Describe the "perfect" parent.

[TheBabyEater]

I simply want to know what you guys think, not because I'm going to be a parent or anything (god forbid ) but just cause I want to know if I'm the only person in the world that thinks a mother shouldn't be her kid's best friend.

I mean obviously, it's great to have a good relationship with your mom. But I think at some point a kid needs to learn to be a little independent, and able to live on their own. This is a biggg problem with one of my friends. I fear the day something happen to her mom, she'll be horribly lost. It to the point where she's talking on the phone with her mom for a full hour after school, as well as before school, after dinner if she isn't home, and she lives with her mom. I'd understand if they never see each other but they do..

Also, what do you think is the line between providing for kids, vs just spoiling them? I think it's totally possible to get your child nice things, without spoiling them. For instance... I have a really cool car, but I'm incredibly grateful for it and it's not like I haven't worked for it. In fact, if I get so much as one speeding ticket or parking violation they'll take it away. My parents also will help me buy a new guitar, if I meet them half or 75% of the way. To everyone else who doesn't really know me I'm sure I look spoiled

So like, while I know this would probably be in childcare, I kinda felt like the topic is more of... Parents, than parenting. You know? Yeah. So uh. Go.

[Boobies]

A parent shouldn't spoil the kid, it makes children under appreciate the value of money. But if a child is saving up for something like an instrument then they should help towards it (though it was my grandad who paid most of my fiddle D=). At the same time I think a parent should provide all the necessities that a child needs, and they whilst a child is in full time education they should never charge them board D=

I don't think parents should be seen as friends though, they should be seen as someone a child can go to with all their problems, not someone to share gossip with D=

I think parents should also mainly be there to teach manners and give advise which well help the child develop into a well rounded person D=

If this was even what you were asking D=

[Pelios]

I agree with you parents shouldn't be friends with their kids but they should be there for them and when they need them. My parents were always there for me and they still are but they always kept the parents figure when I did something bad they would punish me, but also one thing they did is they let me learn from my mistakes they were not over protective like some other parents. About the spoiling part my parents always gave me everything I wanted and I don’t consider myself to be “spoiled” I have a scholarship my parents only have to pay about 20% of my tuition, I participate in a lot sports and I was always involved in good activities, yes my parents “spoiled” me but I didn’t grow up to be a bitch. My parents always thought me to appreciate what I had and thought me to value, be kind and nice to other people.
That’s what I think is a “perfect” parent. Be there for them but don’t let your parent figure down, not be over protective and give them things but at the same time teach them to value them and be nice to other people and I think kids will turn out good.

[Nicole!]

A perfect parent to me would be someone who is very understanding and willing to be there for their child to tell all their problems too. Someone who doesn't judge and is very open minded.

[David]

Someone who lets there kid, be a kid.

[TheBabyEater]

Okay but shouldn't parents get some time to be an adult to? Parents like to have a good time too

[iHEAVENn]

Originally Posted by Dr. Pepper

Okay but shouldn't parents get some time to be an adult to? Parents like to have a good time too

Yes, you find a baby sitter for two or three hours and go out and have some alone time.


You have to know when to take a break from your own kid.

[Jocelyn.]

Eh, I had a million and one thoughts about how I could be a perfect parent to my son while I was pregnant with him.

Yeah, now I've realized no one could ever be a "perfect" parent. I've already made mistakes. Sometimes I'll spoil him, sometimes I have to put my foot down and be the authoritarian. Its all about balance. I try not to over do it on trying to strictly be my son's parent or his friend.

Our relationship will grow and develop as its meant to. Right now I like focusing on bonding with him and making sure he knows his mom will always be there for him for comfort and support. I also know its my job to teach him my opinion of whats right and wrong. I just know my son has a mind of his own and may grow up to be the opposite of how I thought I raised him. You never know.

This probably sounds bad, but I try not to take it too seriously. We have fun, we learn, we play and sings songs, sometimes he misbehaves and I correct him. If he's been good he may get a new toy or a Popsicle. I know I like to make him feel special just like I want to feel special sometimes. I mainly want him to feel loved. I'll deal with whatever else may come as it gets here.

[MadPoet]

Well, my therapist has told me that I don't have the kind of relationship that I should with my mom. She's more of my friend than an authority figure. My mom has never really punished or grounded me, partly because I wouldn't listen to her if she did. She's been easy on me because of my dad dying.

