She aborted it...

[ThrashAttack]

Today i found out that that my Freinds Gf (who i slept with, if any of you guys remember this) had an Abortion the other week. I feel pretty stupid becouse i dident find this out any sooner.

Damn im pretty pissed off now

[MisplacedDreamer]

Do you know the reasoning why she aborted it? Did you listen to her reasons? Were you the father?

Maybe she doesn't want children period. Maybe she can't afford to give the child a good life or even decent prenatal care. Maybe she realizes that she couldn't go through with an adoption. Perhaps she had an ectopic pregnancy. Could she have been raped by someone?

It's easy to judge, but without knowing her reasons, then there is really no way it would be fair to judge her. Even then, people are probably making her feel guilty enough.

[ThrashAttack]

There was a 50/50 percent chance i was the father, she was sleeping with her Bf at the same time she slept with me. Im just pissed becouse i was kind of looking forward to being a Dad.

[mIssIng:nO]

Why did you sleep with your friends girlfriend?

Even if it was your kid, I really doubt you'd be able to see it all that often (unless you fought it) since the fact that she did cheat on her boyfriend with you.

[ThrashAttack]

Both of us were drunk

[MisplacedDreamer]

Well, the situation sounds tricky? What if your friend was the father? Would she have received the same support from him? If she is dating your friend, then that means that she probably loves him.

Being a single mother isn't a cakewalk. If things go sour between the father, the mother can literally become trapped within a 50 to 100 mile radius depending on the custody agreement (in the USA). She wouldn't be allowed to move outside of that radius otherwise the dad could go back and get the court to change who the custodial parent is.

Child support rarely covers the needs of the kids in the US and health care for a little one is expensive. Babies grow and they need food, diapers, clothing, toys, and love and support.

While you may have been a great father, she may have seen the difficulties of being a young, single mother can bring from other people she knew. It's a scary situation when you are in a stable relationship with the father and financially secure, but the whole not knowing dilemma probably contributed to her decision.

(sorry, saw ThrashAttack's location and because I didn't realize he had posted so assumed the last post was Missing : No because I had read it before I clicked on respond.) Canadian law is different so I don't know specifics on that.

[ThrashAttack]

(sorry, saw ThrashAttack's location and because I didn't realize he had posted so assume the last post was Missing : No.) Canadian law is different so I don't know specifics on that.

I live in the Uk so its different here

[MisplacedDreamer]

Originally Posted by ThrashAttack

I live in the Uk so its different here

Is that really where the Edge of Oblivion is? J/k.

But honestly, I understand you're angry and it is a normal reaction. I would just also try to forgive her. A child's life is something she may not wanted to have gambled with and she may not have been ready to be a mother but knew she might not be able to deal with the uncertainty of adoption.

Sorry, I got messed up at who started the thread. Yeah, the UK is different with their laws though, but I still would attempt to hear her out before getting too angry. One thing that has helped me not judge people is the lyrics "What it's like" By Everlast and the part about Mary. I have not ever been confirmed pregnant, but I don't think I could ever judge another person for making a decision it's their choice. It's not an easy one.

[delete]

Honestly, I think alcohol is a sorry excuse for bad behavior. Even if you were drunk, it's still cheating. In her defense, it is HER body. Are you prepared to be a father, provide, child support, ect? She probably wasn't ready to be a mother, and people are probably giving her hell as it is. I hate to say it since I love children, but I'd rather a fetus (not yet child) be aborted, than go into a reluctant, unwanting, unprepared home, and not have a fantastic home life.

She would have a hard time being a single mother if she couldn't have enough self control to not get drunk and cheat on her boyfriend, then not be careful enough to use protection to keep this from happening. Think about that... Would you want a child in that environment? Since it's over now, there is always the future for a happy home for you. I do think you are bit young to be a father. Good luck

[WillO'Wisp]

"Oh I was drunk" is never an excuse. There is no reasonable excuse for cheating and nothing makes it ok, and the fact that you actually cheated with your friend's girlfriend shows you are not at all a good friend. She was right to abort it.
I hope her bf finds out and dumps her.

