should I abort or keep it?

[lostteen11]

I'm 16 going on 17. And I'm 4 weeks and I have no family support. Reason why is because I have no dad and my mom is sexually abusive. I live with my boyfriend. And he is really mad at me. We got in a fight last night left me with a black eye. He blames me for getting pregnant. I used the pill but he didn't want to use condoms and refuses to. And if I refuse to have sex I'm out. I love him and would never want to ruin our relationship. He's got a minimum wage job we live in a shanty and I'm still in high school. I only have a summer job. He's still in college neither of us have the time and neither of us feel we could do adoption. And in the community we're it's a mostly afro-american community don't see how our child would fair so well. Being biracial. My boyfriend doesn't like the thought of biracial kids ever. And I'm white so wonder how he'd react if that we ever had kids to start with at any time. He also smokes weed wonder if that's at all a safe habit for the baby to be around idk. I don't like smokers as parents really. Whatever it is. And I don't know a thing about motherhood or how to raise a kid as I was isolated and don't know how society works fully yet. But also I know abortion seems right but it's my second time doing this last time I needed someone supporting and he was there. He paid for everything was there and comforted me. This time he says I'm going to have pay for it most of my savings mind you. I'm going to have to go without him since he works and goes to school a lot. I'm going to have find my own way of comfort and I don't see how I could cope that that's why business hours are almost up and I still haven't made an appointment. I just am so nervous andscared and alone. It's too hard to do alone. Any advice guys??

[wonderbread]

Love isn't about forcing you to have sex and if you don't you will be kicked out. Love is love and respecting. Not leaving you with a black eye.
I firmly do not believe in abortion. But at the end of the day it is your choice. I really think you should keep it. If your situation is truly horrible and you feel as if you can not raise a child then I would seriously suggest thinking about adoption. You say you couldn't do it but why?
Please think about ALL your options.

[lostteen11]

Originally Posted by wonderbread

Love isn't about forcing you to have sex and if you don't you will be kicked out. Love is love and respecting. Not leaving you with a black eye.
I firmly do not believe in abortion. But at the end of the day it is your choice. I really think you should keep it. If your situation is truly horrible and you feel as if you can not raise a child then I would seriously suggest thinking about adoption. You say you couldn't do it but why?
Please think about ALL your options.

now to talk about him most of the time he's a great guy most of the time. He just has a lot to deal with. I don't know many guys who would let their gfs stay with them this young and struggling. He's just always said he can't do a relationship without sex. Som people are just that way you know.
with parenting if I had a way to do it maybe I would but it's like I don't. I don't want adoption because I don't know them and they could be abusers. No matter if I were to actually talk to them. I'd have to live with them a while to know. I won't know them that long enough. And I could never give up my child I just could never see myself doing it. I would consider parenting. But I just logically don't see how yet I can't get the abortion. I'm at a standstill idk...

[Katie Lydia]

No one on here will tell you to keep or abort your baby, that's YOUR decision. Consider your options, will your child have a good start, can you support it, do you want it raised with an abusive, weed smoking boyfriend. Will he change come nearer the time? These are all the things you need to think about. As someone has previously said love isn't giving you black eyes and forcing sex on you. He sounds like a prick in my opinion but hey, i could be 100% wrong. You need to sit down with him and think about this thouroughly!


Hope i helped. xx

[escape_thereal_world]

I basically agree with everything Katie said, but I want to be sure you remember there is the option to put the baby up for adoption too. A lot of times the couple will even offer you a place to stay, insurance, etc. just so they know their future child is well taken care of. So you can always check into that. Think about your options Don't do something you don't want to do.

I'm around if you want to PM. <3

[Angel]

We can't make decisions for you, but we can provide you with some insight. If you plan on keeping your child, make sure you are well aware that the person you're with right now might not change. Many women think their men will change after they get married or with the addition of a child. Some men do grow up a little and take responsibility, but essentially they will still be the same person. He should be here to support you through and through. Unplanned pregnancies can be so stressful on both people involved, but it's not entirely your fault for it. He has no right to hit you, not for any reason.

Having a child may be incredibly difficult in your situation. If you feel as though you want to opt for the abortion, you have every right to choose to do so. Some clinics may offer sliding scale fees if you can't afford to pay for it entirely all at once. You may want to ask about payment plans as well. This may be negotiable, you just need to work with those who handle payment at your local clinic.

As a side note, I'm not quite sure where you live but there are women's shelters located all over the country. They take in women who have been victims of domestic violence or do not have homes and offer them a safe place to stay. You might be interested in seeking out such relevant services. They may offer counseling services for women such as yourself, or at the very least they may offer to look them up for you.

