Triggering (Grieving): 13 Days later, it finally happened.

[guillotine_blades]

guess I will start at the beginning. In August of 2006 I found out I was pregnant, and lost the baby on September 11,2006. I had a D&C where the doctor missed some retained products of conception an I went home not knowing anything, hemorrhaged a few days later and I had to have another D&C within 5 days for my first one. On my third cycle after that loss I got pregnant and gave birth to a wonderful little boy on September, 4th 2007. Fast forward a few years to October 28th, 2010. I had been feeling a little sick, but I had figured that it was just stress with my job. I went grocery shopping that evening and figured, what the hell, so I bought a 2 pack of pregnancy tests just in case. I was completely convinced that it was going to be negative so I also bought some wine for dinner that night. I got home and started cooking and reached for the wine but I decided to go take the test first. Immediately it popped up positive…omg! I was only 11dpo! I called SO and told him he needed to get home NOW. And instead of coming up with some cute way of telling him, I pretty much had verbal diarrhea and just blurted it out when he walked in the door. I was only 3 weeks and a few days pregnant. Fast forward through all the interviews with midwives and an ultrasound at 6 weeks and saw the little fluttering of a heartbeat.
At 10 weeks and 3 or 4 days ( December 17th, 2010. It was a Friday) I went to the restroom at work and saw something no pregnant woman ever wants to see, a few drops of blood fell into the toliet, and when I wiped, there was a lot of red blood. So I rushed across the street to the ER and SO met me there. They did blood work, a pelvic, and took me back for an ultrasound. Of course the U/S tech kept her face blank and didn’t say a word, just kept asking me over and over again when I had that sonogram that showed the heartbeat. I should have known something was wrong then. We got wheeled back to the room and a Doctor came in and broke the news. Our baby didn’t have a heartbeat. They told me it looked like the baby had been gone a week, so I assumed that meant he stopped forming at 9 weeks, until I realized they were going off my lmp, not my ovulation/conception date (I have 35 day cycles, that little wheel thing they use isn’t too accurate with me when I know I ovulated on day 20-22 not day 14 of my cycle.) They referred me to go see an OBGYN that had an office in the hospital to get a D&C. I made an appt and went the next Monday and had it confirmed that the baby had no heartbeat but that OBGYN said that it must have happened within a few days because I was within days of the dates that I told him. He kept pushing for a D&C and once I told him that had this baby been born full term and healthy, he would have been born at home and I intended to have this happen at home too, he backed off. He shook my hand, said “I am sorry for your loss, make another appt if you change your mind and want me to help you along with a D&C” and walked out the door. That little appt cost me about $300. I had stopped bleeding that Friday that I got the news, but had moderate cramping the rest of the time I waited. Day 8 of waiting I noticed a bit of brown in my discharge. Day 9 I started bleeding like a moderate period. Day 10 it continued and on day 11 I passed two quarter sized clots and finally left work early.
Day 12 I took off from work because when I woke up there was a gush of blood and a few small clots. I thought for sure it was the day. Dale, my SO took Kain, my son, to work with him so I could rest up before it all started. I cleaned the house and did some house work but by noon nothing was happening. I then came to the conclusion that I had taken off from work for no reason. I got a glass of wine and relaxed watching some trash tv. At about 2 or 3 pm the contractions started. They were horrific. I tried every position known to man to get the pain to lesson up but nothing was working. At 6 pm Dale and Kain came home and I was in more pain by then than I knew humanly possible. I took some Norco (a pain reliever that I had prescribed to me) and drank some wine and slowly the pain started to lighten up. At this point I hadn’t passed any large clots and the bleeding was still manageable so I thought I had a long road ahead of me. However, after I took the pain reliever and drank the wine, after about an hour, everything stopped! I was able to get some sleep that night, but because it wasn’t over yet, the next morning I took the day off again.
Day 13, 12/30/2010. I woke up and was taking care of Kain as Dale went to go look at an RV we are thinking about purchasing. When he came back the pain was starting up again so I asked him to take Kain and go do some grocery shopping or something because at that point I couldn’t take care of him on my own. While they were gone, the pain got unbearable again, but because the pain reliever had stopped everything the night before, I didn’t take anything. Then the bleeding started. I went from the toliet to the shower then I got so weak I couldn’t stand. The bleeding had gotten so bad it was like someone had turned on a water faucet. It was just pouring out of me. I was bleeding so bad I thought I was going to die. At that point I was bleeding and vomiting and couldn’t stand. Pads lasted about three minutes before the blood was over flowing on to my legs and I knew it was too much. I managed to get to my phone to call Dale, only to realize that he had forgotten his phone on the end table next to the bed. I called everyone I could think of, I knew someone had to go find Dale. No one answered their phones. Finally I got ahold of a friend of mine but she was about 30 minutes away, she sent her niece down to my house to make sure I didn’t lose consciousness before Dale got home. I was about to call 911 when he pulled up. He drove me to the ER and they wouldn’t take me back. Blood was pouring out of me along with tons of large softball sized clots and they wanted me to wait in the waiting room. But I needed to be on a toilet so we went to the bath room. Finally Dale had enough and he called 911 while we were sitting in the waiting room. He thought I was going to bleed to death in the waiting room. Once they realized EMTs were on the way to do what the ER docs were supposed to be doing, an ER nurse came out to see what the big fuss was about, as soon as she came in the restroom, she yelled for another wheelchair because the one I was in was full of blood. And she took me back. At that point things get really fuzzy for me. I remember telling Dale and the ER nurse to just knock me out because I couldn’t stand the pain anymore and a dr coming in and telling them to give me morphine, then a few minutes later ordering another dose. They asked me to move to another table and when I did I could feel that a huge clot or something was about to come out and it hit me that it was my baby. I reached down and caught the sac which was quickly taken from me and they ordered me to lay back down because I was about to pass out. Blood and clots were gushing out of me and I heard them order a D&C, I yelled “NO, I DON’T WANT THAT” and so the shots of methergine (I think that’s what it was) were started. The ER doctor came in and tried to explain to me that my blood was really low and if it didn’t stop soon I would have surgery. I guess it slowed down at that point because I never had the D&C. I don’t remember much after that until the next morning when I woke up and all I could hear were babies crying. They had put me in the Postpartum unit! I was extremely swollen from all the fluids they were pumping me full of and an OBGYN came in and explained to me that a normal person’s blood count was 14 and yesterday mine was 6. This morning it was at 7.2 so they felt they could discharge me even though my blood pressure was still extremely low (82 over 48. I am normally 110 over 60). I went home with an Iron and B12 supplement, methergine, and vicodin. That was Friday, it is now Monday and I still am bleeding pretty heavy with several clots. And every time I stand up my head pounds, its like I can feel every heartbeat in my head. I am not sure why that is. Dale has to stay within ear shot when I shower or stand up because I almost passed out in the shower Saturday. I have no idea why that is still happening. All I have been able to do is sleep. I tried to go to work this morning, but almost passed out at about ten am, so Dale came to pick me up from work and took me home to lay on the couch. I am extremely weak and tired still. We are going to try again for another baby after I am all healed, physically and emotionally. Thank you all for your support. I am just trying my hardest to get through this all

