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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 5th 2012, 09:23 PM

I'm 18. And pregnant. I don't want to say how far along I rather not be criticized. I just don't want my future to really be ruined. Also I'm dating this other guy and I realize I don't really want to have a kid with my ex. He's physically abusive and he's mentally unstable. He doesn't live in a stable environment. He's a loser he would make everything wrong if he tried to come back in our life. I want to have kids with a guy I actually love and can see myself spending my life with longterm. I don't know what to say to family. I know that though I do want kids it's just not really his kid. I don't know am I a bad person for this? I just don't want to spend my life miserable. I've depressed lately. I just want my life back... My parents won't understand they're pro-life. They might cut me off supporting me through school. I just don't want to be miserable with whatever happens it seems. I am also scared of second trimestor abortions. But I figured I'm not that far along. I have set up an appointment don't have the money. And I can't tell my fiance. He thinks it's his. I can't tell him who the dad is he'd be so ashamed. I can't tell anyone it seems I'm alone and I have no clue what to say when it's over. I said the baby was healthy. It would be hard to believe it died this far along like this wouldn't it? I also feel a little bad. Like I already showed off that I was showing. But I've had a bump since I was 8 weeks so I guess it's just my body not making thing easy for me?

Last edited by foreveryoung18; April 5th 2012 at 10:08 PM.
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 5th 2012, 10:14 PM

Hey,

First off, I'm sorry that you're having to make such a difficult decision. I've never been there myself, but I can only imagine what it must be like, and I think that whatever decision you do make, it will take a lot of strength to make it. I think a lot of times people view abortion as the easy way out, or as a cop out for someone who doesn't want to deal with the responsibility of their actions. I'm not going to lie, I used to be one of them. But I guess I grew a bit, and I came to the realization that what your body goes through should be your decision.

Some people get pregnant at a young age and decide to keep the baby, which takes a lot of strength. But you can't deny the fact that it takes strength to have an abortion. It's a scary thing, and it's a decision you will always live with. So no matter what you do, it isn't going to be easy. But hopefully it will be right for you.

I suggest sitting down and talking with your family, and letting them know how you feel about this. Having been pro-life before, I can in some ways understand where they are coming from, but regardless of their beliefs, you are their daughter. They need to be able to realize that this is your life and your decision, and they should try to let you make it freely. I know you think that they would hate you if you had an abortion, but maybe if you talk to them and explain your reasoning they will be more apt to understand your view on this.

Don't forget to explore all of your options. Don't make any swift decisions on something that is so important. What you do will live with you for the rest of your life, so don't make your choices lightly. I think it would be important to research all of your options, particularly abortion and maybe even adoption.

I know it seems hard right now, but you can get through this. Remember that regardless of the decision you make, you made it with strength, and with maturity. No matter what you do, that is to be admired. Good luck with everything





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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 6th 2012, 03:35 AM

I have thought about it and I think just putting off motherhood until I'm in my mid 20's would be easier. I kind of felt that way but I just thought I had sex I should keep it. And if it was with my fiance I'd keep it. I have found a way to finance it. I'm getting it tomorrow. My parents I told they didn't take it well I guess I'm hoping when it's over they'll just move on and just feel like what's done is done. I don't think I'll regret it. At all. I think it will be a relief. I won't have anyone there for me and still don't have a ride but I'm hoping to figure it all out by tm morning....
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 6th 2012, 04:30 AM

I have been in your position. I know it's a tough decision to make and in the end you're going to do what you feel is the right thing to do. I've gotten an abortion and honestly? I don't regret it at all. At first I was a bit iffy about it but I know that I made the best decision for myself. I just want to say that if you want someone to talk to about it you can PM me. I haven't talked to anyone about mine.. it's such a blah subject to talk about before/after it happens, you know? Please please please try to get someone - anyone - to take you. They gave me a lot of pain medication and it's going to feel like you're having menstrual cramps for a while. I'm not sure how bad yours get but I could barely walk.

Just remember that everything will be fine and don't forget to breathe. And please don't hesitate to PM me. I'll answer any questions you might have.


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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 6th 2012, 05:41 AM

I tried telling my fiance about it and he says I should really think things through. I didn't tell him though it's not his idk how he'd feel if I did say that plus he might not see me the same if I had one. But it's what I want to do. I love him and I want to please him? I know I wouldn't be happy without him. I don't want to upset him. I want us to be the way we are and forever...
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 7th 2012, 12:32 AM

My honest opinion is that you should tell your fiance that it isn't his. You got pregnant while you were with your ex, right? Well, he deserves to know that. You can't lie to him like that, because keeping something like this from him would only hurt him more. I know you love him and want to make him happy, but it can't always be sunshine and daisies. There will be tough times, like what you're going through now. But he deserves to know why you are really doing this.


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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 7th 2012, 01:37 AM

I told him it may not be his. That it was likely my someone else's. He wants me to keep it for the chance it is his. He'll be there for me. I love him and his effort but what could a kid do to us and my life idk it's made me sad but happy I want us to be happy first.


