Female Advice Preferred: abortion

[.I.Overcame.SI.]

i was raped ths summer...and mi mom made me get an abortion...i regret it so much..nd miss mi baby..evn though im only 16...i just wish i knew wht to do about it..thre are so many complications with future pregnancies..nd im scared..any advice??

[guillotine_blades]

Just an FYI. There isn't ANY complications for future pregnancies from one, correctly done, abortion. It is the same procedure that is done for a miscarriage and the only way it has any imlpications for your future pregnancies is if it was done incorrectly or if there has been several done.

So you already had the abortion? Maybe you should look into getting some counseling. It sounds like you aren't ok with that decision that was pretty much made for you and maybe you need to get some professional help to get you through these hard times.

[.I.Overcame.SI.]

thre are too complications..ik..im doin a paper on it..nd i cnt go to counsoling..mi mom would find out about it..nd hate me even more..

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Why would your mom hate you for going to counseling? It might seem, due to your moms behavior, that she hates you but it very well could be that she believed she was and is doing what is best for you. I suggest you try talking to your mom about getting counseling. If that doesn't work is there any other trusted adult you could talk to about all of this? I think it is very important that you talk to people about what has occured. Getting an abortion can be a hard thing to have done and adding to the fact that it was forced must be making it harder. If you can't seek counseling try reaching out to friends and family and talk about everything that occurred. Talking is the biggest way you are going to heal from all of this.

I really wish you the best of luck and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[amzi]

I'm not sure if we're getting the whole story here, and complications from abortion are very rare, and someone as young as yourself usually bounce back physically very quickly and almost never experience complications getting pregnant later in life. I can understand that at such a young age it is overwhelming and emotional because you don't have the life experience to handle such adult situations. I think the emotion of self-hate is stemming from the rape itself, not about the abortion. The pregnancy and abortion are results of something very traumatic, and that has to be dealt with through counselling and therapy. A girl is never the same after sexual assault, and if your mother doesn't understand of support your need for therapy, than she does not have your best interests at heart, and frankly I don't understand her issue with it. You must seek help and deal with your complex emotions quickly, and do so for as long as it takes for you to feel stable again. There is free counselling, it can even be done confidentially and through school, there sometimes is no need to tell your family, and these sessions can be done during daytime hours, and sometimes schools even excuse you to attend them! Just look at your options, talk to a trusted teacher or adult regarding these possibilities. Your only job this early in life is to look out for yourself, and if your mom won't help, you need to take control of your life.

[Unicorn ♥✿]

You're very blunt about it all... no abortion will not give you further complications , besides which , did you really want a rapist's child??

[Daydreamer]

It would have been her child too Smiley. I know this can be a really hard time and because your mom was so upset about what happened it may have seemed like she was mad at you, but more likely she was mad at the situation, because this was not your fault. I would say talk to your mom, tell her you know the topic upsets her, but you are having a lot of trouble getting over this and could really use someone to talk to.

As to long term complications, they are some, but I'd imagine that from your project you are probably getting a lot of hits from anti abortion websites designed to scare young women into not considering abortion. Remember, no one controls what goes on the web, so anything can be put on there and people can make it sound reasonable. This - http://www.plannedparenthood.org/hea...tion-21519.htm Is a very reliable source for questions about abortion. Are you by any chance at a small town or private religious college? Because this project sounds a little bit biased to scare kids out of making a choice. If you need to talk I would really recommend talking to your mom, or even a planned parenthood representative near you about your fears due to your abortion.

I wish you nothing but the best,
Megan

[.I.Overcame.SI.]

i've tried telling mi mom i need therapy..she wont listen..nd she says that if i try to get therapy on mi own..she'll send me away..nd i cnt deal wth tht on top of evrythng else..and smiley..i would want th baby..it would have been mine too...and if i couldnt have dealt wth it..thrs always adoption.....i just wish mi mom had understood tht...

[PutYourHeartsUp]

Where would she send you? I think you need to talk to someone about the rape AND the abortion. I know people that really wish they had gone to counseling after they were raped. I understand how upset you must be about not having your baby, regardless of how you became pregnant. I'd be upset too. What complications are you worried about having?

[.I.Overcame.SI.]

she would send me to a nuthouse...nd im scared to confront her..

[thebigmole]

You have to tell someone what's going on. Because I think what your mother is doing could be considered child endangerment if anything. You need to tell a teacher, or heck even the cops because you really should be getting counseling.

[guillotine_blades]

Originally Posted by Fallin_To_Pieces

she would send me to a nuthouse...nd im scared to confront her..

Thats impossible. At most she could say you were trying/threatening suicide and they could keep you for 72 hrs for watch. So that shouldn't be a worry for you. You need an actual doctor/therapist to sign off on an admittance to a mental health facility, parents can't just send their teenagers there because they are doing things they don't agree with.


And to your previous reply to me. No. A D&C only causes "complications" for future pregnancies when it is done incorrectly or multiple times, resulting in scar tissue. When done correctly and only once, it normally has NO effect on future pregnancies at all. Maybe you should ask a health professional so that can be cleared up for you, as I have several times since I have had two D&Cs for a previous miscarriage and am faced with the decision to have another one or not for the miscarriage I am currently going through.

[Sythan]

Originally Posted by Smiley:)

You're very blunt about it all... no abortion will not give you further complications , besides which , did you really want a rapist's child??

You talk as though it is a piece of meat. It is a life, a living breathing thing.

[.I.Overcame.SI.]

it was a living, breathing thing, thank you, Sythan, im just having a relle hard time accepting th decision mi mom forced me into

[dejaentendu0]

Kassy -
I definitely understand what you're feeling. Back in August of this year, I had an abortion as well - mine in big part to my mother. I know what it feels like to lose something you really wanted when forced to let go - instead of completely willing yourself to do it.

I just wanted to tell you that it DOES get better. Every day, I cry a little less over it and forgive a little more. It takes time to heal and it's something you won't ever forget. But it WILL get better.

Have you looked into online counseling or doing it yourself? I know there are tons of forums and support groups and projects out there just for post-abortion help. i think you might benefit from that.
On top of that, I used this worksheet whenever I was first grieving and it reaaally helped me: http://www.pregnancyoptions.info/emo...&spiritual.htm

If you ever need someone to talk to - about this or anything else - don't hesitiate to PM me.

[WaitingForTheTearsToDry]

I'm sorry about what you had to go through, and still are going through. You cannot be sent to a "nuthouse" if there is nothing mentally wrong with you worthy of a nuthouse, can try to get you in all she wants but when you get there they evaluate you and they'll see there's nothing wrong with you.
To everyone that's said that there is no complications unless the abortion was done incorrectly, you're wrong. Plenty of women have complications from that because of infection from the procedure and that's not necessarily the doctors fault (depending on the situation) if bacteria gets in there right after the abortion and causes an infection, sometimes it's no one's fault at all, it just happens.

[.I.Overcame.SI.]

thank you all for your advice, its just relle hard for me to get up in the mornings sometimes, like i'll wake up and think im still pregnant, but then i remember that i'm not and mi whole day i ruined, i guess it will just take time for me to heal..and ik tht i have to be patient..its just relle hard..