Being judged.

[Jocelyn.]

Do you ever feel like you are judged by strangers for being a young mom?

I'm not even that young, and I definitely have been feeling some judgment. Well, not really until my husband made a comment. I often come home telling him stories of how this store clerk made such and such rude comment, or the bank teller was talking to me like I was stupid... so on. So now I wonder if I sometimes get treated poorly because I'm young, single (or so they think just because my husband isn't with me), and have a child. Or if its just because everyone and their mom is a jerk.

I've had someone call my son a hillbilly baby for taking him out with bare feet (For awhile my son wouldn't keep socks or shoes on his feet and I would just take him out without. He wasn't walking and his feet didn't even touch the ground. It was also middle of summer). I often get cashiers asking if my stuff is on WIC. Not like its a bad thing.... but do you ask that to every woman who comes through your line with a baby? Doubt it. The list really does go on and on.

I'd like to hear your stories.

[LucyLouWho]

I feel like I'm being judged all the time, but I try not to worry about it anymore. I know that I'm doing my job as a mother and as long as my son is taken care of, it's none of their business.

I was with my grandmother buying supplies for my new home one time while I was still pregnant... visibly pregnant, that is. And the cashier made a comment about how it's ridiculous that all of these "babies are having babies". My grandmother put her in her place very quickly. Yes, I agree that it's a good idea to wait until you're older to have children, but to basically dish out your unwanted opinion right in front of a very hormonal and very pregnant woman... You just don't do that.

And yeah, I also get asked if any of my stuff is WIC occasionally.

Yeah... I've gotten oogles and boogles of rude comments and stares. I don't care a whole lot anymore. I usually tell Kaden, "Say hi..." and wave at them.

[dejaentendu0]

My sister has rude comments like these happen to her often as well. I remember walking into a mall with her and her baby and a lady that worked there walked over and said "Awe. You're baby is so cute! How old are you? You look young." Upon thanking her and telling her that she just turned 20, the salesperson told her that she looks soooo young and asked her why she'd get pregnant and keep the kid.

There's been times when I've been watching her kid and gotten looks or comments as well. I remember watching her one day and taking her out to eat with my mother and grandmother. Maria started throwing a fit, so I took her to go change her diaper. When I left, the waitress went up to my mother and told her that I should "keep my kid in line. I choose to have it, I shouldn't have it disrupt everyone else because of my mistake." When I came back, my mother was setting her in line. Maria's not even my kid. She just saw me with her and assumed and judged me on that.
I think that's something that's not going to stop though. A lot of people are judgmental and rude. You just need to hold your head high and ignore them.

[Audball2108]

Ohh my gosh do I have a story to tell. Mind you, I don't know exactly what was said because I was so flustered but I got some help from my sister, who was also there.

So I was at the ice skating rink in the spectator room with my sister Libby watching my friend practice and I had Aurora with me.
Some lady whose daughter just moved to the figure skating club came up to me, looked at Aurora and said "awe! She's so adorable!!! Is this your little sister? What's her name?"

Said "No, this is Aurora, and she's my daughter"

She immediately stopped smiling and looked at me for a long time. She finally said, "Really? You're a skater here, right?"

I said "I am, but I'm taking a brake until my daughter is a bit older."

She said something along the lines of "Ah, well that's good. But you know how it is with kids, they tale a lot of time. Maybe you won't have enough time to skate anymore." And she gave me a bitchy smile.

I snapped!! "What is that suppose to mean?!"

She then said something like "Well all I'm saying is that we don't need girls skating here that are going to glorify teenage sexuality and teen parenting. So maybe your daughter will be a little darling and keep you away for a while so we can keep your poisonous way of life from corrupting theirs. Oh, and I guess I did see you at the 2009 spring show...such a bummer, that fall you took. Ah well, not everyone is cut out for figure skating...or parenting."

I handed Aurora to my sister and yelled "EXCUSE ME?"

She just gave me a sly smile and said "I'm just saying...anyway, if you do come back, will you at least tell people that they need to wear a condom if they are going to do the "stuff" you did. We don't need more teenagers like...well, you know."

I finally had enough by then. I was crying, my sister was crying, and I think she said I looked like I was about to explode into Hulk form! I went off on her ass!
I said something like this:
"How DARE you. You have NO IDEA what I have BEEN through!!! I WAS F***ING RAPED." And I said some other stuff I can't remember and then I said "And I'm not glorifying teen parenting, because it is the hardest thing ever. Especially when people like YOU try to JUDGE me just because I have a daughter. So BACK OFF!"

And then we left, but not before my sister said (and bless her heart for this) "Lady, I would advise you to pull your daughter out of this figure skating club, because one, we are telling Mrs. Rohe (the director of the club) about what has happened here, and two, your daughter SUCKS."

[LucyLouWho]

Originally Posted by Audball2108

Ohh my gosh do I have a story to tell. Mind you, I don't know exactly what was said because I was so flustered but I got some help from my sister, who was also there.