So I didn't get one. I think I nee to figure stuff out between us first.
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 8th 2012, 04:37 PM

A child could bring the two of you closer together. Even on the off chance that it isn't his, if he wants to help you raise this baby and treat it as his own..then he is a definite keeper. I know that having a baby so young is such a scary thing and that you don't know what to do.. but as long as you and your fiancee figure everything out I'm sure everything will work out as best as it can.


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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 9th 2012, 10:23 AM

well it's a boy. We plan to try to leave out of the bd's reach. So far it's try to make things work keeping it I guess...
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 10th 2012, 11:03 PM

I'm supposed to be prolife anyway I think it's just hormones and this jackass of a dad...
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 10th 2012, 11:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by foreveryoung18 View Post
well it's a boy. We plan to try to leave out of the bd's reach. So far it's try to make things work keeping it I guess...
First of all - I just want to mention that if you know it's a boy, then that means you are at least 4-5months along, if not more. I don't know exactly where you live, but in most places it's not usual to get an abortion unless it's for medical reasons.

I'm sorry you have to face this decision. I know it's hard for you to do. The father doesn't seem like a type of guy you want fathering your child. You're young still, and it's hard to raise a baby with a man who isn't the father and when you're young.

If you do end up keeping the child, I would advise you to have a DNA test to make sure the child isn't your fiance's son. Like Amber said - a child could bring you two closer together. Maybe it's worth giving it a chance.

It's not bad that you want to keep your child away from the father. If he's a jerk or a bad person, your son doesn't need to to be around people who obviously won't be good for him.

I wish you luck for whatever may come in your future.


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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 13th 2012, 05:38 PM

you can't know the gender until after 20 weeks (rarely will a doctor look before hand)... In which case, abortions in the US are not allowed... I am assuming you're in the US... If you REALLY don't want this baby, give him up for adoption... I think you're passed the acceptable date of abortion.


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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 15th 2012, 05:29 PM

Having an abortion definitely comes with emotional stresses as well but in the end, it is a lot easier. If you were to have the baby and keep it, highschool/college, friends, etc. everything gets really hard to continue. Babies take up just about all of your time not to mention money, if you feel you aren't ready for a baby then do what is best for you. And in the end, you are the mother and you would be the one taking full responsibility of the baby, not your family. If you decide to tell you fiance, then let him know it was a mistake of not using protection or whatever, since he's your fiance he probably really loves you so he should understand. I think trust/honesty is really important in a relationship. Anyways, do what is best for you and the baby. If you couldn't give the baby a good life at this point in your life, then why would you bring it into the world if it's only hurting it in the end?



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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 17th 2012, 02:03 PM

I'm not nearly 20 weeks. I'm just beginning my second trimester. I have some things private things I had to check for in the family and such.... He's fine though. That's how I know I'm having a boy. And most places actually in the USA go up to 20-24 weeks look at your local abortion clinic...

Either way I'm still trying to figure out how to make it work. My ex has a lot of things against him but that'll just land him visitation rights... I just want to make sure he's out of our lives. As long as he lives in needles I can keep him away but what if two years from now he leaves then what? Idk maybe that he's been absent so long? But idk if it would really matter. I am undecided. But I am pro-life mostly so I guess I should keep it. My fiance doesn't mind if it's his or not. It's half of me that's what matters. But the other half could ruin things. I'm running out of time for this to even be possible for me so I may just forget it. I've hoped I'd just lose it it would make things a lot easier.
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 17th 2012, 02:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by J.Lynn View Post
Having an abortion definitely comes with emotional stresses as well but in the end, it is a lot easier. If you were to have the baby and keep it, highschool/college, friends, etc. everything gets really hard to continue. Babies take up just about all of your time not to mention money, if you feel you aren't ready for a baby then do what is best for you. And in the end, you are the mother and you would be the one taking full responsibility of the baby, not your family. If you decide to tell you fiance, then let him know it was a mistake of not using protection or whatever, since he's your fiance he probably really loves you so he should understand. I think trust/honesty is really important in a relationship. Anyways, do what is best for you and the baby. If you couldn't give the baby a good life at this point in your life, then why would you bring it into the world if it's only hurting it in the end?
I don't know if it will only hurt if it were born into this world. I don't know...
I have considered finishing school and becoming a SAHD afterwards. He has a good job. Our relationship seems to be steady. I can always count on him it seems. I think we'd be ok. As long as he, my ex, doesn't mess things up...
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 17th 2012, 03:03 PM

