heard about women who have miscarriages, and from what you're telling me, things could be worse right now. Be thankful that you have life ahead of you and that you have many more right and wrong choices you'll make.


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Re: Miscarriage - February 9th 2010, 09:18 PM

Hey, im names Winter. I honestly dont have much exspirience with losing a baby but my mom did have 2 losses of children before i was born.

The first child, my mom aborted. she was about 25 when she found out about the situation. it was out of the blue. she was on birth control, did everything your supposed to do to be protected but yet she still ended up being pregnant.
She wanted to have the child so badly but since she was having to deal with my dads family problems and him being a toatal jerk she didnt have much she thought she could do about it. the last thing she did to make sure she was doing the right thing was go tell my father. when she told him, he was on the bed, falling asleep. and she told him and tried to get him to relize what she was saying but he just layed there and didnt even act like he cared about the situation between him and her. she was very dissapointed. but she relized, "whats the point of putting this baby threw all of this misery of a family when its not the right time and it shoukd live a happy life?"

So, you guess it, she aborted it. it was only 8 to 10 weeks old. my dads mom said to my mom "oh it was just a bunch of tissue and fat, nothin much really"
YEAH RIGHT. it had a face, arms and legs, yea, it was a baby. my mom says she feels guilty to this day about it but i honestly think she has gotten over it
with time, i think she basickly has told me without even saying it is that shes let go of what happened becuz she had my oldest sister (which she had when she was 16) and me (by age 33) and now my littlest sister, by 39 i think. she has 3 kids now, and i think what my mom honestly did was the right decision for the baby. becuz i suffer in my family even though my mom had cut my dad and us completly off from them since they are all so unhealthy which i am glad for cuz i do not like them whats so ever. (we only keep in contact with very few people that are healthy in that family now) but anyway see what im saying? if my mom did keep that baby then it wud HAVE SUFFERED BIG TIME.

the baby number 2. she didnt even have a choice with. what happened is she was having to go in for surgery becuz her implant (birth control) was all screwed up and they had to go in and take it out. well what happened is the whole surgery went really well and everything. but when the doctor went in to fix the implant, he found her baby, which was killed by the surgery axidently.
he told my dad, and then my mom when she woke up. she felt like crap when she found out about it. I dont think my dad even really cared about baby number 2 either. my mom has went threw both of choice and no choice.
her choosing that for number 1 was probably the best choice she ever made for it. becuz it wud have suffered so much. i believe both of those babies are in heaven now and will be greeting her when she gets up there in heaven too.

It is in fact different for everybody. for you it took some time to sink in for you. for my mom it hit her hard as soon as she found out. my mom says it does take time to get over it. and my councler said shes had people who have gotten pregnant at a young age. some of them aborted it, others didnt. they all said it took a long time to get over it. but when they had a family when they were way older they stopped thinking about what they had lost and what they had.
i wouldnt be too hard on yourself, what i think you really need is to ask your councler what wud help you with this situation. also, you never know about telling your close friends. they may actullay have some advise for you. just not telling them may block what may help you out of this.

mabie some support groups with young girls who have had miscarriages? that may help a lot.

it takes time, but just like what everyone else said, it wasnt a choice. it just happened. things do happen and they are really hard but you will probley come out of this feeling in better shape then you did before you went threw this. situations really make up you at times. you grow in ways you never thought you wud. i do not know if you are a christaion or not but if you are then i just wanna say that i really do believe god plans out every single thing that happens in your life whether its good or bad. i dont believe you really choose anything you do in your life it just all comes to be in life. like i embarassed myself in front of a guy i liked 2 days ago, and ya know what i think? i think it would have happend either way really with what happened haha! everything happens for a reason. just remember that. and since you have a blood disorder ya know even if you did go get treament it may not have even worked out for your baby anyway. and life with that baby if it did live may have made life harder for you. im not trying to be mean or anything but it could have ended up being bad either way really.
what i wud do is ask your councler or people that work in hospitals mabie if you got treatment if they cud have saved your baby. mabie you should do that then start the healing process instead of healing and not even knowing whether or not it wud have lived anyway.

PM me anytime you need to.

-Winter


Met you from a tie between u and me buddy,
Saw you from my wired eyes with a twisted little lie, and my mind told me negative when i had a wish to own you with my heart, buddy and you split like twigs, senses told her i fell for him, and she told me "i loved him, and go get him" And while i said "negative he said "correct" <3


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