Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Gabriel's Story

[Jennifer]

I figured I'd give you guys the 411 of happened the is last two weeks. This is only non pg-13 because of the whole story.

Just so teen mothers or teens that may want a baby undrstand babies are not made perfect and there can be problems.

As you can tell I found out I was pregnant weeks ago. I was excited. I was able to stop my medcine, dangerous bipolar medicine that made me feel horrible (this is only included in my week because it's a catalist to my last two weeks). Three weeks ago my doctor called me and asked if I could come in my with my husband as soon as possible to dicuss my ultrasound results. I'm the dumb one who was excited because I knew people at 12 weeks could find the gender of their baby. When I went though my doctor told me there were problems with my ultrasound, where the babys skull bone and brain should be it was black. Meaning, it had no skull bone, she wan't sure if it even had a brain. I was shell shocked, but I knew they had an appointment the next day for a high risk doctor who could tell it like it is. The next day I went hoping maybe the baby was in the wrong position, the doctor said that could happen. That didn't happen though, it was definately missing a skull bone, meaning it's brain was on display for the world to see. The doctor explained as the baby moved part of his brain would be lost and he'd be born with just brain stem. I read more on anacephly (that's what the condition was called). I learned that the surival rated was 0%. I had two options 1) Give birth to a baby who is still born, or dieing of respritory failure or 2) Terminate the fetus (being pro-life I was really distraught, being pro-life I was sure there was only option 1 and I didn't like it too well).

Logically thinking pro life means you're willing to give a baby life instead of aborting a healthy live baby, correct? I also read that if I carred full term the shape of the baby's head could actually mess up the birth cannel to the point I can't have kids again, and my baby would be having convulsions inside of me. I never had a convuslion before but I can think of how awful it'd be. They say baby's don't feel pain, but I knew my baby was different when they moved him with the ultrasound machine he didn't look happy at all. So I knew my best option wasnt to put the suffering to an end. If you had a puppy or a kitten who sat on the floor struggling to breathe or dying you'd take it to the vet to give it "blue juice" or in other words put the little animal to sleep so it didn't feel anymore pain. I felt the same should go for my baby.

Wednesay I had my appointment with the doctor to answer questions about what I could do with my baby. We at first decided a D&C, for those who don't know a D&C is where they scoop the baby out of the uterus. The doctor said that was the only outcome. So we were scheduled for surgery to a baby who wouldn't make it Monday.

At home I was called hours later by my doctor to come in to be induced. That day I was going to be induced and give birth to a baby that was inside of me. I was given the pills that they use to induce and other stuff I wouldn't talk about here. I would in the next 12 hours give birth to a baby.

At 5 in the morning my water broke and my baby came t when I went to the bathroom. He was so teeny, so beatutiful, despide the brain that was hanging out of his skull. They declaired he was a boy when they checked him out in the other room. Meaning I had given birth to the boy my husband always wanted.

Friday I was able to put my baby boy Gabriel Jesus, to rest in a Muslim cemetary with my family around.

As you can tell my week was crazy. I have cried so much it hurts, I'm confused.

To show how teeny his feet really were. These are pictures of his little teeny feetsies.

[Angel]

I'm so sorry, Jennifer. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through right now. Thankfully he is in a better place right now where he is pain free.

Take care, lovely. If you ever need to talk, we're here for you. ♥

[Jennifer]

thanks hun

[Ashleyhateslife]

Sorry for your lost. Remember it is not your fault. I bet you would've been a great mother! You seem like a wonderful caring person, and we are glad we have you here. Gabriel is in the best place possible! Don't forget to smile.

[Le bonheur*]

I'm so sorry Jennifer. He is in a better place now with no pain. Take care of yourself. You're in my thoughts<3

[udontno]

I read your whole story and while I don't know exactly what to say, I didn't feel like I could walk away and not comment on it. "I'm sorry for your loss" seems so generic, seems like what everyone would say. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Know that you are in my thoughts.

[Katie Lydia]

Your being so brave and i admire you so much for that. Just looking at your picture made me cry so god knows how you are. I do wish you all the best and hope everything goes great for you in the future! <3 xxxxxxxxx

[Tigerlily.]

I'm sorry that this had to happen but he's in a better place now where he can't feel any pain, and where it's better for him to be right now. It's got to be hard, I almost cried just reading the story and seeing the little picture, but you can pull through this, I don't know you very well but by hearing you out, I just know you are strong enough to get through this.

[iHEAVENn]

So sad.
I hope you can find comfort in the fact that he's no longer hurting.

Have you made plans to see a therapist at all?

[kadyCHAOS]

sorry hunny. Gabriel's in a better place now and free from pain. i hope your doing alright.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by iHEAVENn

So sad.
I hope you can find comfort in the fact that he's no longer hurting.

Have you made plans to see a therapist at all?

Yes, I have two appointments this week with my therapist.

[mellyXbby]

this is so...i can't even explain. as soon as i read this i got goose bumps and almost in tears. i am VERY sorry this has happened to you, no one should have to go through such a horrible thing. i have a daughter, and just thinking of what pain your in i know you can't be in an easy place-but you did the right thing. i admire you, you must be so strong.
take care.

[xx little miss clumsy xx]

This is so very very sad, and I cant even begin to imagine how you are feeling Jennifer. You are in my thoughts.
Take care, stay strong
x

[udontno]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

Yes, I have two appointments this week with my therapist.

I want to applaud you for getting the help that you need and reaching out to talk to your therapist about this. I can only imagine how hard this is. Keep your chin up, you will make it through this and you have support here if you need people to talk to.

[Jennifer]

I tho thought i'd update people. I've talked to my therapist this week and my doctor, my doctor wants me on some kind of medication for a few months at least 3-6 months so my hormones can get back to normal. My therapist wants me to write a book. She thinks these things will help me. It's just tough. My hormones and the greif proccess has me doing things I would NEVER ever do.

[iHEAVENn]

I'm glad your doctors are trying to help. I'm sorry things are so tough for you Just know we're all here for you any time you need us.

[escape_thereal_world]

Hopefully your hormones level out soon so you can TRULY grieve without being overwhelmed. You are so strong and you have a lot of support <3 I know it doesn't change anything but it hopefully helps to know lots of people will remember your son, just as you always will too.

<3