Your ex doesn't actually have to know. That being said, you take the risk that you need him if you want to get genetic testing for the baby for potential disorders, but I think they can test most of those with only 1 parent nowadays. Cause if you tell him, you risk him wanting custody or refusing to pay child care, which could be very costly in court. And if he is abusive, you probably just shouldn't have that fight.
However, you should also talk to your fiancee and let him know you are quite sure it is the exes baby. And if you guys are engaged the baby will essentially be his stepson. He needs to think about whether he can still accept the child, and he will need time to deal with it. That isn't something you should just spring on him and be like oh hey by the way, considering your only 18, I'm guessing he's at most 25 and I don't think many of us (male or female) intended to be a step-parent to a kid that young, so he deserves to know it genuinely probably isn't his kid.
And if you know it is a boy, I think you are past the point you can get an abortion. I'm assuming you live in the US so it might be different there but in Canada you have to abort in the first trimester (it might go a slight touch into the first few weeks of the second though), and I think they recently passed a law that you cannot know the gender of the baby until after that period cause a lot of people were aborting a baby because it was not the desired gender (like if it was a girl they'd abort). So I think if you know that, it is to late. So would you consider adoption? Does your boyfriend support that? Can he financially support you a bit if you keep the baby? You can start the adoption process in most places even before birth I think so you could start researching it if you don't want the baby.
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 18th 2012, 08:42 AM

im not here to critize you,but im 15 and i have a wonderful baby girl..she will be eight months on the 29th and i wouldnt trade her for the world..i know im young and i thought the same,but in the end its the best thing that ever happened to me..it made me grow up.ALOT!!her father is not in the picture and im okay with that. I am currently holding down two jobs,plus school..it is hard,but so worht it..abortion is a big decision and it can even cause you to go sterile...its killing an inncocent child who did nothing wrong..you knew there was a possibility of getting pregnant when you had sex love...dont put all the blame on him..and especially dont blame the child.
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 19th 2012, 03:38 AM

I know some people are against abortion (and I'm sure you'd make a great mother so I'm not referring this to you) but I'm personally against bringing a child into this world that you can't give a good life. I'm not saying every child needs the newest video games, a mansion, and huge birthday parties every year but a child needs a lot. Children are wonderful but when you are young trying to raise a baby isn't this simple thing... diapers, a crib, a carseat, a bouncer, tons of baby food, more diapers, bottles, formula, pacifiers, clothes and a lot of them, toys, play pen, multiple baby safety things to put around the house like baby gates and those plastic things to stick in electrical sockets, insurance, doctor appointments, daycare, and I'm sure I'm missing plenty of stuff and that's just for their baby years. Some people are so worried about bringing the baby into this world that they forget they may not be able to take care of it... having a baby is more than just holding it and dressing it in cute clothes and babies take a lot of money and a lot of time. I'm not saying some teen mothers don't do great jobs because I know they do and I support them for being able to handle what they can but becoming a teen mother isn't the best option for everyone. I just think that there is a time for all three options... keeping the baby, adoption, and sadly I think sometimes abortion because some parents can't bare to part with their child even if they aren't able to give the child the life it deserves. I love babies and children but I hate to see children and babies in a household struggling with whatever their issues are because children don't deserve that. When you have a child you are making a commitment to that child for the rest of your life which will require 48 hour nights sometimes and taking your child to the emergency room at 2am... a baby is a huge respnosibility and if you are a teen mom then I'm sure you understand. And it might have been best for you but it may not be the best option for everyone. Depending on resources whether it be support from family/friends/boyfriend or money, the difficulty of raising a child can be a lot harder.

And for the baby, don't just think you will be okay... you have to know. Be prepared and definitely don't do what some teen moms do and wait until they are 8 months pregnant to get ready for the baby because it's too stressful for a soon-to-be-mom which can also be bad for the baby, it's a lot easier when you have everything ready beforehand. Make sure you have everything you need for the baby as well as backup plans, have a plan set up for your future job/education and stick to it, find family/friends or others who can teach you the basics of babies (unless you know them lol, but I know some people aren't around babies much) as well as people who can watch the baby while you and your fiance went to school or work. And I'm not sure if this has to do with anything legally or not, but if your ex has done anything bad as in drugs/crimes, etc. and it's in your baby's best interest not to tell your ex the baby is his, then maybe you should just not tell him. And remember, never depend on your fiance because a lot of times guys leave, definitely not all the time but I know it happens more when they are younger. Always put your baby first and you'll be a great mom (:



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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 25th 2012, 09:50 AM

Just from a child who never had a real father figure, I suggest you go through with it(as in going with the abortion)
There isn't a single day where I wish I wasn't conceived, yet here I am. slugging it through like everyone else. Heck i'll even throw in some kind of large gift in the long term for my mother.

Am I appreciative of living and existing? Not right now, no.
Probably not ever.

Edit: sorry I guess some people would interpret as 'going with it' being the not going through with the abortion part.
Hopefully this clarifies my opinion on the matter

Last edited by Dervisher; April 25th 2012 at 07:25 PM.
   
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Re: I think I want an abortion but I'm scared what my family will think? - April 25th 2012, 11:41 AM

I'm actually agaisnt abortion but thought id offer some advice anyways.

You need to sit down and have a think of both things, you need to be sure having an abortion will be the right thing for you, and if its not theres other options, but you also need to think about having the child, can you afford the child and still go to college/school.

Its not up to your parents to say keep or not to keep, its your body and you need to do what YOU think is right.





   
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