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The Dating Game
by devs711 January 9th 2009, 11:28 PM

The Dating Game
Written by: devs711

This is my guide as to how to navigate "the dating game". DISCLAIMER: Please remember that this is a guide based on reading many threads, hearing stories, and personal experience. It is by no means conclusive. Also, every girl, guy, and situation is different. These are general guidelines. It is up to you to customize it to fit your needs. Now lets get started!

You like someone! "Huh? wait, oh god. AHHHHH!!!! What do I do????" If that is remotely close to what is going through your mind, calm down, take a few deep breaths and think logically. The opposite sex is not made up of man-eating monsters, howling werewolves, half-dead zombies, starving cannibals, bloodsucking vampires, or anything of the like. In fact, they are quite the opposite. They will not, I repeat THEY WILL NOT, eat you, torture you, kill you, or anything similar for liking them. So, if there's no reason to fear them, what do you do when you decide you like one?

You talk to them, silly! (this is your cue to go through all the reasons you cannot and get them out of your system.) All those reasons that you just stated are 100% bogus and you know it. To prove it, lets go through the most common ones:

1) "They are WAY out of my league!" What is a league, I ask? Who made up the idea that people are in different "leagues" of society and said "Jocks can't date nerds, or visa-versa"? Well, I am going to let you in on a little secret, LEAGUES ARE FAKE! They don't exist. You know why they don't exist? Because everyone is different and has something great to offer anyone they like. Anyone can get anyone. In the words of Alex Hitchens (from Hitch): "Any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom."
2) I'm too nervous, I can't hold a conversation. In many polls, girls have said that the most attractive thing about men is confidence. And I am sure that most guys find it attractive as well. You are probably thinking something along the lines of: "Why would he ever say that to me? I don't have confidence." right now. Well the funny thing about confidence is that everyone has it. Almost like the newest laptops have built in webcams, all people have confidence built in. The only reason that some people don't use it is because they don't realize it is there. And thus, they don't look for it. I challenge you, all of you, to convince yourself that YOU have confidence, that YOU can and will act confident around this lucky member of the opposite sex, that YOU will at least strike up a conversation with them and get to know them.

That is Step 1: Get to know them.
You have the confidence to do it, you are more than interesting enough to have a conversation, you can do it. Once you get to know them, make sure you still like them. If you do, read on. If not, no harm done, there's someone out there for you (I promise). Remember, relationships are based on communication. And thus, the strongest ones are where the couple are great friends. This doesn't mean best friends. It just means that you know them, trust them, are willing to talk to them about most if not all things, etc. You will know when that point comes.

Wait, hold on, how do you know if they like you too? Ahh, this is the fun part. When any girl or any boy are talking, and either likes the other, they drop truckloads of signs that say just that. The trick is to recognize them. For this section, I am going to split it up into "A girl's signs" and "A guy's signs". I apologize now for the fact that I know of many more girls signs than guys. Also, however many signs I list, there may always be others peeking through. It is your job to be observant around them and watch for anything you think could qualify. Another point is that some people may have some of the following signs in their everyday conversation, meaning that they may not mean anything. Again, it is up to you to determine that.

A Girl's Signs. Girls come in all different forms. And because of that, no two drop the same signs at the same frequency. Still, many have similar signs they use (either consciously or not). Here is a list of some that I know are common:
1) She laughs at even your bad jokes
2) She "accidentally" touches your leg, arm or hand as she talks to you or walks away from you.
3) She listens VERY intently to everything you have to say.
4) She smiles a lot (even when no one told a joke) while talking to you.
5) She plays with their hair, bracelet, necklace, etc. while talking to you.
6) If she is sitting cross-legged while talking to you, she may move her top leg back and forth, slowly. Not in an impatient way, but rather in a happy, excited way.
7) Walking closely next to you when you are talking to her. Often so close that your shoulders bump/rub.
8) Ask you a lot of questions about you. If she does this, make sure you ask them (and more) back.
9) She often touches/hits you playfully.
10) She takes interest in meeting your friends, etc.
11) Obvious Flirting, of course.
There are obviously a lot more, but I am not going to go through them right now. Those 10 are a pretty good start. But, those are only the signs that she gives off, what about the ones her friends give off? If she likes you, her friends probably know, or at least suspect it. And thus, they give off signs too:
1) When you talk in a group with them, they look at you a lot and then quickly at her.
2) When you are talking one on one with her, they take quick glances at the two of you and giggle a lot.

