Decisions.. /:

[dejaentendu0]

I met with some people at a pregnancy resource center and talked about my options. Later, me and Brandon met today to discuss what we're going to do about our baby. Ultimately, we decided that abortion - although painful to do, both physically and emotionally - is the best decision for us and him/her. We don't think we're strong enough to go through all the pregnancy and end up with nothing in the end.. Although I'm not too happy about aborting, I know it's the best decision for the time.

But I thought making a decision would comfort me a bit.. Or atleast make life a little easier. I won't know how far along I am until Wednesday. I'm going to Planned Parenthood in the morning with a friend to have a consultation and discuss what I want to do and how we're going to go about it. I also need to figure out HOW expensive it's going to be (Brandon told me today that he'll pay for it, due to it being both our doing in this and him wanting this to go as easily as possible for me) and if I can do it without informing my mother. I don't feel ready to inform her just yet, as much as I know I should. /: I know one day I'll tell her and if it comes down to me needing to go forward with our decision, I'll share with her. But right now doesn't seem like the right time, even though it's killing me to hide it. How would I even tell her anyway? I'm pregnant and 16. And as much as people are complimenting me and encouraging me for being so mature about how I'm handling this, there is that childish fear that I did something horrible and that she'll judge me for it. Also, I only want HER to know. I don't feel like it needs to be a family ordeal. I don't want my sisters to know or my father... and she'd tell them and the rest of my family. I'm not ready for that.. I don't want to be judged by them.

After Planned Parenthood, Brandon is coming with me that day at 7 (I'm fairly sure we're finally working things out and getting back together soon. That's exciting atleast) to see an ultrasound with me and to sit down and talk to a lady. I think it'd be beneficial to him - although I'm not excited on seeing my baby after our decision. The lady I was talking today informed me I'm most likely 7 weeks along. I would be due in early March. And she showed me what my baby looks like with a figurine and informed me that my baby now has: a beating heart, elbows, eyes/nose/ears forming, teeth developing, etc... /: After the ultrasound, I don't think I'm going to return to the place until after I have the abortion. They offer free counseling for post-abortion women and I think that'd help me a bit. I want to atleast check it out.
He wants to come with me to my Planned Parenthood appointments, but he can't because of work. I do appreciate his attempts at supporting me in this though, it's nice. And I need him in this. He won't be there for the actual abortion either. /: He can't since he needs as many hours at work as he can manage to do. My best friend (who went through an abortion) is going with me and promises to be in the room with me during the consultations and actual procedure.

But if I AM 7 weeks pregnant, the pill abortion is only offered up until you hit 8 weeks along, as claims the Planned Parenthood website. I don't think I'll have everything settled out by then. There's a bunch of paperwork I need to do and they will want to talk to me beforehand. And I'm not even sure if I can take the pill method, as I'm highly sensitive to hormones.
So, if I can't get that... I'm stuck with an aspiration abortion. And that terrifies me. I heard terrible stories about it. And although it only lasts 5-10 minutes, after reading what they do during the procedure, I'm slightly uneasy on that form.

And after I get done with it, I'm going to need a birth control method. I'm COMPLETELY done with pills. I'm sensitive to hormones and it's hard to find one that works. I took Yaz everyday at the same time. And here I am, pregnant. I heard about Paragard - a copper IUD. No hormones and it lasts ten years at the max. Plus, it's a constant thing. It's effective as soon as it's put in and I don't have to worry about taking for years. It seems pretty good to me. I talked to Brandon about it and he likes it. I still have questions and concerns about it though. I don't know if Planned Parenthood offers it around me yet - I know they offer Mirena, but my friend never mentioned Paragard. I guess I'll find that out on Wednesday though. Is anyone here on it though? My OBGYN told me about IUDs and told me it'd be my best option, but you had to have been pregnant to get it. I looked it up online, but there wasn't much information on it or how it works. And the personal stories on websites were rather mixed.

Ugh. I thought, after making a decision, it would be easier and I'd know what to do. But I don't know where to begin or where to go or how to accomplish these things.

[Jocelyn.]

I just want to say, I'm very sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is. I may not be the best person to talk to about this... becuase I didn't go through with it... but I know how scary it is to be faced with a possible abortion. I also thought that once I came to my final conclusion I could feel some peace of mind, but it just made things more complicated and confusing.

