Wanting but Can't Have

[escape_thereal_world]

So, recently I realized I was ready emotionally and physically, as well as mentally, and financially to have a baby.

We have an extra room, already have some supplies, and enough money per every year.

But! My boyfriend and I want to be married first, and he's not ready for either of those yet.

Of course I respect that, but how do I stop wanting to have a baby? It's warping our relationship a bit ><

[iHEAVENn]

I don't think you can stop wanting a baby.. but you can stop putting pressure to have a baby..
If he's made it clear that he's not ready then you have to respect that.
I don't understand how it's messing up your relationship if you truly do understand that he's not ready.. are you constantly bringing up babies or marriage?
Or constantly hinting at one of those?

[sarahelizaabeth]

she's right, you can't stop wanting one but just wait until he's ready because you both have to be happy with the decision for these things to work out.

[escape_thereal_world]

Originally Posted by iHEAVENn

I don't think you can stop wanting a baby.. but you can stop putting pressure to have a baby..
If he's made it clear that he's not ready then you have to respect that.
I don't understand how it's messing up your relationship if you truly do understand that he's not ready.. are you constantly bringing up babies or marriage?
Or constantly hinting at one of those?

Well, partially yes >< So i know I need to stop that, but he also jokes about me being "pregnant" because I've gained weight.

So now it's hard to not bug him about having one since he won't stop acting like I'm pregnant. You know?

Well, anyways, I guess we'll have a talk. But at least I know I'm not weird ><

[Nicolette]

You're not weird at all, its in our female genetic code to want to have children. Wait and enjoy your time with your boyfriend, get married and then settle into having a family because once you have a baby your life totally changes and suddenly you're struggling to find time for eachother between feeding, diapering, and dealing with a little one. My son is 9 weeks and I can't believe how much of our time and attention he takes up, its to the point where snuggling with my husband at night has become a treat.

[escape_thereal_world]

Thanks, I'll be patient =] No need to hurry I suppose. ^^

[iHEAVENn]

Originally Posted by escape_thereal_world

Well, partially yes >< So i know I need to stop that, but he also jokes about me being "pregnant" because I've gained weight.

So now it's hard to not bug him about having one since he won't stop acting like I'm pregnant. You know?

Well, anyways, I guess we'll have a talk. But at least I know I'm not weird ><

When you talk to him, tell him that in order to help you deal with not having a child right now, he needs to stop joking about you being pregnant. Throwing that around in your face constantly will just make you want a child more.

[AmberS9109]

I'm in the EXACT SAME boat as you, except we're not financially ready at the moment.
It's not bad to want a baby, as long as you don't push it so hard that it ruins your relationship.
My boyfriend has a daughter with his ex-girlfriend, whom he never sees, because his ex AND the child support agency won't let her be at our house because I smoke. It's like WTF. Anyway, back on topic before I start ranting.
He also wants to be married before we have a baby, and he's not ready for either yet; even if I am.
Girls tend to mature faster than males, so we just have to wait for them to be emotionally and mentally matured before we can really take the next step.
I hope I helped; and if you ever want to talk, don't hesitate to message me :]

[losing touch.]

just enjoy the time that you have without the strains of marriage and babies. you have plenty of time for that, theres no rush! i can understand his hesitance. deciding to have a baby and/or get married is a massive step. it sounds like you respect his opinion though, so don't pressure him or you might push him away or scare him off! i'm sure things will work out.

[Jocelyn.]

Originally Posted by Nicolette

You're not weird at all, its in our female genetic code to want to have children. Wait and enjoy your time with your boyfriend, get married and then settle into having a family because once you have a baby your life totally changes and suddenly you're struggling to find time for eachother between feeding, diapering, and dealing with a little one. My son is 9 weeks and I can't believe how much of our time and attention he takes up, its to the point where snuggling with my husband at night has become a treat.

This is basically the one concept most women can't accept, or don't realize, when desperately wanting a baby. Seriously, take this advice and enjoy your time together while you are still young. When you have a baby he will be your everything, 24/7. I love my son very much, but even when all three of us are together all of the focus is on our son. My boyfriend and I never get to cuddle, talk, do whatever until after our son goes to bed. And for about the first 4-6 months he'll be getting up atleast once (or for us, 3-4) times a night on top of it. So the alone to you do get together, you will be exhausted. I definitely had the mindset that "Well we don't do much anyway, so we'll have the time and energy for a baby. We have the money, time, space.... why not?" No. Like Nicolette said. Your life will never be the same again.

So, I guess I'm just agreeing with everyone Give your boyfriend time to feel ready as well. Its not something you want to be thrown into when you aren't sure whether you're really ready. I would definitely tell him to stop joking about it though, if he knows how bad you are wanting one.

Don't worry though, your time will come It will be totally worth it when you guys are ready together.

[escape_thereal_world]

So, how do I cope with it? Or learn to be more patient?

[iHEAVENn]

Get a hobby?
Put most of your focus into that and work and your relationship