I have until next weekend to come to a conclusion..=/

[JessiLynn_]

I'm a single mother to a beautiful 15month old girl. I'm nineteen and I left her father. Now he has decided that there are no jobs in the state we're located in and wants to move in with family in a different state in order to get a job. He wants to take my daughter with him.

I've always had my daughter with me since she was born, give or take a couple of weekends when I allowed him to have her at his house.

The ONLY reason I'm even considering this is because I live at home with both my parents, my sister who just finished high school and my little brother who'll start 10th grade come this August...plus the dog. Not one of us has a full time, all the time job. I work but it's like seasonal work, which means I don't start working until the football season starts and it's not even a lot of hours. I recently dropped out of college because I didn't have the money to get there and when I did, I put it towards buying my daughter milk, diapers and whatever else she needed. The only source of income in our house is my dad's umemployment and all that goes towards rent. We're struggling hard and my dad has threaten to leave. I don't believe he is bluffing, he really wants to leave. As stated above, my daughter's father doesn't work so he's no help. I've done the whole child support thing but I haven't heard anything yet and each time I go down there in person, they say I need to wait for a letter to get an apointment. I have done everything that I can think of to help mine and my family's situation. The last time I need diapers for my daughter, I had to go to a website and ask for help. One of those website that have postings for jobs, selling, finding, etc. I don't know if I'm allowed to say the name.

His parents have decided that they no longer want to help because his dad has a case of ass against me.

But his family in the different state want to help him and my daughter..

I love my baby more than anything, she is my WORLD but I don't know if letting her go is the right decision. I'm afraid I'm very bias on this and so would be my family. I can't ask my friends because I've never let them know how hard I'm struggling. I don't want nor need their pity.


So I guess I'm asking for insight on another webpage.
After all my ranting, my question is should I let him take my daughter with him for a better life?
...

[udontno]

Ultimately, you have to do what is best for your child. If you think her going with her father would be for the best, then that is what you should do. We all know that you want her there with you, but if her leaving is for the best then you should let her go. I can't advise you on this because I don't even know what to tell you other than do what you think is best.

Is there anyway that you would be able to go down there as well, to get a fresh start or something? You could stay with your ex's family until you could find a job and a place of your own, that way you could still be with your daughter. You would be close to people that can help you and people that want to help you.

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

You need to do what is best for the child. As a parent, this can be hard but if you feel that he can provide a better life then that is what you need to do.

You can still talk to your daughter or asks the father how she is doing but in the end you should do what is best for her.

[JessiLynn_]

I can't go down there with her if I let her go because her father still wants to be with me. It wouldn't be fair to him to go and give him hope when I can no longer be in a relationship with him.

The thing is, what if i let her go and I get here all better and I'm ready for her back and he doesn't want to give her back. I'd have to wait until she was old enough to say I wanna live with Mommy and i don't know how long that would be

I don't know if I'm being selfish. Isn't being with your mom important. I know we'd never end up on the street, we'd just continue to struggle or is it more important to be financially okay with just your dad...idk

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Truthfully, if you are having trouble getting enough money to buy her the basic necessities, then it sounds like she might be better off (financially speaking) with her father. Of course, he really should be paying child support for her. I know that you are having trouble with official documents etc., but shouldn't he be giving you some money regardless? He obviously cares about his daughter, so I don't understand why he isn't giving you any money right now.

If you let her go, I'm sure you can have some sort of custody documents drawn up so that he can't just never let her see you again. You could even come up with an agreement now where he sends you photos or you talk with her on the phone every week (or at least him until she is able to talk).

And I wouldn't say that you are being selfish. Of course you don't want to just give her up, you love her. Having both parents in your life is important, as well as being surrounded by people who love you. But bringing her up in such a stressful environment where everyone is struggling to make ends meet doesn't sound like a great situation. And not having a baby around would allow you to go back to college or get a full-time job and save up money, so that you are better able to support her. If you really don't want her to go or if you don't trust her father, then don't let her go. But if you think he can provide for her better and take care of her, then letting her go might be a good idea.

[Dana]

I disagree with letting your child go with her father. It sounds like you're the one who has been raising her since birth--is the father even a big part of her life? You gave up a lot to have your child, and it doesn't make much sense to give her away now, regardless of your financial problems. Do not let your child go--you will regret it. It's not a matter of if his parents "want" to help you or not, the father should be paying child support, and especially if he sees you're struggling with your daughter and does nothing to help--that sends up major red flags. Also, how does he expect to care for your daughter if he's working? The relatives would do it all? I would be extremely wary of sending her off to live with relatives when you don't even know when you'd see her again.

