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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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You can be both, right? - June 13th 2015, 04:54 PM

So I consider myself to be Lesbian. I also am asexual. So I was having a conversation with this guy, and he was trying to understand asexuality, and it came up that I'm lesbian, and he says "What? You can't be both!"

But, you can. Lesbian refers to wanting a relationship with another woman, to me, whether it is a sexual or purely romantic one. Right? Otherwise, what do I call myself? I know labels aren't important, but I'm a bit baffled by the idea that you can't be both.
   
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Re: You can be both, right? - June 13th 2015, 05:08 PM

Hey there,
I can relate because I'm asexual but I'm pretty sure I'm not aromantic and I'm still exploring exactly what I am- probably not hereto though. I think that you certainly can be both. Sexual orientation and romantic orientation are two different things and you can be asexual and lesbian. You can even be in the gray area of asexual and have a typical heterosexual marriage. It's really how you define yourself.
I think one way to explain yourself to this guy is telling him what you told us here- that to you being lesbian includes romantic orienation. Some people don't consider romantic orientation...I think people start to think about it when somehow their sexual orientation is being explored. But if someone is straight, they might not think about how there are different types of attraction so being lesbian gets grouped as an umbrella term as "attraction" as if all attractions are alike.
You can also try to find articles that you feel communicates things better or at least helps you express yourself.
I hope things go well between the two of you and good luck.
   
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Re: You can be both, right? - June 13th 2015, 05:38 PM

I think I know what you mean.
If you want to be really technical about it you are a homoromantic asexual, as from what I gather you want a non-sexual relationship with a women.
   
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Re: You can be both, right? - June 13th 2015, 09:00 PM

Hey there,

You can definitely be both lesbian and asexual! It's no different than a straight person who identifies as an asexual. As Harry/Elizabeth said, the most accurate way to describe your identity would be a homoromantic asexual. Basically, that means that you're interested in a romantic relationship with a woman, but you feel no need to have sex with your significant other in order for it to be a successful relationship.

I hope this helped a bit! Take care!


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Re: You can be both, right? - June 14th 2015, 03:08 PM

The label would be homoromantic asexual. But, honestly, you choose your own label. Don't let other people try to define your sexual/romantic orientation.
   
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Re: You can be both, right? - June 14th 2015, 06:31 PM

I like labels, it helps me understand myself (but thats me). The way I see it though, its like saying, "yeah, I don't want to be in a relationship right now and I feel like its unnecessary, but if I had to choose, I'd choose a girl." Thats my understanding of an asexual lesbian.
You live in the Southeastern US and had this conversation? Ohhhhh boy.... You better take special care about who you're talking to.


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Re: You can be both, right? - June 14th 2015, 07:40 PM

Asexuality isn't about not wanting to be in a relationship. I'd love to have a relationship, with a girl I trust and care for, but it'd be romantic. I don't experience sexual attraction, and I never have, and I'm the type of asexual who just has no sexual desires whatsoever.
And living in the southeast? Yeah, don't I know it. Things would probably go badly if my dad found out.
   
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