A Guy's Signs. I will admit that I know less of these, but they are there. Now, guys, me included, like to think that they are very sneaky and hide all the signs. They like to think that they are as easy to read as a locked book that no one can open. Good news for you girls, this is far from true. Here are some of the most common signals that guys drop:
1) He uncharacteristically acts nervous around you.
2) While talking to you, he "accidentally" bumps your leg/foot and does not move away.
3) He makes and holds eye contact with you when you pass him.
4) He allows you (the girl) to do most of the talking.
5) When talking in a group, he may subtly bring up you/your name.
6) He tries to sit next to you.
7) He looks at you briefly at random points in time.
As with girls, a guys friends drop big hints too.
1) When talking in a group, if they know he likes you, they will look at him a lot more often than usual.
2) They may try to make up random excuses to leave you two to talk one on one.

Remember: All guys and girls are different. They may drop very different signs or they may not mean anything based on these signs. Thus, you must search for the signals yourself. The presence of obvious ones can usually give you a pretty good idea that they like you.

Always remember to keep talking to them. It is okay to let few days pass every so often, but don't let it go weeks on end. While you don't want to try contacting them constantly, you don't want to make them think your a stalker, you also don't want to make them wait so long as to think you lost interest in them. Knowing the opportune amount of time is pretty much guess work and you will only get better with practice and logic.

So you like each other, now what? Now you ask this person out on a "date" or to hang out. But, before I go into that, I want to debunk a general theory.

Girls cannot ask guys to hang out, or anything else. Preference in this regard is a hot topic of debate among most people I know. However, even if they will never admit it, guys would actually like to be asked out for once. There is nothing wrong with a girl making the first move. In fact, guys hate having to deal with the "pre-ask-out-on-a-date" HELL, and they would love for a girl to take that on for them once in a while. It makes guys feel wanted, appreciated, etc. and that is all good. So, for the rest of your life (girls), you have no excuse not to ask a guy either on a date or to hang out or anything. If guys can handle the "pre-ask" HELL, then so can girls.

What do I ask them to do? Again, this is all up to what you think is best. For a first date, I would recommend something fun, social, and comfortable. Going for a fancy candle-lit dinner and a movie, alone, back at your house is probably not a comfortable situation for a successful first date. The first date is supposed to be a chance for you two to get to know each other in a one-on-one setting. Also, it is a chance to have a night/afternoon that neither of you will ever forget. For those reasons I recommend something creative and social that both of you will enjoy. Some ideas are movies (which is not, in any way, creative), bowling, ice skating, roller skating, walking around the mall/centre of town, etc. For more ideas just search google for "first date ideas for teens". After the first date, assuming it is great (and the other person will most likely tell you they "had a great time" if they did), keep up communicating and hanging out regularly. Future dates will probably arrange themselves much more easily now that the ice is broken.

When can you kiss them? I know many of you are probably wondering about that, so I thought I would include it. And, to answer, I can't really give you a specific time. For some, it will not happen until after they have been going out for a while, for others it will happen around the first date. Whenever it does happen, it is fine and normal. The first kiss is something special that you should both be able to remember happily for many years to come, so don't force it. Let it happen naturally. At the opportune moment for the kiss, you will know it is time, instinctively. And when that happens, if you ignore the butterflies and let your instincts guide you, you are on your way to a great first kiss.

"Popping the Teenage Question". That is a term I heard a while ago from someone that refers to asking the person you like if they will be your boyfriend/girlfriend. As with kissing, you will know when it is time. After a few dates (maybe 3 or 4), when you are sure (100% sure you want to be with the person in question), ask them. That is bound to be a life-altering question either way it goes. Because of it's case-by-case nature, I will only post a few guidelines as to how to go about "popping the teenage question":
1) Do it in person. It shows a level of sincerity, confidence, and respect for the other person if you do it in person. It shows that you are serious and that you mean it. I recommend asking while on a date with the person.
2) Ask in a "one-on-one" situation. Even if they want to say yes, they may say no simply because of how embarrassed they would be if you asked in front of friends. Again, this shows a level of respect for the person in question. This is also a good rule to follow when asking someone out on a date.
3) Don't have someone else ask for you. Doing this will only make you look shallow, nonchalant regarding their answer, and unconfident. Also, for all you know, they will move in and ask them out for themselves, leaving you in the dust. This, again, is a good rule for asking someone out on a date as well.
4) Get to the point, and just ask. While a small little introduction (30 seconds to one minute max) to tell the person how you feel about them can be sweet and romantic, a whole life-story or 10 minute speech is uneccessary, and unwanted. Don't build it up. Say how you feel and just ask. Once again, this is a good idea for asking someone on a date too (just don't confess how you feel about them in that case. If its just a date, just get straight to the point).

That is all I have to say for now. I hope this answers all of your questions, and that you are successful in all your endeavors.

Good Luck

You can do it!

Last edited by Katrina; September 5th 2009 at 12:28 PM.
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