[thebigmole]

Obviously she felt comfortable and confident enough in her decision to abort that she didn't feel the need to talk it over with you. Probably means your opinion wouldn't have made any difference in her actions. It's also weird for you to assume that not only you were the father, but that she would even let you be a dad, or that she would have even kept the child if she had had it.

[MichWolverineFreak]

Thats awful... I cant believe noone understands it, but abortion can tear people apart. Im really sorry.

[Marguerite]

You guys are being pretty insensitive. If a girl come on here and said 'I slept with my boyfriends friend and aborted the baby... Now I feel sad.' and I said to her

'Hey, you were being irresponsible. Being a mother is hardwork. You shouldn't have slept with him in the first place.'

You guys would flame me and I'd probably be banned for being rude.

Yeah, what this guy did was wrong, and in all honesty it was probably for the best.

But this guy has a right to be upset and I don't think anyone is really considering his feelings (which is silly since he came here for help, not to be judged.)

I'm sorry OP you are going through a rough time. Perhaps it's better to distance yourself from her for a while.

[darkinnocenteyes]

I agree with the above poster, although you shouldn't have slept with your friends girl, I'm sorry to hear that she aborted the baby. I know the idea of someone killing what possibly could have been a part of you hurts, but the baby is in a better place now if you believe that sort of thing.

[ThrashAttack]

Thanks guys, its good to know that there are still nice people on TH

[losing touch.]

I think people are being a bit harsh. I would never condone cheating but everyone makes mistakes and that doesn't mean that OP isn't going to be affected by the abortion.

I think abortions are always difficult to deal with, whatever the circumstances and it's pretty normal to feel angry about it. my advice would be not to take it out on her. even though it was her decision to have the abortion i'm sure it was a difficult thing for her to do and she's probably feeling a whole mixture of emotions at the moment. sorry you're having a rough time at the moment - it can't be easy to deal with.

[iHEAVENn]

Who cares who did what, there was a child, and now there's not. The girl didn't even talk to the guy when making her choice.
Which is a little childish and selfish, Yeah it's her body blah blah blah the guy has a right to know that his "maybe" baby is being aborted.

I'm sorry she didn't let you in on what was going to happen.

[Justin Bieber]

Hey,

Maybe stepping into her shoes might help a little? She was drunk and had sex with her boyfriend's friend. She gets pregnant and has no idea who's child it is. What if it's not her boyfriends? Who would help support her? What would happen to her relationship with her boyfriend? Could she have a child? Is she ready for one? Prepared? How would her life change? Her thoughts: If I get the child aborted, all these questions can go way. If I abort the child, I won't have to deal with this. I am not ready for the baby, I want to get the child aborted no matter who's baby it is. If I don't talk to either guy, they will never know what happened.

I can totally understand how hard this must be for you though. It could have been your baby. Remember though, you are only 18! You have plenty of time to have a child with someone special. I *assume* that you'd probably rather have a child with someone you love and have a relationship with, than with your friend's girlfriend that you impregnated while drunk.

Perhaps you can talk to her about how you feel- it might give you some closure to talk to her.

I'm really sorry about all this- it must be emotionally.. really tiring and heartbreaking.

If you want to talk, or anything, feel free to message me =]
-Amy

[ThrashAttack]

Thanks, i appreciate the comments. I talked with her about it today and we have cleared things up a little

[MaggzB]

i understand your being upset. cheating yea shouldn't happen but mistakes happen and people shouldn't be on here being so rude to him. there is a chance it was his and he is upset about that. to OP i hope everything works out and if you need to talk pm me

[Through-Glass]

Hey Will,

I'm so glad that you decided to talk to her and that things are cleared up a bit. Because this seems to be some-what resolved and to avoid any more rude comments, I'm going to go ahead and close this. If you need more help and/or want the thread re-opened, please send me a PM.

Take care.