secret miscarriage

[ellabelly]

I was 17 when I had miscarriage. I was about 3 months along. I'm a lesbian and with the love of my life. She knows I use to be with guys, I'm raised Catholic so I was deep in the closet. I never told anyone I was pregnant much less that I lost him/her. I'm terrified to tell her. It was completely my fault it happened. I think about him/her every time pregnancy comes up; tv, radio, movies, talking about having our own kids some day, I'd be the one to carry.


It's been 3 years and I've never said it out loud not even to a therapist (I've had 3). I don't know if I can. I have selective mutism. I physically can't speak when I get to a certain level of scared.


What do I do? I know if I'm ever going to have a successful relationship I have to tell her. It's too big a part of my life not to.


love.
ella

[Le bonheur*]

Hey Ella,
I didn't tell anyone about my miscarriage til months after it happened. It's a scary thing to go through alone.
I suggest talking to her about it even though you may be scared. Take your time with it.
Good luck.
Brit x

[Aletheia*]

Hey Ella,

I went through what you did when I became pregnant at 16. I lost my baby during my 6th week of pregnancy, and it was one of the hardest times of my life. It's been 5 years since then, and I've since become more open about it.

In order to keep your relationship from having any secrets, you'll need to speak to her about it. Instead of telling her face to face, you can write a letter to her and have her read it. Or, you can just tell her straight out. You don't have to open up about every detail right away. It will take some time to be open about it. But, if you're thinking about having children in the future, this is one of the aspects that you need to open up about. It's not going to be easy, but, it does need to be done.

[Tigerlily.]

I myself haven't had to deal with the pain of a miscarriage and I wouldn't wish it on anybody either, but I am a select mute, I know how that can feel. It takes time but I think one of the best things for you would be to write a letter to her and hand it to her or leave it where you know she'll see it, or if that's even too forward for you, you can always make some kind of word document on the computer and write the letter there then leave it open for her to read and put at the top "-name here- please read this"

Being a select mute can be difficult, it's not like you want to be so scared you can't talk but it happens. The point is, with perseverance it will get better but until then, letters and notes can help so much.

[Keysha]

Ella You Just Take ur Time and tell whenever u are ready.