Triggering (Grieving): Still not over it

[kayykatastrophii]

As an aside, I'm sorry if this isn't the right place. Please move it if it isn't.

It's been almost three months. I found out I was pregnant in April. I fought over the decision for weeks. I had come up with a name. Chloe. I didn't know if it was a girl or not, but that's what I'd decided. In May I got an abortion. Right around Mother's Day. It was so hard on me.

I still don't know if it was the right choice or not. Since that time I have seen the name Chloe at least fifty times randomly. I know she's in Heaven with God, but I can't get over it. And the fact that several of my friends are pregnant and kept their children makes it that much harder. I know I couldn't have supported her, but it's still hard.

I have a fiance, and he's been so supportive, but I just make things harder on him. I've been pushing him away. We rarely kiss, cuddle, or anything. I have anxiety disorder, which I had previously under control. Now it's affecting me even more. I've started cutting again, and my eating disorders are back. I'm so hard on him, and I just don't know how to let go. I wish I had a support group, but I have no money.

I need to heal, but I don't know how.

[angelicpsyco]

ass far ass the baby goes....time will heal your pain you did at that time what you thought was rite....rather than having a child and neglecting them......and with your boyfreind....attention heals everything.....just spend time 1 on 1 and talk about wat they do to irritate you or....disgust ways to deal with each others feelings in a healthy way.....

[xxCookiiexMonsterxx]

Hey hun,
I've been in you situation, completely, down to naming my child aswell..
I totally realise how hard it is, how bad you are feeling right now;
I'm not gonna lie and say that it'll get any easier very soon, but time will help..
I also found that keeping reminding myself of my reasons for doing it when I was having intense surges of guilt.. Try and let your partner in on your pain, he may not be able to help as such, but just talking about it can help..
Also, I wrote my baby a letter explaining.. Obviously no-one got it.. but it helped clear things in my mind.. && to a certain point you just need to accept your decision.. It's not easy, but you had your reasons and there's little point in doubting them now (although I understand why you are cause I did the same)
PM me if you need to talk hun..
Steph
x

[kayykatastrophii]

Originally Posted by xxStephiiexx

Hey hun,
I've been in you situation, completely, down to naming my child aswell..
I totally realise how hard it is, how bad you are feeling right now;
I'm not gonna lie and say that it'll get any easier very soon, but time will help..
I also found that keeping reminding myself of my reasons for doing it when I was having intense surges of guilt.. Try and let your partner in on your pain, he may not be able to help as such, but just talking about it can help..
Also, I wrote my baby a letter explaining.. Obviously no-one got it.. but it helped clear things in my mind.. && to a certain point you just need to accept your decision.. It's not easy, but you had your reasons and there's little point in doubting them now (although I understand why you are cause I did the same)
PM me if you need to talk hun..
Steph
x

Thank you so much. Seeing words from someone else who's been there really helps.