I'm Pregnant.

[Kokoro]

4 weeks pregnant. It's awful feeling like I have to choose between life or death. I've chosen to abort the baby.. But I am TERRIFIED. I am definately too young to have a baby.. but thinking that I'll be getting rid of it.. it hurts.

The father doesn't know, and I plan to keep it that way, as he is away in germany until the 10th Dec, and I have hospital on the 30th Nov. I am proper scared!!!

Hugs appreciated , and any comforting words from those who've experienced an abortion, i think the after effects and the guilt will hurt me the most..

[CrimsonTippedPetals]

Recently I have gone to a Skillet concert and the lead singer has a song called Lucy. It's about a girl who decides to abort the baby. She can't handle it aftewards and goes to a psychiatrist who tells her, "Act like it's a death in the family." So she named her baby Lucy, and act as if her baby had died. It was the best thing she could do, and she felt so much better and less guilty.

It's about how you can figure out how to cope. You can keep it a secret if you want from your father, but you should be allowed to be depressed and guilt ridden for a little while.

[noise94]

I don't have any advice, but I hope you get through everything okay, and know that we're all here to support and help you to cope.

[Dana]

Hey there, *hug*

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time in your life right now. Being 16 and pregnant is a very scary situation and you're facing a lot of tough choices. You are probably always going to face some opposition to those choices, but that's what life is about. If you are sure you made the best choice then that is all that really matters, not what other people think, so keep your head up. If you have any adults or friends you can trust, then you might find it helpful to talk to them. Are you sure you don't want to talk to the father?

There are two methods of abortion at this stage-- one is basically a thin vacuum they insert, the other is a set of pills you can take. If you take the pill option (if you have the option to choose), obviously it is less invasive and you can go home, but you do bleed for a few days and sometimes have after affects. The vacuum option is usually pretty quick.

I'm also assuming you've considered all other alternatives as well (either keeping the baby, or adoption). Though if you are sure, then it is definitely best to get the procedure done as soon as possible.

PM me if you want more support, okay?

Dana

[losing touch.]

Hey, sorry you're in this situation! i can't imagine how you must be feeling. definitely look at all your options, you don't need to rush straight into a decision. have you told anyone? family, a friend? i think it would help if you weren't going through this completely alone.

[Quartet]

I've been in your position before, I know it hurts to make such a huge decision, and I know that right now you are thinking about your future, as you should.
Abortion is a tough thing to go through... I did it at 4 weeks. I choose medical (the pills) instead of surgical(a thin vacuum) so I could be home during the abortion.

I went through the whole abortion without pain killers (my brother couldn't pick them up in time until near the end) and it was the most painful experience I'd ever felt... so, if you decide a medical, be sure to have pain killers right away.

The after math physically of a medical abortion is that of a heavy period. You feel nauseated and in pain, so the pain killers are great in that case.

Guilt will be a factor, and what CrimsonTippedPetals said is pretty much what I do. It's been a couple years since the abortion and days when I feel extremely bad, I write my little boy a letter, his name is London... and I miss him so much.

[Fictional]

I can't imagine how it must feel to be in your situation, and I'm really sorry, I don't have any advice, but if you ever want to talk, you can p.m. me

[Stargazed.]

I didn't abort my baby, but I did have a miscarriage.
The things I do to cope are writing to her, about her, and drawing things that I dreamt for her.
If you need anything at all, feel free to PM me.
*Hugs* & Good luck.

[Kumagoro]

Hey,

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I can only imagine how tough it must be for you and although I don't know what you're going through, I know I would feel pretty torn if the same thing happened to me.

You're only 4 weeks pregnant...you still have time to think this through some more. I'm sure you have already thought about this carefully and made a wise decision as you are very young to have a baby, but you also need to think about how you will cope with the emotional pain. I think the ideas in the posts above are good.

Remember you are doing what is best for you and the baby. If you feel that you won't be able to cope with looking after a child then you are making a rational choice. I know guilt is going to be an inevitable feeling, honey, but we're here for you every step of the way.

Take care

[taylalatbh.]

I can't say that I've been in this situation before, but I can understand that it must be so hard for you.

I'm sure you're making the right decision for you and your life.

Take care.`

[Nicolette]

Stay strong, there's plenty of people to talk to on here whenever you need. Best of luck with everything *hug*

[Alicia.C]

I'm against abortion, but all for people havng their own rights. I respect your choice to do what you feel is right. 16 is young, and I do hope from now on you are more careful when it comes to sex until you feel ready to parent a child. If you feel bad thinking about aborting your baby, you will feel guilty after it's done and have a bunch of "what if's." It's normal, and it's okay to hurt. And there is a lot of support for people who've had abortions for whatever reason. For me personally, it took my husband and I 6 years to have our first baby, having had multiple miscarriages throughout that time. Abortion is not something I'd consider personally. However, I wanted a baby at 16, I was ready for a baby at 16. You're not, and you know that. That already makes you a great future parent, you already know what's best for your child at this point.
Have you thought of adoption though?