So I was at the ice skating rink in the spectator room with my sister Libby watching my friend practice and I had Aurora with me.
Some lady whose daughter just moved to the figure skating club came up to me, looked at Aurora and said "awe! She's so adorable!!! Is this your little sister? What's her name?"

Said "No, this is Aurora, and she's my daughter"

She immediately stopped smiling and looked at me for a long time. She finally said, "Really? You're a skater here, right?"

I said "I am, but I'm taking a brake until my daughter is a bit older."

She said something along the lines of "Ah, well that's good. But you know how it is with kids, they tale a lot of time. Maybe you won't have enough time to skate anymore." And she gave me a bitchy smile.

I snapped!! "What is that suppose to mean?!"

She then said something like "Well all I'm saying is that we don't need girls skating here that are going to glorify teenage sexuality and teen parenting. So maybe your daughter will be a little darling and keep you away for a while so we can keep your poisonous way of life from corrupting theirs. Oh, and I guess I did see you at the 2009 spring show...such a bummer, that fall you took. Ah well, not everyone is cut out for figure skating...or parenting."

I handed Aurora to my sister and yelled "EXCUSE ME?"

She just gave me a sly smile and said "I'm just saying...anyway, if you do come back, will you at least tell people that they need to wear a condom if they are going to do the "stuff" you did. We don't need more teenagers like...well, you know."

I finally had enough by then. I was crying, my sister was crying, and I think she said I looked like I was about to explode into Hulk form! I went off on her ass!
I said something like this:
"How DARE you. You have NO IDEA what I have BEEN through!!! I WAS F***ING RAPED." And I said some other stuff I can't remember and then I said "And I'm not glorifying teen parenting, because it is the hardest thing ever. Especially when people like YOU try to JUDGE me just because I have a daughter. So BACK OFF!"

And then we left, but not before my sister said (and bless her heart for this) "Lady, I would advise you to pull your daughter out of this figure skating club, because one, we are telling Mrs. Rohe (the director of the club) about what has happened here, and two, your daughter SUCKS."

Wow, way to go! I hate when people are like that!

[Kitty.]

Originally Posted by Audball2108

Ohh my gosh do I have a story to tell. Mind you, I don't know exactly what was said because I was so flustered but I got some help from my sister, who was also there.

So I was at the ice skating rink in the spectator room with my sister Libby watching my friend practice and I had Aurora with me.
Some lady whose daughter just moved to the figure skating club came up to me, looked at Aurora and said "awe! She's so adorable!!! Is this your little sister? What's her name?"

Said "No, this is Aurora, and she's my daughter"

She immediately stopped smiling and looked at me for a long time. She finally said, "Really? You're a skater here, right?"

I said "I am, but I'm taking a brake until my daughter is a bit older."

She said something along the lines of "Ah, well that's good. But you know how it is with kids, they tale a lot of time. Maybe you won't have enough time to skate anymore." And she gave me a bitchy smile.

I snapped!! "What is that suppose to mean?!"

She then said something like "Well all I'm saying is that we don't need girls skating here that are going to glorify teenage sexuality and teen parenting. So maybe your daughter will be a little darling and keep you away for a while so we can keep your poisonous way of life from corrupting theirs. Oh, and I guess I did see you at the 2009 spring show...such a bummer, that fall you took. Ah well, not everyone is cut out for figure skating...or parenting."

I handed Aurora to my sister and yelled "EXCUSE ME?"

She just gave me a sly smile and said "I'm just saying...anyway, if you do come back, will you at least tell people that they need to wear a condom if they are going to do the "stuff" you did. We don't need more teenagers like...well, you know."

I finally had enough by then. I was crying, my sister was crying, and I think she said I looked like I was about to explode into Hulk form! I went off on her ass!
I said something like this:
"How DARE you. You have NO IDEA what I have BEEN through!!! I WAS F***ING RAPED." And I said some other stuff I can't remember and then I said "And I'm not glorifying teen parenting, because it is the hardest thing ever. Especially when people like YOU try to JUDGE me just because I have a daughter. So BACK OFF!"

And then we left, but not before my sister said (and bless her heart for this) "Lady, I would advise you to pull your daughter out of this figure skating club, because one, we are telling Mrs. Rohe (the director of the club) about what has happened here, and two, your daughter SUCKS."

Good job! People have no right to talk that way!

[Nicolette]

I don't at all look my age, especially alot of times with the way I dress with tank tops and what not, alot of people say I can pass for 20. I've had people telling me "there's no way that you're a mom" I've had people ask me "is that really your baby?" In which I've answered "as much mine as he is my husbands."

People usually don't say anything but I know they're staring at me, whatever, I'm young at heart and don't exactly look my age but I know I provide everything my son needs and more.

[Magical Forest.]

Whilst i'm not a mum, I have a three year old sister.
I take her to the park, pick her up from childminders occasionally and hold her hand when we go for a walk.
The amount of nasty looks I get are horrible. I just felt like screaming SHES MY LITTLE SISTER, but then it would look like I was bothered by it, which at that point i'd had enough of people looking down their noses at me.