If a medical abortion is truly what you want, you need to research abortion clinics and go ahead and make an appointment. The clinic will be able to tell you how far along you are, and if you are still able to have one. When I found out I was pregnant, I was planning on a medical abortion, but kept putting it off until it was not longer an option. A surgical abortion was just too scary. Even though, I've known girls who have gone through it with no complications.

It sounds to me like you are currently going to a crisis center. Showing and telling you things trying to discourage you from having an abortion, giving you an ultrasound... the same thing happened to me. Once I saw my little cheerio on the screen, I knew I couldn't do it. I would suggest not going back there for the ultrasound. They can do that at the clinic, and you can decide whether you want to see or not.

Also, I know its hard, but tell your mother. Believe it or not, after the initial shock, she would not want you to go through this alone. I'm sure she would want to be there to help you through this difficult time. It really would be best in the long run. You are 16 and pregnant, and you need her to be there for you.

I also got pregnant on the pill... and I won't go back to it either. I'm on the shot, and I still always use a back up method. I don't have much information on IUDs... I know they have their possible down sides like any other b/c, but for the most part I've hear good things. Just a little bleeding in the beginning.

Good luck, and I'm here if you need to talk.

[dejaentendu0]

Thank you for replying.
I know Planned Parenthood will do an ultrasound, but I already have the appointment set up for the center as well and I figure I can turn the appointment into discussing post-abortion help. As I said, they have free counseling and support for women that go through with it - which, seeing how attached and hurt I am already - I think it'd be highly beneficial. I already had been warned beforehand that they're pro-life as they came to my school to talk about it and said absolutely NO positives to abortion. I'm not really excited to see him/her as I know it'll be one of the last times I will and seeing it will probably make it somewhat worse for me, but in the end... a part of me wants to see it. I guess that's kind of strange. I'm afraid to and I'm worried on my reaction, but at the same time, I want to see him/her atleast once.

Brandon texted me this morning and told me he managed to get off work tomorrow. He explained what's going on to his boss and she arranged it so he still gets paid, but doesn't have to come in that day. So he's going to both appointments with me, which is GREATLY appreciated. I informed him on what will probably happen and gave him warning on the pro-life feel of the one place. But we've firmly decided. This is the best decision for the time and situation that we're in.

I definitely would prefer a medical abortion... It seems a lot more peaceful and natural to me. I'm definitely going to be asking them about it, but if all else fails, I'm going to be left with the in-clinic. It sounds unpleasant, but my friend got one and assures me it's 5-10 minutes at the most. If I need to go that route, I guess I'll prepare myself for it - I'll have to.

I'm thinking on telling my mother now... But I don't know how to do it at all. I figure, if I tell her, it'd make it easier to relax and get through this. Both my sisters got pregnant as teens and kept their babies.. I know she doesn't believe in abortion. But at the end of the day, it's mine and Brandon's choice, I guess. But I know in Pennsylvania, I need atleast one parent's consent... If I tell her, it'd be A LOT easier to get through the paperwork, and hence give me a chance at getting the medical.
But I can't think of a decent way to share. I don't want my other family around. I don't want them to know. I just want my mother in this... I can't think of a way to choke the words out either or the best way to share it.

[ashyxanarchy]

First off, let me say that it's got to take a lot of backbone to be going through this.

I would say, going to a place that's pro-life won't make it any easier on you to go through with an abortion. But if that's where you feel comfortable going to, then I would go ahead and go there. Maybe you could call and ask about the post-abortion counseling, and if you need to be a patient there to get it?

My best bet is that your mother will understand. She's dealt with her daughters being pregnant before, right? If you're old enough to be pregnant, then you're old enough to make an adult decision about how you would like to handle it.

I know it sounds a little unorthodox, but try not to think about it as a "baby." It's no bigger than a blueberry. So think of it as a blueberry seed growing in your tummy, and they just have to take it out. Silly little things like that always help me.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. (: Good luck

[MisplacedDreamer]

I read your previous thread and it is good that you are thinking this through. As for schools, I don't think public schools can refuse to turn you away and apparently they even have to provide home tutoring if you are on bed rest and a minor (for high schools.) Refusal to educate you could turn into a civil liberties issue. They also can't force you into a special tract. I would imagine private schools could have discrimination lawsuits for turning you away, but I am not sure on them.

http://www.aclupa.org/education/stud...ntingteens.htm

Now, how far along do you think you would be? Does seven weeks seem to fit? Was the woman you talked to a doctor? Was she a OB? Did she say she had any credentials? I would get into Planned Parenthood and ask them to tell you how far along you are.