Stay safe and take care. x

[FlyingTrue]

It is obvious to me at this point, this guy doesn't really care about you, he is just using you. He had no right to hit you and treat you this way. I highly recommend seeking help from law enforcement. They should also be able to help you with getting the support you need.

[Le bonheur*]

I basically agree with what everyone else has said. Don't do anything that you're not 100% sure of and I really think that guy is a jerk for everything he put you through. Don't put up with that! You deserve better. Good luck and stay strong<3

[lostteen11]

I was sure it was the right thing to do. But I was talking to my best friend about being pregnant hoping she'd be supportive and go for the abortion for moral support but she is actually pregnant and we're going to go throug this together. That's pretty much made the decision. I'm not getting an abortion but don't have a plan on how to keep it really.

[Ashleyhateslife]

You say that you could never give your child up, but aren't you doing the same thing by getting an abortion? They do have places that give abortions for free, or at a low price. Look around. I'm not saying that's what you should do but if it's what you want to do, this could make it easier. Also, with adoption they have many different choices that you could look into. There is a close adoption, where you are not updated at all. Semi-open adoption, where you get pictures, and are updated on the child's health, possible visitation, semi-open adoption can be negotiable. Then there is open adoption, where you are updated about most things, usually the child will know that you are the birth mom, or will look a you as a close relative. Adoption can be very negotiable, you could also get background checks on the future parents. If you decide to keep the baby, you could save money up and go into a teen parenting home. There are many different options you could look at. Don't make a choice now, look into things. No one can tell you what to do because in the end it is 100% your choice. I do strongly recommend you to look at ALL of your choices. You can PM me when ever. Good luck!

[Revolution]

I agree with wonderbread when I say you need to look at all your choices, but not for the same reason. I personally am pro-choice. But don't abort because your boyfriend wants you to. If you decide to get an abortion, do it because that is your choice. You have the right to choose, not him. It is his child as well, so he gets a say obviously, but in the end, you're the one who suffers the consequences.
And as everybody else has said, I would recommend you get away from him. He does not seem healthy for you, or your unborn child.
At this point, you still have so many options. You still can abort. But you also have adoption, and keeping the child. Do research, and do what you want, not what I want, any other members here want, or your boyfriend wants. It's your body and your child, it's your decision.
Message me if you ever need.

[escape_thereal_world]

Originally Posted by lostteen11

I was sure it was the right thing to do. But I was talking to my best friend about being pregnant hoping she'd be supportive and go for the abortion for moral support but she is actually pregnant and we're going to go throug this together. That's pretty much made the decision. I'm not getting an abortion but don't have a plan on how to keep it really.

It's good you have some support. Depending on where you live, there are many programs and agencies that help pregnant women. Granted government assistance may not be the way you want to go, but if it is what you have to rely on for now, then that is what you should do.

There are ways you can move out on your own, as long as you have a job. You can get a job and tell them a few months later you are pregnant (not recommended) or tell them straight up. Legally they cannot "not" hire you, but they might. It is possible to get a job while pregnant though.

Then you can move out into your own place. There are agencies which will help pay some of your rent, utilities, etc. As well as food, or give you discounts for specific items of food for your child.

If you are interested in links and agencies, let me know. Or ask on here and then everyone can pitch in to find you the best ones.

Take care
Kelly

[CrimeStopper]

"But also I know abortion seems right"

You already said what you feel is right here. Sorry if people dislike me after I state my opinion. Your 16. Look and how your relationships are with the people in your life. You already know and said that you do not what your child around what you are going through. From the sounds of it it sounds as if you want to get the abortions done.

If you feel you can't do adoption (which I understand) don't. I'm not here to tell you what to do. I'm just here to tell you what I think. I personally think you should get the abortion. I know you said you got one done already in your life and you don't really want to again but at the same time I personally feel that abortion is the mature grownup thing to do. It comes down to it's not about you it's about the child. What's best for the child. Should you really bring a unwanted child into the world? No. If you feel you can't do adoption. Don't. Abortion as you know will just stop everything in it's tracks.

There is a lot of funding for girls in your situation that you can get being 16, not living at home, your job. Maybe you wont have your boyfriends support at the center. But the doctors will be there. I know it's not the same but it's something. You don't sound ready for any of this. Think how your life changed the first time you had the abortion done. Think the position you would be in if you hadn't got it done.

