Could you leave your partner if a child were involved?

[Jocelyn.]

If you felt like you could no longer be with your partner anymore, but there was a child involved... would you still try everything in your power to make it work for the child (even if you've been trying for months), or would you listen to your heart, do whats best for you, and break it off?

[Pandamonium]

I would break it off but at the same time, create a situation where the child can still be connected between both parents. Staying together just to stay together often only snowballs into even bigger problems than you're already dealing with.

I've had several friends who split from their father's child and although it gets a bit rough, it's still worked out for everyone involved. Open communication and understanding between both parents is definitely a must though and by no means put your child in the middle, ever. They should never have to choose between their parents.

[her_beautiful_mistake]

Originally Posted by Pothole

I would break it off but at the same time, create a situation where the child can still be connected between both parents. Staying together just to stay together often only snowballs into even bigger problems than you're already dealing with.

This. the most important thing is for the child to be raised in a happy environment. If you're not happy with your partner the child will pick up on this eventually... but it would just be better all round if you could stay friends/civil for the child.

Having said that - your child is 4 months old so you're at an incredibly stressful time in your life and I think most relationships feel the pressure with a new baby, especially if it's the first for both of you. Perhaps give it a little bit more time to see if things improve?

[J&M's Mommy]

Honestly, I have had my moments, especially since our son was born. It is very stressful, and sometimes I feel as if he doesn't help enough. As well as other issues in our relationship ... believe the thought has crossed my mind!

But I never had my father and I am very much in love with my bf. & more than not I am happy. Its hard sometimes and sometimes I play myself and think I am actually going to leave. But, he always makes me change my mind & so I think that means something. He shows me why I love him & it makes my decision easy to make.

But, if this changed. If I could not see what I love about him anymore then I would not hesitate to leave, even with our son. We have always agreed to be friends or atleast on good terms enough to keep my son in a loving & good situation.

[Xujhan]

If it came to that, yes, I would leave. I wouldn't go far; just far enough that we could both be happy, and I'd make sure our child could see as much of each of us as possible. But it would take a lot to get me to that point. I absolutely believe that if things aren't working in a relationship, leaving is the last resort, not the first. Note that "things aren't working" does not cover "my partner is abusive," that's an entirely different animal.

[TheNumber42]

I'd work really hard to make sure that I didn't have a child with someone where there was problems. If problems did arise and it didn't look like they could be fixed and both parties agreed splitting would be better, I would. I'd just make sure that the child was able ot grow up knowing both parents in a healthy way.

Staying together would run the risk of creating larger problems or an even worse environment for the child. Not to say I'd leave at the first sign of problems, but if I'd tried every other option and staying together was just making things worse for everyone involved, I'd separate with my partner to preserve everyone's mental health and sanity.

[mommieof2]

I'm actually going through that right now. Me and my husband have been trying to work things out for a long time, well i should say I have been trying, him not so much. I just recently packed all mine and the kids stuff up and left. It's important for you to be happy. And your kids will understand that when they get old enough. If you really believe you two will not work out then listen to your heart and do what it's telling you to do. Atleast you can't say you didn't try. Sometimes you're just not meant to be together.

[sonic]

I would do whats best for me and the child, After all it would effect the child. Growing up in a family like this, Its not worth having your parents together if one doesnt want to be there, I know this all too well.

[EightEleven91]

I'd forgive my partner once, for anything, with or without a child involved. If they do anything to make us split up again though then yeah, I would. I'd still be on speaking terms though for the childs sake. And easily come to an agreement of where I can see the child too, without it becoming a full blown argument as that just wont do any good either.

[Rainbow Dash]

Break it off. Being with a person just because of a child isn't good for you, your partner or child. Your partner can still be a good parent yet not such a good boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife for you. Obviously like the others said it would be the last resort, but if we honestly couldn't keep on being together then I would break up with the person.

[Bibliophile]

To put it straight, I wouldn't stay with anybody I didn't want to. However, I wouldn't want to put my child/children through that. I would try and keep them in contact with both myself and my 'partner', rather than the child been left to choose.

