Why is it cool to get pregnant

[forfrosne]

Originally Posted by guillotine_blades

You are generalizing. I got pregnant at 18, was married, had a place to live, and was happy with my choice. I later divorced him but now as a 22 year old mother of an almost 4 year old, I am extremely happy with my choices. They have led me to where I am today. I have a great man by my side, a great job, wonderful happy son, and I am doing great. You have a picture in your head of what you see a teenage mom as, and quite honestly its bullshit. Its a Stereotype and not every teen mom is like what you picture.

1) You're blinded by your own bias.
2) I never said every teenage mum in the world is like this, just the majority.

Also, with the whole divorce thing.. that's ridiculous. You can't say I'm wrong and then admit that you at least partially fill that 'stereotype'.

[guillotine_blades]

Originally Posted by MonsterCosmonaut

1) You're blinded by your own bias.
2) I never said every teenage mum in the world is like this, just the majority.

Also, with the whole divorce thing.. that's ridiculous. You can't say I'm wrong and then admit that you at least partially fill that 'stereotype'.

Of course I am, you are directly insulting something that I am/was.

And with the "divorce thing". I put that in there to point out that although things may appear to be shitty for a moment, teen moms aren't destined to stay in a shitty place. We have just as much ability to better ourselves as any other mother, no matter what age. Just as I improved mine and my son's situation by divorcing my ex husband and moving on to a wonderful man and a wonderful life. Although a single part of that stereotype may have once described me, it doesn't anymore and that is the point. I have a great man, my son is happy and healthy, we bring in over $100K a year in income, my son goes to a private prep school and we have a lot of money saved up in the bank, the fact that I had my son when I was a teenager and got divorced has no pull on my current life.

For some girls, yeah the stereotype fits them to a tee and will for the rest of their lives. But for others it doesn't, and judging a woman on how good of a mother she will be based off of her age is simply ignorant, as is lumping teenage mothers all into that category.

[forfrosne]

Originally Posted by guillotine_blades

Of course I am, you are directly insulting something that I am/was.

And with the "divorce thing". I put that in there to point out that although things may appear to be shitty for a moment, teen moms aren't destined to stay in a shitty place. We have just as much ability to better ourselves as any other mother, no matter what age. Just as I improved mine and my son's situation by divorcing my ex husband and moving on to a wonderful man and a wonderful life. Although a single part of that stereotype may have once described me, it doesn't anymore and that is the point. I have a great man, my son is happy and healthy, we bring in over $100K a year in income, my son goes to a private prep school and we have a lot of money saved up in the bank, the fact that I had my son when I was a teenager and got divorced has no pull on my current life.

For some girls, yeah the stereotype fits them to a tee and will for the rest of their lives. But for others it doesn't, and judging a woman on how good of a mother she will be based off of her age is simply ignorant, as is lumping teenage mothers all into that category.

I guess we're just going to have to agree to disagree then. I think age is important in most cases, you don't. I'm sure you're a good mother, don't take it personally.

[NonIndigenous]

Media no doubt influenced it... with fashion magazines and such crap glamorising it all. But a girl falling pregnant somewhat creates the impression that she's somehow more mature... it creates that impression on very simple people. And no offence, the younger someone is, the simpler they are, myself included... and when they are maybe 12/13... well, it creates a bit of an impression on their classmates no? So they can boast that they are 5 years ahead of the game.

Same kind of reason why smoking used to be, and in some places still is fashionable at a young age. Drinking same. It makes you look older.

There's also some feminism linked in to this. It's no doubt had it's impacts. Pregnant women were "outcast" in the past (as you said)... so all these demonstrations over time have worked against it. They are no longer necessarily seen as a whore for being pregnant.

[Atlantis]

Originally Posted by guillotine_blades

Of course I am, you are directly insulting something that I am/was.

And with the "divorce thing". I put that in there to point out that although things may appear to be shitty for a moment, teen moms aren't destined to stay in a shitty place.

But what about the other half, it takes two to make a baby?

Perhaps yeah there is a good reason to split up but wouldnt it have been better if people worked out if they were good togehter before making a new person.

Whats 5 years waiting as to thinking someone is your father and then being told otherwise later on that he was just a short term fling?

Personally i think its kinda cool that when i see my dad i know i'm going to be like him both because he raised me and because we share genes!

Are guys just sperm banks or do they actually have a right to children?

[forfrosne]

Originally Posted by Atlantis

But what about the other half, it takes two to make a baby?

