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-   -   Female Advice Preferred: Pregnant and intimacy (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f7-pregnancy-childcare/t68240-pregnant-intimacy/)

Atlantis February 28th 2011 06:04 AM

Pregnant and intimacy
 
I have a girlfriend that about 5 months pregnant, and lately in the past month shes never interested in me anymore. is this normal? I kinda feel alone in this relationship, but i realize it could be the hormones and stuff. I'm really scared that if she breaks up with me i'll never get to see my kid!

guillotine_blades February 28th 2011 02:22 PM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
Honestly, she needs support right now. And in the back of your head you can know, yes it is probably hormones...BUT NEVER TELL HER THAT! That will most likely piss her off to no end. Also, there might be some real issues going on in her head, and you need to talk to her. Nicely. And reassure her that you aren't going anywhere because you want to be there, not only for the baby but for her too. She might be feeling pushed along to the side, everyone is more "baby baby baby" Everyone kind of forgets about the mama there for a little while. let her know you didn't forget about her! Spoil her for a little while ;)

iHEAVENn February 28th 2011 09:52 PM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
I agree with Amber. You need to spoil her. And you need to just try and lay off of sex for awhile if that is what she wants.

WashoutThePain March 1st 2011 12:11 AM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
Here is what e-how has to say:
Quote:

1
Cook dinner for her as much as you can.

2
Help around the house. Clean the kitchen, vacuum the floors, do the laundry and complete other chores that she might normally do. She will appreciate the break.

3
Take her out on dates. Go out for dinner and a movie, or make up a picnic and take her to the park for a warm afternoon. Don't let the pregnancy hinder your dating life. Take the time now to go out together because after the baby is born, there won't be any more time to treat each other out.

4
Treat her to massages, either your own or from a professional massage therapist. Her body will love the attention and will help to keep her spirits high.

5
Have patience with her. She is going through emotional and physical changes that no one else can begin to understand. Giving her the space to feel those changes will encourage her to be open with you and will help her get through such a confusing time.

6
Tell her that she is beautiful. Remind her on a daily basis that you love her and love being with her.

7
Listen to her complaints and her fears. Try to genuinely understand what she is going through. Then express your own complaints and fears. Remain open with her throughout the entire pregnancy.

8
Cater to her cravings. If she asks you to run to the store at midnight for a specific type of ice cream with a specific type of cookie, don't ask questions. Satisfying her cravings will help her make it through the night in a pleasant and appreciative mood.

9
Bring her small gifts--flowers, bubble bath or chocolate--whatever she loves and doesn't get enough of.
Also, if you want to be a little intimate and she doesn't, you could suggest you help her rub in some anti-stretch mark cream or just simple lotion on her belly. It could be a nice bonding activity. Or just give her a full out massage with some kisses intermixed.

guillotine_blades March 1st 2011 02:01 PM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tubby Custard (Post 593638)
Here is what e-how has to say:


Also, if you want to be a little intimate and she doesn't, you could suggest you help her rub in some anti-stretch mark cream or just simple lotion on her belly. It could be a nice bonding activity. Or just give her a full out massage with some kisses intermixed.

Just be careful with how you word the "help her rub in some anti-stretch mark cream" lol A pregnant womans hormones and insecurities can instantly interpret that to many off the wall things! lol. She might be dealing with a lot of insecurities in her head right now, am I getting too fat, is he still attracted to me, will the stretch marks turn him off, I will never look the same EVER again, is he going to go somewhere else and get it from a woman who doesn't have a road map covering her stomach and feels like a horse...

Nicolette March 1st 2011 05:43 PM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
I wouldn't be too worried about it being you, just support her and let her know you're there for her. Hormones can be horrible during pregnancy, there's ups and downs and alot of women don't even want to think about sex or getting intimate in any way while they're pregnant. If you're worried sit down and talk to her about it but like I said I'm sure its hormones and stress levels which is causing her to be off lately.

darkangeljbm March 1st 2011 07:09 PM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
I didn't want to do anything thing intement either. it doesn't mean she doesn't love you she probably just isn't up to it. I have had sex with my bf for about 6m now and i still love him very much :) it is just uncomfortable to do much of anything

Atlantis March 2nd 2011 10:27 AM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
Me and her don't live together! I guess lately i feel more like a friend rather than a boyfriend! Seems like all she wants to do is be at home without me there!

Jocelyn. March 2nd 2011 04:03 PM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by smurf3 (Post 594451)
Me and her don't live together! I guess lately i feel more like a friend rather than a boyfriend! Seems like all she wants to do is be at home without me there!


How old is she, if you don't mind me asking?

If you both are still young, in school, live at home and are not quite financially stable enough to live on your own my guess is she is very scared, nervous and confused about being pregnant. I'm sure she has a lot on her mind about what is ahead of her and how she is going to handle raising a baby. I know its rough and you are probably feeling a little overwhelmed too, but just try and be understanding.

Hang in there and good luck :)

Atlantis March 4th 2011 08:58 AM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ball&chain (Post 594559)
How old is she, if you don't mind me asking?

If you both are still young, in school, live at home and are not quite financially stable enough to live on your own my guess is she is very scared, nervous and confused about being pregnant. I'm sure she has a lot on her mind about what is ahead of her and how she is going to handle raising a baby. I know its rough and you are probably feeling a little overwhelmed too, but just try and be understanding.

Hang in there and good luck :)

Shes 22 I'm almost 25

I'm finding it really hard because of all the pregnancy stuff and getting her everything she wants, and still no sign of if she really likes me and wants to be with me when the baby is born. I hate it, but shes financially dependent on me for most things. (She doesnt think she could cope with a job while pregnant) I'm really totally in love with her but i just wonder what happens if next week/ tomorrow she decides she wants someone else.

Do girls have the same commitment to stay with a father after they get pregnant like the guy should stay with a girl if she gets preg with his kid?

Atlantis March 14th 2011 06:39 AM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
Thanks for the replies!

Well i think shes more like 5 months (i got it wrong) preg.

Recently our relationship is on the rocks, shes been saying stuff about my family and threating me to be nice or i'll never get to see my kid!

Yesterday i asked if she still had any feelings for me and she said she didn't know.
So i asked her to decide what i'm meant to do, i dont want to support her for 9 months and then be dumped cos the baby is around. I only want to be with someone that has feelings for me!

I feel most of the time lately that she only went out with me in the first place to get pregnant, and now is trying to make me dump her because she feels bad about doing it herself!

Jocelyn. March 14th 2011 05:29 PM

Re: Pregnant and intimacy
 
I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't really have much advice for you and your girlfriend accept talking to her about your concerns and telling her how much you want to be apart of your kids life. Try and stay calm and rational and try to work things out with her in a mature manner. Remember that when it comes time for custody agreements, being a male, the courts will most likely judge you harshly and you will want to make yourself look as a trusting and responsible parent. Threatening you and such will make her look very poorly, so keep as much evidence of her behavior as you can as discreetly as possible.

I know its ideal to have two parents together for the child, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. In all reality, its all about your child now. If you have any doubts about her letting you see your child after its born start talking to lawyers. They will let you know how to go about things so you can work out some kind of custody agreement where she is legally obligated to let you see him/her. I honestly don't exactly know how these things work because I was married when I had my son. That's why I really suggest talking to a lawyer. He'll let you know exactly what needs to be done.

Good luck with everything and I hope it works out.


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