[Singing to the starlight]

I'd break it off. Parents think that they can hide it from their children. Kids know more then adults think. And its hideous living in an unhappy household.

[noise94]

I would leave. I grew up with parents who were not in the slightest bit happy with each other and I always wished they'd just leave each other because it was just ruining everything. So yes, I end it.

[Nicolette]

I would fight to make it work and try everything possible before I broke it off, sometimes situations can get blown out of porportion (while true other times you just simply can't stay)

[iHEAVENn]

Originally Posted by Nicolette

I would fight to make it work and try everything possible before I broke it off, sometimes situations can get blown out of porportion (while true other times you just simply can't stay)

This.
My husband and I have had a rough 3 years of marriage, because we got pregnant right after getting together.. And babies put a giant amount of stress on both people in the relationship.. (Even if you're married, babies still create stress) But also because I'm young, and haven't experienced as much as he has... and we've both had different relationships in the past.. some that have left their mark in places that we both have to learn how to get over.
You have to look at the reasons why you think you want to leave... determine if they're small petty reasons... or if they're really big things you just simply can not handle living with anymore.

Also have to think if staying together is really going to be better for your child.. or is it better for you? Kids do need both parents to be happy, and they also need to be safe. If you're in danger, or your child is in danger then leave... But don't leave because of a few small fights over who does what when where etc.

[WillO'Wisp]

If I kept trying and trying and knew it wouldn't work, I would break it off, but I would remain civil to that person and make sure the child got to visit with us at an equal amount with the mother and the father, so the child wouldn't be stressed out and caught in the crossfire. You'd have to be able to be civil to each other and put your differences aside and just get along for the kid.

[Imagine]

Do whats best for YOU. Obviously you will want a healthy relationship. Kids wouldn't want their parents unhappy. So for me, i wouldn't stay because of a child.

You can still maintain a good relationship with the father for them.

[Jocelyn.]

Thank you all for your opinions. Its really given me a lot to consider. I'm not to the point of feeling the need to leave yet, but our little issues are turning into big issues that are getting hard to handle. We've been together for a long time, I love him and I don't want to give up... but I just don't know what else I can do to fix things, because nothing seems to be working. He knows I've been feeling down about our relationship, but I don't think he knows the extent of it.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey Joce,
If this was me I would probably break up the relationship. I don't believe two people should be together if they are unhappy. Children pick up on tension and dysfunction between parents. The child and the parents are much more likely to be happy if mummy and daddy are better off apart.
Just because parents aren't together doesn't mean they can't both be amazing parents it just requires effort from both parties and for both parties to have an equal input in the child's upbringing.
If both parent's are happier apart then they should be because they will probably be better parents happier.

[iHEAVENn]

If he doesn't know the extent of it then tell him. At least give him a chance to try and fix things once he knows every thing you're feeling.
If you don't, then you can't say you really tried.

[Jocelyn.]

Originally Posted by iHEAVENn

If he doesn't know the extent of it then tell him. At least give him a chance to try and fix things once he knows every thing you're feeling.
If you don't, then you can't say you really tried.

He knows exactly whats bothering me, he knows what I want him to change about himself, I know what he wants me to change about myself, we talk all the time... it never gets us anywhere.

Basically our problems with eachother are that there's always things I find out that he tries to hide from me, and I always find out (but by snooping and he knows this, which is his problem with me. But I feel like this is the only way i'll find out about some things that I have the right to know about). We've had these same problems for months, and I really feel like I have been trying to make things better. He just doesn't know that its gotten to the point where sometimes I really just want to pack up my son and go. But next time we get into it, I may just need to tell him that so he'll take me seriously I guess.

[losing touch.]

no i wouldn't stay with someone who i wasn't happy with, even if there were children involved. having an unhappy relationship is only going to make things worse for the child, and the child will pick up on it. i would try and make sure the father was still in the child's life though.