Perhaps yeah there is a good reason to split up but wouldnt it have been better if people worked out if they were good togehter before making a new person.

Whats 5 years waiting as to thinking someone is your father and then being told otherwise later on that he was just a short term fling?

Personally i think its kinda cool that when i see my dad i know i'm going to be like him both because he raised me and because we share genes!

Are guys just sperm banks or do they actually have a right to children?

Legally, very little. If they're not married, they almost never gain custody. If they're married then it's obviously shared. If they're divorced, they also almost never gain custody. So yes, in a way it is like a sperm bank.

[guillotine_blades]

Originally Posted by MonsterCosmonaut

Legally, very little. If they're not married, they almost never gain custody. If they're married then it's obviously shared. If they're divorced, they also almost never gain custody. So yes, in a way it is like a sperm bank.

A sperm bank that has visitation, pays child support, and (in an ideal situation) actually helps parent the child too.






Atlantis=

His father and I getting divorced was the best thing for Kain, as well as the best thing for his father and I. Of course it would be better for teens to wait to find out of they are going to be with a person long term before having a baby. I am not advocating teens planning pregnancy at all. But at the same time, marriages that have been together for 20 years still sometimes end in divorce, its just the way the world is now, shit happens.

"Whats 5 years waiting as to thinking someone is your father and then being told otherwise later on that he was just a short term fling?"

This line I don't quite understand...even if a child is a result of a short term fling, it wouldn't change who they think their father is?

[forfrosne]

Originally Posted by guillotine_blades

A sperm bank that has visitation, pays child support, and (in an ideal situation) actually helps parent the child too.

Visitation if the mother permits it, child support the man has no say in, and the raising of the child is also totally up to whether the mother allows it. She has total control.

[guillotine_blades]

Originally Posted by MonsterCosmonaut

Visitation if the mother permits it, child support the man has no say in, and the raising of the child is also totally up to whether the mother allows it. She has total control.

Depends on how bad the guy wants to see his kid. If he takes her to court, gets a visitation agreement with the judge's signature, then she still refuses visitation-He can then bring a police officer with him along with the copy of the agreement and she cannot refuse to let the child go, she has to or she goes to jail. That is how it is here anyways. With a joint custody arrangement (which is almost always what is done as long as both parents are compentant) he has the right to call the childs school to check up on school work, request that two report cards are sent out and can be regularly updated. It appears that the mother has total control because sometimes the guys just bail and have no interest in knowing these things, but if a guy actually wanted to put in the effort of being a dad, he can be.

[forfrosne]

Originally Posted by guillotine_blades

Depends on how bad the guy wants to see his kid. If he takes her to court, gets a visitation agreement with the judge's signature, then she still refuses visitation-He can then bring a police officer with him along with the copy of the agreement and she cannot refuse to let the child go, she has to or she goes to jail. That is how it is here anyways. With a joint custody arrangement (which is almost always what is done as long as both parents are compentant) he has the right to call the childs school to check up on school work, request that two report cards are sent out and can be regularly updated. It appears that the mother has total control because sometimes the guys just bail and have no interest in knowing these things, but if a guy actually wanted to put in the effort of being a dad, he can be.

That's a rather naive opinion. That's working on the basis that Family Courts are not corrupt, unfair or biased - which is wrong.

[*CatchingStars*]

i dont think the couple thinks about they see tv oh that looks easy which its not they dont relize it they think it must be fine if they are doing fine but then there are teens who get pregnat and dont mean to they dont think about consequences even if they are told hundreads of times and like half my family is teen moms im the innocent one who been yes pregnate but yes i was raped and was 12 so i dont think that counts i didnt have the child my parents never knew but i think teens dont relize what their getting themselves into and pegnacies dont fix the problem it makes it worse fyi there

[snoogums]

I think that being a teen and being pregnant isn't cool. It can be very hard work to be pregnant and take care of a baby. If someone got raped then it is not their fault if they get pregnant (like myself). A lot of young people are not ready to have kids and so if they are purposely getting pregnant they are in for a rude awakening. I also agree that there are so many different kinds of protection out there to have safe sex and there is not many good excuses for teen pregnancies. I am 13 and even I know about safe sex and protection if parents don't teach their kids then schools will and they are teaching it at younger ages all the time. But there are some teens that make very good mothers and are just natural at it. As long as they can support the baby and are in a good relationship then I don't think other people should judge unless they know the person. When I see pregnant girls I don't think of them as whores I just see them for what they are as young girls who are going to be mommies and in my head I wish them luck.

[Beth.]