As for abortion, it does not involve a strong vacuum and it is safer than many surgical procedures. I would talk to the nurse or doctor at Planned Parenthood about your specific fears and they may be able to reassure you.

The lady I was talking today informed me I'm most likely 7 weeks along. I would be due in early March. And she showed me what my baby looks like with a figurine and informed me that my baby now has: a beating heart, elbows, eyes/nose/ears forming, teeth developing, etc... /: After the ultrasound, I don't think I'm going to return to the place until after I have the abortion. They offer free counseling for post-abortion women and I think that'd help me a bit. I want to atleast check it out.

Uh, teeth? Teeth form around 14 weeks, not 7 and it's not like the initial teeth buds are even visible. The ears are a hole. The mouth and nose are slits. Did the figurine have a little bit of a tail left? Was it less than an inch long? (Sorry, a little rant. if the figurines are the ones I think they are, then they are not very accurate.)

I advise against going back to the center too till you have had your abortion. If you give them a heads up as to what you want to do, they may do some dramatic spiels to try to change your mind that can be very emotionally damaging to you.

[Jocelyn.]

Originally Posted by MisplacedDreamer

Uh, teeth? Teeth form around 14 weeks, not 7 and it's not like the initial teeth buds are even visible. The ears are a hole. The mouth and nose are slits. Did the figurine have a little bit of a tail left? Was it less than an inch long? (Sorry, a little rant. if the figurines are the ones I think they are, then they are not very accurate.)

I advise against going back to the center too till you have had your abortion. If you give them a heads up as to what you want to do, they may do some dramatic spiels to try to change your mind that can be very emotionally damaging to you.

This. I've even rambled on about this topic in a different thread.

They will tell you anything to talk you out of your decision. They are extremists who will lie and lie just because they feel abortion is murder. I've experienced it first hand. They even got verbally abusive when I refused to listen to them. They will make you feel like shit, they don't care about you. Sorry for being brutally honest. I just don't want you to have to go through what I went through. Deciding on abortion is tough enough without having to listen to those nut jobs attack you.

[dejaentendu0]

So, I had my appointment today. We didn't go down to the Planned Parenthood - as I called them a day ago and set up an appointment over the phone. It's on Saturday in the morning for the medical abortion.
We went back down to the center today simply to see the baby for the first time. A male counselor talked to Brandon while the lady that was doing my ultrasound asked me a few questions. He says the counselor was actually rather understanding and supportive. And the lady that did the ultrasound for us was extremely nice and understood the situation we're in and why we picked the option we did.
I'm six weeks pregnant tomorrow (errr... today?). They guessed a week off. So, I'm actually due March 24th. I'm not going back there until after I've completed the abortion, however. I think that would be the best for us.

Although everything is in order and all I have to do is wait until Saturday, there's still so many obstacles in my way... /:
Brandon and me finally got back together. Which is excellent. I need him and I love him. I was worried this would pull us further apart since we were fighting at the time, but it brought us back together. And we're being more open with communication this time around.
However, I think Brandon is now second guessing. He hasn't outright said it, but he has been asking me repeatedly if I'm okay with the decision. I don't want to lie to him, so I tell him how I feel about it: I don't really like the idea, it's scary. I always told myself if I got pregnant, I'd abort because I'm too young, but it's different when you're actually in the situation. And it's going to tear me apart, it's going to upset me and it's going to hurt me a lot. A year from now, I'm going to be thinking about how old he/she would be.. If it would be a boy or a girl... Who it'd look like, etc. But, given the situation and timing, it's the best decision. And I'll do it simply because of that.
I know it's hard for me... I know it's his kid too, but in the end, I'm the one carrying it and caring for it and feeling it. And in the end, I'M going to be the one taking those pills to end my pregnancy. It's different for me than it is for him. But at the same time, I think it's almost just as hard for him as well. He wouldn't let go of my stomach all night last night or today. He actually feel asleep with his head on my stomach after kissing it for hours. /: And after seeing the ultrasound, he wants to have a picture of his baby. I think it's kind of mean of me, but I don't want us to get attached anymore than we have to. And he is attached.