[udontno]

Wow. I read that whole post and I don't know what to say. :-/ Sounds absolutely awful. I'm sorry for your loss and let me know if you need any support in dealing with this. I can only imagine how hard it is. Hopefully typing that post has helped you some, to tell your story.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I read your whole entire post and I am sorry you had to go through this. It must have been such a tough thing to go through. I am happy you have Dale's support. I hope that writing this has helped you in some way. If you ever need to chat feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[FlyingTrue]

Oh lordy that must have been horrible, I hope you start getting better soon! My condolences for your loss.

[LucyLouWho]

I can only imagine.
I hope you're feeling better very, very soon and I'm so sorry that this had to happen. Take care, Amber.

[Imagine]

I'm so sorry Amber.

[.Brittany.]

I really have nothing to say Amber, I hope you're okay. PM me if you need anything <3

[Nicolette]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of this, my thoughts are with you.

[Kitty.]

Oh my hun.
I read that whole thing.
I am so so sorry for what you have been through and what you are going through.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.

[xx little miss clumsy xx]

I hope you are okay Amber, that must have been an awful experience. Take things easy and take care. My thoughts and prayers are with you
x

[J&M's Mommy]

Ugh, I am so sorry about your experience. I was just around 6-8 weeks when I miscarried so thankfully it did not turn out like this. I am so sorry.

Can't imagine, I had to flush my baby down the toilet so I can sympathize with how you felt when they took it away. *HUGE HUGS*

[iHEAVENn]

I'm sorry you went through that.
I hope you continue to heal, and if you ever need anything just ask