[dejaentendu0]

I was in almost the exact situation you're in, except I found out when I was 6 weeks along.

Now, I don't want to pressure you into anything, but have you thought this out fully? I know it's a scary thing and most people want it done and over with fast... but, in my case, I had it done two weeks after finding out. Looking back, I wish I would have given it more time because me and the father would have chosen differently if we had time to let it sink in and think about it more. I didn't realize I wanted my baby until it was too late - I already took the pills and there is no going back. Not after you take the pills and not once that vacuum starts.
I'm not trying to pressure you, as I said, but you're 4 weeks. You can have the the medical abortion up to 7-9 weeks (depending on the place) and an in-clinic up to 13 weeks. I don't know exactly when you found out and how much you've been thinking about this, but if you haven't thought long about it, I think you should sit down and work out if it's really what you want or not before jumping into a decision.
Having a baby and deciding whether or not to keep it is going to be one of the two biggest decisions you'll probably make in your life. Think on it. Make sure it's what you want.

If you are certain you want to go through with the abortion:
You seem to have everything set up with the appointment and all. Do you know what you're getting done yet - the medical or the in clinic? I, personally, had the medical one. As someone that also had one above mentioned, if you do the pill method, make sure you have the pain medication with you. Anti-nausea meds will also be useful. I did mine with neither and it greatly effected my experience because of the pain. IF you're doing this method, take the nausea medication 30 minutes before you take the pills.

If it's the in-clinic, could you find someone to go in the room with you for support? It's scary, but it only takes 5-10 minutes. If you think you'll be bothered because the machine is rather noisy from what I hear, maybe you can ask to bring headphones in and try to distract yourself with music?

Either way, make sure you get antibiotics and take them as directed. You don't want an infection. It's very important you do.

As for after and dealing with grief, it's never an easy thing to go through. You're losing a loved one, a piece of your family. Loss is never easy. But somethings I've found to help me is:

- What do you think it is? A boy or a girl? Name him/her. I know I had dreams before I found out of a boy. I decided to name him James Anthony. It helps to be able to do that sometimes.

- Talk to your baby. Write letters. Talk to your baby when your alone or in your head. I think some people think I'm crazy when I go off talking, but it honestly helps. I've written plenty of letters to him.

- If you feel you can handle having an ultrasound, get one. Carry it around with you. Frame it. Put it somewhere. It can be comforting sometimes.

- On the due date, have some sort of celebration or remembrance.

It's a hard thing to do. I used to think I was crazy for doing all the things I did - following how far along I'd be and talking to him and all. But it's completely normal and encouraged to do so.

Another helpful thing I found is a workbook on post-abortion. There's many places that offer support and help through this, but sometimes it's nice to sit back and reflect on your own as well. Here's the link to the workbook - it really helped me sort through everything:
http://www.pregnancyoptions.info/emo...&spiritual.htm

You seem like a very strong girl in a scary situation. But you'll make it through this. It's hard and life changing, but sometimes you have to sacrifice the thing you love when you know it's for the best - despite how hard it is to do so.
If you ever need help or support, I'm always here to talk.
Best of luck,
Liz. <3

[Jesus Christ.]

My aunt had an abortion, she kinda turned into a crazy cat lady, and suffers depression =/
But definitely think of the other possibilities like adoption.
Good look in what ever you decide to do though.

[michiganlion2]

I am personally AGANIST aboution! But yes you are only 16 WAY to young to have a child.. YOU are still a child yourself!!!

If you want to talk inbox me or pm me!
Hope it all works out!

** abortion sorry typo

[Kokoro]

I read every single reply. Would like to say a great big thank you for all the supportive replies.

What do you think it is? A boy or a girl? Name him/her. I know I had dreams before I found out of a boy. I decided to name him James Anthony. It helps to be able to do that sometimes.

I'd love to name my baby, I think it'd make me feel better, knowing I gave him/her identity before I made my decision.. Thanks for your reply, your whole post was very eye-opening, I am sorry for what you had to go through.

You're only 4 weeks pregnant...you still have time to think this through some more. I'm sure you have already thought about this carefully and made a wise decision as you are very young to have a baby, but you also need to think about how you will cope with the emotional pain. I think the ideas in the posts above are good.

Well, maybe it is early days.. but I don't want to think about it anymore.. I want to get it over and done with. The emotional pain will be hard, but it's better than me bringing up a baby I can't afford or properly care for.
Thank you for your reply, greatly appreciated.

I didn't abort my baby, but I did have a miscarriage.
The things I do to cope are writing to her, about her, and drawing things that I dreamt for her.
If you need anything at all, feel free to PM me.
*Hugs* & Good luck.