Uh, teeth? Teeth form around 14 weeks, not 7 and it's not like the initial teeth buds are even visible. The ears are a hole. The mouth and nose are slits. Did the figurine have a little bit of a tail left? Was it less than an inch long? (Sorry, a little rant. if the figurines are the ones I think they are, then they are not very accurate.)

I advise against going back to the center too till you have had your abortion. If you give them a heads up as to what you want to do, they may do some dramatic spiels to try to change your mind that can be very emotionally damaging to you.

Yeah, she informed me that it has teeth buds forming? The figurines definitely did NOT have slits and holes though. It looked like an actual little baby, but just really tiny.

[kadyCHAOS]

i feel so bad for the baby. like shit what if someone just killed you before you had a chance at life? and when theres thousands of loving families willing and wanting to care for a child? sorry, i don't mean to be yelling or making you upset but its just my thoughts. saturday- its like a pre planned murder. countdown.

[dejaentendu0]

Originally Posted by kadyCHAOS

i feel so bad for the baby. like shit what if someone just killed you before you had a chance at life? and when theres thousands of loving families willing and wanting to care for a child? sorry, i don't mean to be yelling or making you upset but its just my thoughts. saturday- its like a pre planned murder. countdown.

No need to apologize for your beliefs. I understand where you're coming from, trust me. I feel like a terrible person already and I know I probably will for a long time. This is going to follow me throughout my whole life. I'm going to look back all the time and think about how old my baby would have been, if it was a boy or a girl, who it would have looked more like, and what would have been its future... Who would my baby have been?
However, me and Brandon have talked endlessly about abortion vs. adoption. And we don't think either of us can go nine months with developing an even stronger bond with him/her and then just... giving it up, handing it over, and walking away empty handed KNOWING we're not the ones that are going to see him/her grow everyday. She/he might love us later on in life if we chose adoption, but it wouldn't be the same. And what if my kid didn't? What if he/she didn't understand? I've seen adopted kids talk to me and tell me how they could never forgive their birth parents. What if that's their view... What if we're not forgiven by our kid?
We've definitely considered both sides though. And although adoption is an EXCELLENT option, it's not one I'm strong enough to do. Don't get me wrong, abortion is hard too. We've seen my baby, we saw the heartbeat. It's alive and in there - and we've bonded a lot in the short time since I found out. It's a choice that is tearing me apart, but at the end of the day, it's the best option of my situation and the time in which it occurred. On Saturday, I have to watch my baby on yet another ultrasound and then, right after seeing my baby, I have to force myself to take those pills. That's a hard thing for me to do, as well.
If I COULD have it my way, I'd keep it. I love kids and I love the father. He's really supportive of me and all, but at the end of the day, it's out of the question. I'm young and jobless. He's 20 and has a job, but not one that can pay for the diapers, the doctor visits, the crib, the clothes, the formula, etc that is required for a baby. And we're not stable enough emotionally or mentally to handle a baby.
I completely understand where you're coming from though.

[MisplacedDreamer]

Originally Posted by kadyCHAOS

i feel so bad for the baby. like shit what if someone just killed you before you had a chance at life? and when theres thousands of loving families willing and wanting to care for a child? sorry, i don't mean to be yelling or making you upset but its just my thoughts. saturday- its like a pre planned murder. countdown.

Are you honestly trying to be inconsiderate and hurtful? There is a place for posting your views and it's not in someone's thread where they are asking for advice because they have made up their mind. You also could risk emotionally harming the op (which, thankfully, it doesn't sound like the case.) If you have to apologize for making someone upset, then it probably doesn't belong in a help thread.

Dating is really hard with ultrasounds and they may make the initial one off of your last period if they do not have a good picture of the embryo.

I think you are being realistic and have thought it out very well. Have you asked him if he is rethinking his decision though? To be fair, if your sisters qualified for WIC, you would probably qualify for medicaid to help with the doctor visits. However, that is not going to help out with diapers, cribs, and food.

[dejaentendu0]

Dating is really hard with ultrasounds and they may make the initial one off of your last period if they do not have a good picture of the embryo.