I don't understand it either. I'm not against teenagers having babies, it's better than abortion in my opinion, but I don't know why there are so many and why it seems acceptable. I feel the same with teen marriages. We will be the cool ones when their relationships fail and their kids go down the tube. LOL

[Guile]

Originally Posted by guillotine_blades

You need to grow up and realize the world isn't black and white. I bet your grandma or great grandma was definitely a teenage mother, does that make her a whore?

Nope, my Great grandmother was 24 when she had my grandfather, and my grandmother was 25 when she had my mother, my mother was 32 when she had me, 34 when she had my sister, and 37 when she had my other sister.

Oddly enough, all these people went to college.... I has questions.... hmmm....

[guillotine_blades]

Originally Posted by MonsterCosmonaut

That's a rather naive opinion. That's working on the basis that Family Courts are not corrupt, unfair or biased - which is wrong.

Actually just going off of experience, mine dealing with my exhusband, my fiance's with dealing with his childrens mother, working in the legal field.

They are biased in that they favor the mother as far as who is primary caretaker. But as long as both indivuduals act like adults in the situation, usually it can be resolved. If a man wants to see his kids during his alloted visitation periods and be an active part if their lives, all it takes is effort. Yes he has to put in much more effort than a man who lives with his children's mother, but he could do it if he wanted to.

That is my experience, both personal and working in the legal field.

[guillotine_blades]

Originally Posted by Guile

Nope, my Great grandmother was 24 when she had my grandfather, and my grandmother was 25 when she had my mother, my mother was 32 when she had me, 34 when she had my sister, and 37 when she had my other sister.

Oddly enough, all these people went to college.... I has questions.... hmmm....

Wow, in that time period I am shocked. Honestly shocked. (No sarcasm here, just general shock in your great grandmother's case)

[forfrosne]

Originally Posted by guillotine_blades

Actually just going off of experience, mine dealing with my exhusband, my fiance's with dealing with his childrens mother, working in the legal field.

They are biased in that they favor the mother as far as who is primary caretaker. But as long as both indivuduals act like adults in the situation, usually it can be resolved. If a man wants to see his kids during his alloted visitation periods and be an active part if their lives, all it takes is effort. Yes he has to put in much more effort than a man who lives with his children's mother, but he could do it if he wanted to.

That is my experience, both personal and working in the legal field.

Whether he puts in effort or not is irrelevant if the mother doesn't want him to see his kids.

[Maloo]

You guys should probably start your own thread because you've completely derailed the topic of this one...

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

I don't consider pregnant teenagers to be whores but I don't look upon them in a favourable light, particularly if they're younger teenagers. I look at them and my initial reaction when it's a younger teenager is "there goes your childhood, get an abortion before it's legally too late". When it's an older teenager (18-19 years old), I think "that certainly has put a dent in your future career as a college or university student, get an abortion". Overall, I'm not in favour of teenage pregnancies. I don't think the mothers were reckless but I do think they made the wrong decision by keeping the pregnancy and not getting an abortion.

Teenage marriages seem ridiculous to me but I'll congratulate them to let them keep feeling happy as they're probably under direct pressure from their families and indirect pressure from society since it is very unusual. Years ago it was accepted but that was back then, the reasons they had (i.e. shorter lifespan) don't apply to many people anymore.

Why teenage pregnancies are televised is beyond me. I'm amazed there is an audience who wants to watch such stuff, indicating there's a greater acceptance or even a demand. To me it's still unacceptable and is grounds for getting an abortion. If the father wishes to be in the mother's life, that's wonderful but I still suggest an abortion in my mind.

[TigerTank77]

Because in today's society, a baby is a meal ticket. It may take two to create a child, but the father is completely at the whim of the mother and the courts, who villainize him for simply having a damn penis.

But it's ranked in that category of "stupid shit people do and endlessly justify for reasons that don't make sense", like NASCAR and Country music.

[Casey.]

I seriously doubt that most teens who get pregnant are whores; remember it takes two to tango. Also, most pregnancies are not planned. Most sixteen year-olds don't plan to get pregnant. I've found that mostly, they sleep with their boyfriends for pleasure or to make the guy happy. And if the guy insists on not using condoms or if the condom breaks, they can get pregnant. But they are not usually having sex to get pregnant. One of my cousins got pregnant, and I'm almost positive that she did not plan to get pregnant at 16. It happens, but it's not really cool. Kids need to be taught about safer sex, especially in lower-income areas where they often turn to sex for entertainment, or, in worse case scenerios, to help pay the bills.