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.. You're ideas are really great, thank you very much,

Abortion is a tough thing to go through... I did it at 4 weeks. I choose medical (the pills) instead of surgical(a thin vacuum) so I could be home during the abortion.

I went through the whole abortion without pain killers (my brother couldn't pick them up in time until near the end) and it was the most painful experience I'd ever felt... so, if you decide a medical, be sure to have pain killers right away.

The after math physically of a medical abortion is that of a heavy period. You feel nauseated and in pain, so the pain killers are great in that case.

I am definately doing the medical.. but it sounds so painful and awful.. but I'd rather be at home I guess. Although both sound absolutely awful. What sort of painkillers, just paracetamols?
Thanks so much for your reply, and I'm sorry for the pain you had to suffer.

I replied to the replies that stood out to me the most. Thank you very much for all your support. I have to go down to the doctors and pick something up and talk about the hospital, what would I be picking up?

Thankyou

[.Brittany.]

I hope this is what you want, and not what anyone else wants. Make sure you seek professional help after wards as it may be hard. Keep strong

[Kokoro]

This is definately what I want, I know this is what I have to do.
Thank you Brittany.

[dejaentendu0]

What sort of painkillers, just paracetamols?

I'd ask them about this and see what they say. I'm pretty sure they'll give you higher painkillers than that. When I had my medical abortion, they gave me a bottle of codeine and told me to take two. If that didn't make me feel comfortable in an hour, to take three (in addition to the two), if THAT didn't make me feel okay, to take another four. I wasn't supposed to take more than that though.
You can get some paracetamol medication if you want to take them in addition. They said I could take some after my codeine. It wouldn't hurt.

I have to go down to the doctors and pick something up and talk about the hospital, what would I be picking up?

Hmm. Did you fill out any paperwork? Insurance information? If not, that might be it. Especially if you have to talk, because in the US atleast, most places make you do a counseling appointment before doing it to make sure you understand and are certain it's what you want. In the US, they're also required to explain what will happen and such... I'm not sure if it's the same in the UK, but that'd be my best guess.

[Kokoro]

^ Ahh Thanks for that, I hope they give me some medication then, as it'll be so painful without it.. And paracetamol ontop of that sounds like a good plan.

&& about the doctors, that'd make sense. I'm going to try and get my courage up to go down later. As I have to go sometime before wednesday at least.. I just get there and then get nervous and come back home. I'm so stupid.

ThankYou xxx

[guillotine_blades]

I am so sorry you are going through this! You sound very grounded and sure of your decision. Keep a heating pad handy to put on your abdomin (why can't I spell today!) to help with some of the cramping.

[dejaentendu0]

^ Ahh Thanks for that, I hope they give me some medication then, as it'll be so painful without it.. And paracetamol ontop of that sounds like a good plan.

&& about the doctors, that'd make sense. I'm going to try and get my courage up to go down later. As I have to go sometime before wednesday at least.. I just get there and then get nervous and come back home. I'm so stupid.

ThankYou

I'm almost positive they will. Almost every place does. And I assure you, it's not anywhere as scary or painful as you're probably making it out to be. As long as you have painkillers and maybe some anti-nausea medications, you'll be fine. I know going down is scary... I went down to talk to them and left. I couldn't do it until the day I had to. It's not stupid to be afraid to do so.

The procedure isn't too terrible at all. All you do is take one pill and then the next day, take four small ones. Then just lay down and - as someone suggested - use a heating pad, if you have one. Trying to sleep might help get through it and make it seem faster, if you can. My cramping lasted about 9 hours - it can last up til 12 though. If you take the pain and anti-nausea medications, it'll just be like you're having a period - mild cramps and the usual symptoms.

Make sure you have a bunch of pads though! You'll need them.
You tend to bleed for awhile and they also help to monitor how much you bleed.
Also, my doctor told me that if you go through more than two pads in two hours or if you pass a clot bigger than a lemon, to call them. I'm sure they'll go over this with you today though.

You'll be fine. It's not as scary as it sounds and you seem like a strong girl. ^^

[Kokoro]

Thanks so much for all your advice, I'll try and go down today. Your making it sound less and less scary, I really appreciate, xxx

[bitesize]

I've never been through this myself, but abortion would be my personal choice if I became pregnant at this time in life (although I'd have to travel abroad) so you have my full support. It seems like this is the right choice for you so just remember that we're all here if you need to talk to anyone. And also, a lot of women who go through abortion are advised to take counselling afterwards; it might be a very good idea.

[Daydreamer]

If abortion is your decision that is entirely up to you, but it is my personal opinion that you owe it to the father of that child to tell him before you do anything as final as an abortion. It's his child too and I believe he has a right to know of the decision you're making and possibly even talk to you about it. I know that if the situations were reversed and my significant other were to abort our child without even talking to me about it I would never be able to forgive them. I really wish you would take the time to think about this decision and talk not only to your boyfriend, the father of this child, but also possibly even your parents. I hope everything works out for you.