[Pelios]

I don't have any kids but whenever I take my little cousin to the park or to the store I can feel all the looks and can feel the bad tension there is when people see a young girl with a kid. It's horrible.

[Love.Peace.Happiness]

Hey,
I'm only 12 and not a Mommy yet but anyways...
Whenever I see a young woman with a baby I didn't stare or anything I might wave to the baby or something along the lines of that...
I would just take it like a grain of salt with thoes people.... They just aren't aware of what is going on...

[iHEAVENn]

Not anymore.... right after I gave birth people didn't think he was mine because I didn't look like I had a kid.
But no one judges me or my hubby now.

[Audball2108]

I have news! Libby told Mrs. Rohe what the lady said to me and Mrs. Rohe confronted the lady. She denied everything! but then she pulled her daughter out of the club. So at least I won't have to deal with people like her at skating.

On the other hand, I have to deal with people like that everywhere else. Like yesterday I went to Kohls to buy Aurora some outfits for Christmas presents and some lady just stared at me the whole time. I was very uncomfortable knowing that someone was silently judging me without even knowing what happened!

[Leo]

Well I don't have a kid myself, but I do baby sit my friend megan's daughter a lot and im out about in town with megan hanging out with her and farrah and even doing that I've gotten some weird looks. There was even one time that we were at the mall and Megan went into Victoria's Secret so I was sitting outside the store with Farrah, and some lady came out and started chewing me out about how I should be more responsible and not have sex so young. lol I got so pissed off I was like "Lady im 19 and this isn't even my kid, and even if she were my daughter its not of ur damn business so leave me the fuck alone." She was not pleased :P

[Fictional]

I admit I do havea tendancy to stare at babies, but only because they're so cute I've never experianced it myself, but probably about one girl every year has to leave my school because shr's pregnant, which I don't think is very fair.

[PutYourHeartsUp]

People that judge young people holding a baby really bother me. I don't have a child of my own, but if I see someone really young with a baby (unless they're obviously too young to even give birth) I don't really assume anything. Usually, I end up talking to people with small children, but mostly to tell them how adorable or well behaved they are.

And, I'll be honest. When I go to the store, the majority of well behaved children I see are with young girls or guys...whether it's a sibling or parent, they have better behaved children than all those "Oh you're too young to handle raising a child" jerks.

For a class, we had to carry around an electronic baby that cries. My friend had to stop at the store, bringing her "baby" with her. She had a woman start going off on her about how she was too young to have a baby. My friend freaked and told her it wasn't real. The woman was all, "that's not a nice thing to say about your BABY" and she was like, no. really. look at the HOLES in its BACK for the KEYS.


People are stupid sometimes.

[J&M's Mommy]

I don't really see people staring at me when I am out and about to be honest. Maybe I just dont notice. I know I don't look that old ... but you never know.

People are idiots, and they always will be. All of us are great mothers.

[amystery]

ugh... people can be so alskdfj. (Ya..not going there) Anyways...I'm not a mother yet myself but I babysit quite often and have a lot of little cousins and such. Living in a small town I generally didn't get as many stares but our little town is starting to grow now. This summer I went home to work and I took a babysitting job to get more hours in and simply because I enjoy being around kids. The one little girl I babysit is about two and her parents were showing their house so I had to take her out. We went to Subway and then to our ice cream shop. People just stared...the funniest part? They were speaking French and talking about her n me but I understood every word. Was tempted to say au revoir or something to them when we left but I just decided to leave it be.


Hang in there though let them look and comment all they want. Its not their kid and you know what's best for your children.

[Enchanted]

People judge me all the time. I am 21 and i still get judged. Mainly because i am pregnant again. People don't know others circumstances and they still give me dirty looks. I just tell Grace to wave.

[ChapperIce]

I must admit that at times if a girl appears especially young coming through my line, I'll judge her a little in my head or be surprised because i just can't help it. It's part of human nature to make judgements. HOWEVER i keep it in my head. I don't say anything to co-workers and I treat the customer like I would any other person, with respect, and I try to make their time at our section of the casino pleasant, regardless of what I think of them. Would you treat a random person like crap because they had, say, a piercing or a tattoo you thought was stupid? No, but you might still think "wow, what a dumb decision." (not that pregnancy is always a decision, but you know what I mean).



I'd say stop being polite about it when you feel insulted. An employee's job is to help you with what you're doing at whatever location and to provide good customer service. If you feel they aren't, you should speak up to someone about it. Even if you don't feel comfortable telling THAT person or sticking around while that person gets told, you still have the right to be treated with respect and to speak up when you're not.


Bottom line: you're going to be judged, children or not, it just seems having a kid at a younger age (even if you're 20+) is something that's easier to judge openly without it being obvious to anyone but the judger and the judgee. And let me tell you, as an ex-grocery cashier,we do not ask everyone if they're on WIC. We rely on the people coming through to alert us before we ring anything up because they have to be done in such a certain way. Seriously, I'd start speaking up, but that's just me. I like to complain haha.