So this might sound weird, but my dream parent would be one who wasn't afraid to use discipline, and who was an authority figure rather than a friend. I feel kind of like I've been deprived in a way, so that's the kind of parent I'd like to have.

[iHEAVENn]

Originally Posted by MondayComesAround

Well, my therapist has told me that I don't have the kind of relationship that I should with my mom. She's more of my friend than an authority figure. My mom has never really punished or grounded me, partly because I wouldn't listen to her if she did. She's been easy on me because of my dad dying.

So this might sound weird, but my dream parent would be one who wasn't afraid to use discipline, and who was an authority figure rather than a friend. I feel kind of like I've been deprived in a way, so that's the kind of parent I'd like to have.

Go to time out. Clean your room and don't come out until it's clean!

If you need more discipline tell your mother that.

[Gaia]

I have a fantastic relationship with my mother, we're not friends, we're family and to me that is so much more important. I tell her everything, just like I do my best friend, though much less candid xD
I think a good parent needs a balance, they need to know when to discipline and when to accept that something is an accident. It really bugs me when I see parents shout at their children for spilling juice or something similar.... it's an accident, it happens.
I do think that a parent needs to be a support figure throughout all their child's life. It doesn't matter how old you get, sometimes you just need your mum or your dad.
As for the spoiling aspect, I seem spoiled to a lot of people as my parent's divorced when I was young and they both took me on a holiday every year, so to that extent I was spoiled with holidays, but I always appreciated them. I was never given anything I wanted, I don't think a child should. They need limits on fun time, work time and family time in my opinion. (Obviously at an older age of 5-6).
I don't think there is just one view on a perfect parent, I know I thought my mother was cruel to me sometimes, but now I've grown up and I can rationally discuss thoughts and opinions on matters with her and we'll reach a compromise instead of just arguing. As you grow I think you begin to truly appreciate all the things your family does for you (assuming they do a lot) and therefore the image of a perfect parent changes with you.

[Kate*]

There's a line between being a friend and supporting your child, a parent needs to teach independence because eventually everyone has to function without their parents. As long as there are boundries for dicipline a close relationship with your kids is a good thing, but they need to know that you're the boss and they have to follow rules etc. It's entirely possible to provide a lot for your child without spoiling them. I think my parents did this. They gave me a lot and provided me with a lot compared to some of my friends, but they also taught me that not everyone gets to do the things I do or has the things I have so don't brag about it and be grateful. I also understand that I will have to provide for myself someday and I don't expect them to support me forever. Also, a good parent is accepting of their child and as understanding as possible. They don't have to agree with everything a child does though.

[Marshmellow]

Welllll, you can easily say that growing up my mom was my best friend, and because of that, there's a lot I don't know how to do. And while I don't talk to her every day, I still talk to her a few times a week. And if I ever need anything, or I don't know what to do, I'll call her. I know she's always there for me if I need someone to talk to.

We still had our mother-daughter arguments, typical stuff growing up. But she'd always let me get away with stuff, which is why I've had to learn a lot of stuff from others after moving out on my own. :/

I don't have to pay for tuition now, since I have a full scholarship. My mom put away a good portion of our money into my college fund, though; and that's paying for my house, food, and everything else. I do hope someday I'll be able to repay her. But because everything was given to me throughout high school - I had social security because my dad died when I was young - I didn't work. Therefore, I have no clue about applying for jobs, part of it is because I'm afraid of rejection and I'm afraid that I'm not qualified for any job because the only work experience I have is nonprofit.

Had my mom thrown me out in the workforce at fourteen or sixteen, I'd have that much more experience. Part of it's my fault, too. When I was fifteen my internet addiction really escalated. Though, my mom never monitored what I was doing online. She only complained that I spent too many hours on the computer. Had she just taken the computer away from me - like she threatened, but never did - I wouldn't have become addicted to the internet. xD The thing was, she didn't want to listen to me whine. Every time she threw out "I'm taking away the computer," I would start yelling and screaming, threatening to do ungodly things that I knew then I'd never do.

I definitely think that parents need to focus on what their children are doing on the computer, though. My excuse was "I'm playing Sims" or "I'm writing." I did write, and I did play Sims. But not as many hours as I was on the computer back then.