I'm personally pro-choice. I'm not for abortion I'm not against it. I feel the female should do what they feel is right for them. First of all it's a fetus that you are aborting. Not a baby. They can't feel anything. It's painless for them. Just thought I should state that.

The only reason why I feel so strongly about these situation is because I personally have lived it. I'm 23 and last year I got a abortion done. Sure my first choice would of been to give them up for adoption but I too knew I wouldn't of been able to let my child go. I also knew that I was not ready mentally, physically, and in my relationship (that I left the guy) to raise a child. The man I was with didn't come to my abortion. I did it all by myself. I look back on my experience with abortion and sure sometimes I do think what life would of been like and I ask myself so many different questions. But in the end I knew it was the right choice for me. I'm now a full-time college student, working, going to the gym, and I just started dating an amazing guy! I'm so happy now! I knew I wouldn't of been able to make my child happy if I would of brought them into this world. I think about my baby and they look like a little smiling star in the sky. But that's just my experiences so I know what I'm talking about. Feel free to message me to chat more.

You need to do what is best for your baby. What would make them happy? (Because it's not about you now.) Can you handle the responsibility right now? If you want to give them up for adoption are you FULLY willing to go through with it? I hope you make the right choice for you. Good luck!

[iHEAVENn]

You're 16, this guy clearly does not love you or have any respect for you at all.

I would try and find a counselor to talk to before you decide to abort, or keep the baby.

[xx little miss clumsy xx]

I believe that you and the babys health and safety has to come first here. If he hurts you, be that emotionally or physically or both, then he is not worth it...do you really want to be with someone who is abusive, and doesnt care about your welfare?

Regarding adoption, abortion or keeping the baby. That is something you are going to have to decide, it's your decision. Do a bit of research and find out about your options, speak to people, there are organisations out there to help you.

Good luck and take care.

[lostteen11]

I don't know maybe I'll make an appointment tm idk at all. I don't see how I'd do do everything alone I'm not that strong I don't believ.

well I have an appointment for friday night I don't know if I can really go. I don't know how I'm just going to I feel really reluctant like it's not going to be good.

[Le bonheur*]

I'm glad you made an appointment. It's important.

[lostteen11]

I'm sure if I left him I'd abort. But I rather not leave him. oi just love him too much. I think maybe in a few weeks I'll tell him again he'll probably think I aborted by then but I'll see what he says then. Maybe in a few weeks if he is more comforting then I'll do it. Maybe you never know. I'll see how I feel then....

[Le bonheur*]

Basing whether you abort or not on whether or not you're with the guy is a terrible idea and I suggest you find another method of making a decision as important as this one..

[lostteen11]

I might not even keep it even if I stay with him. I'm just going to just watch everything and see how it all goes.

[lostteen11]

I'm not sure I could actually be mcing. Since we fought and all idk how I feel really but I've been spotting lightly maybe a mc idk

.... I guess

[escape_thereal_world]

If you think you are mcing then get to a doctor ASAP. They won't be able to help the baby, but a MC can be dangerous and cause complications.

Also, if you are MCing, tell the police. If your boyfriend who "loves" you hurt you badly enough to cause to MC, then he needs to pay for it.

That's all I will say and will be the last reply for this topic. Best of luck

[lostteen11]

idk if it's a mc after reading about mcs I'm only spotting. I don't know I guess I should just wait and see. I don't know. And if I were to mc it could be my stressing so much. Not sure...

[escape_thereal_world]

Okay, well since you asked another question :P I'll answer.

Most MCs are caused by unknown causes. You CAN stress to the point it causes a MC, but it isn't all that common. Take a pregnancy test ASAP. During a MC you can get a positive test result to confirm you are pregnant. Then you go to the doctor (or do this and let them know you may be pregnant, then they will determine why you are spotting).

Best of luck. PM me if you have any questions. And also, I apologize if my previous post sounded rude. It wasn't meant to. I just didn't have much else to tell you.

Take care

[xx little miss clumsy xx]

If you have any concerns at all over the spotting, you need to go to the doctor or the hospital, even just to put your own mind at rest.

Take care.

[RainFlower]

My parents cant have any more children, so my family adopted a little girl. She is everything to us, we love her so much. Im so thankful that her birth mother decided to have her, instead of getting an abortion. I know it is your choice, but please just think about adoption. I know there is a family out there who wants so badly to have a baby, but for some reason they cant have one by themselves.

If you ever need to talk, just pm me!

[lostteen11]

I don't plan ondoing either abortion or adoption. I've focused on the emotional side.