I think you are being realistic and have thought it out very well. Have you asked him if he is rethinking his decision though? To be fair, if your sisters qualified for WIC, you would probably qualify for medicaid to help with the doctor visits. However, that is not going to help out with diapers, cribs, and food.

Well, my periods have had the tendency of being extremely irregular, so I simply guessed on the time period. They definitely tried to get the best picture of the baby that they could and 6 weeks sounds pretty right with my progression and a date of conception. I know Planned Parenthood will do an ultrasound there to confirm it for themselves though.
Thank you for being supportive though. I'm trying to think of it in the best way I can and simply trying to force my fear aside in this. I'm scared, but I feel the need to be strong in this. One step at a time, you know?

I have not asked him if he's having doubts. He told me that we need to go through with this, and we still have every intention on staying on course with our decision. However, I know I'm not happy about it. And I don't think he necessarily likes the idea and decision of it either.
The doctor at Planned Parenthood called me today. It's necessary to talk to him to keep your appointment. And he told me what was going to happen, when to take the medication, and what to expect. I got background information on the medical abortion and then he went on about the aspiration one - just in case the medical fails. The thing that really had me uneasy is he shared that I MIGHT see my baby after I 'miscarry' it' /: If I saw it, I think that'd be a terrible for me. And now I'm afraid I will.
Brandon seemed a bit considered about the risks. Hemorrhaging, infection, possible death, and increase of depression/suicidal thoughts. I have had severe depression for quite a few years and I've been hospitalized for suicidal intentions in the past, so that's his biggest concern.

As for the medicaid and WIC; I'm fairly certain we'd qualify for both. I'm currently jobless and still in school and Brandon doesn't make nearly enough for a child to be supported. But even with that support, there are still expenses... Expenses we can't pay for. And, as I've said, even if the medicaid would help with the medical costs and adoption was possible without worrying about money, there is still the issue of bonding with the baby and then leaving empty handed. I don't think I can do that. I don't think we can do that.

Also, I think my mother found out today. I was gone for two hours to go walking - as I find that helps my nausea and cramps. When I left, there were two packets about pill abortion and then an envelope full of brochures and information on adoption, abortion, parenting, and baby development. When I came home, they were no longer there.
She hasn't said anything about it however.

[MisplacedDreamer]

Well, the risks are serious but it shares many of the same risks with carrying the baby to term and it is actually safer than child birth. There is a chance and it would be shocking in any situation. I was traumatized when I think I had a miscarriaged two years ago (but wasn't expected it.) However, blood clots and tissue can look similar to what one may think would be an embryo.

I would strongly recommend going to the support at the clinic then and I would share your concerns and history at the doctor/nurse at Planned Parenthood. Does your Planned Parenthood have a support group set up like the crisis center?

Are you going to tell your mother afterwards? She probably knows, especially if the papers are missing, but unsure of how to approach it. Since she most likely saw the papers, she may approach you at some time if you don't approach her.

It is one step at a time. Is Brandon going with you to the clinic? It is easier if you have someone with you and if he isn't, then you may be able to get a walker to go with you. Someone who will meet up with you and make sure you're not harassed by anyone.

Originally Posted by ultraaviolet

Well, my periods have had the tendency of being extremely irregular, so I simply guessed on the time period. They definitely tried to get the best picture of the baby that they could and 6 weeks sounds pretty right with my progression and a date of conception. I know Planned Parenthood will do an ultrasound there to confirm it for themselves though.
Thank you for being supportive though. I'm trying to think of it in the best way I can and simply trying to force my fear aside in this. I'm scared, but I feel the need to be strong in this. One step at a time, you know?

I have not asked him if he's having doubts. He told me that we need to go through with this, and we still have every intention on staying on course with our decision. However, I know I'm not happy about it. And I don't think he necessarily likes the idea and decision of it either.
The doctor at Planned Parenthood called me today. It's necessary to talk to him to keep your appointment. And he told me what was going to happen, when to take the medication, and what to expect. I got background information on the medical abortion and then he went on about the aspiration one - just in case the medical fails. The thing that really had me uneasy is he shared that I MIGHT see my baby after I 'miscarry' it' /: If I saw it, I think that'd be a terrible for me. And now I'm afraid I will.
Brandon seemed a bit considered about the risks. Hemorrhaging, infection, possible death, and increase of depression/suicidal thoughts. I have had severe depression for quite a few years and I've been hospitalized for suicidal intentions in the past, so that's his biggest concern.