[JessiLynn_]

He is a big part of her life, she knows who he is and she loves him. He doesn't have a job, not that I'm making up excuses for him but whenever I say I need something for her, I know he tries to get it. And I understand why he wants to go to a different state, his father is a big fat orge and is really unfair to everyone. The father is the reason that his parents stopped helping cause his mom doesn't know how to think for herself.
And I guess there's a daycare across the street from where he would be living and his uncle is willing to give him a job and pay for the daycare until he can cover it himself and he said that if that doesn't work out, his grandma is willing to take care of her while he works.
Everything sounds peachy keen, except for the big fact that she's gonna be so gosh darn far!

I'm changing my mind by the hour and I tried to do the whole pro and con list but some of the pros outdo the cons and some of the cons outdo the pros, it's ridiculous.

(sigh)=[

[udontno]

This will probably be the hardest decision you ever make in your life. Don't rush it and think long and hard about it.

I wish I had more advice for you. Just know that you are in my thoughts and I hope that you are guided to the right decision.

[off to a new life]

Originally Posted by JessiLynn_

I can't go down there with her if I let her go because her father still wants to be with me. It wouldn't be fair to him to go and give him hope when I can no longer be in a relationship with him.

Is there any other reason you can't go besides that? Going seems like the best option. Just make it clear to the father that you do not want to get back together with him and you are only going to be with your daughter. If at any time he seems to start thinking you want to be with him, just remind him again.

[J&M's Mommy]

If you could find a way to go, I think that would be best. It will not be easy for your daughter to be without either her mother or her father. And since you are the primary caregiver, I do think it would be even harder for her to be without you, so far away, with people she probably does not know that well.

[iHEAVENn]

She's 15 months old, if the dad's been in her life the entire time then the transition wont be too terrible, but it still will be hard on her.

Have you tried asking the guy if you can come along just as her MOM try letting him know your relationship wont continue if you go down there.

Other than that.. If there's a family that can support her without struggling then maybe it's in her best interest to go. You can always get a signed letter saying when you get a stable job baby can come back with you.. Or you can always fight out custody in court later on down the road but for now the kid needs to be in a stable home with lots of support.

[losing touch.]

i think you should keep your daughter with you. you don't want to regret missing out on her growing up. i don't think you should write off both moving to the other state. also, if his family are willing to help could you ask for them to lend you some money (but stay living where you are?) or just hang in there until you can get a more permanent job.

don't be afraid to ask for help. it's not about getting sympathy it's about being able to buy necessities. i'm not in your situation so i can't imagine how difficult it is for you but i think you and your daughter should stick together.

[Fictional]

Honey, I'm sorry I can;'t give you any advice other than to think long and hard about this, but I hope everything turns out well for you and for your daughter *hug*

[MisplacedDreamer]

I would be very careful about this decision as you may not be able to get her back if you let her go.

Are you in the process of trying to find out whether or not you qualify for benefits? I am not talking about child support but like WIC or do they want to wait till your child support gets established?

Also, maybe you can look into job corps to help learn a trade to get a better job depending on your age.

[JessiLynn_]

Thank you all for your advice<33
I talked to my daughter's father and I'm going with him and my daughter. He still plans on trying to win me back but i think he has grew up a bit as he said tonight that he can't force me to be with him but can only hope. That's a big..HUGE step for him so I'm glad
I'm very nervous but I'm going to look into the job corps thing, thank you Misplaced Dreamer
&& we also do qualify for des and all that so this week, I'm going to go ahead and start that process so that when we do get to the different state, our appointment will be already set up.
And thanks for the hug Jessie, awesome name btw:P
Again, thank you guys, hearing your ideas and opinions really helped a whole lot and I'm glad I talked to him

[Fictional]

I'm so glad everything is turning out good =) Not being a parent myself, I can't understand fully how hard this must have seemed, but I'm always here if you want to talk - or share cute pictures of your daughter xD


Just realised how bad that sounds I promise I'm not a peado

*hug*

[Lost_InTheStars]

I'm really glad you decided to go with them. I think you definently made the right decision And absoloutly also the one that will be best for the child. She'll be in a stable financial situation and with both of her parents.