All the best,
Megan

[Fictional]

I guess the only advice I can give you is to follow the advice of other users, but I hope everything goes well for you. Also, with medication, you can take anything paracetamol-based and anything ibuprofen-based at the same time, so that you get a stronger dose.

[Missjess21]

Im completely AGAINST abortion but my best suggestion is get it as soon as you can before the baby develops too much, They get a heartbeat around 6 weeks.

[Philomath]

I'm sorry you have to go through this, I don't know what it's like to make this sort of decition at all, but I do, as other users have said, hope you are sure of your decision and I really hope that you understand the importance of this decision. It sounds like your a really smart person, I just hope you look at this with different prospectives. I feel the father of the baby should know, I can say that if I were in your situation, I'd definitely tell the father that I was pregnant. Half of that baby is him and half is you, yes, you have to carry that baby in your stomach, yes you'd have to find somewhere for it to go if you didn't abort, but I know this is your decision and I can't change what you decide for yourself. I know that this is an extremely hard decision to make, so you shouldn't be making it alone, having the support of other people around you might be very helpful in dealing with this. Can you tell anyone in your life about this? Your parents, the father, a really really close friend, a counselor, anyone? You are going to need emotional support afterwards most likely and I think it would be easier if you tell someone that you are aborting before you abort instead of after you abort, that way when you do need emotional support, the person will know and have had time to take it in, because even those close to you might find this difficult to look at. Also, that person you tell will be able to be there with you if you want someone to go with you to the abortion possibly, having someone there when you are having the abortion might be helpful and reduce the feelings you may have when going in, because you will know that someone you care about is being there with you through this time.
I hope I have helped and if you ever need anything, you can PM me, I'm here a lot and I love helping or just listening. Good luck with this and I hope you are doing okay.

[lovelife608]

Personally, I'm 100% Pro choice. I think if thats the choice you want to make, then go for it. But you have to think about how its going to effect you afterwards because ONCE you abort, there is no going back. I haven't been in this situation exactly, but i have had pregnancy scares [twice]. And its definitely something that makes you worry. My choice is, is that under the age of 21 i'd get an abortion. I'm not capable of giving birth, or having a child, etc. I'm not ready to go through the changes of my body, carry a child, gain weight, etc. I think people who choose to do so, are very strong. But people who get abortions are strong as well, because they made that decision and have to live with it and go on with life with that memory.

You are 4 weeks pregnant. You have up to 16 weeks to get an abortion, most doctors won't go up to 24 weeks unless they believe so. Otherwise it has to basically be 16 weeks or less. I've asked my Gyeno Surgeon.

However, there are choices you can choose from the Abortion Pill or the Abortion Surgery where they use a "suction" type instrument. Either one is going to be painful. You will have cramping.

If that what you choose to do, do it. Just think about what you do before you decide to do it. You have the right to do this.

If you need to talk, hit me uppp. (:

Hang in there.

[guillotine_blades]

Originally Posted by lovelife608

You are 4 weeks pregnant. You have up to 16 weeks to get an abortion,.

She said she is wanting to do the medicinal abortion (the pill, RU486) To do the pill, she has a much shorter time frame. Usually after 8/9 weeks (depending on what dr you ask) they require the surgical abortion. To do the Medicinal, she has a much shorter window of time.

[Eternal]

Hang in there! I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. I don't know anything form experience so I can't really give you advice, but I'm here for you if you ever need anything. Take care <3

[MisplacedDreamer]

Make sure you go back for follow-up care. It is important that you return and they do ultrasounds to make sure you passed everything. They also may be able to recommend some counseling services at the follow-up or before in case you may need them.

[.Brittany.]

Originally Posted by Kokoro

This is definately what I want, I know this is what I have to do.
Thank you Brittany.

You're welcome If you need anything afterwards, let me know. Keep strong.

[tigeredwards]

think carefully and protect yourself

[lovelife608]

Yeah for the abortion pill you have up to 8 weeks. So yes she does have a short term to do so.

Have never been in this situation so cant really offer any advice or experience. Just to let you know am thinking of you. Take care
x

[Kokoro]

Thanks for all the replies of support, Much appreciated.

Hospital on Tuesday, absolutely not looking forward to it, nervous, scared and very upset that I've had to make this decision. But when it's done I hope I'll be able to get my head around what I've done, as this is breaking my heart.

Thanks again everybody, wish me luck!

[Fictional]

Good luck with this I'm not sure if it's quite the right sentiment, but I hope everything picks up for you

[Philomath]

You are definitely welcome. I will be thinking about you on Tuesday and hope everything goes well for you.

[.Brittany.]

Good luck with everything <3