As for the medicaid and WIC; I'm fairly certain we'd qualify for both. I'm currently jobless and still in school and Brandon doesn't make nearly enough for a child to be supported. But even with that support, there are still expenses... Expenses we can't pay for. And, as I've said, even if the medicaid would help with the medical costs and adoption was possible without worrying about money, there is still the issue of bonding with the baby and then leaving empty handed. I don't think I can do that. I don't think we can do that.

Also, I think my mother found out today. I was gone for two hours to go walking - as I find that helps my nausea and cramps. When I left, there were two packets about pill abortion and then an envelope full of brochures and information on adoption, abortion, parenting, and baby development. When I came home, they were no longer there.
She hasn't said anything about it however.

[dejaentendu0]

Well, the risks are serious but it shares many of the same risks with carrying the baby to term and it is actually safer than child birth. There is a chance and it would be shocking in any situation. I was traumatized when I think I had a miscarriaged two years ago (but wasn't expected it.) However, blood clots and tissue can look similar to what one may think would be an embryo.

I would strongly recommend going to the support at the clinic then and I would share your concerns and history at the doctor/nurse at Planned Parenthood. Does your Planned Parenthood have a support group set up like the crisis center?

Are you going to tell your mother afterwards? She probably knows, especially if the papers are missing, but unsure of how to approach it. Since she most likely saw the papers, she may approach you at some time if you don't approach her.

It is one step at a time. Is Brandon going with you to the clinic? It is easier if you have someone with you and if he isn't, then you may be able to get a walker to go with you. Someone who will meet up with you and make sure you're not harassed by anyone.

Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself in my head. But the doctor definitely got me scared of actually seeing it. Apparently, most women don't because they bleed a lot and the blood and clots hide it. I'd be a complete wreck if I do though. I'm also terrified of the pain he told me to expect - but that's simply because I'm a wimp and contractions sound scary. But I'd be looking at those no matter what I chose, so I'll just have to deal.

When I made the appointment at Planned Parenthood, I made sure to share that I have had a history of depression and I was hospitalized (quite recently too). I felt that would be information I should share since it's very likely to affect it.
As far as I know, the Planned Parenthood where I'm getting it done at does NOT offer post-abortion support. The very pro-life center around me does, however. I refuse to return to them until after my procedure is done though - for obvious reasons. I do know I want to do some sort of therapy afterwards. I think it'd help. I definitely will be asking for them to refer me to a few places, but the distance is a concern of mine. I need somewhere close to me.

Yes. I plan on approaching my mother tomorrow. I'm pretty sure me and Brandon have decided that I'm spending the night at his house tomorrow, as the appointment is early on Saturday and it would just make life easier. It would also help us feel more at ease and comforted to have each other there, as anxiety is surely getting to us and we've been feeling nervous about this. My mother doesn't like the idea of me being over there overnight though, so I'm going to explain what's going on and what we're doing. Hopefully, she lets me go with no complications and supports me with this. I know she doesn't believe in abortion, so I don't know how she feels about all this. I'm just constantly worried that she thinks I was irresponsible and reckless to get myself into this. And, atleast to me, it's not that way. I was using contraception and it failed me. I'm worried she's judging me and I hate that.

Brandon is most definitely coming with me to the clinic. I don't think I could do it without him. He's been my one and only real support through this and he WANTS to go and deal with this with me. I'm so thankful for that. On Saturday, he plans on not leaving my side. He's doing really great with this. I honestly thought he'd want nothing to do with it and I'd be alone in this. He definitely proved me wrong. I've been warned beforehand that they get people who protest abortion outside their office - especially on Saturdays. They assured me that they can't block the door and if I request for them to back off, they must. I'm rather sure I'll also be with him Saturday night and Sunday as well - Sunday, I'll be taking the second pill and begin the contractions to miscarry. I haven't a clue how long they will be lasting though. I'm pretty sure they can be lasting anywhere between 6-8 hours?

[mommieof2]

wow. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I really wish you the best, and i hope things go as planned.